Ninth Grade (Year 2011):

“I like boys.”

I said it lowly, and Byunghun probably didn’t hear me probably. “Wait, come again? I didn’t hear you the first time.

“I..”

“Like…”

“Boys.”

I looked at his face for his reaction, but I didn’t get anything as he just nodded. “Well yeah, I like boys too, most of our friends our boys. What’s the problem?” I then realized that Byunghun didn’t fully understand what I was trying to say.

“No Hyung, that’s not what I meant.” I said as I put my head down in my hands. Once I was able to gather enough courage to say it to him, he didn’t understand.

Byunghun scratched the back of his head. Mianhae. Please, tell me again. I really  want to help you feel better.” He said as he placed his hand on my thigh, gently moving it back & forth to soothe me.

“Arasso.” I said before I took a deep breath, this time I could feel myself getting sweaty from nervousness, and my heart was pumping out of my chest. “When I said I like boys, I meant I have…. feelings.”

Byunghun looked confused. “What do you mean by feelings?” He asked me.

“Romantic feelings.” I said, putting my head low.

“Romantic feelings…” Byunghun shook his head as he had his thinking face on, then there was shock on his face. I was extremely nervous about what he was going to say next. “You mean that, You are… gay?”

I nodded my head, still not trying to let myself look at him, who was probably disgusted at me. “Yeah…. I am.”

A couple of minutes passed, and an extremely awkward silence occurred as I turned my back against him. I expected him to be grossed out, disgusted, & probably doesn’t want to be my friend anymore.

“Chanhee-ah.” He said, and once I heard him say my name I felt my spine chill. Things are now different, and it’s all my fault. I stood up & took a step away from him.

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