Hyoyeon’s POV

 

It took a couple of hours to clean up the glass, even longer to remove my old bandages and place clean ones over the newly formed cuts. If Jason asks, I’ve decided to tell him that the mirror was improperly hung, causing it to crash to the ground when I slammed the door closed. As I picked up each piece, I can’t help myself from staring into the cracked image.

Black, that’s what I’ve dubbed that mysterious figure who lives in that world, the other side of my reflection. The way she spoke… I doubt I’ve seen the last of her. Is she a manifestation of my suicidal thoughts? Her words, it’s like she took all my insecurities about my new life and them into my skin, sliding the sharp tips of my lies agonizingly slow against my skin. They echo through my mind, those words, happiness, death, can I really have not have one without the other?

 

“Aish… I need my pills.”

 

I grip my hands onto the sink’s edge, letting a small groan escape as I lift myself to stand. I jump back when my eyes meet the sink.

 

“Blood… there’s so much blood…”

The dark red liquid clings to the porcelain edges with it’s long, pooling fingers, slowly rising and pouring over the sink’s edge.

 

I rub my eyes harshly before opening them once more.

 

“Wh.. What?”

 

Was that just my imagination? The blood… it’s gone.

 

I knock the side of my head a few times with my fist.

 

“My imagination. Yeah, that must be it.”

 

I grab my crutches that I had flung to the side in my earlier state of shock and retreat from the bathroom. The clock reads eleven, that means I have one hour before Jason’s return. Thanks to my newly found state that gives me roughly enough time to dress myself.

 

God, that’s so embarrassing. As a member of SNSD I was expected to change backstage in a matter of minutes before the crowd grew restless for our presence again. Now… now the most I can do in that time span is change my underwear, unless that is I fall all over myself like the ing joke I am.

 

I crutch over to the dresser, stabilizing myself on it’s side so I can grab my undergarments from the array of drawers.

 

Poor Jason, he offered to get me some things while I was in the hospital, it must have been strange for him to have to buy such things.

 

I tick my head with shame before slamming the drawer shut. With as much grace as an elephant I flop onto the matress to change. Wrapping one hand over the baseboard I lift my hips enough to remove my shorts. The pain rushes through my spine but I can’t fail at such a mundane task. I don’t know why but I need this, I need to know that I’m not a complete burden if I’m going to maintain any hope at becoming a person once again.

 

It takes all of 20 minutes but I manage to change the lower half of my body with a relative amount of ease, at least compared to the beginning of my week in Hell. I glance at my left leg thankfully, it was also broken in several places like the right, but the breaks were small and healed quickly, otherwise I would be in a wheelchair. My right leg is a constant nuisance but it could have been worse.

 

“Oh please, the only thing worse would have been death.”

 

The voice entering my ears sends a shiver down my spine, my stomach clenching into a tight knot in response.

 

“Miss me?”

 

After ticking my head in just about every direction I finally find her.

 

“Black?” The TV in the corner of my room flickers as a jolt of electricity surges through it.

 

“Isn’t that cute,” another spark illuminates the TV’s glass as her sliced mouth spreads into a grin. “You gave me a little nickname.”

 

“Who are you really then?” I clutch the sheets beneath my fingers, attempting to retain some amount of resolve, to abstain from cowardice in front of this monster.

 

“Monster? That hurts Hyoyeon, it really does.” She clutches her chest in a mock gesture before smirking through the glass once more. “Who am I? I am everything. I am you and yet I am nothing. I am every decision you’ve never made and I’m a reflection of your inner self. I am your desires, I am your happiness, I am your pain. I am an angel and a demon. But most of all, I am death, or as you so aptly put it, Black.”

 

“Why umm…” My body begins to tremble violently as her words slip like acid down my spine. I slap my right leg through the cast, the pain flooding my body with a numbing heat. It may be painful, but at least it stops the trembling. I take a deep breath and continue, “Why are you here?”

 

“Why are we all here Hyoyeon? What is our purpose? What is yours? The better question in my opinion is why are you still alive? You were supposed to die in that accident, the honorable way, your purpose fulfilled.”

 

“I’m alive because God has a twisted ing sense of humor,” I scowl, boring my eyes into her mirrored, dark pools.

 

She laughs boisterously at my response before she continues, “You’re dark babe, I like that. It looks like you’ve still got some fight left in you after all. Alright how about you and I make a deal?”

 

“Every horror movie in existence warns against making deals with a demon you know…”

 

“I’m no mere demon my dear, I am so much more than that. You may see me as your demon but to me I’m your guardian angel.”

 

“Guardian angel! You ing terrorized me not even thirty minutes ago!”

 

“I was merely stating facts Hyoyeon, your reaction to the truth just shows how confused you really are. I’m merely offering my guidance.”

 

“Guidance my , now why don’t you tell me about this deal before I send this crutch through that little TV you’re trapped in.”

 

“Trapped? Don’t make me laugh. I am more real than you seem to comprehend. But if you really must know, the deal is this. If you die then it’ll all be over, I’ll disappear.”

 

“What kind of a deal is that? I die and you get another tally mark on your twisted ing score sheet.”

 

“Jessica…” the name rolls off her tongue, slick and slippery as she slurs the s’s.

 

My earlier confidence dissipates in an instant. “J-Jessica… What about Jessica?”

 

“Do you really think she wants to see you this way? A shell of your former self. It would be like destroying her all over again.”

 

Jessica… my love, my everything. I don’t… I don’t want to hurt her.

 

“She doesn’t even know I’m alive, how would she ever find out I’m… I’m… this ing zombie?”

 

“Taeyeon knows, do you really think she can keep shut for long. Chances are half of your old members already know. They probably hate you, abandoning them like you did and all. And eventually their loose lips will slip the secret to Jessica. Then they’ll all hate you, is that what you want?”

 

“N-no…”

 

“Then come with me,” she reaches out her finger in a beckoning gesture, biding me forward towards her image. “Come with me… let’s fade to black.”

 

I don’t even feel myself rising from the bed, my body numbed by her words intoxicating my system. I reach my hand towards her outstretched fingers, grasping, reaching…

 

“Let’s fade to black…”

 

“Hyoyeon!” A hand roughly envelopes my wrist and throws me back towards the bed.

 

“What the…” My head is swimming and I let my head fall back onto the bed.

 

“Oh my god Hyoyeon! Are you okay I’m sorry I just.. You were about to touch this and it could’ve killed you and I panicked and… Are you okay?”

 

“J-Jason?” The fog in my head finally clears and Jason’s form crystalizes.

“Yeah Hyo it’s me. Are you alright? It didn’t shock you did it?”

 

My eyes widen in confusion, “Wh-What?”

 

“The wires Hyoyeon, the wires on the TV are frayed. I’m sorry I thought I told you that.” He rises from the bed and turn the TV off. “This TV came with the house but something chewed through the wires and it sparks electricity when you turn it on. I’m sorry Hyo, I honestly forgot all about it. If you had touched it you could’ve been electrocuted and probably died,” his eyes furrow with worry as they scan my body. “It doesn’t look like you were hurt at all. Hyo what were you thinking?” He laughs as he helps me back off the bed. “Why would you touch something that was shooting off sparks like that?”

 

Died… I could’ve just died. What’s gotten into me? Black… did she do this? No, Black is just part of my imagination. I don’t know why she keeps appearing but I should probably just ignore her. Out of sight out of mind right?

 

“Fade to black…”

 

“What was that?” Jason asks.

 

“It’s nothing. I’m sorry I haven’t finished changing yet,” I bow my head only to have him lift my chin.

 

“Hey, you’re adjusting, it’s fine. Why don’t you finish getting changed while I go take off this uniform?”

 

“Th-thanks Jason. I’ll be ready soon.”

 

“Alright Hyo, don’t get discouraged okay, it’s only been a week. It takes time to heal. Do you need any help getting ready?”

 

“I can manage Jay, but thanks anyway.”

 

“No problem, meet in the living room when you’re ready.”

 

As he closes my bedroom door I sneak a look back at the television. He’s unplugged it from the wall but I can still feel it emanating some sort of ominous power. I sling my crutches forward until I’m face to screen with it, eyeing around the corners and peering into the darkness. It’s just a television, nothing more and nothing less, but it still feels so strange. If anything I’ll just ask Jason to remove it, I won’t really be watching much TV anyway. It was never really my thing. I used to read some of Seohyun’s books, maybe I’ll buy some while we’re out. Seohyun would always wake up in the early hours to read, I have no shame in saying I much preferred my sleep. But now, it seems I have all the time in the world, too much of it really.

 

What am I going to do with all this time?

 

Dressed, you need to use all this time to get dressed.

Aish, you’re right, Jason is probably waiting for me.

 

I head to the drawers and pull out the first shirt that wriggles into my grip. I place all my support on the drawers and let my crutches fall back on the bed. I don’t bother changing my bra since I’m already running late so I just switch the shirts and take up my crutches again.

 

Jason is already waiting in the living room, his head resting in his hands with his feet propped up on the coffee table.

 

Poor Jason, he probably didn’t get much sleep last night after my nightmare episode. I should do something nice for him, he deserves to know how much I appreciate all the he’s put up with because of me.

 

“Ready?” He beams, jumping up from the couch and practically running to the door.

 

If anyone is a bigger kid than me it would have to be Jason. Since he’s a doctor many view him as being mature and charismatic, but that’s not the real him at all. This side of him, only Tae and I are allowed to see it. I’m glad to see these events haven’t robbed him of that.

 

“It seems like you’re more ready than I am,” I laugh. “I thought boys didn’t like shopping.”

 

“Hyoyeon, we are going shopping for motorcycles, what boy doesn’t love his toys?” He smiles devilishly as he slides on his sneakers.

 

“You’ve got a point there,” I crutch over to the front door, lowering myself to the ground to put on my shoe.

 

Yes shoe, it’s hilarious really, the only shoes for me are all left ones. We figured there’s no use taking out the others until I’ve healed but it sure does look funny.

 

“It looks like we’ve got a pirate living with us,” I point to the pile of left shoes and he immediately joins in my laughter.

 

“Well Captain Hyoyeon, which shoe would you like today to accompany that peg leg you’re sporting.”

 

“Don’t be an ,” I smile and slap him on the shoulder. “Would you just pass me my green converse?”

 

“Is that an order?”

 

“Yes first mate Jason, this is an order from your captain,” I cross my arms in an attempt to look composed but my straight face immediately evaporates.

 

“Who’s being the here?” He tosses me the converse and I slide it onto my left foot.

 

“Yeah yeah, just pass me a jacket would you?”

 

“A jacket?” He ticks his head in confusion. “It’s like eighty degrees outside.”

 

“It’s an idol habit. Besides, this is LA, even if the public knows I’m dead it’ll still be suspicious if my ghost is seen wondering the streets.”

 

“You know, with the way you behave I often forget that you are an incredibly famous K-Pop star,” he tosses the jacket with a smirk.

 

“Hey, not just famous, one of the most famous. I was a member of the nation’s girl group you know?” The atmosphere drops at my statement and a small frown tugs at my lips.

 

“Well miss famous, maybe you need a makeover.”
 

Another reason I’m really thankful for Jason, he’s a wiz at sensing the tone. He’s good at dragging me out of my depression and igniting that tiny flicker of hope inside of me.

 

“Yeah… Yeah that actually sounds like a good idea.”

 

(A/N) From this point you may consider all conversation as English

 

The Salon

 

“So, do you love it or do you looooove it?” The stylist spins my chair with a flourish, facing me towards the mirrored wall that reflects the entire shop.

 

I lean into the mirror, running my fingers through and assessing the new color of my hair. It’s several shades lighter now, sort of like an ash blonde, maybe even brown in some lighting. Although I do look a lot different I still want to maintain my style in my hair. I’ve been blonde for so long, I’m just having a hard time letting go. This should be enough to squelch any suspicion of my true identity.

 

“So darling, it’s fantastic isn’t it. I know, I know, I’m spectacular,” he laughs boisterously, spinning my chair back around to face him.

 

“Thank you, your work is impeccable.”

 

“Ah thank you, thank you. I must admit I haven’t gotten a blonde Asian in a long time. Very bold, very out there, I like it. You’re spunky, spontaneous, I like you. You come back anytime okay?” He smiles brightly, handing me my crutches and helping me return to Jason whose been waiting for me in the front.

 

His nose is buried in a magazine and I have to cough slightly before he even notices my presence. He does a double take before recognizing me and his face spreads into a wide grin.

 

“Perfect!” He shakes the stylist hand and thanks him before we depart.

“Seriously Hyo, no one is going to recognize you now,” he ruffles my hair and chuckles a little more.

 

“I know, I just… I feel weird though,” I twist a lock of hair between my hair and frown slightly.

“What do you mean?”

“It’s just, I feel like I’m losing myself.”

He stops, turning with a serious expression that almost never appears.

“You aren’t losing yourself Hyoyeon, you’re losing an identity and a life and a million missed opportunities, but you’re still you. Nothing can take away who you are. You can change your hair and your clothes but underneath you’ll always be the same person. Contrary to popular belief you still have a lot of life left in you, whether it be one more year or eighty. You can’t spend all that time worrying that you’ve changed. Let’s face it, you’re changing, I’m changing, everything and everyone is constantly changing. The difference between us and other people is that most in our situation would have given up a long time ago. But people like us, we role with the punches life keeps throwing at us. Are you gonna let life stop you from living Hyoyeon?”

 

I stare harshly at the ground, my eyes boring into the concrete. Jason has constantly been a source of encouragement. I’ve been using him to draw strength and hope, but finally hearing him put this into perspective, I realize how important to me he really is. He’s my best friend, he was willing to take this on with me, knowing how it would effect his own life in numerous ways. And yet, he still chose to help me. Maybe we are both changing, but I guess that doesn’t have to be a bad thing.

 

“You kidding? Ain’t nothing gonna stop me from moving forward,” we mirror each other’s smirks before going in for a quick hug.

 

“Now let’s go try motorcycles!!!!” He sprints down the street, forcing me to crutch as quickly as I can after him.

 

“Yah! Did you forget I’m crippled!!!”

 

The Dealership

 

“Jaaaaaasssssooooooon!”

 

“I am two feet away from you why are you yelling?!?”

 

“I wanna get on this one,” I pout, holding out my arms for a lift.

 

“You… Are the biggest child on the planet.”

I stick out my tongue as he takes my crutches and lifts me onto the machine. The seat is angled forward, the design is black and sleek. I gotta admit, it looks pretty badass. My first motorcycle was pretty ty compared to this one…

 

But she still loved riding with you…

 

~

I was in the parking lot of SM Entertainment earlier than usual, I didn’t have training for another few hours but I wanted to be the first in the practice room. I may just be a rookie but if I want to go solo one day I have to show conviction. The best dancing, the best singing I can muster, whatever I can do to impress them. If only I could…

 

“Nice bike.”

 

“Wh-wh…”

 

I don’t think I’ve ever been so stunned by another human being in my entire life. One hand placed in an incredulously seductive pose on her hip, she saunters towards me, her eyes tracing over every inch of me. Her chestnut hair flows down past her neck, the curls bouncing with each step she takes.

 

“Jessica’s the name, and by the look of that hair I’m going to assume you’re Hyoyeon.”

 

I tuck my helmet under my arm, letting my red tipped hair fall over my shoulders. “That’s umm… that’s me,” I smile, holding out my hand. “It’s a pleasure.”

 

“So, does it go fast?” She places a hand on the side of the bike, tracing her hand from the back all the way to my hand, still encased over the handlebars.

 

“Well it’s faster than walking. But I mean if you want a demonstration,” I lift her arm and pull her onto the back, “then I should give you a proper test run.”

 

“Oh god,” her face turns a deep shade of red and she squeals, “I was just kidding, please don’t.”

 

“Too late now, we’re gonna see how fast this baby goes,” I plop my helmet onto her head and take off.

 

She squeals loudly and immediately wraps her arms around my waist. The sensation sends a warming effect through my body and I can feel my face flush in response.

I turn down random streets, weaving in and out of traffic at incredible speeds. Without my helmet my hair whips crazily in the passing wind. Her fingernails dig into my skin and from the feeling I can tell there’ll be bruises all over my abdomen. I hear her gasp as I speed through a red light but then she suddenly burst into laughter.

 

“Faster!” She shouts, taking an arm from my waist and raising it high in the air.

 

“You sure?”

 

“Yeah!” She raises both arms, encouraging me to keep accelerating. “This is amazing Hyoyeon,” she laughs.

 

This girl, I think we’ll get along just fine.

~

 

That day… It was the day I first met Jessica. It’s amazing, from day one I was in love with her, it just took me too long to figure it out. If I had had the courage, if I had been stronger, we could have been together for so much longer. I’m such a coward.

 

“Hyoyeon?” Jason leans his face over the handlebars, peering up into my eyes. “You okay?”

 

“Yeah I’m fine, it’s just… Wow, this bike, it just feels right you know.”

 

He smiles approvingly before calling over the dealer. Because of this stupid leg I can’t drive this beauty out of here but thankfully they’ll have it delivered to the house so it’ll be waiting for me when I’m finally up to it. I pay for everything in cash, which I’m sure looks shady as , but we haven’t set up a way for me to create new accounts as of yet. Thankfully manager oppa, with some skilled accounting, was able to drain all of my old accounts and liquidate my assets. I didn’t quite understand what that meant but from what I understand he sold all my old , save the stuff in the dorm, and I got the money. I mean at my age it’s not like I have a will set up so I’m sure he had to keep his doings under cover so he didn’t get arrested for fraud or something. Either way Kim Hyoyeon is essentially wiped clean from South Korea.

 

“So Jason, which one do you like?”

 

He bounces excitedly before pointing to the albeit too white one on the other side of the store. Not quite as badass as mine but admittedly it does suit him. As he traces his hand over the frame an idea forms in the back of my mind. I look up, expecting a light bulb to be shining brightly over my head but no such luck.

 

“J-Jason…” I groan, clutching tight to my stomach.

 

“ Hyoyeon! Are you okay?” He rushes to my side, placing a supporting hand behind my back.

 

“Yeah I just… Water… Can you get me some?”

 

Within seconds he speeds off in search of my meaningless request, a small smile dances across my lips as I crutch off to the bike.

 

“Hey dealer, can you bring me the paperwork for this one?”

 

The Mall

 

“I cannot believe you did that,” Jason laughs, dancing around to relieve his pent up excitement.

“You deserve it,” I smile, crutching my fastest to keep up with his newfound speed.

“I cannot believe you did that.”

“You’ve been saying that ever since we left!”

“Because I can’t believe you did that!”

“Yeah yeah, you’re just lucky I have a lot of cash and nothing to do with it.”

“Seriously Hyoyeon, best gift eveeeeeeeer! As soon as you’re better we are going riding together, we are gonna cruise LA maybe go to the beach, gosh I just can’t wait!”

“Well I’m glad you like it.”
“I looooove it!”

“Alright Jason,” I giggle as he still dances wildly in the streets, drawing a large amount of unwanted attention. “So where to next?”
“The mall,” he groans. “You literally only have like two outfits and honestly Hyo you’re starting to stink.”

“Yah!” I take up my crutch and slam it into his side. “It’s not my fault you only do laundry once a month!”

“Aish, I’m sorry,” he whines as he rubs his rib cage. “The only problem is how are we going to get you in and out of clothes. I mean we don’t have all week.”

“Jason, I’ve never had to try on an outfit for the past six years.”
His turns and eyes me warily, “How’d you manage that?”

“My stylists were constantly keeping track of my measurements. I may have lost some weight from this little ordeal but I should get back to my healthy measurements soon. I’ll be able to pick out a good amount of clothes without having to try on a single thing.”
“Wow, idol life sounds awesome.”
“It was…”

The atmosphere grows cold for a moment, the weight of my words hanging heavily on us both.

“Yeah well umm… You ready to go?”

“Mhmm,” I mutter, only half focused on this world, allowing his grip to navigate me through the muddled interworking of this life.

 

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

After a few hours it’s finally time to return home. Jason’s arms are loaded with bags and the goofiest grin is spread across his face. He’s excited that we were able to get so much done today and his excitement somehow manages to infect me as well. We’re only a block from home, one cross walk separating us from our street. He slides the bags onto one arm in an attempt to reach for the button. I laugh at his attempt but my brief moment of humor is interrupted by a familiar voice.

 

“Hyoyeon…”

 

Just ignore her, she isn’t real. Ignore… Ignore… Ignore…

 

“Not real? You’re just so hurtful today.”

 

I turn my head to the side, finding the familiar specter behind the glass of a shop window. The traffic behind my back is loud and obnoxious but her voice rings as clear as always.

 

“What do you want now?” I glare into the window, her image remaining constant through the bustling crowd.

 

“Do you really have to ask?” She traces a finger along the glass, an abrasive screech resounding through the air.

 

“What the…”

 

“I already told you, I’m more real than you seem to comprehend. You believe I’m trapped in this glass when in reality it is you who is trapped, trapped in that world you shouldn’t be living in.” The circle of glass she traced descends to the ground, shattering into millions of shards along the sidewalk.

 

“Why? Why can’t I live in this world?” I take a step back, careful of the shards still splaying from the broken edge.

 

“You don’t belong, can’t you see? The way this world is moving around you. Look, just look around.”

 

I tick my head back in forth, bewildered at the sudden speed on the bystanders.

 

“Why is… They’re so fast…”

 

“They aren’t going fast Hyoyeon, it’s you whose slowed down. Everything is moving, changing, growing, evolving, and you? You’re standing still. Now look, the man beside you, Jason.”

 

I turn to face Jason, watching in horror as his hand rises so agonizingly slow. It seems like an eternity before his hand finally connects to the crosswalk button.

 

“Why is Jason moving so slowly?”
 

“Because of you.”

 

“Me? What did I do?”

 

“You’re slowing him down. While everyone is moving around you, he’s slowing down, waiting for you to catch up. Can’t you see Hyoyeon? You’re bringing him down with you.”

 

“I don’t… I…” I take another step back, the edge of the sidewalk grinding below my foot.

 

“Come with me… Fade to black…”

 

“No… No!”

 

Her hand reaches out from the glass, her fingers clenching in and out as she swipes at my hand. I leap back into surprise, the sidewalk disappearing and the world evaporating as I fall back into the darkness.

 

“Hyoyeon!!!”

 

Hi everybody... *hides* long time no see huh? Gosh, I"m really really really really sorry for dissapearing like that. If any of you truly have an insatiable curiosity for what happened to me please feel free to direct message me (It's a terribly long explination) otherwise please just assume author-shi was incredibly busy and is just now managing to find the time to feed your hunger for my story. So please, take time to read this chapter and if you have any questions please let me know. Feel free to criticize, comment, and I promise, I won't be dissapearing like that ever again, your pitiful author ~AfterSNSD