• Title: The Hard Life of Park Chanyeol
• Warnings: swearing, gays, ual innuendos, grammar erros, misspells

 

Everyone's in love. Except Park Chanyeol.

 

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“I want to hold hands!!!”

 

Chanyeol glanced up from his bowl of cereal – at 10pm – to look at the TV in front of him; it’s playing a sappy romantic drama. Without batting an eyelash he extended his hand to the side.

 

“Not with you, dummy!” but his sister had to be an ungrateful brat and slapped his hand away.

 

“You have to learn to appreciate what you have, you know,” Chanyeol muttered, returning to his snack. What’s wrong with his hands? Sure he didn’t have Baekhyun’s long, pretty fingers, his own were stubby and the tips calloused too from playing guitar, but his hands were big and didn’t girls love boys with big hands?

 

“I want to have a boyfriend,” Chorong whined, kicking the air childishly, completely ditching the fact that she’s a senior at high school. “Yeol, introduce your big sister to your handsome friends!”

 

Chanyeol scratched his tummy, uninterested, but still he asked to amuse his sister, “Well what’s your type?”

 

Chorong’s eyes immediately went on dreamy-mode. “The handsome ones! He has to be tall, we will look adorable together with the height difference! Ah, a chic guy, the one who looks cold in front of everyone else, but then he changes completely just for me! Aaaah…,” she’s already lost in the Fantasyland, “That kind of guy!”

 

“Oh, I have a friend like that.”

 

“You have?!” Chorong jumped from her place in the couch and sat in front of Chanyeol on the carpet instead. “Who who who? Tell me!”

 

Chanyeol swallowed before mentioning, “Kris Wu,” the president of the student council, which had Chorong as the secretary. 

 

Chorong’s happy expression changed into a big scowl in a mere 3 seconds. “YAH! Have you lost your mind?!”

 

“What? You basically just described Kris,” Chanyeol said, counting with his fingers, “He’s handsome, he’s tall, he looks like a cool guy but the acts like a stupid neighborhood guy when he’s around you. See? And you two always bicker like a married couple, you know?”

 

Chorong gasped, insulted with the accusation. “I DO NOT!” Right after she shouted the words, her phone rang. Kris Who? flashed on the screen.

 

“Pick it up, your husband needs you,” he said before taking his leave in a hurry, dodging Chorong’s kick with the expertise that could only be achieved by being Chorong’s brother for 17 years.

 

When he’s on his way to the bedroom, Chanyeol heard Chorong said something about Valentine. He wondered if that’s the two talking about the upcoming school events to celebrate Valentine, or Kris finally asked his sister to be his Valentine.

 

***

 

Chanyeol was just done putting his books onto his locker when suddenly he’s being grabbed from behind, and then he’s being spun around – Chanyeol only managed to catch a glimpse of light brown and blonde.

 

“Bomi?” he tried to look over his shoulder, only to get a push on his cheek from behind, forcing his face to look upfront.

 

“Ssshh! I’m not here!” that husky voice was definitely belonged to Bomi, his classmate.  

 

“Chanyeol!” someone shouted, and Chanyeol could feel Bomi tried to make herself smaller behind him. Minseok, the captain of the school’s soccer team, was jogging to their direction. “Hey.”

 

“Um, why the red face?” Chanyeol asked to the senior, nodding vaguely at Minseok’s abnormally red face. He looked like he’s been running all day long. Or extremely upset.

 

“Do you see that little brat Yoon Bomi?!” Chanyeol could swear he saw smoke coming out from Minseok’s ears.

 

There’s a small pinch on his back through his shirt, and Chanyeol raised his finger, pointing to his right. “I think she’s running… that way.”

 

“Great, thanks.” Without explaining furthermore, Minseok ran to the direction Chanyeol showed him.

 

“Aaaand he’s gone. Mind telling me what—?” Before he could finish his question, the same finger that pinched him before poked his cheek, again, forcing him to look upfront.

 

“Chanyeol-ah!” This time the voice was obviously more cheerful than Minseok, and Luhan, the basketball’s captain, jogged to them as if he had springs on his heels. “Hey! What a nice weather we have today, isn’t it?” Outside, the sky blinked before a thunder could be heard. Luhan’s big smile didn’t waver. “Say, do you happen to see my dearest Minseok?”

 

“Dearest—?” A pinch on his back, harder than the one before, and Chanyeol shut his mouth. “That way,” he immediately pointed out.

 

“Wonderful! See you tomorrow, Chanyeol-ah!” Luhan waved cheerily before he followed Minseok’s path, skipping on his way.

 

“Alright, Luhan being that happy is disturbing, so tell me—”

 

“Not over yet!” Bomi hissed lowly, turning Chanyeol’s body slightly to cover her more.

 

“Chanyeol, Bro!” this time it’s Bambam, a freshman, who’s approaching.

 

“Cool hair, Bro,” Chanyeol said, offering a fist bump for the younger boy while eyeing Bambam’s blue hair. Bambam seemed to be wanted to challenge Sehun, a sophomore, for the title ‘What Hair Color I Have Never Tried’. Ironically, both of them never dyed their hair back to black.

 

“Thanks,” Bambam was grinning, momentarily forgot his reason for calling Chanyeol. “Oh, right, do you see Bomi? She’s your classmate, right?”

 

“She seems very popular this afternoon, isn’t she? AAWWWnnyywayyy,” he quickly covered his cry of pain because Bomi pinched his back and twisted it, “I think I saw her there.”

 

Bambam’s grin got wider when he took his leave with a bright, “Thank you!”

 

Learning his lesson, Chanyeol waited this time. Of course, another person came, it’s Kyungsoo this time, another class mate. Judging from his angry stomps, he’s… well, angry.

 

“Do you see that spawn of Satan,” Kyungsoo spat.

 

Chanyeol was feeling rather brave today. “Have you looked into the mirror yet—” Kyungsoo glared at him. Chanyeol bowed, pointing politely at the other direction. “That way, Sir.”

 

“He’s looking for you, isn’t he?” Chanyeol whispered to Bomi, because actually Kyungsoo never mentioned any name.

 

“Umm, well, most likely,” Bomi whispered back.

 

Jongin, a sophomore, was looking a little bit lost when he walked them by, and when he opened his mouth, Chanyeol immediately pointed to Kyungsoo’s direction. Still Jongin asked, “Did you see—” Chanyeol only pointed harder, and Jongin took the sign.

 

“I think I’m just going to stand here all day, giving false directions to those poor souls,” Chanyeol mumbled under his breath, and Bomi actually snorted behind him.

 

“Chanyeol!” Two persons at a time now, improvement, saving time – Eunji, Bomi’s best friend, and Sehun, the sophomore who’s sporting a pink hair today. Eunji looked pissed off, while Sehun looked a little bit amused (but it’s hard to tell with his stoic face).

 

“Yes, if it’s Bomi, she’s going that way, if it’s the brat, she’s going that way, if it’s the spawn of Satan, still… going that way,” Chanyeol said without waiting the question.

 

Eunji immediately ran off, dragging Sehun with her. Sehun just chuckled but followed along anyway.

 

“Fiuh! I think that’s all,” Bomi finally peeked from behind Chanyeol’s body. “You know what Park, thank your ancestor for your tall genes and your parents for feeding you… whatever it is that makes you this tall,” the girl patted Chanyeol’s back. “It’s very useful.”

 

“So what did you do this time?” Chanyeol turned around and placed his arms beside Bomi’s small frame, leaning to the locker, trapping her and making her unable to leave.

 

“Ugh… It’s a long story.”

 

“I just risk my life for you.”

 

Bomi scrunched up her nose. “Drama king.”

 

“Still.”

 

“Well…,” Bomi dragged on her words, playing with her fingers. “You know… Minseok and Luhan are so gay for each other it hurts, right? Sometimes I want to smash their heads together to make them kiss, someone needs to do something! I decided to be that ‘someone’… and I told Luhan Minseok likes him but he’s too shy to confess. It’s just a little white lie, so Luhan would gain courage to confess, like, any other normal person would do. But… hahaha, I forgot that it’s Luhan we’re talking about, instead of confessing, he told the whole world that he and Minseok are an item now.”

 

Chanyeol raised his eyebrows. “So Minseok is upset.”

 

“Extremely. I don’t know why? They’ll thank me later.”

 

“What exactly did Luhan say about them being an item?”

 

Bomi tapped her chin, thinking. “I think it’s somewhere along… ‘We want to ride each other’s ’... or was it ‘ each other off’…?”

 

“Oh, GOD!” Chanyeol immediately shut his eyes. “The image! I do NOT need that!”

 

“You’re the one who ask! Anyway, so yeah, that’s what happened with Minseok, and Luhan chased off after his dearest. And then Bambam…”

 

“Yeah, let’s move on to Bambam,” the boy shook his head, wanting to erase the mental image of his friends… doing stuff. “He’s such a sweet kid, did you prank him? Hide his hair dye?”

 

“I just want to help! Bambam has this huuuuge crush on Taeyeon, everybody know that. Anyway, the other day, I saw Taeyeon and Baekhyun fighting, so I thought they broke up—”

 

Chanyeol narrowed his eyes at Bomi, because he, as Baekhyun’s best friend, knew exactly Baekhyun’s love life with his girlfriend. “Except they didn’t.”

 

“Exactly,” Bomi nodded. “Except they didn’t, and I already told Bambam they broke up. He… is not pleased.”

 

“Of course he’s not.”

 

Bomi looked up to Chanyeol. “Hey, do you know what Baek and Taeyeon fight is about?”

 

“It’s about who’s more handsome between the two. Or the prettier,” Chanyeol shrugged, “Taeyeon is sure she has more fangirls than Baekhyun, and Baekhyun said he has more fanboys than Taeyeon.”

 

“Then it’s decided, Taeyeon is more handsome while Baekhyun is prettier. What’s the problem.”

 

“Both want to be the best, the more handsome and the prettier.” Bomi gave Chanyeol a look, and Chanyeol shrugged again. “Maybe that’s why they click. Hey, at least they love each other. And no, they’re not breaking up anytime soon, stop spreading rumor,” he flicked Bomi’s forehead. “Now, Kyungsoo.”

 

Bomi seemed annoyed now. “Kyungsoo is just being dumb, alright? I did nothing wrong! It’s the same case with Minseok and Luhan. I encouraged Jongin to confess his feelings to Kyungsoo.”

 

“But…?”

 

“But Kyungsoo wants to be the one who confessed first, and there you go! The real spawn of Satan is angry and Jongin runs after him to make sure there’s no casualty caused by his angry boyfriend.”

 

“I feel like that’s not the entire story.”

 

“What?” Bomi was taken aback. “How did you… Ugh, fine! When Kyungsoo complained to me, I said… ‘You’re the bottom , just accept the confession and date already!’ I guess he’s not a bottom .”

 

“This mouth,” Chanyeol wiped his hand over Bomi’s mouth, “Needs to be wash up with holy water.” Bomi tried to duck but Chanyeol was faster. “Lastly, Eunji and Sehun.”

 

Bomi glared at Chanyeol for a moment before she said, “Eunji and Sehun. I never know this world is full of ungrateful people! I was just trying to help, I wish nothing but their happiness, and this is how they repay me!”

 

Chanyeol waited for the rest of the story patiently.

 

“I just… Well, seeing how innocent Tao is… and how slow Junmyeon is… I take the matter into my own hands… and explain the art of reproduction to them,” Chanyeol’s jaw went slack, “Oh, to Junmyeon. Tao and Sehun can never reproduce. Well still I told Tao how two boys do it. And I gave them Kamasutra. And . And lube for Tao.”

 

Chanyeol face-palmed.

 

“I thought Eunji will be happy, she and Junmyeon are already dating for a year now and they’re not even on the second base? What the hell? Heh, but Junmyeon’s and Tao’s red face when I explained things to them are funny. Ha. Hahahaaa.”

 

Chanyeol wanted to bang his head to the locker.

 

“So there, Cowboy, you know now that I’m not at fault? Except for Bambam’s case, but I swear I meant no harm,” Bomi nodded wholeheartedly.

 

“Yeah, the thought is what matter the most, right?” Chanyeol sighed and straightened his pose. “But why you’re being such a busybody? Playing Cupid for everyone… Oh.” He seemed to understand Bomi’s reason.

 

The girl had a small frown on her face. “Is it wrong if I want to play Cupid? Valentine is coming… I just want everyone to be happy on the day.”

 

Chanyeol’s expression softened, and he reached out to pinch Bomi’s cheek. “So you have this kind of side on you, hm?”

 

“Aish, let go!” Bomi tried to swat his hand away.

 

Suddenly, Bomi’s eyes widened and she spun Chanyeol around, going back to hide behind his back.

 

“What now,” Chanyeol mumbled, seeing Jongdae, another friend, another classmate, walking down the hallway to them.

 

“Hi, Chanyeol!” Jongdae smiled widely, stopping in front of Chanyeol. “And hi, Bomi,” he peeked from over Chanyeol to the girl. “What are you doing there? Are you hiding from someone…?”

 

“… Yeah, from Cupid,” Bomi hissed lowly, more to herself, but Chanyeol heard the words. A light bulb went on in his head.

 

“She’s hiding from you,” Chanyeol casually said, stepping away from his place. Bomi’s eyes widened twice as big and she glared at Chanyeol, demanding him to come back and covered her again. “Said she’s allergic to gorgeous smiles like yours. Make her heart flutters.”

 

“I didn’t—!” Bomi spluttered but she stopped short when she caught sight of Jongdae’s expression.

 

“Did you really say that?” Jongdae was grinning from ear to ear and his high cheekbones just went even higher.

 

Bomi’s face was red, and for once Chanyeol saw the talkative girl unable to speak. “I—I…”

 

“I heard the cakes in the new café are heavenly,” Chanyeol whispered loudly.

 

“Really? Do you want to go there with me?” Jongdae directed his question to Bomi, and this time the girl managed to produce a small nod. “Then, we’re going first! Bye, Chanyeol!”

 

Chanyeol waved back, secretly patting himself in the back for being a good Cupid.

 

Then he saw his sister, Chorong, in afar, walking side by side with Kris. Hand in hand.

 

It’s about time for the two to dated, so Chanyeol was cool with that, but after Kris and Chorong he saw Minseok with Luhan, and then Baekhyun with Taeyeon, Kyungsoo with Jongin, Junmyeon with Eunji, Sehun with Tao…

 

A realization hit him.

 

“Damn!” Chanyeol cursed out loud. “I shouldn’t help Bomi with Jongdae earlier, now I’m the only one who’s single.” And Bambam.

 

“Chanyeol, you’re still here,” a soft voice called out and Chanyeol turned around.

 

“Yixing!” Chanyeol exclaimed happily when he saw the last guy in his circle of friends. How could he forget this precious human being. He’s also still single. And drop dead gorgeous. Well half of his friends were gay and Chanyeol was never mind about that, maybe Yixing wasn’t mind either? “Have I ever told you that your dimple is—”

 

“ADORABLE!”

 

Chanyeol blinked, because he’s going to say cute, but he supposed adorable worked too. The problem was, who the sabotaged his confession?

 

He looked to the side, and Naeun, a year younger than him, Jongin’s and Sehun’s classmate, was staring dreamily at Yixing.

 

“Thank you,” Yixing smiled widely, flashing his dimple, and Naeun sighed at the sight.

 

Chanyeol blinked some more. “Excuse me, but I was confessing here—”

 

“The new café serves the best cake,” Naeun told Yixing, seemingly falling deaf on Chanyeol’s words.

 

“Seriously?! That was my idea—!”

 

“Should we go there? I’ll pay!” clamping her hands together, Naeun batted her eyelashes.

 

“You will? I love sweets the best!” Yixing was practically beaming. “Thank you so much! Chanyeol, I’ll see you tomorrow! Bye bye!”

 

“But Yixing, I—!” Chanyeol heaved a sigh, Yixing and Naeun was already gone. He glanced down at his right hand. “Guess it’s just you and me this Valentine, Dude.”  

 

It was so hard being a Park Chanyeol.

 

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There are 37219 stories that I should write but instead I write this. Why. Can someone help me with Polaris please.