Jessica’s POV

 

~ “Sica?”

Hyo!

“Sica.”

I turn to my right and see the blonde girl beside me. The light shines behind her, reflecting the glow of her hair, creating an iridescent glaze across my eyes. That gorgeous v-shaped smile is dancing across her lips, her eyes glowing with that soft warmth that has comforted me through these years, entrapping me in that gaze. Entrapping me in her being.

My heart leaps into my throat, my breathing becomes shaky and I reach out to touch her with trembling fingers. My fingers grace the side of her face, tracing the line of her jaw. It’s warm. It’s her.

But it can’t be.. It just can’t.

But it is… It really is her.

“Hyoyeon?”

“Yeah babe?”

“Hyo!” I tackle her to the ground, the scent of laundry enveloping my senses. I run my hands through her blonde locks and let the pent up frustrations I’ve been holding in spill out over her strong embrace.

“Sica? Babe what’s wrong?” She pulls me up to face her but I refuse to loosen my grip around her waist.

If I let go… she’ll disappear.

“Nothing. I’m just so happy to see you.”

“Omo, why are you crying? It’s only been a day.”

Her dark brown eyes shine with softness and the compassion I’ve been hungering for these past few days.

“A day? Was it all just a dream?” I mumble softly.

“Was what all a dream?”

“Nothing. Come on let’s go.”

I drag her off the ground and clasp our hands together, afraid to let go for even a second.

I travel about one foot before her hand pulls me back.

“What the?”

“Sica, I can’t leave this place.”

“Hyo, what do you mean?”

I turn to meet her eyes but am only met with darkness, a chilling empty presence. She’s gone. At least the girl I knew is.

There’s a cold metallic chain enveloping her wrists and ankles. The chains pull her, dragging her back to the spot, that spot.

She’s changing, the beautiful angel I love is turning into something else. She’s turning into what I did to her.

Her skin is twisted and rotting, spilling forth crimson blood and exposing jagged and bent bones. An expression of pain and fear overtakes her, sapping away the happiness and life.

“I’m sorry Sica. Please forgive me,” she whispers before being dragged completely into the ground, disappearing from me once again and returning to the Earth.

“Hyo!”

~

“Hyo!”

I push myself from the bed, my head bowing forward as my scream is smothered by the pillow I clutch to my face.

Just a dream.

Of course it was.

She was always a dream to me, an angelic being. I could never believe she was mine. I guess I really am waking up from the dream, the dream that was us, together I mean.

It’s over.

I pull the soft white linen to my face, wiping away the perspiration that has formed a filmy layer over my skin.

I look at the sheets and eye them with distaste.

This isn’t my bed, our bed. I’m somewhere entirely different. Our sheets are pink, we always accidentally described the princess feel of our room but no one ever seemed to catch on.

You let me decorate… you always let me have my way.

A throbbing pain forms in my head at the thought of her. I would give anything to be able to think of something else, but you always consume my thoughts. You’re my everything.

“Beep, beep, beep.” I lean over and grab my phone off the bedside table.

 

Krystal: I just saw Taeyeon unnie’s conference. I’m coming to get you.

 

I don’t bother to reply since I know nothing will change her mind. Instead I decide to roll over and fall into wonderland once again. A place where you still exist and where I was once happy. Even if it is just another nightmare, at least you’re in it.

 

Krystal’s POV

 

“Oh sleep, please tell me why I ever leave you?” I whisper to my amazingly soft pillow, allowing its comfort to entice me back to dreamland.

“Krystal?”
“Leave. I’m sleeping,” I ignore Amber and smother my face with the fluffy goodness.

“Krystal I’m serious. It’s about Hyoyeon. Something has happened.”

“Hyoyeon?”

I jump out of my bed. Yes, a Jung, jumping out of her bed. She’s that important.

Amber doesn’t say anything as she walks, leading me down the hallway past Sulli and Victoria’s room. As we reach the living room I’m astounded at the silence. Never have I heard the room this quiet with all five of us at home.

I turn to Amber to speak but her eyes are intently locked on the television.

I gaze at the screen myself, curious at what could hold their attention so easily.

 

Taeyeon unnie? I didn’t know SNSD was having a conference.

I eye her clothes. She looks disheveled. Her clothes are casual, evident wrinkles bunching the material. She’s wearing sunglasses even though they’re indoors and as far as I know it’s the middle of the night. Her hair hangs loosely, even slightly tangled.

Who let her up on stage like that? She looks like a wreck. And where are the others? Is Taeyeon doing a solo activity or something?

 

“Let me get this straight,” a reporter stops. “You’re saying that Kim Hyoyeon was killed?”

 

What? Taeyeon, please say no. Tell me this is a lie.

 

“Yes. Hyoyeon was killed in a car accident yesterday. She was reported as dead early this morning.”

 

Without another word Taeyeon exits the stage.

 

I don’t even feel myself hit the ground. I just know that I’m there, clutching tightly onto the fibers of the carpet. I think I’m screaming, I must be by the looks on everyone’s faces, but I can’t hear it. I can’t hear anything except those words running through my head.

Dead.. early this morning… Kim Hyoyeon…

“Krystal! Krystal!” I feel Victoria’s arms around me, rubbing my back and whispering words to console me.

Why Hyoyeon?! Why her?! We’re like sisters! We’re best friends… My sister’s girlfriend…. My sister.

Jessica…

What am I going to do?

I have to make sure she’s okay.

“Jessica…” I whisper, almost inaudibly.

“Krystal? Krystal are you okay?” Luna grabs my hand and gives it a tight squeeze.

“Jessica,” I whisper again.

“Oh my god, poor Jessica,” Sulli cries, tears already spilling from her soft brown eyes.

“I need to see her,” I say to no one in particular.

“Krys, you aren’t in the right state of mind right now,” Luna attempts to convince me.

“I’m going,” I push past them, my hand already locked on the door handle.

“Krystal!” Amber grabs my wrist. “Do you really think you’re good for her right now? In this state you’ll only make things worse.”

“Amber, you don’t understand. She needs me. This is her girlfriend we’re talking about. Do you think she’s better off than me right now? I have to stop her before she does something she’s going to regret.”

“Fine,” Amber sighs in resignation. “I’ll drive you.”

“Thank you.”

Hold on Jess, I’m coming.

 

No One’s POV

 

The car ride to SNSD’s dorm is enveloped in a cold silence. No one dares to turn on the radio, not with reports of Hyoyeon’s death still rampantly circulating throughout every media outlet. No one speaks a word either, scared of what one wrong word could do to the fragile psyche of the other. So there is silence, no sound permeating the atmosphere except that of the constant steady thrum of the tires traversing the deserted landscape. There is no moon tonight, Krystal notices. Not a star or streak of light to be seen. Just darkness, as if the night itself is mourning the loss of her friend, her sister.

She cries silently, gazing out the window and reminiscing the moments she had with Hyoyeon. She wipes the tears with her thumbs, hoping to pull herself together and be able instead to lean a strong shoulder to her sister. Without much warning she feels a hand envelope her own. The grip is strong but reassuring, as if quietly letting her know that her tears aren’t something she need be ashamed of. Krystal turns, catching sight of a single tear falling into Amber’s own lap.

Amber mourns for the girl as well. They grew to become great friends during invincible youth. Amber was her little dongsaeng, the of many of Hyoyeon’s jokes. But they were dancing machines together, gag-dols, constantly feeding off of each other’s humorous actions. Normally so carefree even Amber has become sullen and dark at this outcome.

After an eternity they pull into the parking lot of SNSD’s apartment complex. Moments later they are knocking on the door, waiting for one of the girls to come and let them inside.

Yoona is the one to come, cautiously opening the door and examining the visitors. She looks surprised at first but seeing Krystal she understands, letting them pass without a word. Yoona has her own things to worry about as it is, they understand that, so they leave her to her thoughts.

On the way to Jessica’s room they pass Sooyoung, passed out on the couch with tear stains eminent on her bare face. They look on the girl with pity but they know that there is one girl in the building with a much heavier heart, the girl they came to retrieve.

Before they can open the door to Jessica’s room a voice stops them.

“She’s in Taeyeon and Tiffany’s room,” Yoona gestures to the last door on the right before once again trudging back to her own room.

Krystal raises her clenched fist, gently rapping on the bedroom door.

“Jess, it’s me.” Receiving no answer she assumes her sister is asleep.

Without a word they enter the bedroom.

The first thing they notice is the mess from this evening’s scuffle. The broken perfume bottles littering the room with their floral scent. They tiptoe over the broken glass, kicking aside the tossed pillows and making their way to Taeyeon’s bed. The mess concerns them. They know the girls are messy but never did they think they would allow broken glass to hide in the carpet like small mines. They attribute it to today’s events, assuming Jessica must have something to do with it and that that would explain her presence in this bedroom.

“Jessie?” Krystal softly cups the face of her sister, turning her until they are face to face.

She’s a wreck. Her face stained with the clear beads of concentrated sadness that have constantly fallen since she was given the news of Hyoyeon’s death. Krystal can’t bear to see her sister like this. It hurts. She knows she must be strong for her sister, lest she do something that she’ll regret.

She’s thought about it, suicide that is. Would her sister really do that?

Maybe. I mean, they were deeply in love.

That’s why Krystal came, to guide the emotional wreckage of her sister through this sea of despair. To hopefully help her overcome this.

“Jessie?” She calls once again.

“Hyo?” Jessica moans, not opening her eyes, still deeply rooted in her dreaming.

The visitor’s hearts drop.

“I’ll carry her,” Amber offers. “Let her dream like that a little longer.”

With tears threatening to fall Krystal nods, already holding open the door for Amber to walk through.

Consenting to her fate Amber hoists up her unnie, supporting her with her strong dancer’s body.

Within minutes they are back in the car, Jessica situated in the backseat, her head propped up against the window.

“Where do you plan to take her?”

Krystal hadn’t really thought of that.

Where should she take her? Somewhere where she could be surrounded by love. Somewhere where they could comfort her. A place with people who could take Krystal’s place when her own thoughts of Hyoyeon became too much of a burden and she was no longer good for her sister.

“Can you take us home?”

“I think that’s a good idea,” Amber smiles reassuringly.

Moments later they pull into the Jung’s driveway.

Krystal unlocks the door, opening it wide so Amber can bring Jessica up to her room.

“Thanks Amber. I’ll call you and keep you updated okay,” Krystal pulls Amber into a hug, thanking her for all the strength and friendship she conveyed to her today.

“It’s no problem Krys. Call me if you need anything,” Amber smiles once again before driving back to F(x)’s dorm.

“Soojung?” Krystal turns to face her omma. “What are you doing home honey? Did something happen honey?”

“Omma…” Finally letting go Krystal runs into her mother’s arms, tears spilling from her tired eyes.

“Oh honey, what happened?” She rubs her daughter’s back, frightened by her sudden outburst.

“Hyoyeon, omma…” she chokes.

“What’s wrong with Hyoyeon dear?”

“She… she… she died omma. She was killed in a car accident.”

Mrs. Jung’s expression drops, her arms falling to her side.

“No. No. Not Hyoyeon. My poor daughter. Oh my God my poor Hyoyeonnie,” Mrs. Jung falls to her knees, hands cupping her face and catching the tears as they fall.

Next Mr. Jung enters the room, upset by the sudden commotion.

“Appa… Appa,” Krystal cries.

“Don’t Soojung. I… I already saw the press conference,” he stutters. “Where’s a.. Where’s Sooyeon?”

“Her room. Amber carried her up there. She’s still asleep.”

“Okay,” Mr. Jung answers bluntly.

He’s never been a man of much emotion. Living in a house full of females he has always had to show a strong male presence. But this is practically his daughter who has passed. One daughter dead, one falling apart in the living room, the last one fast asleep but most likely on the verge of self-destructing.

And what about him? When does he get to cry? When does he get to weep over the loss of someone so important to him.

“She was umm… she was here just the other day you know,” Mr. Jung starts.

His wife and daughter look at him with confusion. Neither of them having any idea of this interaction.

“She asked me something. Do you know what she asked me dear?” He exchanges glances with his wife, tears falling from his eyes, fighting past his normally strong defenses.

“Oh my god,” Mrs. Jung whispers. “She didn’t. Please tell me she didn’t.”

“What? What did she ask?” Krystal cries.

“She asked for my blessing. She said she was planning to ask Jessica to marry her.”

“What?” Krystal stutters.

“Oh God,” Mrs. Jung cries.

“She was willing to wait, till SNSD eventually disbanded that is. When their contracts ran up. She wanted to take Jessica to America and marry her there. But she came and asked for my blessing. She wanted to give Jessica the ring, a promise that as soon as she could they would get married. She wanted to claim her. Oh God, why now? Why would you ing take her when she was about to make me the happiest man in the world?! When she was about to make my daughter the happiest girl in the world?! Why God?!” Mr. Jung snaps, tossing a lamp into the wall, letting the glass shards fall to the ground along with his heart.

“Why?” He cries. “Just why?”

 

“Dad… is that true?” An unknown voice carries down from the second floor.

The family turns to see their daughter, clinging tightly to the railing of the staircase.

“Sooyeon…”

“Dad! Was all of that true?!” She shouts, her lips curled in a snarl and her eyes blazing with fury.

“Yes Sooyeon. I wouldn’t lie about something like that.”

Suddenly Jessica runs, sprinting back to her room and slamming her door with a thunderous bang.

The blood curdling screams can be heard all throughout the house. They echo down every hallway, resounding throughout the house and back to their origin.

“Sooyeon!” Mr. Jung bangs on her door, bluntly rapping his fist against the hard wood.

But the screaming continues, possibly even becoming louder and more frightening.

“Soojung! Get the key!”

“Ne appa,” Krystal runs to her father’s study.

She carelessly throws open the drawers of her father’s desk, eventually pulling the key from one of the miscellaneous drawers. As she runs out of the room she accidentally knocks over a framed photograph.

The glass shatters, flying to the ground around the framed photo, a black and white still of Hyoyeon and Jessica at their beach house last summer.

But she doesn’t seem to notice, too concerned with her sister’s dangerous state of mind.

“Here appa,” Krystal tosses him the key.

Mr. Jung quickly inserts the key into the lock, throwing open the door and scanning the room.

Jessica has stopped screaming. But in this instance I think they would have preferred her dolphin like scream over this new reality.

“Sooyeon please, please come down from there,” he reaches out a hand to his daughter.

But she doesn’t listen, in fact she stretches her body further out the second story window, leaning out as if to touch the stars or lasso the moon.

“Why?” Is her only reply.

“Sica, please,” Krystal begs, slowly inching towards her sister.

“Sica… she called me that, in public anyway. Do you think she wants to see me?” She meets her sister’s eyes, tears spilling and falling into her palm. “She never liked to see me cry. But I won’t cry anymore if I can see her,” she smiles sickeningly, like that of a mental patient participating in their own twisted reality. Something that seems so right to them but insane to the bystanders.

“Don’t Jessica. Please. Please don’t leave me,” Krystal falls to her knees before her sister. “I’ve already lost one sister. You can’t leave me too.”

“But don’t you want me to be happy Krys?”

“I can make you happy. I promise you’ll be happy again. Just please, please climb back down.”

“But Hyoyeon, she would want this.”
“Sooyeon shut your damn mouth!” Mr. Jung shouts.

“Honey…”

“No! I’m sick of hearing words like that spill out of ! Don’t you dare say that Hyoyeon would want this! She wanted to marry you for Christ sake! She wanted to make your life happy, not ing end it! Don’t say that she would want you to kill herself! Don’t you use her name like that!” He breaths heavily, his chest rising and falling rapidly. “She would want you to come back down. So come back to us. I don’t just mean from the ledge, I mean come back to your senses.”

She doesn’t say anything in response but she allows her father to approach her, cradling her in his arms and bringing her back to her bed.

“Stay here with her Krys. We’ll watch her in shifts until we can get her some help.”

“Ne appa.”

Before leaving Mr. Jung closes and bolts the window, exchanging a final glance with his youngest daughter before he and his wife exit the room to discuss what to do now.

 

“Krys?”

“Yeah sis?”

“Come sleep with me.”

Krystal smiles, glad to see her sister is somewhat back to normal, even exposing her fragile side to her.

“Sure sis.”

Opening up part of the bed Krystal slides in next to her sister.

Even in the epitome of despair Jessica lets out a smile, glad for her sister’s warmth and comfort.

“Krys?”

“Can we talk about her? I think some good memories will make my dreams a little better.”
“Sure. Do you remember that time you guys had your first fight.”

“How could I forget?” She smirks.

 

~ I got a boy meotjin! I got a boy chakhan!
I got a boy handsome boy nae mam da gajyeogan

Without even bothering to look at the caller ID Jessica ignores the call.

“Yah! Jessica Jung!” Krystal shouts, shaking her sister out of her depressed stupor. “I know you’re ing miserable without her. Why don’t you just answer the phone and let her apologize?”

“It’s not that simple Krystal,” she sighs, cupping her chin and allowing her eyes to glance back out the window.

It’s been raining for a few hours now, only adding to her depression and aggravation at her lover. The drops fall loudly, slamming against the window with some unknown ferocity.

It hasn’t rained like this in awhile, almost as if the rain were expressing the things Jessica could not.

“What did she even do that’s so bad?”

“She… she,” Jessica stutters for a moment. “She put one of those disgusting creatures in the laundry hamper!” Jessica screams from the memory, only adding to Krystal’s delight.

“You’re throwing a fit over that!” Krystal explodes in laughter. “What the hell Jess? It probably wasn’t even her. I bet you YoonYul had something to do with it.”

Before Jessica can refute her sister a ring tone cuts through the conversation.

“Yeoboseyo? Ha, alright I’ll tell her. Alright bye Hyo.”

“What does the wicked blonde beast want?” Jessica pouts.

“She’s outside waiting for you.”

Jessica glanced out her window and sure enough there was the blonde.

“What an idiot,” Krystal remarks.

And rightfully so. Hyoyeon is clad in nothing but her dance fatigues, not even so much as an umbrella to protect her from the harsh weather.

She clutches a bouquet of pink roses in one hand, the other waving at Jessica like a moron.

“Go away!” Jessica shouts.

Once again Krystal’s phone rings.

“Ne, ne, alright bye. She says she isn’t going away until you talk to her.”

“Well that’s too damn bad. She can wait,” Jessica huffs, falling back onto her bed and completely ignoring the shivering blonde outside.

“Jess, be reasonable. She’s going to get sick out there. It’s like 30 degrees and it’s raining.”

“She deserves it for putting that thing within thirty feet of me. She’s my girlfriend, she should be protecting me from those monstrosities.”

“I’m telling you she’s probably taking the blame for YoonYul. I don’t even know why I’m asking you, I’ll just go let her inside.”

“Do it and you’ll regret it.”

“Ha, you don’t scare me.”

“But I know you’re just as scared of the green beast as I am,” Jessica smirks.

“So? It’s not like you could even do anything with one. You can’t even come within a foot of them without screaming.”

“Oh yeah, remember that grabber mom got me from the mall. I can pick up something at least a foot and a half away without having to touch it.”

“You wouldn’t dare.”
“I would.”

“Fine,” Krystal huffs, resigning herself to sit on the windowsill.

 

Another two hours pass and Jessica still refuses to see her girlfriend. Krystal had left the room to get a snack and now is climbing back up to her spot on the window.

“Oh .”

“What?”
“Jess, I think we killed Hyoyeon.”

“What!” Jessica sprints to the window, yes sprints, and sure enough Hyoyeon is face down in the grass.

“Hyobaby!” Finally pushing aside her stubbornness Jessica runs outside and together the two girls drag her idiot girlfriend inside.~

 

“I always thought that if we were gonna lose her it would be your fault. I mean we almost did it that day. She didn’t wake up for a whole day,” Krystal laughs. “She always did do stupid things to please you. And the worst part is it really did end up being Yoona. So basically you almost killed her for nothing.”

She expects her sister to laugh or even smile at the memory but instead Jessica buries her head in the girl’s chest, slowly wetting her shirt.

“What happened Jess. I thought this memory would cheer you up.”

“But you were right Krys,” she chokes on her tears before burying herself back in the shirt.

“What do you mean?”

“She really did die because of me.”

“What?”
“That truck that hit her, it was all my fault. She sacrificed everything for me. If I hadn’t distracted her, if I hadn’t been lazy, if I had warned her.”

“Jess, it’s okay. If I know Hyoyeon I think that’s the way she would want to go.”

And for the rest of the night the girls don’t exchange another word. Krystal stays as her silent protector, rubbing her back and wiping her tears.

 

I couldn’t tell you what time of that night it happened, but it did. Some time that night Jessica took hold of her phone, an unknown sword in her hand. She took to the keys and began sending out tiny daggers in Hyoyeon’s heart, unbeknownst to the trouble she was really causing, the turmoil she conjured in the blonde’s heart. In Jessica’s mind it was only a release, an outlet for her stress. But to Hyoyeon, for her it was another reason why she didn’t want to continue being in this world.

 

(Author's Note: I tried to make it look like the IPhone text box but it didn't work out so just imagine Jessica texting Hyoyeon on their IPhones. And yes Hyoyeon's phone is still working.)

 

From: Hyobaby

I’m staying late to practice babe.

Don’t wait up for me please.

I love you, sleep well.

                 

You:

Love you too Hyobaby.                                                                                     
Don't practice too hard.

Goodnight. 

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

You:

I’m tired of people saying             

you’re dead. You aren’t dead 

right? You wouldn’t leave me. I

know you.

 

I almost lost it tonight. I almost

killed myself. But you wouldn’t

want that right? You didn’t die for

me to come in right behind you.

 

I’m sorry.

 

I know this is my fault. No one can

say anything to change that. I’m sorry.

I guess I’m a murderer.

 

Happy birthday. I guess it’s a little late.

That’s where we were going you know.

I planned a surprise party. I even baked

a cake. You probably wouldn’t like it though.

 

Why won’t you reply? Am I not important

anymore? Maybe I should just die, if you

don’t care anymore that is. Please, just

text me back.

 

You aren’t going to text back are you? I

guess that’s just me being silly. I’m sorry.

 

I’m sorry.

 

I miss you. I just want to die. Please

come back.

 

You promised you’ll always be here. I never

took you as one to break a promise.

 

Krystal misses you, the girls miss you, my

parents miss you. I guess what I’m trying to

say is it’s not just me. Even if you hate me,

come back for them.

 

Just come back.

 

You aren’t coming back are you.

 

I guess I’ll go to sleep now. I was going to

sleep the last time you texted me. Will you

text me now?

 

I guess not. Goodnight.

 

I love you.

 

So what'd you guys think? Please don't kill me for all of this angst. I couldn't find the blue marker either but i'm kind of in a rush to update before work so enjoy this apparent highlighter thing. Anyway I told you Jessica would do something to hurt Hyoyeon, poor thing doesn't even know it. I also just had to include Jessica's family, especially little Krystal. So the next chapter is going to be HyoSica in hell part 2 and finally Hyoyeon's POV. Are you excited? It sould be a long one too as Hyoyeon has a very critical decision to make in the next chapter. About Jessica, her future, her life? I won't tell. If you're interested in my next fic please continue reading. If not then subscribe, comment, criticize, friend, romanticize, fantacize, and I'll see you soon. Yours for all eternity ~AfterSNSD

 So if you're at all interested I have already decided the winner of the poll seeing as it has remained in its top spot for so long and refuses to be stopped. That's right my next fic will be Silence, a HyoTae story. If I have enough time I'll definitely include a preview in the next chapter. I'm glad you guys picked this one because I already have some great ideas for it. So stay tuned until next time ~AfterSNSD