Dear Diary,

I must say, I just shocked you when my parents said that they would move me from the school.

But I am not.

That happens thanks to Kim Joon Myeon sunbaenim. He could convince my parents to keep me at this school, and he could convince the principal to punish the cheers except Ha Young-sshi. Turns out, this is what he said as ‘the better one’ thing when I was green-smiled thing by them. He gathered all evidences and carried them to the board that is consisted of parents. He even threatened the school that he would publish them in case the school and the board didn’t hear him. He had been doing this when one of his friend, Kim Min Seok, was expelled because of The Queen. I can’t imagine the Queen’s paws can also reach boys. He even campaigned to become Head of Student Body before in order to have better access and of course, better background to do it. The media and people will believe more to The Head of Student Body rather than a geek, right?

And Park Chan Yeol sunbaenim helped him. No kidding. He helped because he feels pity over his sister. She just needs love and attention from everyone; that is what he says to us. He smuggled some evidences to Kim Joon Myeon sunbaenim and helped him from behind. Of course, The Queen is angry to him as we speak but he said that he had predicted it and he accepted it. He hopes that one day his twin sister can accept that this is for her good.

On the other hand, the school gives me time to rest. After the negotiation is over, my parents keep me to be recovered from the attack. I actually feel grateful that I don’t have to move. I will miss my friends…..and you-know-who.

Speaking of him, I finally understand that I like him. It’s not like just infatuation but I really like him. Maybe I am just hanging my hope too high, as what Joon Myeon sunbaenim said, but I can’t avoid it. I might have feelings for him when he accidentally hit me with his basketball. I may be trying to avoid it but now I will not run. I know I like him but I know too I have no hope to make him like me, like ‘like me’ as the way that I want.

Besides me, there are lots of fruits and chips. All of them were coming from Oh siblings. They are really nice and kind. Ha Young became famous because of her brother, where Se Hoon oppa became famous because of Jung sunbaenim. They are literally not having those ‘popular’ people type. They came almost everyday….but not So Hyun. I will tell you more about her since I am now eating chips and watch the television. My condition is better and actually I can do many things.

“Noona, someone wants to meet you.”  Yun Ho came into my room. I stopped my activity (which is eating chips) and Jong In oppa came in.

No kidding. He did really come. After he never gave any news (even his mother didn’t know his doing after his act at the school) he just appeared in front of me. I was about to cry but I had to hold it. It’s better that I keep my feeling rather than I am being played by him and hurt like Yu Ra sunbaenim.

“Hello.”

“Hello, oppa.”

“Is it still hurt?”  Yun Ho had come out from my room to….play game, I supposed. He walked toward my side and sat at the chair there.

“No…not really. But the school still gives me time to recover.”

“Soo Jung is almost expelled. You must have heard that.”

“Yes, oppa.”

“But she is saved, along with her friends. But they get the detention long enough to make them lose many things. Even Soo Jung loses her acceptance in the university.”  I didn’t know whether I had to laugh or cry. I can’t be happy above other people’s misery. So I just smiled lightly.

“You just smile. You should really sue them or something.”

“How about you, oppa? How is about you and Se Hoon oppa?”  I am a fool, do you know? I shouldn’t even call Oh sunbaenim ‘oppa’ but he has been nice (with Ha Young too) with visiting me several times so I get used to call him oppa.

The result: Jong In oppa’s face is hardened. He looked a bit irritated but then he tried to smile to me. “Nothing happens. I just feel like he has changed a lot.”

“Is it?”

“Na Eun-ah,”  he ignored my dubious question, “I want to tell you something. This is somewhat important to me.”  I gulped. I didn’t want to assume what he would ask but my brain worked by itself, “do you—“

“Na Eun-ah! I am—OOPS!”  My mother came to my room and got surprised to see him there, “I am sorry, I thought nobody was here.”  She seemed gentle but I knew she was angry. No boys are allowed to get into my room without one of my family members in it too.

“I am sorry, Mrs. Son. I think…I should leave,”  he said and he got up. He bowed to my mother who just smiled a bit and then glared at me. “What is that? Why is suddenly he in your room?”

“Yun Ho let him in.”  I said the truth, right? And so that night my mother scolded him. Serves him right; even though he is kind now with looking after me at home when my parents are working.

 But I can’t let it go. What does he want to talk to me about? Is it about….I don’t know, something? I can’t make any assumption; there are too much.

I just wish that I had never moved to this school. This school gives me too much headache. This school just makes me confused about myself more and more. I curled myself with the blanket and write these down.

I AM REALLY CONFUSED. I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO AND NOBODY SEEMS TO UNDERSTAND.

Dear Diary,

Today is my first day to go to school back. Everyone seems to know me now. I am not ‘the invisible.’ They now really call me ‘the new girl.’ I am the newest student here who can throw the Queen. Not that I want to do that but that is the truth. I literally throw Soo Jung sunbaenim into the pit. She lost her acceptance in university and now is having detention until God knows how long. Nobody seems to seek out about it.

But I feel that the school is more…..free? It seems like everyone is not tensed like they usually did. I sensed that when I stepped into the school today. Everyone seems cheerful than before. I can think it as the effect of the Queen’s disappearance, right?

But my relationship with So Hyun isn’t that good. You know the thing with Jong In-Se Hun-me right? Yeah, turns out it kind of hurting So Hyun. She seems like jealous and….I don’t know. Even when everyone has known the fact that I am not with Se Hun oppa, she still keeps distance from me. She also broke up with Joon Myeon sunbaenim just after the detention came down. Joon Myeon sunbaenim, I think, might be trying to win Eun Ji-sshi again but I guess they will not be together in short time.  

I didn’t really talk much to the gank. They seem to respect So Hyun’s feeling but sometimes Hye Ri and Sang Hyuk gave me lectures about the subjects. I understand that. They must choose So Hyun more than me. But the result is that I didn’t know how to approach or even solve this problem. I really feel that I am in the mess. There is nothing much I can do to get things straight.

I ate alone today. Nobody thought to be with me; the geeks called me, of course, but I declined their offer. I don’t want to spread more ambiguous news about us. I want to spend time farther away from Se Hoon oppa as much as possible, and maybe, he can get things right between him and So Hyun.

I feel alone. Suddenly, I am alone again just like the first time I got into this school. I walk alone through the corridor and it seems like nobody wants to play or talk to me again. In the class, my desk mate is kinda ignoring me. Those hurt me. I want to cry several times; I even re-consider about moving out from the school. I keep telling my parents and myself that I will be okay but the truth is I am not okay at all.

After the school ended (I am allowed not to go to after-school activities since mine is volley club so I am considered to be unfit to join the practice) I walked into the nearest bus shelter. Some students were there and I could hear their whisperings. I sighed. They mostly talked about how great I was and what Se Hoon oppa looked at me. I think they are still thinking that I have something to do with Se Hoon oppa.

“Why are you alone?”  I looked up and saw Jong In oppa. He looked like about to go home too.

I gasped and got up immediately.

“Jong—I mean, Kim sunbaenim….”  I could predict people were whispering again. They might be asking about what had exactly happened.

“Now you call me ‘Kim sunbaenim’?”

I gulped, “I thought that you don’t like—“

“Come on,”  he took my hand and dragged me back into the school. I tried to yank several times and finally succeeded when we reached the famous tree. I didn’t know why he took me near that tree.

He turned back.

“What do you want, oppa?”  I asked. I had to look a bit tough in here. I can’t read his mind and he seems to be so bipolar. Last time he was angry and didn’t want to contact me, then he visited me without any notification first and gave some ambiguous things, and this time, he took me without my permission.

Those were confusing for me.

“I want to ask you about the truth.”

“What do you mean by ‘the truth’?”

“Do you like Se Hoon?”  I gasped again.

Was that what he had been thinking on?  

“What?”

“I ask you,”  he looked like he doubted himself, “Do you like Se Hoon? It’s because….you are fascinated toward him. I can tell that. You…you want him to acknowledge you and So Hyun-sshi….so I guess you did what we had done before out of pity toward her….but then you, and Se Hoon, I just….I just think that you might have feelings…for him and I—“

“I don’t have any feelings for him!”  I yelled. I finally yelled about that. Now that I can think, I hadn’t really shouted any of my feelings to everyone. Telling to them, yes, but yelling is a different matter.

He looked to me like he was about to yell back to me. I curled my fingers, ready to run or smack him. I didn’t know anything and had no idea what would happen next so I prepared for everything.

“Do you?”

“I know my feeling so just say what you want, oppa! Don’t make me always guess what do you think, okay? What is the purpose of you taking me here? Why are you asking that question? Why did you just disappear when you are my neighbor but not once you visited me? Why were you angry when everyone thought that I and Se Hoon oppa were together? Is it true that you like me? Because Se Hoon oppa told me that: You like me. But Joon Myeon sunbaenim said that it was dangerous for me to like you! I do not want to—“

“Wait,”  he interrupted mine, “did you just say you like me?”

I took a deep breath, “YES! I like you! I don’t know since when but I have liked you even before you broke up with Yu Ra sunbaenim. But everyone, including your cousin and best friend told me that you never believe in long-term relationship so I kept my feelings to myself! I know that you will never answer back my feelings and—“

I was cut down.

Suddenly a pair of arms hugged me and his chest muffled my mouth.

I could smell his fragrance. He smelled nice.

“Op…”

“Thank God you say that,”  he said, “Thank God you finally said that. I have always been confused since everyone was talking about you and Se Hoon being together.”

“Oppa?”

“I like you too, Son Na Eun. I had always been confident of my feeling until the news came. It broke me and my judgment. I couldn’t face you properly because I was afraid you told me you liked someone else,”  he explained while still hugging me, “I am so sorry for not—“

I pushed him so that he had to release me from the hug.

“What?”

“You say you like me for this whole time? Why didn’t you tell me earlier?”  Call me weird, but listening that he was confident about his feelings made me curious. So what did he do all this time? I had my own reason: I was confused and not confident at all, plus everyone was telling me that this feeling was fruitless. Why did he never come to me and said that he had feelings for me?

He looked confused and was taken aback. He mustn’t expect this reaction coming from me.

“I….I don’t know. I just thought that you…and I…I mean….”

“So you are not quite sure, right?”

“No!”  He yelled, “I am sure about your feelings, Na Eun-ah. It is written from your gesture and your face,”  I looked really terrified, I must say. Am I really that readable? “But this is about mine…”

“So you are not confident with your feelings,”  I concluded. “Now are you?”

“You just make this thing difficult, Na Eun-ah….”

“I don’t want to end up like Yu Ra sunbaenim, oppa!”  I yelled again, “I don’t want to just have this-three-month relationship like what you usually do!”

“Who told you,”  he then sighed, “he must be either Joon Myeon or Se Hoon.”

“It doesn’t matter who told me that, but I need an assurance. That is why I held back my feelings for you. I don’t want to get hurt. How many times do I have to say that?”

“Na Eun-ah…”

“Are you now sure?”

He looked to me like I had done a big mistake. But I am not. I have to ask this.

“If you keep asking this, that means you don’t believe me at all,”  he said, “that means none of us sure about the feelings.” 

I AM BACK! WHO MISSES ME????

AND YES THE FINAL DRAFT HAS FINISHED! I WILL MAKE THE OTHER TWO (OR MAYBE THREE.....SOMETIMES MY IMAGINATION CAN'T BE CONTROLLED) CHAPTERS AND HOPEFULLY IT ENDS BEFORE TLP IN JAKARTA :) *that is next week, authornim....* *and then I just realize that I will meet the boys next week!*

@13thmembersofexo : I have updated! Sorry for the long time!

@salsabiila : thank you for waiting!

@asyilasa: I am sorry for the long time! 

@JoannaFate : is this chapter making you more excited? 

@kyubigirls : and I am so sorry for holding it back again keke

I am so sorry to you so I don't ask to comment more....just up to you all, readers

thank you

XOXO 

(OH YEAH, SUPER JUNIOR IS BACK! THE KINGS ARE BACK! I AM SO EXCITED WITH MAMACITA HAHAHAHA! *but then I have to consider betraying EXO in case vote in the end of the year thing...sobs...why can't I choose all of my favorite bands? WHY?????*)