• Title: Mr. Kidnapper (um, bodyguard!au? highscholl!au? kidnapper!au? I don’t know)
• Author: nicorobin @ AFF / Tumblr
• Genre: I really don’t know how genre works but it’s definitely not angst or tragedy or anything sad. On second thought, it is sad because I don’t think it’s quite romantic or fluffy or anything at all.
• Length: 1457 words
• Characters: Bomi, Luhan, Kris ++ Tao (mentioned)
• Pairing: it’s up to you how to interpret this; Hanmi / Krismi / Krishan ++ Taomi

“Did you throw away my phone again?”

“Um, yeah? I believe it’s a standard procedure for kidnapping.”

Bomi tried to open her eyes and when she struggled very hard to do so, accompanied by a pain in her head, well that plus a grinning face staring down at her, she knew instantly where she was and what happened. “… Could you stop…,” she groaned, “… I’ll come with you if you ask nicely…”

“Really?” the grinning face stepped back from Bomi’s personal space. “Wow, that’s most definitely more convenient. Wonder why I never think of that before?”

Bomi frowned when she realized her hands were tied behind her. “... I’m still being tied?” She stared at her opponent, a baby-faced guy with blonde hair.

“Hm? Oh, well, it won’t be convincing if I don’t tied your hands. You won’t take me seriously if I don’t do that,” the blonde shrugged.

“Don’t worry, we don’t take you seriously already, Luhan.”

“Auch,” Luhan faked a hurt expression.

“Come on, Luhan, release me,” Bomi whined, wriggling on her chair.

“Sorry, Miss Yoon, no can do! And that’s Oppa for you! I’m older than you, you know, three years older!” Luhan sat on a single chair in the middle of the room – looked like an abandoned storage room for Bomi’s eyes, with nothing inside beside the two chairs occupied by them. Luhan took out his phone and played with it, making exaggerated sound effects with his mouth.

Bomi rolled her eyes. “Oh I’m sorry, I don’t know that several acts of kidnapping make us into Oppa-Dongsaeng relationship. What’s next? We’ll braid each other’s hair?” she blew her bangs away. “… Did you throw away my phone again?”

“Um, yeah?” Luhan glanced up from his phone for a second. “I believe it’s a standard procedure for kidnapping. Beside, what’s the problem, you’re rich anyway.”

“But I just bought the phone last week! And… and… I have matching phone strap with Zitao on that phone…,” Bomi hang her head low.

“… Zitao?” Luhan frowned, tilting his phone to the side, engrossed in his game. “You mean the new kid in your class you told me before?”

Bomi nodded happily, suddenly regained her spirit when the topic of Zitao came up. The new kid had been her desk mate, the first one she had in high school because obviously no one wanted to sit with the mafia’s daughter – and risking getting kidnapped or hurt too.

“Ppfft… Matching phone straps,” Luhan said in mocking tone. “Kids these days... happy enough with matching phone straps… should have asked him for matching wedding rings…” He furrowed his eyebrows, taking his phone closer to his face. “… THERE! yeah, take that! Huh, I break my own record!” Luhan smiled with satisfaction.

“What are you playing?”

Luhan didn’t even look at Bomi when he answered, “Pokopang.”

Bomi rolled her eyes again. She played with her legs, but after exactly five seconds, she got bored. “Luhaaaan. I’m hungry.”

Luhan spared her a look before he returned to his phone.

“... Oppa…,” Bomi called again, and this time Luhan turned his head to her with a weird look. “Luhan Oppa, please feed me… I’m hungry…,” Bomi put out all her aegyo.

Luhan shuddered. “I change my mind. Just call me Luhan like usual. It’s scary to hear you talk like that. And don’t pout!” He grabbed the bag under his chair and took out bread from it. Luhan dragged his chair closer to Bomi, and he started to open the bread. “Haven’t you eaten lunch at school?” He tore a piece and feed it to Bomi.

“… Food doesn’t taste good when you eat alone,” Bomi said while munching.

“… Where’s your Zitao, then?” Luhan waited until Bomi finished her piece before feed her another piece.

“He needs to befriend the guys,” Bomi shrugged. “I told him I eat with my friends…”

“Which is non-existent.”

Bomi didn’t say anything.

Luhan stuffed the rest of the bread to Bomi’s mouth, ignoring the girl’s muffled protest. “By the way, you should stop running away from your bodyguards. What if you got kidnapped—”

Bomi glared at Luhan.

“—by someone else other than me?” Luhan pat Bomi’s head. “We’re kind of friends, aren’t we?”

Bomi gulped down her bread before answering, “No.”

Luhan shrugged and checked his watch. “WELL DO YOU SEE THAT! Not only I break my own record in Pokkopang, I also score a new record in kidnapping you!” Luhan stood up and wriggled his watch in front of Bomi. “This is the longest time Captain Bodyguard takes to find you,” he said proudly, stars on his eyes.

“Luhan… Don’t you think it’s tiring, kidnapping me every week? Why don’t you just go ask him out directly like… ANY NORMAL HUMAN BEING?”

Luhan narrowed his eyes at Bomi. “… Nope. Don’t know what you’re talking about,” he said, bobbing his head from side to side. Bomi would think it’s cute if only she’s not tied on a chair on her weekly kidnap.

“Come on, I’m not blind. I see the way your eyes shine everything he came to rescue me. And you do realize you’re overly-happy for a failed kidnapper? Okay, here’s the deal. I’ll help you if you stop kidnapping me. Umm… I’ll tell you his ideal type, and, uh, I’ll say good things about you to him… if you have any… Anyway, I think kidnapping me is not the best method to approach the guy you like,” Bomi finished her speech, hoping to give some common sense into Luhan’s brain. 

“All of those things would make perfect sense if I have any feelings at all towards Captain Bodyguard, which I do not,” Luhan snorted. “Kidnapping you is the easiest way to get his attention… I get to see him too, there’s no way he’s ignoring me when I kidnap his precious young lady.”

“… you do realize you just said you don’t have any feelings towards Yifan, THEN you admitted you seek his attention?” Bomi didn’t think her headache had any connection with the chloroform Luhan used to sedate her anymore.  “Fine, let’s just exchange numbers and, uh, you can call me if you need to kidnap me... or to see him, whatever.  And this one is my super-secret number that only my parents and Yifan knows, so you better don’t spread it around. ”

Luhan seemed to think over the offer for a while. “Huh, sounds good. Since you don’t have your phone…,” Luhan took out his phone to write down Bomi’s number. “How do I know it’s not a trap, though?”

Bomi gave him a look.

“Relax, Miss Yoon, I’m just kidding. My love-life is in your hand,” Luhan nodded. He punched in Bomi’s number when the girl recited her number for him. “Yeah? … 897… and…? Okay, done. And—”

Luhan realized Bomi’s eyes trained to his back a little bit too late – he did turn around, but something more powerful than him dropped him down to the floor, face first, and the next thing Luhan knew his cheek was pressed to the cold floor and there’s something heavy on his back.

“Are you alright, Young Lady?” a low, raspy voice asked from above Luhan.

“Yifan, he threw away my phone again. I have my matching phone strap with Zitao on that phone!” Bomi complained.

“I will search it for you, Young Lady,” the super tall, super handsome, and super blonde Captain Bodyguard that went by the name Yifan said, not moving from his seat on Luhan’s back.

Luhan made muffled sounds that resemble a dying animal. “… ugh… ung… can’t… breathe…”

“Yifan, I think you’re suffocating him down there.”

“That’s kind of the point,” Yifan glanced down at Luhan before he stood up and untied Bomi. “Are you alright, Young Lady?” he asked again, trying to look at Bomi’s wrists for the marks from the rope.

“Yes, I’m fine, Yifan,” Bomi answered. “Let’s go home, what time is it? I think I missed my favorite show…”

“I already instructed the maids to record it for you,” Yifan said, grabbing Bomi’s bag from the floor and took Bomi’s elbow to guide her out of the storage room.

“Hey Bomi!” Luhan shouted right before Bomi and Yifan went out. He waved his phone with one hand, still lying on the floor with his head propped on another hand. “Thanks for this! I’ll call you!” he smiled mischievously.

Bomi furrowed her eyebrows.

Luhan smiled even wider.

“Let’s just ignore him, Young Lady,” Yifan urged, pushing Bomi’s back gently before Bomi could say anything to reply Luhan.

Luhan didn’t care – he rolled around on his stomach and stared at his phone – because he had what he wanted.

That's it. I don't have another one-shot that ready to be posted.