What is it you want? I’m tired of you lingering within me. If it weren’t for you I wouldn’t be this way. It’s you who s everything up. It’s you who takes control at the most inappropriate times. You know what I find funny about you?

What?

That you, you stay knowing I don’t want you. I don’t want you

It’s not about you wanting me or not. It’s about me wanting you.

I don’t want you. I can’t live a normal life. You don’t let me love and when you do, you do something to me and I end up losing them. Why?

To protect you.

I don’t need protection. Stop...

You can’t just assume I will leave you when you demand me to go. You were the one who wanted me to come and save you. You pleaded with so much emotion.

I know…but that was when I was vulnerable. I am fine now.

You made me, there’s no way I can leave.

I did, which also means I can destroy you.

Remember, I am a part of you. You are a part of me.

Himchan’s eyes fluttered open from his unexpected nightmare. Droplets of sweat glided down the side of his face, his breathing heavy. It took him a few moments to control his breathing but that voice, he couldn’t stop thinking about it. What’s even worse is that that voice sounded just like him but with so much hatred and wrath

“He’s back...” Himchan whispered blocking his eyes with his forearm from the bright sunlight that shone in.

“Who’s back?” A horsed and sleepy-voiced echoed, bouncing off the walls into Himchan’s ears.

“No one, I was talking to myself.” Himchan tossed the sheets that once covered his body. “Get up,” Himchan demanded. Himchan grabbed his shirt from the seat that stood next to the night stand. He put each arm inside each arm hole, pulling it down he groaned from his sore back. He eyed the limp body next to him feeling annoyed.

“Hey, I said get up!” Himchan tossed a pillow towards the sleepy body.

“Five more minutes.” Himchan passed his hand through his hair in frustration. He sighed laying back on the bed next to the body that won’t get up. He looked up at the ceiling thinking, then it hit him. He turned his whole body at a 90-degree angle placing his feet at the back of the sleeping body, his knees touching his chest.

“I said get up!” Himchan extended his legs tossing the body that was once sleeping next to him.

“YAH! KIM HIMCHAN!” Himchan busted out laughing uncontrollably.

“Daehyun, next time I say, ‘get up’, you get up,” he said wiping his laughter tears from the corner of his eyes. Himchan could only see Daehyun with his bed hair and swollen face from sleep trying to get up. He failed when he picked up the white sheets and stepped on them stumbling back to the grown. Himchan’s laughter could be heard throughout the whole room and he placed his hands on his stomach, his abs were getting sore.

“Yah…Stop laughing. You’ll wake up Junhong,” Daehyun pouted standing up. Himchan seemed to be calming down, he didn't want to disrupt Junhong’s sleep but from how loud he laughed and the thud that Daehyun’s body hitting the floor created could wake up the whole building.

“Sorry, you are just too funny.”

“Funny…you were the one who tossed me!” Daehyun tossed the sheets towards Himchan and at the same time, he jumped on him.

“Daehyun!” Himchan’s voice was muffled. Daehyun started to tickle him, only causing Himchan to squirm and laugh. “STOP! Dae…Stahp!” Himchan could barely breathe, let alone speak. Daehyun is having the time of his life, he didn't notice how dangerously close they were to the edge of the bed. Daehyun continued tickling Himchan but Himchan could only squirm inside the bed sheets, Daehyun did not pay attention to Himchan telling him to stop. He only caused both to fall from the bed onto the floor causing them, even more, laughter.

“Yah! Jung Daehyun, Kim Himchan! I'm trying to sleep,” Junhong opened the door to Himchan’s bedroom, revealing the both sprawled out on the floor trying to catch their breaths from the mini excitement they just had. Himchan and Daehyun looked at Junhong as they tried to catch their breath, their chest heaving up and down.

“We’re sorry,” they both panted. Himchan looked at Daehyun, Daehyun looked at Himchan. They both stared at each other for a few seconds before bursting into laughter once again. Junhong sighed shaking his head and closing the door.

“Thank you,” Himchan said as he stood up.

“What for,” Daehyun replied.

“For making me smile, I haven’t had this much fun in a while,” Himchan remembered the last time he smiled. It was a day before Jasmine left him, his smiled disappeared within seconds. He didn't know how he would get Jasmine to listen to him, let alone, get near her. He didn't even know where she is now but he had an idea.

“Himchan, how will we fix this?” Daehyun felt bad for this situation, he caused it and he felt the need to help him. The atmosphere soon changed dramatically, they both felt the tension that floated in the air.

“Dae, don’t worry about it,” he said heading to the bathroom, not wanting to see him. He didn't want to blame him but they both know that Daehyun caused this whole situation. Though, he did know he didn't do it with bad intentions.

“How can I not worry about it, Chan…”

Himchan closed the door behind him and locking it in the process. His hand lingered on the door knob, he didn't know what he would do. His mind blank and lost in a void that had no end. Himchan began removing his shirt following his Calvin Klein briefs then turning the shower water on.

“I don’t understand, I love you. I know you love me too,” Himchan whispered, the sound of water gushing from the shower head filled the medium sized bathroom. Himchan constantly sighed making himself even more depressed. That short burst of happiness now faded. He felt good when he was laughing with Daehyun because he forgot everything that is making him feel miserable. Himchan extended his arm out to check the water temperature, the water felt nice and warm under his palm. He stepped inside the tub, positioning himself under the shower head. The water poured on him, going over his broad shoulders, biceps, and chest, down this abs. He closed his eyes to feel the warmth of the water against his body feeling his muscles relax.

Don’t you worry, soon, I will fix this…

Himchan’s eyes opened soon after he heard a voice in his head, a voice he was too used to hearing. It always echoed in his ear for a while after hearing it. Himchan placed both hands on his head feeling frustrated, anger, confused, he didn't even know what anymore. It was frustrating, his situation with Jasmine and now this too.

“I'm going to go insane anytime soon,” Himchan whispered

You already are

“Can I have more?” Junhong said with a mouth full of eggs and bacon. Daehyun stood up, taking is and Junhong’s plate. He then headed for the stove grabbing the spatula as he served more breakfast into their plates.

“Don’t talk with your mouth full Junhong, it's disrespectful to the people around you,” Himchan said ruffling his hair.

“My bad,” Junhong said after he swallowed his chewed-up food. Daehyun stood from his seat to grab a plate for Himchan who is drinking water.

“Do you want breakfast?” he asked.

“No, I’m going out to do some things.” Daehyun sat back down slightly disappointed. He stared into Himchan’s face, his eyes seemed red and swollen. Something that sleep would cause but he had been awake for a couple of hours, therefore, it must have been something else. Himchan turned around locking eyes with Daehyun for a few seconds.

“What is it?” He blurted out, leaving a taste of acrimony at the end of his words.

“Nothing…” Himchan couldn’t fool Daehyun, he knew he’d been crying, again.

“I’m leaving. I will be back later tonight,” Himchan announced grabbing ahold of his car keys. He walked to the door opening it, he paused for a brief second. “Ah and Junhong, don’t leave a mess. Clean up after yourself.” Himchan stepped out slamming the door behind him.

“Do you think he is mad?” Junhong asked. He placed a fork full of food into his mouth.

“He is just having a hard time,” Daehyun said. “Come, let’s clean up the place. It’s the least we can do since Himchan lets us stay here.” Daehyun and Junhong placed the dishes in the sink, Junhong taking the table cloth to clean the table. “I’ll wash the dishes,” Daehyun told Junhong.

Himchan got inside his Camaro placing the keys in the ignition but he didn't start the car and instead he sat there just staring off into the distance. He couldn’t stop thinking about Jasmine and what he would do to get her back. He's mentally weak and withering, he had never felt anything like it. Confusion flooding his mind, he felt lost and vulnerable. Again. This time, though, he had a derange feeling of things becoming worse, much worse, before getting close to the better. After everything he has been through, all those experiences, all that pain, Himchan soul hardened. There is only one person, one girl, who has been able to scratch his surface and he knows he needs to get her back no matter what it takes.

“You told me that dreams can come true but you forgot to tell me that nightmares are dreams too.”

_______________

I feel like every time I write a new chapter it gets shorter. I will try to write longer. Thank you for those who read my story giving me a chance to show my amateur work.