I'm not saying I'm the perfect role model. But I'm honest.

Period.

They say truth hurts. They don't know how much it is. It's been a while since I have spoken to Luhan, now. He is gone. And I feel lonely as ever. My life before he came in was perfect. I had a lot of friends, my job was everything to me because it gave me happiness and more money than anyone could dream of and, of course, my boyfriend was a perfect gentlemen. Everything was fine. Everything still is, in some way. Nothing has changed except the fact he is gone. Far away and maybe forever. He left, one morning. He did not tell me anything. Since that accident, he does not speak to me anyway. He wrote a letter he left on the table, saying he wanted to get back to his roots in order to try finding who he was. It seems like all the efforts I made to make him remember were in vain. Goodbye Luhan. Goodbye the insolent narcissistic child and hello to the weak and lost one. It does not feel right. I cannot as I did before. He has those watery eyes which threaten to cry any time I dare to say something. He lost his energy and I lost mine by the way. I felt like living with a stranger. A baby in the body of a twenty-three years old boy. I had to teach him how to cook and how to properly shower. Sounds weird, isn't it ? Usually I would have laughed at him and in order to make him react. But now, he was nothing but an empty body moving. He did not smile. He did not complain. He did not roll his eyes when I told him something he did not find funny. He did not told me to get the out of his privacy. He was barely living. So, the fact that he left someday did not surprised me. I know he would do such a thing. I knew it and I knew it was maybe the best for him. I could not help but cry. I was all alone in this apartment to big for me, and there was no one to make me gain my energy back. Even my boyfriend was useless. And I know he feels bad about it. He really wants to help. But all I want is the old Luhan back. Scolding me and telling me I'm a fool every time I do something weird.

“You are in love.” Told me Yoona, my bestfriend. People always used to laugh because we are the closest friends in Earth and both our names look alike.

“I am not, Yoonie.” I answered. “It's like if you would disappear of my life suddenly, not remembering me at all. I feel like I've lost a bestfriend, a brother, my alter ego.” She hummed an answer and came closer to hug me.

“He stills pay the rent, right?” She told me.

“Yes.”

“Then you still have a chance.” She nodded. “He may come back from China one day, and kick your so hard you will regret his amnesia.”

I think I will never regret his amnesia. It ruined my perfect life. Isn't it insane how an accident can destroy not only the victim but all his relatives ? Jongdae came running to our apartment, saying what seemed to be a spell or whatsoever it was and panicked when his spiritual sense did not tell him what he wanted to hear. He sit in our living room for three days without moving, eating or drinking anything. He kept on repeating words in Latin. I don't believe in his spiritual stuff, but at that time I prayed hard for him to succeed whatever he was planning to do if it could bring Luhan back. Jongdae told me Luhan's mother came to see him and that she was really sorry for us because she knew how much we cared for him despite his ty personality. Visibly, it appears she told Jongdae and I not to leave Luhan's side because this is the exact period where he needs his friends by his side. But what can we do now that he's gone? Even if we were to fly to China, Beijing is the freaking capital. We can't find him that easily. Jongin came to see me as well. He slept in front of my apartment door because he could not find the bell. I nearly tripped on him the next morning and woke him up. The moment he opened his eyes, he jumped of me. Begging me forgiveness because Luhan was at his home when the accident happened. He felt guilty and so did I. Luhan's friends have always been the weirdest person I have ever met, but they felt like a warm family. Looking after one another in their own very special way. The fact his friends came to see make me think I could be the one to bring him back, after all. I should be the one. It has to be me. I don't know how, and maybe it is better for him to stay away from me. After all, he seemed really uncomfortable being next to me. When I was too close, he moved away. When I talked to him, he did not answer or answered briefly and stepped away. I was just a stranger to him so I guess it is normal, after all.

“I hope you're not in love with him.” I heard my boyfriend say when I was about to fall asleep. What is with this question anyway ? Why don't people get my real feelings instead of saying hazardously I am in love. If caring for someone means being in love, than I must be in love with a lot of people.

“I am tired with this question, Junhyung.”

“I know. I'm sorry.” He sighed and kissed my forehead. “I know you like him a lot but not as much as you love me.” I nodded and rested my head on his shoulder, wrapping my arm around his torso.

“Exactly.”

… But why do I feel so lonely with just one person missing?