I tried to open my eyes, but they were too heavy to even pop open. I tried to move around, and I noticed that I was on the bed.

What happened?

With my eyes closed, I tried to remember what happened the last time I was awake. Then I remembered falling into Luhan's chest...

Wait.

Luhan.

"...yes, ma'am. I'm just calling on behalf of her." I heard Luhan saying. Is he on the phone? And who is he talking to?

"Yes. I'll update you on her condition, ma'am."

Oh.

Yeah. I remember I was feverish. 

I finally pried my eyes open, and finally saw Luhan who was putting the receiver back on the phone stand. The weather outside was rainy and heavy, but I'm probably sure it was already morning.

"Lulu?" My voice croaked. 

Luhan turned around and immediately walked over to me, sitting on the bed beside me. "Hey, you shouldn't be up yet," he said in a soft tone and in a shushed manner. His eyes were glinting with love and worry as he looked at me.

"Who were you talking to?" I asked immediately and tried to swallow the croakiness of my voice away.

"Your boss. Linda Han? I told her you still couldn't come to work today since you're still sick." He ran his hands softly on my head. "You should go back to sleep. You need it."

I shook my head. "I can't. I can't anymore."

He gave a small smile. "Then, do you want to eat? Are you hungry?"

I pondered over it for a moment. 

Yesterday, while Luhan was away, I actually didn't really have any appetite and munched on the crackers back in our snack cabinet. But even so, I still didn't want to eat. That recent news about me just make me want to eat less and less everyday. Like I just can't go on.

So, I shook my head no.

Lulu chuckled ever so lightly. "You know I know you didn't eat yesterday. You're not trying to lose weight, are you?"

Even in times like this, Lulu still keeps his humor up just to make me smile. 

I cracked a small smile, but still shook my head no. "I don't want eat."

He shrugged lightly. "I'm still gonna make you eat."

Because there's no winning against Luhan in times like this, I just went over to his idea. "Okay, fine." I tried to push the blanket away from me, but he immediately held my hand to stop me.

"What do you think you're doing?"

"I'm going to eat downstairs. Like you said."

"Yeah, I want you to eat. But not downstairs. I'm bringing the food up here." He stood up, and before I could even protest, he already left the room.

And I was all alone in silence inside the room.

My thoughts came flashing back to what happened the other day. 

It's impossible for you to conceive a child, said the doctor.

Is that even possible? Up until now, despite of my mind's blurriness from the fever, I still can't wrap my thoughts around it. I want it to be wrong. I want it to be false. Even better, I want the doctor to be just joking about it.

I can't have a baby? I didn't knew that was even possible.

I broke down to tears the night after that. I hugged all the pillows I can. I listened to every sad song on my mp3 and wished that the pain would go away. I feel so ashamed of myself. I've actually let Luhan down. He wanted to have a child with me too. But that can't happen now, right?

I don't want to be a burden to Luhan in the first place. But right now, I feel that I've given him exactly the opposite, that I've put all my weight on him. Because the fact still remains and it's ringing inside my head.

I can't have a child.

The thought bothered me a lot. I want to forget it. To completely just ignore it. But I can't. Somehow, deep inside of me, I felt like I've done something so terrible in my life. I'm crying for the loss of a baby. I'm crying for the loss of an unborn child. I already think that I killed the opportunity of bringi