It was Ayn Rand who said, “People think that a liar gains a victory over the victim. What I’ve learned is that a lie is an act of self-abdication, because one surrenders one’s reality to the person to whom one lies, making that person one’s master, condemning oneself from then on to faking the sort of reality that person’s view requires to be faked. The man who lies to the world, is the world’s slave from then on.”

Hyoyeon had highlighted these lines in a thick yellow as she scanned them over and over again between the pages of Atlas Shrugged before placing a bookmark in the binding and laying it to rest on the table beside her bed a few days before Taeyeon’s arrival.

Highlighting an interesting passage in a story is often the tendency of those who find themselves in a similar situation as the main character and therefore in a position to empathize with the sentiment laid out in the hard black lines of the text.

At first, the lying had seemed like a game on a board; something that could be viewed objectively and tucked away when it was no longer interesting or useful to the ones maneuvering the plastic pieces about its surface. In escaping to Los Angeles, Hyoyeon and Jason believed that they had not only put away the game but also placed tape over the edges of the box so that it may never be opened and played again. But it wasn’t just a game anymore.

With the arrival of Taeyeon, Min, and, worst of all, Krystal, the tape had been serrated and the pieces began to spill out over the edges, casting out lie after lie like colored play money and silver tokens.

Within an instant, Jason and Hyoyeon were once again forced to surrender their reality to the three, setting aside the life they had begun to lead in favor of one that would protect Hyoyeon and her secrets.

The memory loss was an ill-conceived lie, they both knew that, but it was the only one in which they could provide a believable backstory with accurate details and a conceivable cover. Of course every Korean drama in the nation had recycled the plot of the amnesiac main character over and over again until it had become beyond cliché but with the extensive head injuries and the all too true clotting of Hyoyeon’s brain, not to mention her unknown mastery of English, it was the only opportunity that they were able to seize.

Things had been going rather well before the three showed up. Yes, Hyoyeon had taken up the mantle of Jessica’s name, but that was well before this plan was ever conceived. It was a simple desire of Hyoyeon’s more than anything and, despite the pain it caused her, Jason could not dissuade her from using it as her new identity. The name helped to remind her of her purpose for being in her position and renewed her resolve more than it could weaken her spirit.

She had found a café near the beach-house with a bookstore nearby to entertain herself and honestly she had missed the feeling of relaxation that came with this lack of responsibility. The visions of Black had faded after Jason removed the blood clot and some extensive therapy sessions. Jason also removed the broken television from Hyoyeon’s room and replaced the shattered mirror, leaving no trace of the creature that had been torturing her psyche. The physical therapy made it so that Hyoyeon was able to ride her motorcycle with only slight discomfort and so she could be left alone for the most part throughout the day and trusted to bring herself to her daily appointments.

The bedroom began to feel more and more like home as the two went about buying furniture that suited Hyoyeon’s new lifestyle. There was a comfortable chair stationed on Hyoyeon’s balcony so that she could spend time gazing out at the ocean, of what thoughts her mind entertained though she’d rather keep to herself, and another for Jason for when he had the time to join her. They had purchased several bookshelves, as Hyoyeon had turned into quite the voracious reader, what with all the time and money she had to waste, which were soon stocked full of recommendations from the friends Jason introduced to her. There was Tyler who worked at the café and Jason’s brother, Ashton, as well as Ashton’s current girlfriend, Astra, and a few of the doctors from the hospital that had begun to warm up to her as well.

But the minute she saw a now blonde Krystal seated at the table in front of her, Hyoyeon knew that it was time to clean up the scattered board game pieces that the three had cast about and instead don an elegantly crafted mask with which she would attempt to turn the tables and masquerade as another, blending seamlessly into the time honored dance of liars; maneuvering between the blurring lines of reality and fiction and attempting not to stumble.

Los Angeles International Hospital:

            “I can’t believe she found us already,” Hyoyeon sighed, her head in her hands as she fell into frustration. “Two weeks and already she has Min, Krystal, and who knows who else involved.”

            Jason paced the tiled floor of Hyoyeon’s hospital room, his shoes creating a resounding click as he hurriedly moved about. “It’ll be okay, Hyoyeon. I told them everything that we agreed upon. Admittedly, I didn’t expect her to have already told so many people, but, with any luck, she’ll see reason and leave. I mean, she thinks that you don’t remember anything. She has to be convinced that this is a lost cause-“ He looked at Hyoyeon worriedly who was in turn eyeing him with a mixture of sadness and exasperation. “You know I didn’t mean it like that. You are anything but a lost cause. I just mean that hopefully she’ll understand that, if you really did have amnesia, that somehow regaining your memory, rehabilitating your body, and returning you to Korea would just be inconceivable.”

            “I know what you meant Jason, it’s just-“ Hyoyeon paused, in a breath to calm herself, “I can’t believe she told Krystal. Of all people, Krystal.”

            “Jessica’s little sister, right?”

            “Yes. Hell, she’s like my own little sister. If Jessica doesn’t already know, which I’m sure she doesn’t since she isn’t beating down the door of this room as we speak, then that kid must be feeling so many conflicting emotions.”

            The heart rate monitor’s beeping escalates alarmingly and Hyoyeon’s eyes nearly roll back into her head as she clutches her chest and arches her back in an attempt to ease the sudden and incredible pain. Jason is quick to react, pushing a pre-filled needle into Hyoyeon’s chest with too much familiarity.

            The frantic screeching of the monitor slows and Jason guides Hyoyeon’s body until she’s resting peacefully once more on the hospital bed.

            “Damn it, Taeyeon. What am I going to do?”

Team A’s Hotel:

            Krystal and Min were becoming increasingly annoyed with Taeyeon’s silence. Ever since Min posed the question of their next move the older girl had just stared blankly ahead, up until the moment they had entered their suite and she retreated into the restroom. The other two girls sat expectantly in the living area, eyeing the bathroom door for any slight movement.

            “Do you think she’s okay?” Krystal asked. “I mean that was a rather heavy moment between the two. They’re two friends on opposing sides of a twisted situation. And to come all the way here for a Hyoyeon that apparently doesn’t exist, maybe she finally lost it.”

            “I don’t know,” Min said, leaning back into the couch and staring up at the ceiling. “From what I’ve heard it’s never been easy to tell what’s going on in that girl’s mind.”

            In that moment, Taeyeon exited the restroom, her eyes red and sore and her hair pulled into a messy bun.

            “Taeyeon unnie, you okay?” Krystal asked.

            “Yeah, I’m okay. Min, could you call Jia please?” Taeyeon asked as she flopped onto the couch, still rubbing at her eyes.

            “Taeyeon, it’s like four in the morning over there.”

            “Please, Min, I need advice and they’ll want to know we found her.”

            “So then there’s no plan?”

            “Let’s be honest,” Taeyeon huffed, “there was never really a plan. I thought I’d have more time to come up with something but I didn’t expect to find her so quickly.”

            “The amnesia has to be a lie, right?”

            The other two turned their bemused expressions toward Krystal who was now leaning forward, her elbows pressed into her knees and her eyes trained on the coffee table.

            “I mean, it’s too cliché right? It’s too convenient for her.”

            “I don’t know,” Taeyeon said. “I mean it’s cliché but not impossible. You guys didn’t see her after the crash- there was so much blood. So many bones and tendons just out of place, she looked more like an abstraction than a person. Not to mention the stress and the pain and all those emotions tearing about in her, who knows what that could have done to her.”

            “Don’t call Jia then, not yet. I think our next move should be to gather as much information as possible.”

            “So, let’s spy on them,” Krystal said, her smile mischievous and determinate. “They have to slip up sometime.”

            “Yeah, okay,” Taeyeon murmured, her thoughts elsewhere. “I have some things to take care of while I’m here. You guys go have dinner somewhere, I’ll eat by myself.” Taeyeon threw a coat over her shoulders and pulled on her shoes. “Don’t wait up, okay.”

            Krystal and Min both moved to say something, if only just to gain some clarity on Taeyeon’s intentions, but the brunette had already closed the hotel door behind her and disappeared into the hallway.

SM Entertainment:

The hallways of SM Entertainment echoed Sunny’s footsteps in a volume of which she had never heard before. The practice rooms were barren and silent, dark save for the light creeping under the doorways that connected into the hall. There were no trainees shouting and running about in the locker rooms and no music shaking the windows until they pulsed like heartbeats. Everyone had been given leave for at least three weeks to mourn, an action that Sunny would never have expected from her uncle. Then again, she never expected him to do something as selfish as planning a memorial concert with such an exorbitant admission fee as the one he planned for Hyoyeon. It seemed to her like ‘never’ had suddenly been flipped on its head and everything that followed it was backwards and strange.

Lee Soo Man could be greedy, true, but Sunny knew that there was always a deep concern for his artists layered under his stern exterior and everything that was occurring lately appeared to be totally out of character. There was a shift in the wind, something b on the horizon, she could feel it, and, if only to distract herself and remove her from the dorm, she was going to find out from the source what exactly was going on.

Sunny held her hand up to the door of her uncle’s office but, before she could knock, she caught the sound of another voice speaking in a hushed tone. She could clearly discern her uncle’s voice but the other, while familiar, she couldn’t place. It was as if she could see the name in her mind but under water, the waves rippling over the text and blurring the lines together until it became indiscernible.

Pressing her ear to the door, the conversation became clear and she was able to catch the end of it.

“Thank you, Lee Soo Man-shi, I’m glad you finally see things my way.”

The man’s footsteps grew closer and Sunny hurriedly removed herself from the doorway, choosing to hide behind it so that she wouldn’t be seen when the door was swung open. A middle-aged man in a black suit stepped out and Sunny immediately recognized him as one of her uncle’s associates, Kim Young-Min. He seemed to be in high spirits and, from what she had heard of the man, she knew that he must have something to do with that awful feeling in her gut.

Before the door could close, Sunny stepped into the gap and into her uncle’s office.

He looked awful, more so than Sunny had ever seen him. His head was buried deep in his hands and his shoulders were slumped in defeat so that the majority of his weight was pressed into his desk. His hands seemed to almost be shaking as he pulled them over his face, rubbing at his eyes and sighing deeply.

“Uncle?” Sunny asked, remaining near the now closed door of the office.

“Soonkyu-ah,” his eyes widened for a moment, as he hadn’t noticed her enter. “I didn’t know you’d be coming.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to surprise you. With everyone on leave I couldn’t exactly set up an appointment,” Sunny said, taking the opportunity to sit in the chair across from the older man.

“Yes, well I thought everyone her could use some time off. In fact, I’m curious as to why you’re here. You should be at the dorm with your members, being by yourself in times like these isn’t good for you.”

“But everyone?” Sunny asked, her eyebrow raised as she noticed her uncle avoiding her gaze. “You know, most of the trainees here don’t even know her. I mean, of course they’ve heard of her, but I doubt they were really affected so terribly as to need three weeks. I don’t like this, uncle. It doesn’t feel right. You aren’t that benevolent.”

“Well,” he sighed, leaning back into his chair and eyeing his niece with discernment. “I’d be offended if all of that wasn’t true. I admit, I haven’t always been the kindest boss-“

“Do we need to go through the list of horrible things that have happened to your artists?” Sunny interrupted, irked by her uncle’s blasé attitude.

There was a moment of silence as Sunny composed herself. She knew anger and brash language wouldn’t get her the answers she wanted.

“That isn’t necessary, Soonkyu. If you’ve just come here to scold me on my business acumen then I suggest you save that for another time. My last meeting was rather taxing and I’d like to retire for the evening.”

“What business would you have to discuss with Kim Young Min-shi?” Sunny asked. “He seemed much too excited to be leaving from a meeting that was just about business.”

“Do I report to you now?!” Lee Soo Man shouted, “Am I not the CEO of this company? The company in which you are contracted under?”

Sunny’s eyes widened because no, that couldn’t be, that couldn’t happen. She looked at the door and back at her uncle whose gaze was wavering in its anger and morphing to show a fragile desperation.

“Are you?” She asked.

Los Angeles:

            The atmosphere inside Jason’s car mirrored that of Lee Soo Man’s office perfectly in its severity and despondency. Neither had bothered to say more than a few words since Hyoyeon had regained consciousness and, after entering the car, even that small amount of conversation depreciated into silence. Jason had been driving around aimlessly at first, worried that Taeyeon had also managed to gain their new address in her investigation, and eventually decided that Hyoyeon needed to make her mind of off things and headed towards the beach.

Hyoyeon realized that Jason had been driving for a long time but couldn’t really bring the matter to her full attention. Her head was facing the passenger window, her eyes trained on the receding asphalt and concrete of the city. She watched as the road became surrounded with patches of sand and dry grass and the ocean could be seen in the far distance. The sun was just beginning to set over its waters and Hyoyeon wished that it could be beautiful.

It was supposed to be, she knew that much, with its colors that graduated into one another so seamlessly and hugged the waves so tenderly that one would wonder how they could ever bare to be separated. It shone so bright and calm over the roar of the ocean that the whole scene was softened by it, as if one had drawn a line in pencil only to rub it with their hand until all the fineness was erased and a cloud of lead powder leaked across the page like a plume of smoke. The waves transitioned from a greenish-blue to a sullen black and soon the stars would overtake the sky and one would think, this is what beauty is. But she couldn’t. She couldn’t see something as beautiful anymore.

They say that when you meet the person you are to spend the rest of your life with, you will realize that in every instance before that you had only seen the world in its most muted form. It would be as if all color and beauty that you had seen and imagined was but a mere shadow of the intense and vibrant things that person would open your eyes to.

Hyoyeon couldn’t have agreed more with the sentiment. With Jessica, the world had seemed a place that she had only visited once upon a time and, with her by her side, was now granted full access to. Everything, even what had once seemed insignificant, was now indescribably beautiful and amazing to her and, with each day, so to was the girl she loved. Now the world seemed gray in comparison.

Sunsets and beaches were no longer beautiful, the sky was no longer so deep and rich in its blue hue, her favorite foods had lost their taste and even the idea of dancing, which she knew she was no longer capable of, had lost its luster.

Jessica.

All she could think of was Jessica.

People always told her that Krystal looked more like Yoona or Yuri more than Jessica, but Hyoyeon saw the similarities. The curve of their jaws, the glint of those dark brown eyes, even their smiles were similar. Seeing Krystal today had hit Hyoyeon like a truck, and maybe that was a poor analogy, but, in a way, it had brought back similar feelings. She had been able to ignore the majority of the ache up until now, more focused on the method of escaping Korea, healing her injuries, and starting a new life, but even she knew it was foolish to think she could put the girl fully out of her mind for even a second. Seeing Krystal brought back every repressed feeling inside of her until it felt as if her heart was going to explode. Even now, the aching in her chest was unbearable.

If anything, Hyoyeon wished it were raining.

There are so many sentiments about rain. It will wash your pain away. You cannot have a rainbow without the rain. The rain is a symbol that better days are on the way.

Well, Hyoyeon was calling bull on that. She had spent hours in the shower trying to wash away her pain and she had weathered many storms without a rainbow in sight. No, she didn’t want it to rain for those reasons. She wanted it to rain so that she could feel some comfort in knowing that sometimes even the heavens opened themselves up and cried until there was nothing left. Something else had to be suffering as much as she was.

But she knew it wasn’t the sky or the Earth or the rain that felt a suffering as great as hers. It was Jessica.

“Jason, does lying like this make me a bad person?” Hyoyeon asked.

He looked at the younger woman, her eyes still trained out the window as she spoke, and sighed. “Normally, I think most liars are bad people. When it is for the sake of hurting another person or deceit for nefarious reasons then I’d have to say yes, but that isn’t the case here.”

“Is it not?” Her tone became more bitter as she spoke. “It’s hurting them; every word like a knife that slices deeper into their flesh. Taeyeon-“ She stopped and ran a shaky hand through her hair. “Taeyeon came all the way here to find me, most likely not even knowing she would succeed, only to think that I’ve forgotten everything. It must be devastating. She’s had to think I was dead, then know I was alive and suffering, and now she thinks that I don’t even remember her. I don’t know which is worse. I wish manager oppa had never let her know the truth. If it had just been one lie, that I could live with. It’s this continuous game of back and forth; who can drive the knife more deeply into the other, it’s killing us both. I feel awful. I feel like the villain in her story.”

Jason eyed her, watching as her small frame shook and her head pressed into the glass of the passenger window. He hated seeing her like this; the doubt, the insecurity, the guilt. He knew it was going to be a long journey to help her and that she would never be the same Hyoyeon he met in that alley so many years ago but he didn’t expect so many trials to keep relentlessly placing themselves before someone already so broken. It was as if he had to watch her drown, her head bobbing up for air but clearly losing hope as it submerged over and over again. She was running out of air and there wasn’t a thing he could do to stop it.

“It isn’t as black and white as that, Hyoyeon. Nothing ever really is in real life. The good guys aren’t always stalwart and true. The bad guys aren’t easily distinguished by their pointy horns or black hats. We don’t always defeat them and save the day either. People die without finding happily ever after. You may be each other’s villains in this moment, but I don’t think Taeyeon sees it that way and neither do you. The nine of you grew up together. Hell, you saved her life a couple of times. I’d have been surprised if a girl with her sort of tenacity had been able to give up on you so easily. No one gets to be a bad person, not in a situation as ed up as this.” He paused a moment to look at Hyoyeon once again, noting that his speech had noticeably calmed her. “Personally, Hyoyeon-ah, if there ever were a reason to lie, I don’t think there has ever been one more courageous or admirable than yours. Whatever you decide, know that I am on your side and that I believe that you are a good person.”

Hyoyeon really wanted to believe him. She wanted to believe that everything she was doing was justified and that in the end everything would turn out okay and everyone, herself included, could find some semblance of happiness. But as she looked out at the blackened sea and found the sky without stars she couldn’t help but wonder if she even knew the difference between right and wrong any longer, let alone truth and fiction.