The Darkest Of Nights Part 2
I'll Always Be HereTaeyeon’s POV
“You guys it’s time for… holy what happened in here?!”
The room is a complete disaster. It looks as if a raging storm blew through here, destroying everything in its path.
The dresser is toppled over, clothes spilling out and tossed across the room. There is broken glass that most likely came from a bottle of perfume because the odor has permeated the entire room. One of the pillows must have been torn apart as the feathers are still floating in the air around me.
It’s hard to see through this mess but my vision adjusts and I notice a girl hunched over in the corner.
“Tae…” Tiffany whimpers.
She shivers violently, clutching a piece of cloth to her arm. A dark red color begins to overtake the white fabric and she stares at the spot with wide, frightened eyes.
“Tiff!” I grab one of my cast off shirts and create a better bandage for the injured girl. “What happened?” I watch her open to answer but suddenly all I can see is the carpeted floor of my bedroom, a fierce pain searing through my right cheek.
“ing get out! Leave me alone!” Jessica screams and throws a bottle of perfume at my head.
I duck and the loud crash echoes through the room, the perfume pouring out onto the carpet and mixing with the already musky air.
Well, I was right about the storm, and it’s name is HellSica.
But she’s never been violent like this. The fact that she would hurt Tiffany… Tiffany!
“Tiff go!”
“But…”
“Go!”
I hear the door slam as Tiffany runs to safety.
I quickly jump up to lock the door behind her. No one else is emotionally stable enough to handle her right now. They’ll just end up getting hurt like Tiffany.
I turn my eyes to Jessica. Her breathing is heavy. I can hear the deep inhales and exhales and her chest is pumping fiercely like that of a rabid animal. Her eyes have lost all rationality, as if there were no longer a person behind them. She looks much less like Jessica Jung and more like a wild beast. Her judgment is clouded, she’s acting out violently, pushing away everyone who comes close.
Okay, you need to calm down Taeyeon. How can you expect her to relax if you yourself are a bundle of nerves?
Take a deep breath and assess the situation.
Obviously Jessica has snapped. You need to get her back under control so that she doesn’t harm anyone else.
“Sica I…” she slaps my hand away so roughly that I almost fall back onto the ground.
“Don’t ing touch me! And don’t call me Sica!” Her voice begins to trail off, switching from that of anger to one of desperation. “She called me that before she…”
And there I go being insensitive again. Of course she wouldn’t want me to call her that. Sica was Hyoyeon’s number one nickname for her around the public. It’s not like she could call her baby or honey around the fans so Sica was like her way of saying ‘you’re mine even if I can’t say it right now.’
“Sorry. Jessica, you have to calm down. Just come out and eat dinner with all of us. It’ll be nice.”
“Nice? How could it ing be nice?! That table Tae, there’s nine chairs at that table! 9! Do you think it can be nice when that empty chair is sitting there?! Staring at me… Reminding me…”
I hadn’t even given a thought to that. I mean it’s not like I’m thinking of everything the same way they are.
In my mind everything is temporary because Hyoyeon is coming back. But to them, to them there’s an empty seat at the dinner table, an open spot on the couch, a seat in the van. It’s hard to ignore something like that.
“Okay, I understand. Why don’t you go take a nap then? Go to your room and relax.”
That’s all I need from her right now is for her to relax. If she can relax and be spoken to rationally, maybe I can set her up to wait.
But how long am I going to make her wait? Days, weeks, months? What if it takes over a year? Don’t you think she’d want to move on by then?
Stop Taeyeon. Don’t think about the future too much. We just need to handle what’s happening right now in front of us. That’s something we can do. We owe it to Hyoyeon to keep Sica happy, even if she could never return.
You’re right. We just need to keep her happy.
“My room…” she looks up at me with utter confusion.
“Yeah Jessica. Some sleep will make you feel better.”
“But it’s not MY room Tae.” She lets her chin touch her chest as the tears begin to cascade down her cheeks. “It’s OUR room.”
Chock up yet another blunder for Kim Taeyeon. What’s the score now, 100 to 1?
“I’m sorry Jessica, I didn’t mean to.”
‘Knock, knock, knock’
“Tae?”
“I’m fine Sunny. Go back and help Tiffany.”
“But Tae…”
“I said I’m fine Sunny!”
I hear her footsteps reluctantly leave the doorway and echo down the hall.
What the Tae?! She just wanted to make sure you are okay!
I know, I’m sorry. Everything is just so crazy right now. I didn’t mean it…
“Tae?” She takes her hands away from her face and looks at me with those dark brown, pleading eyes.
Her whole face is red and drowning in tears. Her brown eyes are glassy and distant. Her voice is shaky and weak, each syllable suddenly difficult to pronounce. She has done a complete 180 from the raging, psycho beast she was moments ago.
“I’m right here Jessica.”
“Tae, how can I ever go in there again? The pictures, her clothing, even the sheets on the bed. It’s her Taeng. It’s us. But now… But now it’s just me.”
Once again a crying girl falls into my arms.
That room. I hadn’t given a single thought to that room.
She’s alive in there. Or at least to Jessica she is.
Their clothes in the hamper, waiting for Hyoyeon to throw them in the laundry. Her outfits that hang in the closet or that are folded and tucked away in the dresser, aching to be worn once again. The empty spot in the bed, longing to be filled, to be warmed by her pleasant dreams. There’s a cycle. Wake up, shower, get dressed, wake Jessica, makeup, hair, laundry, everything that became part of Kim Hyoyeon’s daily routine. And suddenly that cycle stops, only halfway completed. But not for Jessica. In her mind the cycle still spins. At least until she steps foot in that room. Once she does that, she’ll have to face the fact that the cycle has ended.
“Jessica?” I call her softly.
Asleep.
All of the pain and rapid mood swings have finally taken a toll on her body.
Exhausted.
We’re all emotionally exhausted.
I know I am.
I wrap one arm under the girls leg and place another under her back, lifting her from the floor and into the security of my arms.
I may not be Hyoyeon but I can at least manage to carry the Ice Princess four feet. I place her on the bed and tuck the blanket over her. I grab one of the pillows that is till intact and place it under her head.
As I adjust everything I notice our faces are mere inches apart. I spot something on the side of her face and wipe it away with my finger.
Blood?
Tiffany!
I jump off of the bed, scrambling into the living room where the others have gathered around the long sofa.
Tiffany is in the center, lying down on the sofa with her arm placed scratch up on the coffee table.
A trickle of sweat has formed on her forehead and her chest heaves up and down with the strenuous act of breathing.
“Tiff?”
“Tae!” She jumps. “How is she?”
“She’s fine Tiff. I’m more worried about your arm. Are you okay?”
“I don’t think so,” Yuri comes back into the room with two clean, damp cloths. She places one on the girls sweating forehead and holds the other as she talks to me. “I think she’s going to need stitches.”
“Should we take her to the hospital?” Sunny asks.
“No!” Everyone stops and stares at the girl on the couch. “I’m not going back to that hospital.”
I take the cloth from Yuri and lift the sullied one off of her arm. A few of them turn away but Yuri, Sunny, and I keep our attention focused on the injury. I’m pretty used to blood by now anyway.
The scratches are deep. Three long claw marks that stretch about five inches down her right arm. The blood has slowed but I can tell that the clotting is only temporary. I spot a piece of broken glass sticking out and suddenly I’m pissed at Jessica.
I don’t care how emotionally unstable you are, how could you hurt the one person who loved you enough to ignore her pain and follow you in there even when she knew you were being violent?
“Are you sure Tiffany? You really need to get this looked at.”
She gestures for me to lean in close so she can whisper something.
“Please Tae, don’t take me to the hospital that Hyoyeon died in. Please,” she begs.
“Okay. I promise I won’t.”
I gather Sunny and Yuri and we devise a plan.
“She definitely will not go to the hospital. Luckily I have a doctor friend that will take care of her without going to the press. I promise we can trust him.”
‘Beep, beep, beep’
What now!
Manager Oppa: Lee Soo Man wants you at the press conference.
“Ugh!”
“What?” Sunny peers over at my message.
“Why do they want you there?” Yuri asks.
“I don’t know. Here,” I hand them a slip of paper and write the address down on it. “Just take her here. Tell him that I sent you.”
“Got it,” Yuri takes the note and they proceed to handle Tiffany.
Me: Why do I need to be there oppa? Things are kind of hectic around here.
Manager Oppa: I’m sorry Taeyeon. I tried to convince him that you didn’t need to be there but he wanted a member present to account for the details of her death.
We’re revealing she died? But how… how can I bring her back one day if everyone thinks she’s dead?
Me: But oppa we can’t. I promised I’d bring her back and I plan to keep that promise.
Manager Oppa: I’m sorry Taeyeon but I sincerely have my doubts about that. Plus the girls would wander why we didn’t make her death public. There is no other alternative. If somehow you do manage to make her well again then we’ll think of it then but I hate to tell you that it’s impossible.
But… I promised.
Me: Yes sir.
Manager Oppa: Thank you for cooperating. The conference is in thirty minutes but don’t worry about looking exceptionally nice. No one would expect you to in this situation.
Well, looks like I have a press conference to get to.
Tiffany’s POV
It’s getting dark. I’m falling, deeper and deeper, but where’s the ground?
“Tiff? Tiff hang in there!”
Sunny? Is that you? I can’t really see right now.
Where’s Jessica? Where’s Taeyeon?
They’re hurting… They need me.
Jessica…
I shouldn’t have said anything to her. I didn’t have the right to reach out and comfort her when my own heart is in such turmoil.
You can’t expect to raise a cracked column on a broken platform. Because in the end we both come crashing down, and I just made those precious pieces of our sanity even more small and fragile with my careless actions.
But I didn’t mean to hurt her. I really didn’t. And I know she didn’t mean to hurt me or Taeyeon.
Taeyeon… I hope she’s doing okay.
Not only did I succeed in hurting myself and Jessica but I allowed Taeyeon to get injured protecting me, to be torn apart by the storm that I conjured.
But maybe I wanted to be hurt. Maybe I wanted to hurt just as much as Jessica. Maybe I deserve it.
But Taeyeon?
She didn’t deserve this. Those claws etching into her face, having to go to the press conference because she’s the oldest, the leader, all of this pain. I helped to make things just a little bit worse for her.
She’s our savior… my savior.
When she came into our room she brought some shining beacon of clarity into the black abyss that had enshrouded the two of us.
I don’t know why, but I felt relief, security.
But I know it’s not fair to her to lean on her like that.
If each broken column in turn leans on another a disastrous domino effect will occur.
But is she really a broken column?
I can’t say for sure but she’s… different.
Unlike the rest of us, there is still life lingering behind her sullen, dark eyes.
A purpose.
That gaze is making me feel hopeful even when there’s obviously no hope left.
No one can be brought back from the dead Taeyeon. That’s not what God intended. He must have taken her for a reason. Just like how he took you, omma.
Are you guys up there together as I lay here in pain? Are you talking about me together? Reminiscing? Or maybe sharing some stories about the rest of our sisters?
Isn’t she just as funny as I always told you omma?
I remember I once said on TV that Hyoyeon is the reason behind my smiles.
Omma, she better be making you smile!
Ha, I bet you’re all up there smiling. I can imagine every angel in heaven smiling now that Kim Hyoyeon has arrived.
Don’t let her mope around up there omma.
Don’t let her feel sad or guilty for leaving us. There was nothing more she could have done for us.
Omma, tell her thank you too.
Thank you for the laughs, the tears, the motherly actions, the memories. She made me feel like you were still here in some ways omma. The way she would smell like laundry, gently wake me up in the morning even though I cursed at her like a dog, cooking meals for all of us.
Tell her thank you for loving my friend. For making her a better person, for giving up her own life for her.
Thank you for saving my American bestie. I promise I’ll take good care of her for you.
Why am I going off on a rant like this?
Am I going crazy from blood loss?
Stop daydreaming Tiffany. It’s not like they can hear you.
Omma? Hyoyeon? Can you really not hear me?
I wouldn’t mind going crazy if I could talk to you guys like this. If I could live in a dream with all of us. My eight sisters, my omma, a perfect world.
But that’s not what God intended. Maybe talking to the walls in my head instead is just another way to heal.
So then why does healing have to hurt so bad?
“Tiffany unnie? We’re here,” I feel Seohyun gently nudging my shoulder.
I’m suddenly reminded of you once again.
Am I thinking of you too much?
Maybe it’s unhealthy to think about you so much in one day. God, it’s only the first day and we’ve all broken down so much.
But hey, even if thinking of you is unhealthy, it makes me happy.
Besides, could my condition get any worse?
~ “Tiffany? Tiff?” I feel a gentle nudging but I ignore it and turn my body away from the annoyance.
“Fany?”
“ off.”
“There goes that sailor mouth again. I don’t know why I stand for this kind of abuse,” she chuckles slightly. “Yah! Hwang Miyoung!”
My eyes flutter open, only to be greeted by the large, chocolate brown eyes of the dancing queen. Our faces are only about an inch apart and I can feel her breathing on my chin.
When the hell did she get in our room, nevertheless on top of me?
“Yah! This is your fault. Give me a blanket!” She does some strange yell but whisper technique.
It doesn’t wake Taeyeon but it still rings sharply in my ears.
“What’s my fault!” I laugh.
I know exactly why she’s here and I can’t help but find the situation hilarious.
“Hyoyeon’s in the dog house,” I silently tease in my mind.
“Your idea to put the cucumber in our bed correct?” She points an accusatory finger in my face.
“Our idea,” I remind her.
“Whatever,” she laughs but the expression on her face is strange.
Hyoyeon has always been an expert at hiding her feelings. The fact that something is bothering her enough to show worries me.
Why is she trying to be comedic when she’s hurting on the inside?
“So can I borrow a blanket or what?” She uses her aegyo and I can’t help but burst into laughter.
In an instant I feel a hand clamp over my mouth.
“Shh! You’ll wake TaeTae.”
Speaking of the byuntae, “Mmm… Bora’s looked so good in the Ma Boy video,” the girl yawns and rolls over to face us.
A clear puddle of drool is oozing out of and onto the sheets.
“Byuntae…” we whisper simultaneously.
We instantly lock eyes and burst into muffled laughter.
“Jinx!” We once again shout at the exact same time.
“Wait,” Hyoyeon gasps through her laughter. “Why is this so funny?”
“I don’t know. You started it Ms. Moodmaker.”
“Blanket?”
“Oh yeah. Are you planning on sleeping outside you guy’s door again?”
The sad look of acceptance in her eyes tells me everything.
I can’t stand to see her like this. To tell you the truth I don’t know how she puts up with Jessica sometimes. As a friends sure, but as a girlfriend?
Hell no.
She can be overly jealous, constantly in HellSica mode, and always taking out all of her frustration on you. I couldn’t take it and I admire Hyoyeon for putting up with her.
Even though it’s her first relationship she makes an amazing girlfriend. Just the fact that she would sleep on the floor outside her room instead of on a bed with one of us or even on the couch in the living room is one of the sweetest things.
She can’t bare to be apart from her for even one night.
“Yeah, I think she’s mad about more than the cucumber,” she frowns and I can literally feel my heart dropping.
As I said earlier this is her first real relationship and she really wants to make it her last.
She is kind of clueless at love yet an expert at the same time.
She gives the best advice. She always knows what to say to make Jessica’s heart flutter, she buys her gifts, says I love you at least once every day, and of course acts like a true gentleman to her. But she can be oblivious. She never notices when guys or girls try to flirt with her and it sends Sica over the edge.
“What do you think she’s mad about this time?” I ask, trying to provide the same sense of comfort she gives to me when I’m troubled.
“She says that at the radio show Eunhyuk was flirting with me. But I didn’t notice. I thought we made up but suddenly she went into a tantrum about it and she started shouting at me. Tiff?” She looks up at me with tears flowing from her saddened eyes and I pull her into a hug.
It’s hard to have serious conversations with Hyoyeon. She always tries to keep things on the lighter side. I always thought I wanted this, to be able to talk seriously with the choding. But at this moment, having this girl break down in my arms, I’d give anything to have that Hyoyeon back.
“Tell me Hyoyeon, what did you say when you made up?”
She wipes her eyes with her sleeve and thinks for a moment.
“I… I told her that I didn’t notice Eunhyuk was flirting with me because she’s the only person I could see,” she sniffles and buries her head back in my chest.
My heart melts at her words.
Hyoyeon is probably one of the most honest and caring people I have ever met. If she says that she didn’t notice Eunhyuk flirting with her then she really must not have noticed. She obviously only has eyes for you Jessica. She wouldn’t lie or cheat you. Why do you make her feel like then? All she has been doing is caring for you. She wouldn’t hurt you. She loves you too much. Even if it means her own happiness she loves you enough to chose you over herself.
You are one lucky girl Jessica Jung.
When will you finally grow up and see that?
“Hyo?”
“Yes?”
“Why don’t you sleep in here? I’ll go have a talk with Jessica and we’ll straighten things out.”
She doesn’t respond but nods and buries her head under the covers.
The poor thing. So insecure about her relationship. She’s scared of losing you Jessica. She’s so scared that one day you won’t be around any longer. ~
Strange isn’t it? It turned out in the end that it’s Hyoyeon who isn’t around.
I remember that night very clearly. I even remember tripping over Hyoyeon when I came out of their room in the morning.
That’s right. Instead of sleeping in my comfortable bed, she opted to sleep outside her room so she could be close to Jessica.
And now they’re farther away than ever.
“Tiffany, wake up.”
“Let her sleep Sunny. She always said that sleep is the best medicine.”
She… So Hyoyeon, you’ve been reduced to being called she. The girl we used to call Hyoraengi, Hyoding, Kim Yeolsal, choding, or even Hyo. But now? She, it, that person.
Will we ever be able to say your name again without falling apart?
I feel myself being lifted and my eyes flutter open.
“You’re awake,” Sunny remarks as she knocks on the front door or Taeyeon’s mysterious friend.
“Don’t worry unnie. It’ll be better soon.
The door swings open to reveal a man in about his mid thirties. He has a pair of black glasses resting on the bridge of his nose reflecting his brown eyes that have an intense and intelligent glare. He stands hunched over as if he is physically exhausted. He’s wearing the remnants of a suit with his jacket cast off and his tie hanging loosely from his collar.
I really don’t want to disturb him. He looks exhausted and agitated from a hard day of work.
“May I help you?”
“Ah yes sir,” Sunny steps forward since she is the only one not supporting me. “Our friend here is injured and we could really use your help.”
“Just take her to the damn hospital,” he almost slams the door on us but Yuri shoves her foot between the frame.
“She doesn’t want to go to the hospital. Please, Taeyeon said you’d help us.”
He swivels around at the mention of her name.
“Taeyeon? Very well. Come inside and I’ll see what I can do.”
What could Taeyeon’s connection to this man be?
Comments