The Darkest Of Nights Part 1
I'll Always Be HereTaeyeon’s POV
It amazes me that we managed to get everyone home. How we somehow dragged them out of the hospital, pushed through the vast sea of paparazzi, and survived the suffocating silence that was the ride home.
But here we are.
Eight girls crowded in the narrow hallway outside their apartment door.
I step to the front and pull the bulky set of keys from my jacket pocket. My hand shakes violently as I riffle through them.
The girls may attribute it to the cold, the shock, but none of that has even crossed my mind.
The shaking derives from the secrets building up inside of me, fighting fiercely to break free.
I’m brought back to reality by a soft clink.
Everyone stares at me blankly as I drop down to fetch the keys that have fallen to the cement below.
I finally find the right key and unlock the dorm door.
It’s strange.
Normally in this weather I’m almost bulldozed by the stampede of girls seeking shelter from the cold and sleep for their exhausted bodies.
But there’s no commotion. No pushing or playful shouting as each member fights to be just one step in front of the others.
They simply file in silently behind me.
I take off my coat, the one manager oppa gave me that is, and toss it onto the rack in the corner. I kick off my shoes and slide them into the cubby.
I catch sight of a black pair of converse and I quickly turn away.
Even if she’s not dead, it still makes me feel sick to my stomach.
I shake away the nausea and head into the living room.
I begin to silently observe each of their actions. Trying to infiltrate their minds and wade through the muddled thoughts racing through their brains.
It’s almost scary.
The way they move I mean. No one seems to have a purpose. They all dart their heads around wildly, as if they are drones waiting for some command to act out.
If that were true then Seohyun is the first to ‘activate.’
She strides toward her bedroom door with slow, heavy steps. She tenderly wraps her hand around the doorknob, not twisting it, just holding it there.
They don’t share a room anymore, her and Hyoyeon I mean, but it’s obvious to me what is going through her mind. It’s as easy as if she where standing next to me, whispering her thoughts into my ear.
(Is Hyoyeon unnie going to be behind the door when I open it? Sleeping peacefully on the bed with her jaw tightly clenched because she hates the way people’s mouths hand open when they sleep? Maybe flipping through the pages of one of the self help books I keep stashed on the shelves above my bed? Possibly laying back on the bed, headphones in her ears, blasting away some forlorn sadness that plays at her heart? Something that she might want to talk about later? Something she couldn’t bear to tell anyone else?)
I’m sure she misses those days with her unnie. The days they would have serious talks, watch Keroro together even though Hyoyeon hated it, maybe even sharing her feelings about Jessica.
Ha, who am I kidding. That was never exactly a big secret. The way her eyes were always glued to Jessica’s every movement. The smile that would spread across her face whenever she came into the room. Even taking the brunt of her HellSica attacks because for some reason she finds them cute.
Oh Hyoyeon…
It’s already so obvious you aren’t here.
Suddenly Seo throws open the door. She glances inside, darting her head back and forth, examining each corner of the room. She then nods her head and enters the empty room, closing the door behind her with a resounding click.
Sunny is the next to garner my attention.
She isn’t doing anything conspicuous. In fact if I couldn’t see just over her shoulder I would have automatically assumed she was playing games on her phone.
But that’s not it at all.
As I lean in closer I discover what the meaning behind her intense gaze is.
In her camera files she scrolls down until she reaches one labeled Invincible Youth 2. She taps at the icon and instantly hundreds of photos spill out.
I recognize a lot of this from watching them on TV.
The day that they first arrived at the village, the boat adventure where Hyoyeon got sick, picking names for their donkeys, even Hyoyeon’s presentation with Boom as the flower lettuce team. Every picture replays another memory for the danshin.
One of the last pictures is from their day at the pool with the ahjummas and ahjushis of the village.
I remember how Sunny kept complaining that she looked like a wet puppy and the video of Hyoyeon doing the doggie paddle was priceless.
They became so much closer then. That show brought them together… and now life is tearing them apart.
All of us.
I feel my face burning and I wipe my eyes before anyone can see.
Things will get better Taeyeon. You just have to do damage control right now.
After giving myself that little pep talk I turn to the window and see Yuri sitting on the windowsill.
It’s obvious that she’s separating herself from the group.
I can understand.
She doesn’t want anyone to be burdened by her tears.
She reaches into her pocket and pulls out her iPod. I watch silently as she scrolls through the list of songs, chooses one, and sets it on repeat.
Can you guess which song?
That’s right, Oscar.
That day at the radio station comes back in a wave of nostalgia and I am once again forcefully buried in my memories.
~ “We are going to let them go after playing one more song,” Eunhyuk laughs as this is about his seventh attempt at ending our segment.
I can tell that we’ve gone way over time but everyone is having so much fun we just can’t bare to leave.
“What song should we listen to?” He asks.
“Trick?” Yuri suggests but is quickly interrupted by the dancing queen.
“The song is…”
“Something all the members like…” I add.
“Hyoyeon, you’ve picked it?” One of the MCs asks.
“Yes, Hyoyeon has decided it!” Jessica immediately steps in to aid her girlfriend.
“Of course, all the songs are great but I really like it.”
The whole studio bursts into laughter at the ten year old’s remark.
Such a choding.
“Hyoyeon, actually when we go to the karaoke, we’re always like, let’s pick this… let’s pick that.”
I see Jessica furrow her brow and laugh to myself.
Hyoyeon’s going to get it tonight if she doesn’t shut him up.
“You’ve decided already?” He laughs.
“Yes, without any fuss, I’ve picked Oscar,” she sounds so serious but everyone else can’t contain their laughter.
“Members, are you okay with that?” Eunhyuk asks, obviously teasing the girl.
Ooh Hyo, you better turn off Eunhyuk’s raging hormones before Sica gets you.
“Yes, we like it!” Everyone except the maknae chimes in.
“We also like the song,” I add in my leader like diplomacy.
“What kind of song is this?”
“It’s a song with a ‘feel.”
“The beat is really good.”
“Seohyun, it feels like you wanted to listen to a different song.” The MC looks at the maknae and she waves her hands over her face nervously.
“Ah, no,” she laughs, trying to hide her embarrassment.
“You like Vitamin, right?” I try to pull attention away from Hyoyeon so the guys will leave her alone.
I really don’t feel like listening to fighting tonight.
“What kind of song is Vitamin?”
“Vitamin is a song that can give you energy. A bright song,” she answers.
“Actually, while the members were discussing Seohyun asked, ‘Unnie can’t we listen to Vitamin?’”
“Right, then Hyoyeon cut her off and picked Oscar,” Eunhyuk creates more laughs for the girls.
“Maknae said ‘Unnie, it would be good if we end it brightly’ but Hyoyeon was like ‘It’s Oscar!’”
I glance over at Hyoyeon and Tiffany and see them high five each other.
I wonder what’s going on over there?”
“Yuri, what song do you like?”
“I like a song with a slightly similar feel to Oscar called Trick. It’s a strong song and I really like the beat. I was having a difficult time choosing between the two songs, but Hyoyeon very quickly picked Oscar.”
“But in the end, what song are we going to listen to Hyoyeon?” Eunhyuk once again focuses on the blonde, once again adding to Jessica’s building rage.
“Oscar!” Hyoyeon shouts triumphantly.
Everyone laughs while Sooyoung shouts, “O S C A R!”
“Jessica, do you want to listen to Oscar too?”
“Yes, I really like Oscar,” she replies curtly.
Jessica, please do not explode on the radio. I would like to keep everyone in one piece.
“Yoona too?”
“Yes, it’s a song I like as well.”
“Is it Oscar or Oscal?” Eunhyuk once again picks on Hyo and her broken English.
Eunhyuk, I cannot guarantee your safety if you do not lay off Jessica’s girl.
“Oscarrrr,” Jessica emphasizes.
“Actually we need to let them go, but I keep talking.”
Yes you do. Taeyeon is getting very hungry, Hyo is getting very playful, and Sica is getting very annoyed.
“I want to continue having them here with us!” Eunhyuk focuses on Hyo but she couldn’t be paying him less attention.
Good job Hyo!
“Is there anything you wish to say to end it?”
“Like O S C A R,.”
And the Sica effect has been unleashed as silence envelopes the room.
“Jigameun So Nyeo Shi Dae!” We all shout and wave goodbye to the camera.
Let the Soshi dance party begin!
Everyone nearly jumps out of their seats to dance along with the MCs to Oscar.
Hyoyeon dances like crazy, serving her title as the mood maker and dancing machine.
I watch as Jessica leans closely to Hyoyeon.
“What was that?” She whispers angrily into the blonde’s ear.
“What was what?” She continues to dance.
“Him flirting with you like that.”
“Who?”
“Eunhyuk. He wouldn’t stop with you,” she huffs.
“I couldn’t tell,” she laughs.
“How could you not? He didn’t take his eyes off of you the whole time,” she pouts and runs over to the corner to wallow in her anger.
I follow along and listen in.
Does that make me a bad person?
Ah who cares.
“Jessi,” Hyoyeon calls the girl but she refuses to look at her.
She just turns her head to the side and huffs angrily.
“Babe,” Hyoyeon whispers seductively to the girl as she lifts her chin with her finger.
Jesus, if Jessica didn’t get goose bumps I sure as hell did.
“The reason I didn’t notice is because the whole time I couldn’t take my eyes off of you.”
Jessica’s mouth drops open and Hyoyeon takes the chance to kiss her.
Being the totally awesome ninja leader I am I take the opportunity to conveniently put on my large, heavy coat, successfully blocking them from view.
“Better?” Hyoyeon laughs.
“Bbb-better,” Jessica stutters.
They interlace their fingers and head back to the group for the ultimate Soshi dance party.
“Thanks Tae,” Hyoyeon whispers in my ear before once again taking center stage.~
I suddenly recall the reason Tiffany and Hyoyeon high fived. They ended up putting a cucumber in Sica’s bed that night.
Of course Hyoyeon took the blame and had to deal with Jessica’s crabbiness for a whole week.
How she put up with it by herself I’ll never know. At least when we all messed with her the anger was split into eight parts.
The wave of memories finally recedes, just in time for me to catch Yul wipe her eyes with the sleeve of her hoodie.
I want to comfort her.
But how?
I’ve never exactly been good at this kind of stuff.
Okay Tae think, what would Hyoyeon do to make her happy?
Dance like an idiot.
I don’t think she’s in the mood for that.
Then think of what would comfort you right now.
Got it.
I decide on the one thing that would make me feel good. I wrap the girl in the warmest hug I can muster.
She reciprocates by entangling our fingers and giving my hand a tight squeeze.
“I’m okay,” she whispers feebly.
I know she’s lying, but what else can I do?
So I leave her to her thoughts and without thought I whisper the first thing that comes to my mind, a promise.
“Don’t worry Yul. You two will dance together again one day.”
At the thought a cold aura takes over me as I’m met with a concrete wall called the truth.
Why do I keep making these promises?
What can I possibly do to fix this?
I make promise after promise with no way to achieve them.
I feel my head begin to pound harshly with the millions of questions buzzing around in my mind.
Take a breath. Look into the eyes of the girls. Do you see that sadness? It isn’t the same as yours. To them their friend is dead and she’s never coming back. Prove them wrong. You can do it. You will do it.
I feel the buzzing lessen.
Maybe it isn’t such a daunting task.
Maybe I can do it.
No.
I will do it.
Without thought my legs carry me to another place. It’s as if my mind is on autopilot, scanning the wreckage around me and wondering how to pick up the pieces and rebuild.
My legs carry me to the hiding place of Sooyoung and Yoona.
We haven’t eaten since early yesterday morning and it’s way past lunch today.
I hear Sooyoung’s stomach grumble and I can’t help but let out a quiet laugh.
Even in this situation you remain true to your shikskin ways.
“Hyoyeon when’s lunch?” Sooyoung calls as she rubs her empty stomach.
Not even a moment later their faces drop and the color pours out of them as if someone had pulled the plug on a drain.
Sooyoung’s head darts to meet Yoona’s gaze. Both their eyes are filled with shock ad confusion and neither can think of a think to say.
“I didn’t,,, I’m sorry I…” Sooyoung stutters.
To relieve the situation I make my presences known and force a smile.
“Let’s order out tonight.”
They nod slowly, their pale faces still emulating the shock of what came out of Sooyoung’s mouth.
“It’s okay,” I mumble to the girls as I punch the number of our favorite Chinese place into the phone.
“Thank you,” they both mumble before returning to the living room with the others.
I hang up the phone after placing the order and set the phone back on the hook.
I didn’t order very much. Normally this lot could eat a truck load, but given the circumstances I don’t really thin anyone will have the appetite when it arrives.
When I walk back into the living room everyone is gathered around the TV.
What could possibly so entertaining that it could hold all of their attention?
I tiptoe behind them and tune in to the broadcast.
The KBS news logo passes along the screen and a young news anchor appears. She shuffle her cards and clears before speaking.
“Breaking news today in the city of Seoul concerning Asia’s girl group Girl’s Generation.”
Ah ! Where’s the remote?!
“Around eleven o’clock yesterday the group’s leader Kim Taeyeon was seen exiting an ambulance at Seoul Hospital. It was apparent to a group of bystanders that the idol was in a panic, crying and shouting frantically at the group of paramedics”
Remote?! Remote?! Where’s the damn remote?!
“The next thing to exit the ambulance has sent an uproar through the internet community. An anonymous source has released to us these photographs which, although slightly blurry, clearly reval im Taeyeon running alongside four paramedics carrying a stretcher drenched with blood.”
No! No! No!
“Although the identity of the victim is unknown due to umm… inability to recognize from injury,” she coughs and stares at the camera apologetically. “Netizens are arguing that the mystery victim is Girl’s Generation’s Dancing Queen Kim Hyoyeon. Citing such evidence as the hardly distinguishable lock of blonde hair in the pictures, her body proportions, and the style of clothing the girl was wearing. Although the most crucial evidence was revealed moments later as Girl’s Generation members Jung Jessica, Kwon Yuri, Seo Jooyun, Lee Sunny, Choi Sooyoung, Hwang Tiffany, and Im Yoona, along with their manager were seen entering the hospital. They have been spotted constantly entering and exiting the hospital since then. Since Kim Hyoyeon has not been spotted as of yet this only adds to the theory that she is the victim of this unknown occurrence.”
I keep turning over tables and couch cushions but I still can’t find the remote.
“Our on site reporter Park Taek Hyeon is outside the hospital now, just recently having spotted the girls.”
The scene transitions over to a middle aged man in a mass of people standing outside the hospital.
“Thank you miss Shin. Just moments ago eight of the members of Girl’s Generation were seen exiting the hospital. Since they were clad in hoodies and bulky winter jackets it is not apparent as to who it was but I’m sure the netizens will reveal it in time.”
“Thank you Mr. Park. Not much else is know about the incident and SM Entertainment has yet to release a statement.”
The girls almost lose their attention until the woman pauses, “One moment.”
She places a hand over her earpiece and nods.
“It seems that the CEO of M Entertainment, Mr. Lee Soo Man, has scheduled a press conference for 9 o’clock tonight.”
Found it!
“Please stay tuned until th…”
The screen goes black as I press my finger down on the power button
Too late.
I turn my head to see Jessica clinging to the side of the couch. Her fingernails digging and perforating the fabric. Her eyes are glistening as her whole body racks with frustration. Her hand shoots out and grabs a lamp. She launches her fury at the TV but luckily Yoona manages to catch it before the glass meets the screen.
“ing bastards!” She spits at the ground as she tightens her hold on the couch. “I can’t even have just one day of mourning before they badger us for answers!”
She stomps into the hallway, eyes locked on the carpet and a scowl etched across her face.
We all follow. We have become ghostly spectators of this miserable display.
Everyone wondering if she’ll enter their bedroom or simply breakdown and collapse in the hallway.
She stops in front of the door, her fists clenched and her whole body tightening. She looks up briefly, her pained eyes squinting at the sign on the door.
Is she going to cry?
At that moment she grips the edges of the paper sign. She tears it from the wall and rips it to shred in her trembling hands.
I want to stop her. I think everyone wants to stop her.
I mean show could she do that? That’s part of their memories. Something Hyoyeon made out of her love for her.
But we just watch in silence as she drops the tattered pieces to the ground. Without a word she walks into mine and Tiffany’s room, closing and locking the door behind her.
“She needs me,” the words escape Tiffany’s lips as she drags herself over to the door.
Once again we watch. We watch the depressed girl drag herself like a corpse over to the room door. We stand and watch as she bangs her fist on the door to the point of where there will surely be bruises there tomorrow. And we watch as she gives up, sinking down to the floor below and resigning to wait to be let in to the ice princesses’ castle.
When will I be able to stop watching and actually do something?
How can I just stand here and watch in bewilderment of Tiffany’s actions? Just standing here and admiring Tiffany’s dedication to her friend when I can’t do .
I drop my head in shame and am forced to stare at the broken pieces below me.
Maybe I can at least do one thing.
With this idea in mind I gather the pieces and lay them down on the dining room table. I pull a roll of tape from the kitchen drawer and get to work.
After about ten minutes of work I can feel them. Their gazes burrowing into me.
Has she gone insane?
This must be what’s running thought their thoughts.
But I ignore it. I have my mind set on a purpose, even if it’s only a small one. And for a moment they watch, mystified by my strange actions. Their eyes filled with a mixture of curiosity and pity.
But they once again remind me what I’m doing this for. They remind me by placing a hand on my shoulder and lifting me up from the dark place my mind has dragged me to.
“Let us help," Seo whispers as she grabs two matching pieces and tapes them together.
Without another word the others join in and what could have taken an hour takes five minutes.
Now it’s their actions that amaze me.
I mean I know my reason for doing this. I dream of being able to see Hyoyeon tape this back up on their door one day.
But them?
I have no idea why they're doing this.
Maybe they think this is my way of coping. Maybe they just want to help me get along. Or maybe this is helping them as well. Maybe they also don’t want to see another piece of her disappear.
Whatever their reason I’m proud of them. They truly are the best sisters I could ask for.
“Ice Princesses’ castle. Do not enter or face the wrath of her knight Hyoraengi!” I read the childish scribbings out loud.
And yes, I laugh.
It’s painful and hollow, but it’s a laugh. And they laugh too. With just as much pain as I do. But laughter is still laughter, and laughter is healing.
And then comes the group hug. The six of us sharing our warmth, our comfort, our sorrow. A hug can release all of your emotion and leave you with someone else’s. As we pull away from it our gazes linger on each other and then dart back to the sign.
Finally Seohyun takes it and brings it back to her room, tucking it away in one of the self help books she shared with Hyoyeon.
Food’s here.
Normally at this point there would be a shikskin blockade in front of the door. Hyoyeon would chastise them as she pushed through to actually pay the now frightened delivery man.
On this night I simply walk to the front door, accept the food, and pay him without having to tip extra as an apology. As I return with the food no one is crowding around for a taste. In fact I don’t think anyone has even noticed that it’s here. Just silence.
It’s funny. On some days I prayed for some peace and quiet. But now that I have it, I can’t stand it. I already miss the way things were. I want to hear laughter, genuine laughter that comes from something goofy someone did or some weird thing that Hyoyeon said. I want to laugh at her Whoopi golden retriever or her Brian McMorning. I want someone to play a prank like putting a cucumber in Sica’s bed or hiding Sunny’s Nintendo. Hell at this point I wouldn’t care if they pranked me. I want to hear shouting over some stupid argument, slamming doors, and the ‘what were we even fighting abouts.’ I would even settle for Seohyun’s scolding or Jessica in HellSica mode. Anything but this.
But she’s our mood maker. Our laughter. To quote Tiffany she’s the reason behind our smiles. If you’ve ever seen us burst into laughter, covering our mouths, and trying desperately to calm down, it was because of Hyoyeon.
How do we laugh and smile without you around?
At least I can console myself with the fact that you’re out there. That you’re still breathing, smiling, maybe even making the hospital staff laugh.
Who am I kidding?
You’re not smiling or laughing. You’re barely even breathing.
Maybe I’m the only one that feels like laughing.
But why? Why am I being so selfish.
I guess because if I don’t laugh, I’ll break down and cry.
“Tae…”
Why am I being so damn inconsiderate?
“Yah Kim Taeyeon!”
“Huh,” I snap awake and come face to face with Sooyoung.
When did I stop walking?
“Are you okay?” She asks. “Of course. Why wouldn’t I be?”
Stupid question Tae.
“Never mind. You’ve been standing there for a while now. I called you like three times but you didn’t answer.” She grabs a few of the bags and helps me carry them to the dinning room.
“Sorry. I guess I just spaced out.”
“It’s fine. Obviously you aren’t the only one,” she gestures to Yuri who is staring blankly at the dark TV screen. “She’s been sitting like that for twenty minutes now.”
“Everyone has their own way of dealing with loss,” I whisper.
I begin removing the food containers and placing them on the table.
Sooyoung stops and takes on a much more serious tone. “And what about you?”
I stop as well, “Me?’
“Yeah For some reason you aren’t acting like the rest of us.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean look at us compared to you. Yuri is silently crying by the window, hoping that none of us notice her tears falling to the carpet, Yoona is still trying to get over my stupid blunder from earlier, Tiffany is locked in that room probably crying her eyes and yet still comforting Jessica, Sunny is bawling over the photos on her phone and Seohyun is wandering around like a lost puppy. We’ve all fallen into silence, depression, fits of rage and sadness. But you… You’re so calm and collected.”
Oh Soo, don’t you know? The calmest ocean hides the most destructive storm.
I pause at her question.
How am I supposed to explain my behavior? How do I tell her everything without revealing anything?
“…”
“Tae? Tae are you alright?” Soo shakes my shoulders back and forth forcefully.
“Soo!” I grab her arms to stop the nauseating rocking.
“I’m not okay alright!” I shout much more loudly than I intended.
“Oh,” her eyes widen from shock and her head drops in shame, her eyes falling to the floor below.
“I’m sorry Soo. Come here,” she falls into my embrace.
I hold her there, rubbing her back silently.
“It’ll be okay soon,” I whisper as she releases me.
“I know. But I wouldn’t say soon,” she sighs and starts laying out the food on the dinning room table.
I said soon because I meant soon Sooyoung.
Just not soon enough.
_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
”Dinner!” I break the silence that has permeated the house with my loud shout.
No one moves.
I could have just as well have shouted fire and I’d still get the same reaction.
I walk over to Yuri and pull out one of her earbuds. She lets it fall to her lap, showing no sign that I had even touched her.
“It’s dinner time,” I tell her.
Nothing.
Her glassy eyes fixed off into some distant sight outside the frosted window don't even recognize my presence.
“Yul,” I shake her leg until she looks at me.
“What’d you say Tae?”
“It’s dinner time.”
“I’m not hungry,” she goes to put her earbud back in but I grab her wrist.
“It’s been more than a day since you last ate.”
“I’m not hungry Tae!” She yanks away her wrist and glares at me.
“She wouldn’t want you to starve yourself,” I whisper.
“What?!” She’s suddenly seething with anger. “Don’t talk about her like that!” She raises her fist to me but I grab it in my hand.
“She wouldn’t want us to fight either,” I whisper and release her fist.
Her expression drops.
“Taeng,” she drops to her knees and I reach out to catch her.
She puts her head into the crook of my neck. I fell my shirt being soaked from her tears.
“Let it all out Yul,” I whisper to sooth her. “Just let it all out.”
“Thank you,” she chokes through her sobs. “I’m sorry for getting angry.”
“It’s okay. I forgive you.”
It takes ten minutes to get her under control.
But I’m glad she finally let go. No one needs to pretend to be strong in this situation.
I watch as Yuri lumbers over to the dinner table and sit down next to Sooyoung. Sooyoung wipes her tears and smile at the depressed girl.
Even through our sadness we help each other out.
“Yoona?” I tap the girl’s thigh until she meets my gaze.
“Yes?”
“It’s time to eat.”
This is the first time I’ve ever had to tell her to eat. Her and Sooyoung are first at the table, first to finish, and first to beg the others for their food. Even when Hyoyeon makes them extra they’d still be hungry.
In any other situation the fact I would have to ask Yoona to eat food would be the first sign of the apocalypse.
“Okay,” she heads into the room with the others.
3 down, 4 to go.
“Seohyun?” I rap my fist on her and Sooyoung’s bedroom door.
I know I saw her go in here after she helped me earlier, so why isn’t she answering?
I don’t know why, but I panic.
I mean her and Hyoyeon are close. Maybe losing her was too much.
My mind races with the many scenarios of what she could be doing behind this closed door pound in my head like a hammer crushing a nail.
I guess you could say I’m more than just a little paranoid.
I jiggle the door handle but of course it’s locked.
At that moment the panic meter shoots from worried to oh my god what if she is trying to commit suicide in there.
I’m being crazy right? Maybe I’m just going insane like everybody else.
I quickly jump up and grab the spare key from the door frame.
“Seo!” I throw open the door and realize that I’m probably the least intelligent human being on the face of the planet.
The maknae is fast asleep on her bed, curled up with the sweet potato stuffed animal Hyoyeon got as a joke.
I look at her peaceful sleeping face and I feel like an idiot for ever thinking she would do something like that.
She’s too smart for that. She knows that suicide is just a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
I don’t want to wake her. I want to let her live in her imaginary world free of troubles. But I have to. I won’t let her go without eating.
“Hyunnie?” I whisper and tap the girl’s shoulder softly.”
“Morning Hyo,” she rolls over and buries her face in the soft warm fabric of the plushy.
Out of all of today’s occurrences, the innocent words inadvertently spoken by this sweet child make me feel more guilty than ever before.
“Hyunnie it’s Taeyeon. Why did you lock the door?”
“Oh hey Taeng.”
Her eyes are closed tight.
Is she still asleep?
“I locked the door because Hyoyeon didn’t come home last night. If she’s drunk I don’t want her coming in my room.”
She yawns and rolls to face the wall.
“If she does she’ll flick my forehead and call me an uptight punk.” She smiles and pulls the blanket over her face.
Yeah, she’s still asleep. She’s dreaming a lovely dream built from a fond memory.
“Seo come on. It’s time for dinner,” I attempt one more time to awaken the girl.
“Dinner?”
“Yeah Seo it’s Chinese.”
“Sounds good,” she smiles and throws off the blanket.
“Let’s go.”
“You go ahead. I still have to get the others.”
“Okay unnie,” she says as she disappears from the doorway.
The bed is still warm from her slumber.
I wonder if instead of our body maybe our dreams create this warmth. When we have dreams that remind us of things we love or help us escape from our twisted reality the bed becomes warm and comforting. It’s the feeling of never wanting to leave.
But a bad dream?
Cold, desolate, waking up screaming. The bed suddenly become something you throw yourself out of. Something that monsters lurk under, taunting you with their glowing red eyes, claws raking through the carpet.
Am I being weird? Maybe a little morbid? Sorry.
I’m suddenly thinking more deeply than usual.
Maybe because the world has become so different so suddenly.
_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
As I walk to Tiffany and my room to fetch her and Jessica I run into Sunny.
“Going to dinner?”
“Yeah,” she brushes by without another word.
“Tiff? Sica?” I rap my fist on the door but no one answers.
Wait a second? This is my room.
“Stupid,” I mumble as I dig my room key from my pocket.
“You guys it’s time for… holy what happened in here?!”
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