All bold you may consider as English

Day 1

Hyoyeon’s POV

~ 
“Hyoyeon-ah?”
“You look beautiful babe.”
“You didn’t even look,” she pouts, collapsing back onto the bed and letting her head rest in the crook of my lap.
“I don’t need to babe, you always look beautiful,” I my hand through her chestnut locks, my fingers tracing the crown of her head and caressing the curve of her neck. 
Her smile, every single one catalogued in my head like the pages of a photo album, never quite forgotten, each even lovelier than the last. It never ceases to amaze me how beautiful this girl can be, how she can entrap me with even the simplest of movements.
“Yah! Don’t be such a smooth talker!” Her repeated punches in the arm, something I’ve grown accustomed to whenever I please the princess just a little too much.
Honestly I think it’s some strange outlet for all that pent up ual frustration she has.
“You know you love it,” I wrap my arms around her, pulling her close and inhaling her aroma. 
After officially moving in together our scents have begun to intermingle, creating a combination of fresh linen and spring roses that bloom just as lovely and pink as the color that embraces her cheeks in these lovely moments we create. It’s silly really, the way we turn packing for tomorrow’s trip into such a lovely scene. Even a hopeless romantic has her goals in life, and mine is making every moment memorable and oozing with passion. 
“Seriously Hyoyeonnie, I need your opinion on what I should wear tomorrow,” she holds up two dresses with that irresistible pout still lingering on her lips.
I tear my eyes from her in order to scan the one on the right. I’ve seen this dress before, red, the color of passion and desire. I remember every detail, the way that dress hugs each curve and gives way to every secret I’ve worked so hard to uncover. No way I’m letting her wear that. Only I get to see her in that dress. The one on the left is simpler, a floral pattern that hangs much more loosely than that other seductress. Not to say it isn’t flattering, nothing she wears could hide so gracious a figure, but it is much more tame than the former.
“How about nothing?”
Her cheeks immediately burn a dark crimson. She pulls the dress close to and lets out a small squeal. 
“Hyo!”
“Just being honest. Anyway go with the floral one.”
“The floral? I thought for sure you’d pick the red one. I know how much you love seeing me in it.”
“Exactly why I picked the other one.”
“I see. You’re being possessive again aren’t you.”
“A little.”
“Well how about after I finish packing I put on this dress and you can help me take it off,” her voice, sultry and incredulously seductive.
curves into a small smirk as she captures my lips with her own.
For once, I’m the one who’s left speechless.
~

“Hyoyeon? Hyoyeon?” I feel someone gently tugging at my shoulder.

Please don’t take me from here. I want to stay in this dream forever.

But of course my eyes flutter open and gaze as they are reflected back in the dark pools of Jason’s own eyes.

My reflection, why do I suddenly appear so fragile? Have I always looked like this?

“Everyone else is off. I waited to wake you since it’s a little hard to get you on and off the plane.”
“Thanks Jason. You really do think of everything.”
He smiles, taking my hand and practically lifting me out of the seat. 
His palm gently pressing against my lower back sends a wave of blazing pain over my body. I stifle a groan. No matter how gentle his touch may be, it still feels like a thousand needles slowly embedding themselves into my skin. 
“You okay?” His look of concern momentarily detracts me from my torment. I hate making him worry so much, making everyone around me worry. It’s just so unfamiliar, so foreign.
“I’m fine.”
“Physical or emotional pain?”
I should’ve known he’d know. This man can read me like a book.
“A little of both. This place dredges up a lot of memories.”
“You want to talk about it?”
I process the notion for a moment. Maybe it would be good to talk this out.
“Not here. Maybe when we get home.”
“Alright. Here, take your crutches, I’ll get the bags.”
“Thanks Jason.”
I do my best to crutch down the narrow walkway, jabbing pangs like hot needles pushing their way into my stomach and legs with each step. The flight attendants eye me with concern but I just smile and continue on my way.
“You’re sweating an awful lot Hyoyeon. Do you want me to get the pills?”
I know he’s right, I can feel the warm beads sliding down to the small of my back and wetting the hair that’s beginning to stick to my face. I didn’t think this would be so exhausting. I thought I could at least make it this far. I guess I’m not as strong as I thought I was, physically or emotionally.
“I’ll be fine, let’s just hurry and get out of here.”
The familiarity of the terminal creates an aching throb in my skull, each sign and gate number creating a shockwave of memories to ebb over my subconscious.
Black, it suddenly feels so black and empty.

~
 “Hyoyeon?”
“Ne?”
“Can you read any of the signs here?”
I glance around at the strange markings and unfamiliar faces blanketing the many advertisements that encompass the LA terminal. It’s so strange, suddenly being unable to recognize a single thing around you.
“Not really. I can recognize some of the celebrities but I don’t know what they say.”
Her small smirk broadens into a grin, most likely encompassing some kind of mischievous plot she’s planned for me.
“Daebak!” She pulls her fist close in some goofy cheer.
“Why are you so happy?” I laugh.
“That means I get to be in charge!” Suddenly she pulls me close, my arm tightly clenched under hers.
“Oh, so you’re going to be my tour guide?”
“That’s right! That means you have to stick close and do everything I say okay?”
“Don’t I do that anyway?”
Her expression drops, that strange face she makes when she’s been outwitted. “Shut up!” 
“Appa!” She lands a jab on the bruises I received last night from, well, you know.
“Serves you right. Now follow me.”
“Yes ma’am.”
~

“It’s been so long, everything looks so different now.”
Jason’s voice pulls me from my memories once again. 
I’m not sure if I’m glad or not. I know I shouldn’t be living in the past like this, but these memoires, they just flood in and take me under. It’s like I can’t control it. Maybe it’s trying to tell me something… I don’t know. I’ll tell Jason about it when we get there.
“Can you read any of the signs here?”
Strange, it’s almost like he knew… No, he couldn’t know. 
“Ne. We need to go down here and make a left down the stairs to get to the pickup place.”
“You can read that?” 
He’s confused, but I guess he should be. As far as most people know I can’t speak nor read a of English. Funny how she’s the only one who knew everything about me, the only one who will ever have all of me.
Aish Hyoyeon, keep it together.
I wipe the tears with my thumbs and shake the moisture off my hands.
“Here.”
A tissue, always prepared eh Jason.
“Thanks. These memories, they just keep coming back out of my control.”
“It’s okay,” he lays a hand on my head and combs it through my hair. “Don’t fight them. If you feel one coming back just let me know. Can’t have you fainting now can we?”
His protective smile, he’s like a brother. Brother…
The throbbing pain, I pull my hands to my head to soothe it, but it only grows stronger.
“J-Ja-Jason?”
I feel him place his hands around me before I fall backwards into the abyss.

~ 
“You really are a disgrace to this family noona. Can I even call you that anymore? You’re just a stranger now.”
“Mingu-ah…”
“Don’t call me that! Don’t you ever ing talk to me! Go be with that girlfriend of yours!”
?!
I can’t help myself. I clench his collar in my fist, gripping the fabric and twisting it in my unrelenting grip. Even though he’s taller than me, I still raise him up off the ground, my eyes blazing with fury as they lock with his. Terror, his eyes, they’re filled with a sudden fear of this reaction. 
You didn’t expect this did you Mingu? You didn’t know your sister was so strong.
“Hyoyeon?!”
“Don’t you ever talk about my girlfriend that way! If you don’t want to be my brother anymore then fine! But don’t you ever, ever talk about Jessica that way!”
The fury takes over, all consuming anger. I want to hurt him. I want him to feel everything I feel inside. I want him to know this pain. It’s sickening, I know it’s wrong, but I still my lips in anticipation. I want to taste his blood. I want the bitter taste of iron to pour down my throat, to swallow every bit of his lifeline.
The anger boils over the top, I’m ready to end this. But she won’t allow it, as if in a dream, I can feel her hand on my shoulder, gentle, fragile.
“Don’t do it Hyoyeon, for me.”
She isn’t here, she doesn’t know about all of this mess. But her presence, her ever-present calming effect on me is. She wouldn’t want me to hurt him. I’m better than this, she made me see that.
“You’re lucky Jessica wouldn’t want me to hurt you. No matter what you say, you or mother or father, nothing any of you say can hurt us. We’re happy and that’s all that matters. I don’t need any of you, and if you don’t need me, that’s fine. She’s the greatest thing that ever happened to me. If you can’t accept us, well, that’s your loss.”
~

“You okay?”
The darkness recedes once again, giving way to Jason’s consolatory smile.
“Yeah. It doesn’t really hurt. It’s just sort of… hazy. It’s like being enveloped in a dense fog, suffocating really.”
“If it stays like this I’ll have you checked out once I settle in to the hospital.”
“Alright. By the way, when did we get in a cab?” I eye my surroundings warily.
How could I not notice that we moved so far? Do these memories really have that much power over me?
“You were out of it for about ten minutes. The driver helped with the bags and I helped you into the cab. So umm…”
He glances around nervously, his eyes darting back and forth between the ground and mine.
“You want to know what I dreamt don’t you?”
“A little, but if you don’t want to…”
“No, I understand. Something that can literally tear me from my conscious reality and pull me into some flights of fantasy, they must be some strong memories right? It’s personal to say the least, but I will tell you that they’re about Jessica and I. It’s sad really. I’ve been separated from her for only one week, but it seems like she refuses to leave my head. Most people say our relationship was a little too intense, that we were too wrapped up into each other for our own good. I always thought that was a good thing, the burning and passionate flames of young love, I thrived off of that. I made her my everything, and now, now I’m left with nothing. Maybe our love was too all consuming after all. Two empty vessels, I created that. I’ve made her life hell.”
I search his face. Something inside me wants to see anger, hatred, some sign that he won’t forgive me, that he’ll abandon me here, but there is none. All I see is that smile, that same knowing smile.
“Maybe. Maybe you have plunged Jessica into the deepest sadness she will ever come to experience. But keep this in mind Hyoyeon-ah, without you, she wouldn’t have a life to experience it with. Just like you she has to start over. Just like you she has to fill that empty vessel with new experiences and new hopes and new dreams.”

Why couldn’t I just die? Why couldn’t I take this emptiness and heartbreak and have it buried under the ground with this awful body, torn apart and made useless? I don’t know, I really don’t know anything anymore.

“We’re here.”
Here, but where is here exactly?
“Thank you. How much do I owe you?”
“$40.”
“Eh.. Hyoyeon, do you understand what he said?”
“$40 Jason. Here let me see your wallet.”
“Here sir.”
I hand him the cash, his only acknowledgment a low grunt as he slides the bills into his tray.
“Don’t move, I’ll come around and help you out.”
“Ne.”
Help, I seem to need a lot of that lately.
“Easy,” he cups my back again, guiding me upwards and out of the cab. “Here.” 
Pills, god bless you Jason.
I swallow them gratefully, not even taking the bottle of water from his outstretched grip.
“Are you ready Hyoyeon?”
“Ne.”
Let’s see if there really is life after death.

Beautiful, the only word that can even come close to describing the vision before me.
Water, reflecting every fractal of sunlight in thousands of beams across gallons and gallons of waves crashing, forming effervescent pools of sea foam along the golden stretch of sand. Scales of orange, pink, and yellow painting the sky, wisps of pure white clouds dotting the picture as they drift lazily across the never ending sky. So vast, unending, just imagining the enormity of this body of water. She’s out there, across this sea. I can sense her presence. How can we be so far apart, and yet I can feel you so close?

“I didn’t know you liked the beach so much.”

~ 
“I didn’t know you liked the beach so much.”
Her face, completely enamored with watching the waves lull against the rocky shore. So peaceful, and it’s mine, all mine.
“It’s so quiet. I feel like we’re the only people in the world here.”
I watch the waves as well, rocking our bodies back and forth to its rhythmic motions.
“We are. Just me and you, forever.”
“Forever, I liked your voice in that song.”
“It fits us, this moment.”
“Sing for me.”
“As you wish.
Even if a very long time passes
Even if you and I become a bit different
I want to dream forever with you like this
The one who became my miracle, the one who dreamed with me, with you
Even if a long time passes, I want to dream forever with you.”
“Forever… I like the sound of that.”
~

“Yeah, I love it.”
“Come on,” his hand, enveloping my own in his warmth, it pulls me away once again. “You should get some rest. We have a busy day tomorrow.”
“Busy?”
“Of course. You need new clothes and we must acquire your mighty stead.”
This feeling, I can feel my heart beating for a moment. Anticipation, am I actually looking forward to something?
“I can’t wait.”
Smiling, I can feel my lips pulling into a smile. It’s so strange, yet so welcome.
“This is your room.”
The view, just the same as the living room, if not better. Four white walls, begging to be covered with the chronicles of my life.
Pictures, am I really thinking of covering the walls with pictures once again?

~ “What about this?”
Once again I have more fabric shoved in my face, tickling my nose with its soft texture.
“Whatever you like is fine Sica,” I continue flipping through the blank photo album, a present from her mother.
“What are you doing with that Hyoyeonnie?” Her hot breath caresses my shoulder, her peering eyes glancing at the blank pages in my hand.
“I’m not sure really. I guess I’m just imagining us filling this with our lovely memories.”
“You want to fill that whole thing?”
“I don’t know. Does a book like this really suit us?”
“What about your wall? You haven’t picked out any decorations yet.”
“Why don’t we just cover it in cucumbers.”
“You want to die young and beautiful don’t you?”
Her grip around my shoulders tense, her arms making their way to my neck as she tightens her hold.
“You know I’m just kidding babe. Here’s an idea though. Why don’t we put photos of us on that wall?”
“Really? You don’t want any of your stuff on the wall?”
“Of course not, this is our room after all.”
widens into a grin, “I have the perfect one then!”
She begins rummaging through the dresser, expelling folded laundry and small trinkets as she shoves her hands deeper. 
“Found it!”
She shoves the photograph in my face, blurring the colors and creating a clouded spectrum. I trap it between my fingers, bringing it far enough away to scan it.
This picture, the day I spilled my heart to you. 
“My girlfriend is always right,” she smiles, taking the picture and tacking it in the center of the wall. “From now on, let’s build around that moment.”
 ~

“Sleep,” I massage my temples, “That suddenly sounds really good.”
“Here, let me help you.”
He takes my crutches, wrapping his arms around my waist and nearly lifting me straight into the bed.
“Goodnight Jason.”
“Goodnight Hyoyeon. Don’t hesitate to call me if you need anything.”
He flicks the switch, the room bathed in darkness as the door clicks shut.

Later That Night

I wake up screaming, shoving the blanket into my mouth in an attempt to suffocate it before I find myself unable to stop.
Blood, so much blood. I still see it, hiding behind the lids of my eyes every time I blink. It spills over, obscuring anything save for its presence. I’m breaking all over again, every injury reverting back to its bent and twisted state. 
Snow, blanketing the landscape, contrasting the spilt blood’s deep color. I painted a picture with my body, a picture of a pain unbeknownst to any being before. And now, now I’m being forced to relive every second of it.
“Hyoyeon?”

~ 
“Hyoyeon?”
“Stop… don’t.”
“Hyoyeon?” 
“It hurts…”
“Hyoyeon,” her light kisses pepper my cheeks, absorbing the suffering as it falls from my eyes. “Wake up baby, it’s only a nightmare.”
“Jess?”
“Yeah babe, it’s me. You were having another nightmare.”
She my hair, taking one of my hands and circling her thumb over my palm.
“Did I wake you?”
“Aish, my caring baby. Instead of worrying if you woke me why don’t you tell me why you’re crying?”
“I don’t know really. I never remember my nightmares.”
“You must remember something, I know that they’re hurting you. You don’t have to keep it a secret. I want you to tell me everything okay, even the bad stuff.”
“I dreamt…”
“Yes?”
“I dreamt that you left me,” the tears flow more freely, the dream replaying itself behind my closed eyes.
I curl into a ball, isolating myself from the world as the tears fall like rain from the raging storm inside my head.
“Hyoyeon. Hyoyeon look at me,” she takes hold of my chin, forcing my face upwards until we are eye to eye. “I won’t ever leave you. You said that you’d always be here right?”
“Yeah…”
“And you meant it right?”
“Yeah…”
“And in turn I’ll always be here too. I won’t leave you okay?”
“Okay…”
“Good, now come here.”
I snuggle into her embrace, those horrible visions dissipating as I crumble into her. 
~

“Hyoyeon?”
“J-Jason?”
The tears spill out from my frustration, dotting the blanket as they delve and disappear into the fabric. 
Crying, it’s such a great release to just be able to cry, to let loose tears as if I’m the only one who can see them. 
But Jason, Jason can see them, one of the only people in the world to see me genuinely tearing up.
“Hyoyeon, is something wrong? Are you in pain anywhere?”
His weight bends the bed beneath him, his arms reaching around to console me. I can’t help it, I can no longer stop myself from burrowing into his chest, releasing every pent up tear that has attempted to escape since the day my life ended.
“It hurts…”
“What hurts Hyo? You can tell me.”
“Everything… everything hurts so bad. My head, it feels like it’s tearing in half.”
“It alright Hyoyeon, it’s only a nightmare. It can’t hurt you now.”

A nightmare, the last time I had a nightmare… Jessica, she got me through it. 

“Jessica…”
Too quiet for him to hear, but loud enough for my own ears to feel the painful vibrations reverberating.
Her name, it sounds so painful now. The name that used to bring a smile to my face, the butterflies to flutter in my heart, now the effect is like broken glass being poured into my core.
“Do you need anything?”
He rises to leave but I grab his wrist.
Leaving… I’m so tired of people leaving.
“Don’t go. Please, please stay with me so I can fall asleep.”
It’s an awful request really, using him as a supplement to somehow fill this aching void, but I need him. If he leaves me tonight, if I’m forced to let go one more time, I’ll surely fall back into the abyss. And this time, I don’t think I’ll be strong enough to come back out.
“You need me to stay with you?”
“If it’s not any trouble. It’s just… I used to have nightmares after my parents threw me away. Do you remember those days? Min brought me to you covered in bruises and cuts, reeking of alcohol and sweat. Even though I didn’t tell her, Jessica always could sense when there was something wrong with me. I dreamt of losing her, of being too weak to live without my family. She would always wipe my tears and help me to stand up again. I just need that I guess. I need a heartbeat to rest my head on until the nightmares stop and I can force myself into some form of sleep. Please, even for only one night, erase the blood behind my eyes and help me rest in peace.”
“Hyoyeon, you don’t have to go through the trouble of such an explanation. I promised to act like your big brother, remember? If you need me, all you have to do is ask.”
And just like that I manage to pass the night, the screams tucked safely inside and the dark creatures still lurking under the bed.
But his chest doesn’t rise in the same pattern as yours, our breathing doesn’t mix and become one, the heartbeat not quite as lulling. 
It’s not you babe, it’ll never be you.

Day 2

I wake up with a splitting headache, my mind still clouded with the fog of my dreaming. I look to the bedside table, thankful to find a few pills tucked under a small slip of paper. Swallowing the pills I take the note up in my hand.

Hyoyeon-ah, sorry to leave you alone but you were sleeping so peacefully, I just couldn’t bring myself to wake you. Anyway I should be back around noon. I left you your medication and the gauze to change your bandages is in the medicine cabinet. If you need anything there’s a convenience store about a block north of here. We can go grocery shopping when I get back. Try not to move too much if possible, you still aren’t strong enough to be out and about so much. This trip must’ve taken a toll on your body, please take care of yourself in my absence. Try to be dressed by the time I get back, we have so many fun things to do today. See you at 12.
-Jason

Not strong enough…

I feel my dream coming back to me. The blood, agonizing pain flaring through my body. Her face, that tortured expression on her face. I wasn’t strong enough.

Come on Hyoyeon. Pull yourself together. You need to change your bandages. Jason needs you to take care of yourself. Show him that you’re still the strong Hyoyeon he knows.

I take up my crutches, silently cursing my stubbornness at not using the wheelchair. I didn’t want to look weak anymore. What a fool I am. Having to listen to the low gasps and grunts, the burning and sweating, I’m making myself look weaker than ever. I feel my heart palpitating, the frightening realization that even this might be too much for me crashes down like a tidal wave.
What exactly are my limitations now?
By the time I get to the mirror I’m already drowning in perspiration, ragged breathing shaking my entire form.
The body of a dancer, formidable, emanating an aura of stability and power, reduced to this shaking from in front of me.
I look so hollow, so sunken.
Have I not been eating?
I guess not. I still don’t seem to have much of an appetite. 
My cheeks, they still shine with the transparent gloss from last night’s episode. 
I crumbled so easily last night. But those visions, the things that haunted me in that dream, could anyone really stay sane after witnessing that?
I dampen a cloth with warm water, removing every trace of the night before from my features. I uncover dark circles, momentarily reminiscing my sleepless nights in the hospital. Eventually Jason prescribed me some sleeping pills, if only to get me through the night. 
Pills for insomnia, pills for my heart, pills for the pain, pills for infection, so many pills and yet there’s still so much pain. The pills and the needles, the stitches and the gauze, maybe if I swallow them all they’ll be able to heal the aching wound inside, the one not even surgery can touch. What a silly notion that is. It seems I spend even my days dreaming of such impossibilities. 
I take care to remove my top, ensuring the cloth doesn’t brush against the still sensitive areas. 
This is the first time I’ve seen my body since the incident, my eyes refusing to open as the nurses replaced the bloodied bandages. Afraid, so terrified to open my eyes and accept the reality I’ve been trying to deny. Now, gazing into my reflection, I’m forced to acknowledge every bit of it.

~

It was 4:00 a.m. when I left the practice room, my only option now being either to sneak into our room or spend the night on the couch. I considered staying the night in the studio as well, my body angrily retaliating at each movement, but something inside me can’t bear to leave her for so long. Dancing, 7:00 a.m. to 4:00 a.m., I feel overwhelmed with guilt. Jessica must be worried sick. I know I texted her and told her not to wait up, but she’s never been one to listen. I imagine her on our bed, forcing her drying eyes to stay open just a little bit longer, her gaze locked on the door, begging me to walk through at any moment.
But I have to practice. Dancing with the Stars, it’s such an honor to have made it this far. I can’t let them down. My members, SM, Jessica, I have to win for them. I’ll train until this vessel refuses to obey any longer, as long as it will make them proud.
Silently tiptoeing into the bedroom I toss my gym bag to the ground. I cast off my clothes carelessly, a snake shedding its old, tired skin. As I step into the bathroom I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror. My reflection, I don’t even recognize the person standing before me. 
“You’ve changed so much,” I whisper, sliding my hand and tracing the mirrored image.
The skin is taught, clinging to my enlarged muscular figure. Not to say they’re huge, I never like looking too muscular, but they’re lean and dense. I can’t help but feel pleased as my gaze trails down to my abs. They were decent before, but now each line is so clearly defined, displaying the strenuous work I’ve put into these past few months. I trace the lines with my finger, feeling the definition and density of the muscles beneath.
“Babe?” Sica stumbles into the room, blinking furiously as her eyes adjust to the fluorescent light of the room.
She stifles a yawn, one hand cupped over as the other wraps around my bare stomach. I shy from her slightly, her touch sending a shiver down my spine.
Is she cold? Or am I just that hot?
“Are you okay babe? You’re really warm.”
“Yeah just a little hot from practice I guess.”
“You’re just now getting home?” 
“It’s not that late Jess.”
“Don’t be like that Hyo. Just because it’s early in the morning don’t think you can fool me so easily.”
“Sorry honey, I just don’t want you worrying.”
“How can I not? Just look how skinny you’ve gotten.”
She prods at my stomach, a frown spreading over her supple lips as she realizes the only thing she’s touching is muscle and bone.
“I thought you’d like it, I’m so fit now.”
“I don’t know what you see in that mirror Hyo, but in my eyes, you look so sick. You’re ghostly pail, and all that sweating, I have the air on Hyoyeon, you shouldn’t be sweating so much.”
“I’m just tired honey, there’s no need to get so worked up…”
“You’re always tired Hyoyeonnie. Those dark circles haven’t left you in months. Come on, forget about the shower. Tonight you’re going to sleep and tomorrow you’re going to eat everything I put on your plate. I want my healthy looking Hyoyeon back. What kind of girlfriend would I be if I let you get sick?”
Sick, do I really look sick? I guess my eyes must be playing tricks on me, to think that that person in the mirror could possibly be anything but a skeleton of her former self. I’m losing myself, I need you to anchor me back to sanity. I need you to keep me alive.
“You’re right babe. I’ll try to take better care of myself for you.”
~

(A/N: The bold here is not english but instead used to convey the voice of an unknown figure)

I meet the glance of my mirrored self, slightly taken aback by the image. The skin of my face is peeled back, exposing mottled flesh and clotted blood. There are bruises and deep cuts in various places, the familiar knot of skin as a bone attempts to protrude. Her eyes are dark and distant, mouth twisted in a sickening grin as her glance catches mine.
“This isn’t real,” I lift my hand to the glass, the girl on the other side copying my exact movements as we trace each others jaw.
“Oh but I am,” she smiles, blood oozing from as she reopens her split lip.
Her voice, every word echoes through my brain, resounding through my core. I have that feeling that even if I plug my ears and shout at the top of my lungs, I’ll still hear each enunciated syllable.
“You can’t be. I don’t look like that. I’ve been in the hospital, my wounds have been treated. I’m… I’m getting better.”
She starts cackling, the blood freely flowing as the open wounds become wider from strain.
“Getting better my dear? Now isn’t that hilarious. You actually think things are going to change? Do you truly believe that you’ll be anything but what you see right now?”
“But…”
“No buts little girl, aren’t you a little too old to be wishing like this? Why don’t you grow up and face facts?”
“What are you talking about?” I can feel the trepidation in my voice as I utter these words.
How is this possible? She doesn’t look like me... but she has to be.
No Hyoyeon, it’s just a reflection, it’s not real.
“You think I’m merely a figment of your imagination don’t you?”
“How did you know that?”
“I hear you my dear. Every word that goes unuttered echoes through me. I know every fear, every worry, every memory. I am you after all. I’m just the you that has accepted her reality.”
“And what reality is that exactly?”
“Your body.”
“What about it?”
The hot fear bubbles into the back of my throat once again, choking me with its strong grip on my vocal chords.
My body, what could still be wrong with my body?
“You could say it’s a little worse for wear,” she laughs.
The hem of her shirt slowly rises, blood beginning to soak the pure white of the fabric, overflowing the fibers and dripping in thick piddles on the ground.
I don’t look. I can’t look. I can’t even bring myself to lift my head. Whatever could possibly be left in my stomach throws itself into the sink basin.
“Sorry, a little too real for you?”
“You can’t be me because we’re… we’re…”
I spit up the last of the foul substance in my mouth.

Blood, is that blood?
I check my stomach, half expecting the bandages to be soaked in the crimson nightmare. But they’re clean, every last drop of my lifeline still tucked safely inside of me.
“Different? You’re right, we are different. See unlike you I have quite the defining characteristic. I’m dead. And you know what else? I’m something you can never be. I’m happy.”
“Shut up!”
The shards of glass tinkle around me, shattering into thousands of fractals of shimmering dust as they contact the linoleum.
“You’ll always be nothing. There’s no such thing as moving on. You had your chance for happiness and you left it slip through your fingers.”
There’s a million voices now, her image reflected in every broken shard. 
“Shut up! ing stop!”
I crunch the glass beneath my feet, only succeeding in multiplying her taunting.
“You can’t run from me my dear. I’m in your mind, your sick, twisted mind. I swear by god I’ll rot you from the inside.”
“Why are you doing this?! What do you have to gain?!”
I continue pummeling the dust, slamming my fist into each piece in an attempt to rid myself of this parasite.
“Isn’t it obvious, or are you really just as ignorant as I thought? Obviously I want you dead.”
“Why?!”
Dropping to my knees I take hold of the last piece, the image still as clear and undeniable as before.
“Because I want you to be happy.”
The last fragment explodes in an array of diamond dust as it makes contact with the far wall. But her voice, it’s still echoing as if she were behind me, slowly whispering into my ear.
“I want you to be happy.”

Long time no see my lovelies. Did you miss me? I sure hope so. So if you haven’t noticed (you must’ve been living under a rock or something) I took quite the leave of absence recently. I take responsibility for the fact that I created a character that takes a lengthy process to get into. This made it quite hard to write from Hyoyeon’s now twisted perspective. (Mr Mr and dating stuff didn’t help my situation) Also if you’ve noticed lately (once again I don’t know how you couldn’t) the lovely Hyoyeon was involved in some business with her, now ex, boyfriend. In all honesty I just want these girls to be happy so the dating news doesn’t effect me that much. But please, be nice to Tiffany, Hyoyeon, and Taeyeon. We all know (or at least I hope you do) that most of our ships will never be canon, therefore we cannot blame our idols for not conforming to our standards *cough* TaeNy *cough* But in all seriousness please, if you are a TaeNy shipper, do not harass any of the SNSD members. We should love our girls regardless of who they date and if you can’t and even go as far as to hate them for it, well, there’s the door. Admittedly, finding out that Hyoyeon had a boyfriend at first made me a little uncomfortable writing this fic, but I have come to terms with the fact that yes, I know that they are straight, and yet that doesn’t mean we can’t continue to ship and I can’t continue to write. This after all is just fantasy and storytelling. So don’t worry about me discontinuing this story or my one shots because I have no plans to. The day I stop writing is the day when I know longer satisfy all of you. Phew, now that that’s out of the way I should talk about my actual story. So I don’t plan on leaving you guys hanging here for long. I just really wanted to post what I’ve written so far so you guys don’t send out a search party for me or something. Author-shi is alive and kicking. There will be a new chapter soon that continues this story line and details Hyoyeon’s struggle with moving on and her new life with Jason up until a certain preordained event that I’ve created. I won’t give a lot away but it should certainly spice things up. Until then comment, subscribe, fantasize, and I’ll see you as soon as possible. To my lovely and faithful readers, stay strong, your humble servant ~AfterSNSD