She tried opening her eyes slowly, but a dazzling white light forced her to close her eyes again. She groaned. Once again, she tried to open her eyes and did so with much difficulty. Yoonmi furrowed her eyebrows as she examined her surroundings.

Everything was white. Where was she? Was she already dead? If so, was this heaven? Or... hell? Too many things popped into her mind but she couldn't remember a single thing. Her head began to spin from the faint antiseptic scent but she still couldn't recognise the place she was in. She closed back her eyes as she tried to remember what had happened to her.

Everything was too vague. She shook her head unconsciously.

Suddenly, a silhouette with short hair, covered in crimson blood and pure white snow flashed inside her mind. It was Eunmi. Instantly, she recalled what had happened. Eunmi! Where's Eunmi?!

In a panic, she frantically tried to get up and looked for Eunmi. She needed to look for her. She needed to save her.

“Oh, you're awake! Thank God.” Yoonmi was stunned. She glanced at the owner of the husky voice. A lady wearing a white blouse and a pair of pearl white flat shoes stood in front of her and smiled gracefully.

“How are you feeling today?” She asked. Yoonmi continued to stare at her blankly.

“Where am I?” Yoonmi asked weakly.

“You can't remember? You got into an accident last night. You're lucky to get away with only a minor injury. Unlike that other young lady... Poor little girl.”

“Who... Who... Are you talking about?”

“Oh, the girl...That got into the same accident with you last night, she-”

“Where's she? Where's my sister? Where's Eunmi? What happened to her? Tell me that she's alright!” Yoonmi yelled agitatedly while she grabbed tightly onto the nurse's shirt sleeve. The nurse was shocked by Yoonmi's sudden change of attitude.

“Calm down, you just woke up! Please be careful.”

“No! Tell me that she's alright... That's the only thing that will put my mind at ease. Please... I'm begging you... I need to see her...” Tears welled up in her eyes and flowed onto her cheeks, a visual representation of all her worries and sorrow.

“She was saved after the accident. But, unfortunately she... She's in a coma...” The nurse explained calmly. Hearing that, Yoonmi fell on the floor soullessly. She stared at the floor with an empty look.

“Eunmi... Eunmi... I'm sorry... It's my entire fault... Why did you do it? You weren't supposed to save me. You should have just let me die... You didn't have to do this for me, Eunmi ah...” she lamented. It felt like her heart was torn apart, knowing that Eunmi was struggling with death now while she only had a minor injury. She should be the one lying on the bed in a coma, not Eunmi. How she wished that she could trade her own life for her sister's. She was the one who was supposed to...

 

 

Someday in December. Present.

 

Yoonmi had awakened with a start when the sudden ringing of the alarm shattered the silence, leaving her ears ringing. She woke up, stretching as she turned off the alarm. It was almost 7.30 am. She had barely slept for three hours last night. And the night before. She stared sorrowfully at her parents' photo before kissing it gently. 

“Good morning, Mum... Dad... Your useless daughter is still alive. Even today...” She whispered, bitterly faking a smile as she put back the picture frame beside her bed. Her heart was heavy as always. She was only living for her sister in order to repent for her sin.

She finally got up. There was a class she had to attend at 9.00 am. As she tied up her long and straight black hair, she exited her room and headed toward Eunmi's room. She opened the room door slightly, peeking in at Eunmi's bed secretly.

“She's still sleeping,” Yoonmi mumbled as she walked away. There were things that she needed to do before leaving for her classes which included cleaning up after herself and preparing breakfast for Eunmi. It had become part of her daily routine since the tragedy - almost like a duty.

Yoonmi still blamed herself for everything and the guilty feeling continues to haunt her even though three whole years had passed since then. At least, by helping Eunmi with her daily routine, it would reduce some of her guilt towards her twin. That's what she had thought would happen. But in fact, no matter how much and how hard she tried, it just made her feel even more anxious. It just wasn't enough to erase all those terrible memories. Since she forced herself to do everything for her beloved twin sister, it served as a constant reminder of her need to repent, to make things right again.

Done with the daily preparations, she returned to Eunmi's room and woke her up. Gently, she tapped her shoulder and called out her name. Eunmi slowly opened her eyes. Yoonmi smiled, sitting at the side of Eunmi's bed.

“Oh, Yoonmi ah...” Eunmi yawned as she got up.

“I'm leaving for class soon. I’ve prepared breakfast for you. Make sure to eat it before it gets cold.”

“Yah, how many times do I have to tell you? You don't have to do all these things. I can do it by myself. Aren't you pushing yourself too much?”

“No... It's alright. Besides, I'm doing this for you. You're my twin. The only flesh and blood that I have in this world.”

“Yoonmi-ah-”

“Do you have any class to attend this morning?” Yoonmi cut in, trying to change the subject. Eunmi sighed in frustration.

“I don't have one. But I do have a class to attend this afternoon,” Eunmi explained. She and Yoonmi aren't studying in the same university. She'd tried to convince Yoonmi to go to the same university as her, but Yoonmi refused due to her own interests. Luckily, their universities were located near each other so it wasn't that bad.

“Really? I'm leaving then... Don't skip breakfast,” She reminded her before she made to walk out from the room. She stopped and turned her head toward Eunmi, who had grabbed her wrist to stop her.

“Yoonmi-ah...” Eunmi said and pulled Yoonmi closer to her to get a better look at her sister's face.

“What is it?”

“Your eyes are swollen... Did you cry last night? Again?” Eunmi asked worriedly, knowing full well that her sister still couldn't get over the accident.

“Huh? No... No... I didn't-” Yoonmi tried to deny the accusation but Eunmi knew it was a lie.

“Yoonmi-ah, I’ve told you millions of times already. It's not your fault. Stop blaming yourself.” Eunmi had always been telling Yoonmi to just let it go, that it was just bad luck but her sister seemed to still blame herself.

“No, I didn't cry. It's just... I stayed up all night to try and finish my assignment... I bet that's why it's swollen.” Yoonmi smiled awkwardly as she tried to avoid eye contact with Eunmi. Slowly, her sight shifted towards Eunmi's forehead. A scar on her forehead peeked through her bangs. A scar that she gotten from the accident. As long as she could see the scar on Eunmi's forehead, the tragic memory could never be erased from her mind. She knew that.

“I'm leaving,” Yoonmi said and left Eunmi alone in the house. Eunmi just let her sister go, staring at her back. She lay back down on her bed, thinking hard about something that had bothered her lately.

On her way to class, Yoonmi dropped by at a bookstore, looking for a self-motivation book. She browsed from one bookshelf to another, immersed in her own tiny world. After realising that she was almost late for her morning class, she hurriedly made payment for some books that she had picked out and rushed out of the bookstore. Since she wasn't paying attention, she accidentally bumped into someone.

“Uh, oh... I'm sorry!” Yoonmi said as she bowed apologetically. Not knowing what to do, she glanced at the guy in front of her, who seemed slightly surprised before she picked up all of the scattered items she had dropped onto the snowy ground. “I'm sorry.” She apologized for the second time, and bowed before running away hurriedly, not wanting to be late

“Oh, Miss... Wait!” The guy tried to stop her but was too late. She was already gone in no time, leaving him standing alone in a daze.

“She's gone. I think this notebook belongs to her,” he murmured to himself. He picked up the dark blue colored notebook that was slightly covered by some fresh fallen snow, from the ground. He opened the first page of the notebook hesitantly. A second later, he smiled as he read every single word written on it.