Is She Okay?
I'll Always Be HereTaeyeon’s POV
I’ve been up for what feels like forever. I’ve watched doctor after doctor rush in and out of the operating room. Each one covered with fresh blood and a worried expression. I’ve watched as each member cried silently to themselves or in the arms of one of the stronger ones.
Seohyun came to Sunny and I. It took us quite a few hours to calm her down after Jessica’s outburst earlier. That kid always liked to pretend she’s strong but now that same kid is resting her head in my lap with a pained expression on her sleeping face. Before Hyoyeon and Jessica began dating Seohyun was Hyoyeon’s roommate. They’re so close. Hyoyeon is the sister she never had. I’m scared for her. If Hyoyeon doesn't come back how will she be affected?
But she's coming back. She has to.
Sooyoung managed to get Jessica to fall asleep. She was so exhausted from crying and stress I’m sure it didn’t take long.
Yoona and Yuri talked with manager oppa until they finally managed to calm down and they fell asleep with Yoona's head in the crook of Yuri's neck.
Sunny passed out in the corner after spending her time across from Tiffany looking out the window. I guess they were searching for answers. Answers to questions like, “Why do bad things happen to good people?”
Why would something like this happen to Hyoyeon? Of all people why Hyoyeon?
The one who cares for us like a mother would, the one I tell my problems to when Sunny isn’t around, the one who lightens up the mood when things have gotten much too serious. Silently she would protect us from the hate of others, she helped improve our skills while her own talent was wasting away in this group.
Sometimes I feel bad for Hyoyeon for being placed in SNSD. But I’m glad she’s here. Without her I don’t think SNSD would be here. We need her.
Please God, don’t take Hyoyeon from us.
I hear the sound of the doors once again and even though I’ve heard it countless times tonight I check it again. The doctor swivels his head left to right and I can tell he’s looking for someone. His eyes lock with mine and he smiles.
A smile? Does that mean… Is she okay?
I quickly shake the maknae awake and we work to wake the others. Jessica’s eyes immediately snap open and she runs to the doctor.
“Tell me Hyoyeon is okay,” Jessica grabs the man’s jacket and his eyes widen in shock.
“Jessica unnie calm down. Doctor is she okay?” Seohyun asks.
“Well girls, there’s good news and there’s bad news,” he begins. “The good news is she’s alive.”
Everyone stops and exchanges a simultaneous sigh of relief. But I look into the doctor’s eyes and see another story. He looks like he’s choosing his next words very carefully, deciding the best way to tell us something that must be hard to handle.
“The bad news is going to be a little hard to take. She is going to be in the hospital for a long period of time. You can’t see her at the moment because she’s still unconscious but we expect her to be waking up soon. But the important thing is, she’s alive.”
With those words the girls start celebrating. Even though we’re in a hospital, it’s about 3 in the morning, and people are staring, we celebrate. Jessica and Tiffany embrace and Jessica sobs again but this time she’s smiling.
I want to be happy, I want to hug someone and cry in relief, but something just doesn’t feel right. There’s still a strange feeling in my heart. The doctor refuses to look me in the eyes and he keeps glancing at his chart repeatedly.
“Okay you guys, now that we know Hyoyeon’s okay why don’t we go home and rest? I’m sure the hospital would appreciate the quiet.”
“But..”
“No buts you guys. We all need our sleep and we can’t do anything but wait so we might as well wait comfortably,” I argue and everyone but Jessica solemnly agrees.
She wants to stay and wait for Hyoyeon to wake up but I refuse her. I have to figure out what’s really going on and Jessica can’t be around for that. I have a feeling that whatever it is, it’s bad.
“No Jessica you should go home. I’m sure Hyoyeon would rest better knowing that she didn’t keep you up all night. Let me stay and wait for her. Manager oppa and I will talk with the doctors and we’ll sort everything out. Now go home and rest.”
Before she can refute Tiffany clamps a hand over and drags her out of the waiting room.
“Manager oppa?” I call.
“Ne Taeyeon what is it?”
“Did you get that same feeling I got earlier?”
He looks down at the ground and I take that as his conformation.
“Why did you lie oppa?”
“Taeyeon I…. it’s not an easy topic,” he stutters.
“I know it can’t be, but this is my dongsaeng we’re talking about. I need to know what’s wrong with her.”
“Follow me,” he gestures and leads me down a corridor.
The men in white coats eye me strangely but since I’m with manager oppa they let me pass. He leads me to a window looking into a small room. There is a single bed and a tarp covering the person inside. Doctors are surrounding the patient with worried expressions and the defibrillator on standby. There’s a large amount of blood covering the tarp and the doctors are practically drenched in it.
“Oppa, what is this?”
“That’s Hyoyeon.”
“What!”
“Shush Taeyeon. I brought you back here because I thought you of all people could take this calmly. Before I tell you everything you have to promise to first off keep this a secret. The girls don't need to see something like this. Also to be calm and collected and think things through, for her sake,” he stares at me fiercely and I swallow the lump in my throat.
“Arasso.”
“First off she’s not doing nearly as well as the doctor claimed. She’s alive but barely breathing. Taeyeon, she may not make it through the night.”
I taste the salt running down my cheeks and wipe it away with my thumbs.
“Continue,” I choke.
“The truck hit her from the chest down the hardest. One of her lungs is practically collapsed, both legs are broken in several places, her ribs are also in a compromising position. One of them may end up puncturing the other lung at this rate. When it slammed into her, her head hit the concrete hard. There’s no brain damage as of yet and we’re praying nothing will be discovered.”
“Is that everything?”
“Taeyeon… the chances of her living are slim. The damage to her chest is immense. They can’t quite explain it but, something is dreadfully wrong with her heart. It’s beating erratically. One second it’s normal, then it speeds up tremendously only to suddenly stop. Her heart may end up killing her…”
I look up at him and wish I hadn’t. His eyes are drowning in the sea of tears he was holding back for our sake.
He cares so much for us. This must be like one of his own children getting hurt.
“Isn’t it ironic oppa?”
“What is Taeyeon?”
“She is going through this to protect her heart, but now her heart is the one in danger of giving out on her.”
“Jessica?”
“Yes oppa. Isn’t it silly?” I chuckle solemnly. “Hyoyeon was always worried she wasn’t good enough for Jessica. That one day Sica would come to her senses and dump her. She never thought she was worthy. But she was never more wrong. Hyoyeon deserves all the happiness in the world right oppa? So isn’t it poetic that Hyoyeon is dying of a broken heart?”
The Dorms
Jessica’s POV
Even though I struggled fiercely here I am back at the dorms while Hyoyeon is lying unconscious in an unfamiliar hospital room.
I don’t think anyone understands how much I need to be there. Even if she is bloodied and bandaged I want to be in that bed next to her, holding her hand and assuring her everything is alright. I want her to know that I’m here waiting for her. I don’t want her to feel alone, not again.
I promised myself I would never let her feel that way again.
I walk into our room and a wave of nostalgia takes over. The bed we lay in together, the closet we share, the photos tacked to the wall. Everything keeps reminding me of her and it makes me want her closer to me. The members have always teased me for how clingy I am. Holding hands, random hugs, kissing, and just basically not allowing and inch of separation between our bodies. I get scared if I don’t. If I’m not holding her she might disappear. I couldn’t bare that.
I wrap my fingers around the couple ring hanging from my neck and squeeze it tightly.
I wonder if she still has hers on. Or did the crash take that away too?
I walk to the wall and take off our first official couple picture. Taeyeon took it the day Hyoyeon confessed to me. That was the first time in my life I ever felt so loved by another person. The thought and care that she put into her confession was unbelievable.
A drop falls onto the picture and I shake it off. I lay down on the bed and attempt to close my eyes. I console myself with the thought that maybe when I wake up she’ll be here. But I quickly realize why I can’t sleep. It’s because her arms aren’t around me. Everyday since we’ve shared this room she has held me when we slept. I can’t sleep without it. It’s too comforting, too protective, too necessary. I sigh and take the extra blanket out of the closet and head for the living room. It’s the only way I’ll be able to sleep tonight.
No One’s POV
The Hospital
Taeyeon never returned home that night. She instead decided to stay at the hospital. She barely managed to sleep before she was rudely awoken by the whisperings of a familiar voice.
The things she learned that night are things no member was supposed to know, things that should have stayed hidden, things that are now a permanent burden on her mind.
The Dorms
There’s a silence cast over the dorm. Everyone has finally fallen into a fitful, deep sleep. Too deep to hear the multiple ring tones shrieking through the dorm that told of the day to come. Much too deep to get there in time.
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