Not a word left Minseok’s lips.

He was shocked, yes, but mostly because of himself and less because of the girl across from him.

Once the initial shock wore off, he realized that it stemmed from being disappointed in himself. He usually could have realized what the other was thinking, including those thoughts of being suspicious that he truly did know what they were thinking. He always thought that he would have known when she was going to say those unthinkable words to him.

Yet, he was still surprised. Perhaps he didn’t think that she would say it so early, that in fact, those who were wary of him and had an inkling of it never actually stayed long enough to say it. Or perhaps it was because how she said it, so relaxed and without hesitation.

How her words came out so effortlessly, like it wasn’t anything to think about. She said it without thinking how it affected him, how it affected her, and how it would affect their current relationship. It left a somewhat bitter taste in his mouth, but one that cleanse the palate.  But he was still unsure about how he felt.

He had yet met someone who was bold enough to blurt it right out, even there were countless before who suspected it. Until now that is.

He knew he had to answer her, and he had half a mind to deny it smoothly but decided against it.

“I…”

But he paused and thought a little harder about what he was doing. And once he did, unpleasant memories came flooding back. Memories he thought he had locked away long ago.

He looked at her smiling face that mimicked the one he saw eight years ago. That smiling face that changed how he looked at people completely.

And then he realized how he let the one thing he swore he wouldn’t, let it affect him again. The thing called emotions. He was swept up with her pace that he didn’t realize this was the one thing he wanted avoid.

That there was a reason why he believed having a rational view without any personal feelings on his surroundings was the best way to live his life. Why he lost hope in all and shunned those who tried.

He closed his eyes and took several deep breaths.

Kyungjin tilted her head at the boy who had not spoken for over a minute. “I?” she prompted.

He opened his eyes, and she slightly narrowed her eyes. Because those eyes which she thought she saw a hint of spark in them was gone. And all that was left was steel-hardened eyes devoid of any emotions she thought she once saw.

“Minseok? Are…”

“And what of it?” he interrupted rigidly.

She flinched at his tone. It wasn’t biting or rude, but detached, like he wasn’t truly looking at her.

“I…” she began, flustered on what to say.

“Then we are done here. Shall we go back?”

“I … I suppose?”

She stared at him with confused eyes, but he didn’t spare her a second look as he walked straight ahead without looking back, without hearing her answer, her true feelings.

The walk back was nothing but silent. Even the regular critters who normally declared their voices in chips and calls were silent.

Minseok had always walked just a bit further in front of Kyungjin. And this time was no different. All she could see was his solitary back. And not once did he look back.

She couldn’t believe that it was only a few minutes ago that he was casually looked back once in a while as if he was checking up on her.  

She was slightly beating herself over her words. It was obvious that her words had affected him somehow. In a way she didn’t know how.

And she knew that perhaps she shouldn’t have blurted those words out so suddenly. Her blunt personality and her tendency to say her thoughts without thinking had caused her several problems before in the past, but this time she felt like this time had destroyed the relationship between Minseok and her they possibly had.

And despite her habit, she knew that there were times where you simply had to shut your mouth and stay silent. And this was that time, but she knew that she wouldn’t stay silent for long.

Minseok dropped her off at her room and simply and quickly said his goodbyes. He could see that she had something to say and was holding back from saying it. That originally would have surprised him, given her tendency for saying what she thought out loud, but now he simply didn’t care.

Before he stepped out of the room, he took one last look back.

He saw her standing, smiling wistfully. Something harmless as that.

But his eyes were clouded with darkness and her image changed to something more sinister.

All he could see was darkness and a mocking smirk on that disgusted face.

“You’re nothing but a monster.”

He closed his eyes and shook his head lightly. He stepped out of the room and walked away, daring not to look back again.

He got home when the sun was setting. The vibrant red and orange colors signaled the end of another day. And he was greeted by his mother who was setting up dinner.

She smiled when he came in. In fact, Minseok’s mother approved greatly of the arrangement Minseok and Kyungjin came up. She even promised to keep it a secret from Kyungjin’s mother.

And more than Minseok simply corresponding with other people, she was happier about the fact that Misneok had recently become more responding. That she wasn’t merely only greeted and responded with a basic nod or a shake of the head. He was now putting effort to keep up a conversation. She wasn’t sure if he knew that he was, but it was pleasant enough that she didn’t mind if it was subconsciously done.

“How was your day?” she asked while she brought a plate over to the dining table.

“Fine.”

She looked up and took a closer look at her son. She frowned on what she saw. No longer did she see the same person she saw this morning. The disgruntled young man who complained secretly about going to the hospital every week was gone and replaced with someone she recognized from a while back. Someone who thought the whole world was worthless.

“Are you alright?” she asked worriedly.

He gave his mother a polite nod. “Yes.”

“Minseok…” she said slowly, testing the waters.

He didn’t reply, only sitting down at the table and setting the bowls in its proper places. He began eating silently, while his mother, after a moment hesitation, followed suit.

Dinner was quiet with hardly any words passed amongst the two family members. It ended quickly, and Minseok helped his mother clear the table. Even that finished quickly, and before Minseok could leave, his mother spoke up.

“Minseok, if there’s anything you want to say, I’ll listen.

He paused slightly before continuing putting the dishes away. “I don’t believe there is. Ah, actually there is.”

His mother looked expectantly at him.

“Please tell Kyungjin that I won’t be coming next week and the week after that. Actually, I don’t plan on returning at all.”

“What? Why?” his mother asked, astonished.

“Simply because. I feel like she can understand my sentiments.”

“Minseok, wait!” she cried out. But it was too late.

Minseok had swiftly left and making his mother feeling more perplexed than before.

Almost a week later, his mother told Minseok that she had relayed his message to Kyungjin and that she was not happy at all with his decision. She told him that she had tried to persuade her that this what he wanted, but she was sure that Kyungjin was clearly upset.

“Are you sure that this is the right decision? I’ll support you no matter what, but I think that this arrangement actually benefitted you.”

Minseok swiveled his head to look at his mother as he was about to set one foot on the stairs. “Perhaps it isn’t the right decision. But it is what I want.”

Minseok knew that his mother was worried about him, but the thought that he should do something about it never passed him.

Recently, his room had become his own personal sanctuary where he now spent most of his passing time. Simply breathing the air in his room allowed him to calm down, allowed him to think more clearly.

He now remembered why he loved books so much. Because they allowed him to become immersed into their worlds completely, leaving no room for any thoughts about the real world to intrude. There was basically no space for him to contemplate about things that bothered him or worried him. Not that there was any. Or so he told himself.

Finishing the last book he had in his room, he closed his eyes. His eyelids were heavy and studded with sleep. And after helplessly resisting the urge to fall asleep, he allowed sleep overtake him.

It was dark, pitch dark, that he couldn’t see anything. He strained his eyes for any source of light, of anything that he could at least distinguish vaguely. But the dark made it impossible for him too.

He tried to move, but it was if he body would not obey him. As if his body was frozen from fear or shock, but his own mind was working clearly.

A pair of white orbs suddenly gleamed from the darkness, and with closer inspection, Minseok realized that they were eyes. Dark and sullen eyes.

Then a mouth. A mouth that began to twist and deform, opening and closing, producing a cackling laugh.

“Minseok, oh, Minseok.”

Minseok widened his eyes at the recognition of the voice and struggled to move, to escape this nightmare.

“You’re nothing but a monster,” the voice spat out.

“How could you ever think you were normal? You can’t ever be normal.”

Minseok closed his eyes and grimaced, trying to shut out the noise, from both the spoken words and the hidden ones.

“Remember that, Minseok. Remember that for the rest of your life. And don’t you ever forget.”

He opened his eyes in terror, breathing heavily from the dream. He sat up in his bed and put a hand to his forehead.

He hadn’t had that dream since high school. Eight years ago.

It was nightmare that he witnessed in reality, and now it was still haunting him in his dreams.

He glanced at the clock. It was still early in the afternoon.

He needed to leave, get out from the now stuffy room that seemed to be closing in on him.

He grabbed his jacket and silently walked out of the house, letting his feet lead him wherever they may take him.

And they took him to the business areas of town and finally in front of a small building, hidden away from the rest of the bigger stores.

A bookstore with old-fashioned windows and exterior that was painted cream white.

Minseok pushed the door open, letting the waft of old paper parchment envelop him.

Books. Books calmed him.

“Hi! Do you need help?”

Minseok turned to look at the young man sitting behind the counter with reading glasses on his nose and a book in his hand.

He shook his head “no” and looked at the aisles of books lined up neatly next to each other. He walked over to the first row he saw and skimmed through the line.

Books from informative to picture books to self-help books were arranged neatly.

“Hey, you got a customer?”

Minseok turned to look again, this time because he recognized the voice.

Another young man poked his head out from one of the backrooms, looking around. He caught sight of Minseok and opened his mouth to an “O” shape.

“Hey, I know you!”

Minseok nodded his head once in acknowledgement and returned to looking at the books.

“You know him, Jongdae?”

“Yeah, he’s the guy that’s been taking Kyungjin out.”

“Oh? That’s him?”

“Yeah, suspicious fellow, ain’t he?” Jongdae muttered.

The other laughed. “He looks perfectly fine to me.”

Minseok finally found a book that grabbed his interest and brought it over to the counter.

“Ah, this is a good book. Excellent choice,” the man said softly as he smiled at Minsoek.

Jongdae snorted. “Don’t you say that about every book?”

The young man glared at him. “I don’t say that about every book, just those that I like.”

“Which is like every book,” Jongdae retorted.

Minseok cleared his throat, bringing both the two other males’ attention back onto him.

“Sorry,” the man in front apologized sheepishly. After a brief pause, he smiled softly again. “You’re from out of town, aren’t you? I’m Jongin. It’s nice to meet you.”

Minseok nodded once. “Minseok,” he replied.

Jongdae rolled his eyes and got up from the position from where he was leaning against the wall. “Yay, now we’re all friends.” He leaned over and squinted his eyes at Minseok.

“Actually, I wanted you to know, Kyungjin pretty pissed at you,” he started out slowly.

Minseok stared blankly at him.

Jongdae threw his hands in the air. “Just wanted to let you know. No need for you look at me like that.” He pointed a finger at him. “But I’m just warning you since Kyungjin’s been a little snappy lately. Don’t want to see you dead in some ditch somewhere.”

Jongin hit Jongdae slightly on the arm. “Jongdae! Don’t say that.”

Jongdae scowled at the other male and directed his attention back to Minsoek. “Look, I don’t know what happened between you two, but, I can’t believe I’m saying this, work it out, will ya? God, Kyungjin’s moodiness is killing me.”

Minsoek merely blinked at Jongdae.

Jongin shook his head. “There’s a reason for everything, even the simplest of things. I’m sure Minseok has his reasons, as well as Kyungjin. You can’t force anything unless you communicate with each other.”

“That’s why I’m saying work it out! Were you not listening?” Jongdae shouted at Jongin.

He smiled back at Jongdae. “I must have not heard it over your overpowering stupidness.”

“Jongin. I’m going to kill you!”

Minseok calmly paid for the book and left, leaving the two boys squabbling.

Once they realized that he had left, they paused their fight to contemplate his odd behavior.

“It might be me, but he seemed a bit distant than usual,” Jongdae mused.

Jongin stared at space where Minseok once occupied. “Like I said, there’s a reason for everything.”

“Stop trying to sound like you know everything, you punk! You are younger than me!” Jongdae cried, once again continuing their little bicker.

Minseok walked back to his house, a bit tired from everything that happened today. From his displeasing dream to Jongdae’s forcefulness. All he wanted to do was to relax and read his newly bought book.

When he arrived at his house, he found it odd that his mother wasn’t there, but pushed it aside as something he shouldn’t worry about.

He walked up the creaky stairs, down the hallway, and stopped in front of his door. He turned the doorknob and pushed the door open.

Inside he found everything where he left it, except for the addition of one more thing.

A girl was sitting on his bed, flipping through the book he had left on his bed.

She looked up when she heard him come in and closed the book, putting it aside.

“I’ve been expecting you,” she said with a smile.

A/N: Looks like Minseok’s distrust in society comes closer from a personal experience than anything.

Anyways, it’s been awhile. Sorry for a later update. I had exams again, and then I’ll be having finals soon. I have the smallest of breaks right now, so luckily I managed to make an update.

Thanks for reading and for waiting so patiently!