“I could make you happy, too. If only you gave me a chance.”

She almost choked on her own saliva upon hearing that. Yoonmi wasn’t sure how to react. Xiumin was still staring at her intensely. He stared at her the way people would stare at a rainbow, taking in all that unexpected beauty, not wanting to look away in case it might disappear. But then, he chuckled at Yoonmi’s confused expression.

“Su-sunbae.” Yoonmi finally managed to utter a word after she calmed herself.

“Hmm?” Xiumin hummed, still keeping his smile.

“What are you trying to say?”

“You know what I’m trying to say, don’t you?”

“No, I don’t.” Yoonmi quickly replied; she wasn’t interested to play along with his mind games since Suho’s devastated expression still clearly lingered in her mind.

She was planning to head back to her house, enjoying her personal time and gather back her shattered mind while Eunmi wasn’t home because she knew that when Eunmi came home, she would definitely be showered with whines and rants regarding how Suho had been acting cold towards her ever since the meeting between the four of them two weeks ago. That didn’t make Yoonmi feel good either since she was one of the reasons why Suho acted like that whenever Eunmi was around him. Seeing Eunmi’s gloomy side was the last thing Yoonmi wished to see. But again, all she could do was listen to her rants without being able to help and bring back her twin sister’s smile.

“I said; I could make you happy, too… If only you gave me a chance.” Xiumin said simply, without any trace of irony.

“Sunbae-”

“Okay, I’m sorry. What I’m trying to say is - let’s get something to eat because I'm hungry and I think eating is one of the most effective teraphies for a conflicted mind and broken soul. That’s my way to make you happy…for now. Don’t worry, I’m not trying to confess my feelings.” Xiumin quickly interrupted after he notices Yoonmi’s expression gradually getting harder with his ‘joke’. His tendency to make awkward situations even more inappropriate and uncomfortable was a charming characteristic at times.

“Okay.” Yoonmi replied in relief, she did think that Xiumin was trying to confess at first but his explaination took away all those weird thoughts from Yoonmi’s messy mind at the speed of light.

“Well, even if I wanted to confess… I won’t do it now. I should at least wait for you and Suho to officially break up. Right?” He said with a cheeky smile.

“Is that supposed to be a joke, Sunbae?”

He wanted to make a joke, or say something sarcastic, anything that would cut the tension enveloping them. Instead, he said;

“Maybe.”  Xiumin added but behind those words, he was the only one who knewthe truth hidden behind it.

Yoonmi chose not to take his ‘joke’ seriously as they slowly made their way to the nearest restaurant. Settling themselves by sitting at the corner of the restaurant and ordering some food, both Yoonmi and Xiumin found themselves trapped in awkward silence. Xiumin kept shifting his gaze towards the not so crowded restaurant while waiting for their food to be served, as Yoonmi silently sat in front of him with a gloomy expression.

Xiumin couldn’t help but to stare at her sympatatically.  He thought that silence would be peaceful, but really - it was painful. If he was guilty, he probably deserved it for throwing a joke at the wrong time. But, was it just merely a joke? Xiumin couldn’t decide. The only thing he was hundred percent sure about was that Yoonmi loved Suho but her love towards her twin sister was overwhelming.

“You should stop.” Xiumin muttered and noticed that Yoonmi didn’t have any thoughts to start the conversation. She simply waited for their food stiffly while trying to loosen her own thoughts and little world. Yoonmi looked up and met his eyes. His direct stare probed, as if the story of her life was written in her eyes and he read every sentence.

“I should.”

“Well, good to hear that from you. I think this might be the last time I help you to get away from your boyfriend. Truthfully, I’m not sure anymore. He obviously shows his love honesty and sincereness towards you, that makes me feel slightly guilty for helping you to stay away from him. He didn’t do anything wrong tp began with. Even though he never looked pleased to see me around you most of the time. But I still got a feeling that he’s actually a nice guy. Maybe you should stop by now and give yourselves some time to talk and figure this matter out. Let go of the hurt. Let go of the fear.” He prompted, casually placing his palm on the top of her hand before squeezing it, as if he was trying to give her some of his optimism. Even though she was slightly taken aback by Xiumin’s warm action, she remained silent. She was thinking hard on what Xiumin just said. She didn’t mean to hurt Suho by her actions - but she did.

“You must make a decision. It won’t happen automatically. Cry. Forgive. Learn. Move on. Let your tears water the seeds of your future happiness. Refuse to entertain your old pain; the energy it takes to hang onto the past is holding you back from a new life.” He added, no longer similing at her and Yoonmi nodded hesitantly.

Silence.

“Sunbae, thank you so much for always stay by my side, even though I’m only capable at dragging you into my personal problems. Thank you for staying even though you had every reason to leave. Thank you for making it easier when life gets hard. Thank you for always being there for me. I just need… Some more time. Today, is not the day...” Yoonmi eventually answered.

As long as he was out there somewhere, if she was ever really in trouble, she knew where she could go and while maybe he wouldn't do exactly what she wanted him to do, he'd keep her alive. He'd get her through whatever it was to live another day. Yoonmi was beyond thankful when Xiumin chose to be with her rather than hang out with his friends. Sometimes, it made Yoonmi wonder why. The only reason and answer that Yoonmi remember when she asked Xiumin about that was, ‘his friends were just too loud to his liking.’

The way he blazed his eyes at her put Yoonmi at ease. Xiumin's voice was slightly hoarse as he replied.

“I will always be with you. I will always be, Jung Yoonmi.”

 

 

 

Suho kept tapping his fingers on the table while his eyes half-heartedly glanced around the club’s meeting room. From the corner of his eyes, he could see that Sehun and Baekhyun were joking around with the seemingly-cheerful Eunmi while Kyungsoo kept shooting a deadly glare,  disapproving at Chanyeol for attempting to hook his arm around the younger’s shoulder a couple of times. They just ended their weekly club meeting a few minutes ago. Everyone was getting ready to leave the room except for him. Suho hesitantly leaned back in his chair and took out his cellphone from his pocket; and checked to see if there were any new text messages or a missed call from Yoonmi - but there was none. He sighed furiously before ruffling his hair and putting his cellphone back into his pocket. 

Another week has passed without a single text message or phone call. Suho tried to rationalize their current situation by kept telling himself that Yoonmi would definitely call him or at least send him a text message if he give her some time to think but she clearly didn't. Suho also tried hard not to barge into Yoonmi’s university or wait for her in front of the university just like what he did for the past two weeks. He was about to do the same thing this week but he tried not to because Yoonmi might hate him for not being patient enough. Moreover, Suho could sense that Xiumin actually one of the reasons why he couldn’t meet Yoonmi even though he waited for her all day along. He got this feeling that Xiumin was with Yoonmi almost most of the time to prevent them from meeting. If what Suho was thinking was true, he really needed to meet that guy as soon as possible and Xiumin better give him a concrete excuse before he lost it.

“Oppa.” 

Suho quickly looked up when he heard the word ‘oppa’ and all he could see was Eunmi’s sweet smile along with her crescent-like eye smile looking at him and Sehun, Baekhyun, Chanyeol and Kyungsoo were standing right behind her. Suho raised an eye eyebrows and though hard as to when when Eunmi started to call him ‘oppa’. He was pretty sure that it was the first time he heard Eunmi called him ‘oppa’. Did Eunmi ever call him that before and he was too ignorant to notice that? All he could remember was Eunmi calling him ‘Sunbae’. Suho was slightly confused on how he should be reacting to that while the remaining others kept staring at them as if they were anticipating something else from him. Well, maybe they were just curious on how Suho would react. Clearing his throat, Suho finally stood up and walked a few steps towards Eunmi, Baekhyun, Chanyeol and Sehun. His wavering eyes eventually met Eunmi’s and flashed her a small but forceful smile before he shifted his gaze towards the others. 

“Are you guys leaving already?” Suho asked, directing his gaze towards the grinning Chanyeol.

“We were about to but I got a better plan, hyung. It’s only 4.30 pm. So, do you want to join us for a bowling match? Come on, Eunmi’s gonna join us too. Right, Eunmi?” Chanyeol chirped,  and excitedly looked at Eunmi and Suho repeatedly. Eunmi was taken aback at Chanyeol’s words at first since she never said she would join them at the first place. She knew that they were going but she hadn't said that she would join. Deep inside her heart, Eunmi hoped that Suho would join them and only then, Eunmi would be more than glad to be part of the match.

“I…don’t know…” Eunmi stammered at her words before Suho quickly interrupted.

“I’m afraid I can’t join the match. Eunmi, if you’re not going to join them...I was wondering if I can steal some of your precious time after this? There’s something that I need… to talk about.” Suho spoke, and examined Eunmi’s expression before the girl nodded with burning cheeks and a big smile formed on her face. As for Eunmi, of course she would agree without thinking much if it meant she would be left alone with her ultimate crush without anyone else around them. Plus, Suho seemed to be avoiding any sorts of conversation with her after the meeting weeks ago. She did tried to talk to Suho and acted normal just like how they were before the meeting but nothing worked the way she wished it should be. Suho only talked to her when they met during club meeting. She could feel that Suho was trying to distance himself from her. But why, she didn’t see any reason for him to act that way. Well, it least that was what Eunmi thought. 

“Well then, we’ll be leaving first because someone seems to be wanting some personal time with each other.” Sehun scoffed before he dragged his hyungs out of the room and completely ignored Suho’s glare which didn’t make him flinch at all. Sehun didn’t even bothered to look back when Baekhyun, Chanyeol, and Kyungsoo bid their goodbyes in a proper way to Suho and Eunmi. Finally being left alone, Suho lead Eunmi to his seat earlier before gesturing towards her and making her seat confortably. 

Suho then make his way to the nearest chair at the corner of the room but a bit far away from Eunmi’s liking. He was obviously trying to stay as far as possible from her as if she was a virus carrier. It hurt Eunmi’s feeling in noticing Suho’s cold behavior toward her. She stared at him and waited for him to start the conversation and break the silence around them but he looked hesitant. He didn’t look confortable at all with the fact that they were the only two in the room. Eunmi looked down to the floor. She inhaled and then exhaled as she was trying really hard to calm her conflicted mind. She wondered if he really had something to talk to her since all he did was fidget as well as looking insecure.

“Is everything alright?” Eunmi asked, trying to make eye contact with Suho but he remained silent at his seat. He didn’t even look at her direction and he kept playing with his own fingers as if they were much more interesting to stare at. Eunmi sighed in frustration.  Nothing was alright; she finally noticed that from the way Suho acted.

“I would prefer you to call me ‘Sunbae’ rather than ‘oppa’.” Suho muttered under his breath after staying silent for a few minutes. Eunmi frantically stood up from her seat before decresing the distance between them. Was that all he wanted to talk to her about? It couldn’t be that simple, could it? It wasn't like she called him that because she wanted to, Sehun asked her to call him that earlier since they caught Suho was spacing out too much after the meeting ended a while ago. They were right when they said; addressing Suho as ‘oppa’ would definitely bring him back to reality. For the first ten seconds, Eunmi assumed Suho was a bit upset with her calling him ‘oppa’ because he was abviously her senior and he wanted her to show him some respect with calling him ‘sunbae’. 

But then, something hit Eunmi hard, it wasn’t that simple. His words were simple and short. But, what he was trying to say was definitely not as simple as Eunmi thought at first. Suho was actually drawing lines between them but she acted as if she didn’t get it at all and pretended not to get affected by his words by trying to sound more cheerful than she usually did.

“Why? You got some other girl to call you that already, Sunbae?” Eunmi asked half-jokingly and emphasized the word Sunbae more than usual. Once again, Suho didn’t even bother to reply or show any reaction. The only things he did was ruffle his hair roughly. He stood up and faced Eunmi with stern expression which made her flinch.

“Do you even love your twin sister?” Suho mumbled, trying to read Eunmi’s blank expression.

“My twin sister? Jung Yoonmi?” Eunmi asked back and Suho nodded. He looked eager to hear her answer. Why did he suddenly bring Yoonmi up all of sudden? Eunmi furrowed her brows, and looked away from him. Did she look like she doesn’t love her twin sister? Why couldn’t he sees her affection toward Yoonmi when they met before? Of all things in the world, why did Suho choose to talk about Yoonmi right now?

“Of-of...course I love her, she’s my only sibling I have.”

“Then, give her opportunity to create her own happiness without getting chased by your shadow.” Suho shot back, almost yelling at Eunmi. Every single word written in Yoonmi’s notebook echoed on Suho’s mind. Yoonmi wanted to see her twin sister happy by sacrificing her own happiness. Yoonmi should realize how much Suho wished she would notice that she was actually hurting the three of them by sacrificing herself. Yoonmi never noticed that because she was too busy providing her sister the happiness that was supposed to be hers.

“What are you trying to say, sunbae?” Eunmi’s eyes widened in shocked. Suho never raised his voice to her, but today he surprisingly did. Eunmi stepped away from Suho with bleeding a heart. What else she could do when the one person she wanted comfort from the most is the one who caused her pain?

“I’m done talking.” Suho said in a calmer tone. He quietly walked towards his table and gathered all his belongings and put them into his bagpack and attempted to leave the room but Suho was stopped on his track by Eunmi.

“How could you turn your back and walk off when there was so much left to say? Do you like Yoonmi? Please, answer me!” 

Suho bit his lower lip; unable to answer Eunmi’s question.

“She already has a boyfriend, and as far as I know she loves him! So, sunbae… If you really had a thought of liking her, I hope you would stop at where you are right now. It’s not going to work, I swear!”

“How can you be so sure that she loves her boyfriend when she didn’t even willing to introduce you to him.  You even said it yourself before; she kept talking about Xiumin instead of his own boyfriend.” Suho scoffed and chuckled sarcastically. 

“So you did like her, aren’t you?” Eunmi kept preasuring Suho but he remained silent for the next ten seconds. Eunmi mentally cursed herself for not believing her intuition before. She could feel it by the way Suho stared at Yoonmi during the meeting. She was regretting for asking Yoonmi to meet Suho, somehow. She needed a clearer explanation for this from Yoonmi when she got home and Eunmi really hoped Yoonmi would just tell her the truth rather than keeping it a secret. 

Suho really wanted to tell Eunmi every thing that happened between Yoonmi and himself, but he couldn’t bring himself to say it. He wanted to at least hear Yoonmi’s explaination…or maybe the excuses first. Only after that, he’ll decide whether to tell her the truth or not. He had been waiting for 3 weeks including this week, so it won’t hurt too much to wait for another, right? Yeah, he lied. It hurts. He took a quick glance at Eunmi, sighing guiltily. Why did he yell at her before? He definitely was regretting that now. Eunmi obviously wasn't aware of Yoonmi’s lie. Being stupid enough, Suho thoughtlessly blurted out his disappointment toward Eunmi instead for letting it out when he met Yoonmi a week ago. 

“I’m sorry.” Suho whispered weakly, but Eunmi looked away disapprovingly.

“Why it is always Yoonmi? She’s obviously taken! But boys still got their eyes on her no matter what. While me, here I am; no matter how hard I try to impress the guy I like pathetically, but it seems like I’m not more than a nuisance in his life…” Eunmi trailed off before she continued. “Why can’t you see me, Sunbae?”

She could fill a thousand pages telling him how she felt and still he would not understand. How can a heart hurt this much and still go on beating? How can she felt this bad without dying from it?  When she looked outside the window, something inside of her churned. She swallowed hard and looked away when she saw him staring at her. When she looked into his eyes, brown like the chocolate she loves, her soul suddenly cried, knowing she will never feel love from his gaze. She squeezed her eyes shut, and held back the tears and emotions that were swelling inside of her. And then she realized, the only time that she could feel anything at all, was when she could feel him. 

“Eunmi-ah… I never said I like her.” He tried to deny the truth. Eunmi was speechless at first. Technically, Suho wasn’t lying since he never says he liked Yoonmi to Eunmi and Eunmi was just making her own assumption.

“Listen, I’m pretty sure that you actually know how I feel toward you but it seems like you choose not to care about my feelings toward you. Is it because of Yoonmi? Is it because you actually like my twin sister? Or is it because of that Rapunzel girl that Jihye talked about before? Tell me, Sunbae…why are you doing this to me?  Stop playing with my feelings…I like you! You know I like you more than a friend, aren’t you?!”  

Suho never had any thought on playing with her feelings at all. But he realized, he couldn’t take back words that already said, and he couldn't take back someone's tears that already shed. Love doesn’t hurt. Lying, cheating and screwing with people’s feelings and emotions hurt. She didn’t regret telling Suho she liked him, because she meant it, but she regretted being stupid enough to say it, when she knew he wouldn't say it back. Eunmi quickly walked towards the door and attempted to leave the room without a sound, except that of her heart shattering as it hits the ground. She had embarrassed herself enough and she couldn’t bear it anymore. But again, Suho’s voice stopped her from leaving the room. 

“I know…” Suho eventually admitted helplessly. Soft sobbing could be heared which filled the emptiness of the room, making the current atmosphere more intense than before. Eunmi slowly wiped her cold tears away. She never thought that she would actually confess her feelings to him. She did have a plan to confess her feelings to him but crying, yelling and bursting out were never being part of her plan. Now that everything already happened and it was impossible to get the situation back to normal…what was she supposed to do now? Expecting him to accept her pure feelings? Or… Waiting for him to officially break her heart?

 

 

Author's note: Not really an important chapter but updated anyway! Eunmi finally confessed her feelings to Suho! What do you think about her confession? By the way, I'm trying hard to update as often as possible so please stay with me till the end of this story. Thank you for reading and do leave your comment in the comment box below. :)