" Being a role model is about being true to myself. "

I crossed my arms over my chest. She was dancing happily in the middle of the room. Cheeks red and blissful smile on her lips. I still wonder why I agreed to go with her. It's your birthday she said, and when she saw I wasn't doing a thing that day, she told me she would take me clubbing. Even though I was not in the mood for it because, obviously, she didn't care less how I felt. I sighed and took a look at the club. It was small, really. Not big enough for more than fifty people. I was used to something bigger, better – and with people who didn't give a damn about dancing. The reality behing every model's skinniness was drug – no surprise here – so, yeah, I guess seeing people happily drunk and dancing on the dance flood was quite new. I couldn't say what's better though. I never liked being hit on by drunk people – ladies, gentlemens, I wouldn't care. Drunk, though, it was something else.

I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket and took it out. Junhyung. I don't know why – he quite pissed me off these days. He was nice and all – but that was the thing. I wanted to be left alone and neither him neither Yoona seemed to understand it. My lil sister told me I was being sad those days and the fact that I kept on faking smiles everywhere make everyone think I was fine and great. Which was not.

I have moved on. About Luhan. About those two idiotic friends of his. I almost forgot his face and the sound of his voice. My brain erased all of the good memories I had and what was left was the blinded truth. How he was being rude. How he was being mean. The fact that only three people were able to bear with him was no coincidence. Though I found him funny – I remember. But now, everything's gone and I'm done crying over someone who barely knows my name, now. Nana said she missed him a little. That she wanted him as a big brother and I grew angry. I sent her off to bed. I couldn't stand here, now. With everyone telling me Hyuna, you're in love or you two would have been a wonderful couple. Enough was enough. I grew tired of all this.

She moved her body along the music's beat and I raised an eyebrow when a guy went behind her. I had to look elsewhere not to feel by just seeing the two of them dance this way. Everyone seems to enjoy it, though. They were all screaming and telling them to just go get a room. And as I became the worst friend of all time, I eventually left her alone in the club. I never liked being gloomy, I always used to be the moodmaker. The one who always smile – who cheers everyone. Things have been tough lately – there was nothing I could do except letting the sadness flows. I started becoming less nice. Less talkative. Less … Me. I received another text message from Junhyung where he was asking me if I was alright and I got angry. Wasn't it ing obvious ?

It was freezing cold and I was angry at Junhyung who kept on being nice. It irritates me somehow. As a consequences, I gave away my phone to some stranger and ran away. These months I was living with my family. Didn't came back to my apartment. Maybe it was some kind of a reflex – or it was the alcohol I drank – but I found myself on the road to go there. My feet hurt so much I took off my heels and began sprinting forward. The wind of my face froze me to death. My eyes turned teary and my cheeks flushed red. It felt like a thousand swords were digging on my entire body. I am quite sure my feet were bleeding. I couldn't stop. I ran even faster and took off my coat which was bothering me. I threw away my scarf in the middle of it. My jewellery hit the floor when I threw them. And soon enough I found myself in front of my old building. Panting and sweating – almost . I don't know what the hell I'm doing here but I can't deny this feeling of joy. Without thinking, I opened the door and began on climbing the stairs. I remember I was so exhausted and annoyed living in the 9^th floor. I found myself smiling and soon I was laughing out loud at three in the morning. I guess I did too much noise because one of my neighbours openened her door, looking awfull and when I told her she was beautiful she opened her eyes wide.

“ God, Hyuna. It's been a while since I haven't seen you there.” She stated and I nodded frantically.

“ I know. Feels good to be back.” I said as I let out a long sigh. She just smiled.

“ But, please, you're waking everyone up so be quiet.” It didn't sounded like a reproach. It was more a request.

“ Sorry Chaerin. I'll shut my mouth.”

“ Thank you, then. I'll come by to visit you within the week, will you be here? ” She asked with her cat-like eyes.

“ Yes, I think I will. ”

“ Good. ”

I bowed deeply and she closed the door. The girl was beyond lovable. I headed up to my floor and opened the door. Everything was dark, it smelled I have to say. I made a face but laughed. It was dusty I sneezed several times. The place that used to hurt me before was now a complete mess – just like me, and it was … warm. Yes. It felt warm. I was glad just to be here.

“ Hello there, Luhan. I'm back! Bought you ice cream!” I screamed to no one.

I entered my apartment and light on the lights. I almost forgot everything was so bright and quite well laid out. It was pretty. Much prettier than my teenager bedroom at my mom's, that's for sure. I checked in every room and everything was how I left it. As if this year has passed like a blink of an eye. Without knowing why I sang. Everything was clear in my head, now. I turned round and round, head toward the ceiling, eyes closed and lost my balance. It hurt. I laughed it off and opened my eyes. Ah. My feet were black because of the dust – and red because of the blood. As I watched them intently, I felt a hand on my shoulder. You're so in dumb. I froze. I turned around, calling his name. There was no one. My mind was playing tricks – and I quite hated it. I sighed.

“ Well, what do we have here, a drunk young girl seeing ghosts? ”

“ Not only do I see them but I think I hear them, now. That's new. I really need to go and take some pills. ” I said casually, still looking down at my feet. The voice laughed.

“ I'm not sure about what you just think you saw, but I'm here. ”

I froze again. What? I looked up and saw Luhan right before my very eyes. He was smiling, arms crossed on his chest.

“ ing hell, I'm much more drunk than I thought I am. ” I hissed.

He laughed again.