Memories I

The Secrets of the Mind

“Minseok!”

Minseok could hear the voice calling from far away even with his earbuds, that were connected to his music player, inserted deeply into his ears.

Furthermore, he could hear the irritation in the other’s voice.

And it wasn’t long before he was swatted against the back of his head, causing him to dip forward momentarily before looking up at the newcomer with a slight smile.

“You could hear me, couldn’t you?” Minseok’s friend scowled. “You had to make me look like an idiot. Screaming your name while others watched me with ridiculousness.”

He shook his head viciously, his coppery hair bouncing with him.

“It’s fun,” Minseok replied.

The other frowned. “What? Teasing me? That’s fun?”

Minseok responded with a serious gaze.

“Minseok, I swear…”

“Hey, guys.”

The two looked up at the new brown-haired boy who arrived. His appearance of gasping breath and tired complexion made it obvious that he ran here.

“Sorry, I’m late. My teacher kept us inside until everyone finished. He kept on praising Lee Changsub’s report and wouldn’t stop talking about it.”

“Lee Changsub,” the copper-haired boy mused. “Isn’t he the guy who’s really quiet and smart, but all the teachers love him anyways?”

The brown-haired boy shrugged. “Yeah, he's in our calculus class, and he is pretty smart. I'm sure you know him; you pretty much know everyone, Chanyeol.”

The taller boy laughed at his friend. “Thanks, Baekhyun. But you know, I bet Changsub isn’t as quiet as Minseok over here.”

Minseok rolled his eyes. “I’m quiet by choice. It’s not my fault that everyone else isn’t that interesting.”

Chanyeol laughed as he roughly patted Minseok on the back. “Spoken like a true man. Take lessons, Baekhyun. Minseok knows how it is.”

Baekhyun looked at Minseok briefly before smiling at him. “Of course! Minseok really is the best.”

But behind that smile, there was jealously. Hard bitter jealously that was aimed at Minseok with a cowardly vengeance.

Because he simply was too afraid to step out to do anything and could only throw insults within his mind.

Something typical in high school.

Minseok had realized a few weeks into school that his hope had been slightly misplaced.

High school was undeniably not the place to put any faith on society.

In fact, it was a misinterpretation, as he liked to call it.

High school was the place where you identified with others, formed bonds with others, and set your place for the future.

It was unpredictable. And there was no way that Minseok would be able to use this setting as an example for everyone else.

But despite that, he felt like it was a window to it. That the person that each one made of himself or herself, that would lead to the person that they would become.

And so far, he found it simply tolerable.

He noticed quite quickly the ones he had seen in the society beyond, the conniving foxes who lied for their own gain or the vain ones who only viewed themselves as the best. Still budding in their lies and sly techniques.

He had expected it really, but he didn’t anticipate the magnitude of them.

And there were the ones who rarely spoke to others, living in their own worlds. A bit like him, but with a whole different mentality.

They had lost their self-esteem long ago, wallowing in their own self-pity, convincing themselves that they were better than those around them. Their dark air that shunned people away.

And there were the good-natured people. The ones that Minseok found rare. So rare that he was afraid that they would soon become corrupted. But he had high hopes.

Because he had found one that seemed to make it through all the negativity.

Even Minseok knew that he, himself, wasn’t perfect, that he was lost on society as well. That he would never be the person he himself was looking for. But at least he spoke the truth when he did.

But still, he had high hopes for his friend.

And he found himself thinking he was lucky to have him as a friend.

The way that he so naturally went up to him and introduced him to Minseok, him out of everyone else in the class, it made him slightly happy.

Park Chanyeol. Head full of coppery locks that bounced with his high energy. Eyes that gleamed with pure excitement. And a smile that never ended.

He really did thought he found someone worth believing in.

Who seemed like he was everything he wasn’t.

But perhaps he was so latched on this hope that he ignored the signs.

Oh, so many signs.

 

The first could probably pass off as a normal occurrence.

Something that wasn’t out of the norm.

But something was.

From the outside, it seemed like an extremely outgoing person making a new friend.

But from the inside, it was more than that.

 

“God, that test was brutal. I can’t believe I got a 64% on it,” Baekhyun groaned as he collapsed on the lunch table.

Chanyeol laughed. “It was pretty difficult.” He frowned slightly, his forehead wrinkling with it. “Though I didn’t expect this,” he said as he looked at the red 82% on his paper.

He turned to look at Minseok. “How did you do?”

Minseok shrugged. “I passed,” not bothering to reveal that he gotten an 89% on it.

Chanyeol’s mouth quirked into a quick frown, but didn’t say anything else. Both Chanyeol and Baekhyun had realized that Minseok hardly said anything about himself, only leaving vague answers to their questions. But they learned that it was simply his personality though at times it was irritating.

And Minseok knew that they thought that.

“But did you see what Changsub got?” Baekhyun continued. “A freaking a hundred. And the only one. How is that even possible?”

Chanyeol blinked at him. “I’m sure he deserved it. He probably studied hard for it.”

Minseok frowned slightly. Baekhyun was easy to understand. What he said usually mimicked what he thought, but Chanyeol was different.

Chanyeol was harder to understand. He seemed to say what he meant as well, but there were times where Minseok thought there was a different meaning behind his thoughts layered underneath it.

As it was now. Chanyeol thought the same thing as he said. That Changsub did deserve it, but Minseok could hear his slight irritation at the same person as well.

“Oh, look,” Baekhyun spoke up. “Here he comes now.”

Minseok looked past Baekhyun in the direction of his line of view where he saw Changsub awkwardly walking into the lunch room.

Lee Changsub was the definition of awkward.

He was an introverted person by nature, and Minseok could tell that it was hard for him to make friends.

But even though he was a slow and fumbling kind of person, his intellectual prowess was a sight to behold. He was smart, and he had that for him to go on.

“Lee Changsub!”

Minseok looked away from the startled boy whose name had been suddenly called to the person who said it.

Park Chanyeol.

And a smile on his face directed toward Changsub.

Changsub looked at Chanyeol uncertainly, hesitant to walk over to one of the popular people at school.

Chanyeol laughed good-naturedly and put on a more welcoming aura, gesturing him to come over.

Changsub, after seconds of hesitation, slowly walked over to Chanyeol.

Chanyeol smiled at him. “I heard you got a hundred on the calculus test. That’s awesome. You’re pretty smart to get that.”

Changsub’s eyes widened as his cheeks turned slightly pink. His eyes awkwardly cast to the ground as he muttered a small, “Thanks. It wasn’t anything though. You’re more impressive.”

Minseok knew that Changsub couldn’t believe that Chanyeol was talking to him, and it was obvious that Changsub had no idea what to do.

Chanyeol laughed good-naturedly. “Aw, don’t be so modest! You should take pride in the fact that you’re smart. I could really use your help on next test coming up.”

“R-really?” Changsub murmured in a small voice, glancing up at the taller boy.

Chanyeol nodded and grinned at him. “Yeah, we’re actually planning on studying afterwards, so come join us if you like.”

Minseok watched them with modest interest, but he frowned slightly when he thought he heard a slight edge in Chanyeol’s voice, like he was irritated. But that thought passed quickly as it came and Minseok didn’t think much of it.

But he should have.

 

It was obvious enough to everyone that Changsub had integrated himself into Chanyeol’s group, albeit too smoothly for some. Baekhyun was one of them, a little ruffled in the beginning, but being the person he was, he couldn’t do anything about it.

Rather he wouldn’t. He respected Chanyeol too much. To the point of reverence.

Minseok, on the other hand, honestly did not care what happened.

He was satisfied enough to observe Chanyeol, another whole existence from him.

And Changsub was becoming less withdrawn thanks to Chanyeol.

Changsub admired Chanyeol the same reason Baekhyun did.

Perhaps that is why Baekhyun had finally relented.

Because in fact, as much as he didn’t want to admit it, they were more than one ways similar.

But funny enough, Changsub’s grades began to deteriorate as well, letting Chanyeol claim the top spot. And nobody thought otherwise.

But these days, everything seemed peaceful.

It was so calm that Minseok didn’t know it was the start of a storm.

 

 

Minseok glanced as he passed a large poster sporting his grinning friend.

His eyes were glued on it for a second longer before he turned his eyes to the poster next to it, now picturing a girl with dark flowing hair.

He drew his eyes away from the poster, although it was impossible to completely rid him of the view since they were plastered on the wall throughout the school.

However, he was surprised for a slight moment when he ran into one of them.

Park Joohyun was the epitome of a perfect student. The one who followed the rules, the one who received the highest grades, the one who everyone wanted to befriend.

And although she was all these things and more, she was the type who couldn’t handle a compliment and ran away at the first sight of it.

She looked up at Minseok, startled, her face flushed with a bright red color. “Oh, Minseok,” she mumbled. “Sorry.” She looked like she wanted to run away.

Minseok looked past her to see Chanyeol waving at her. “Good luck on the running! You’ll be a tough competitor to beat. But don’t expect me to let you win either.”

Minseok looked at Joohyun as she blushed even harder and scurried away from her embarrassment.

Minseok eyed her as she turned to corner and away from sight before approaching Chanyeol and Baekhyun.

He looked at both of them and raised an eyebrow in confusion.

Chanyeol, already used to Minseok’s lack of words, knew what he was asking but didn’t explicitly answer him. “She’s cute, isn’t she?”

Minseok shrugged in response. He didn't quite understand Chanyeol's "cute to tease and twist" thought remark.

Baekhyun rolled his eyes. “He was just teasing her. She’s so straight-laced that Chanyeol can’t help but .” His lips then twisted into a scowl as he looked at his friend. “And you! You’re in the running to be student council president! You can’t be fraternizing with the enemy!”

Chanyeol put his hands up in defense. “Aww, don’t get mad Baekhyun. You know that I like to have a little fun once in a while. And I was just teasing her.”

Baekhyun opened his mouth to scold his friend once more, but instead sighed heavily.

“Hey, guys.”

They looked over to see Changsub jogging over to them.

Minseok couldn’t help but to be slightly in awe of the change in Changsub. He was still the introverted person that he was, but the change in style of his clothing and expressions still amazed him. Minseok supposed that’s what happens when you’re friends with Chanyeol.

“Changsub!” Chanyeol exclaimed. “You’re just in time.”

“What’s up?” he asked back.

Chanyeol opened his mouth as if he was going to speak but instead sighed. “You know what. It’s nothing.”

Changsub frowned. “No, tell me what happened.”

Chanyeol bit his lip. “No, it was just I overheard some of the teachers talking about the walls near the basketball courts were vandalized with some graffiti. And I guess I got too ahead of myself and told them I would help clean it up.”

“Ok?” Changsub intoned, not knowing where he was going with this.

“Yeah,” Chanyeol continued, “But I realized that I couldn’t do this all by myself.” He rubbed his head as he smiled sheepishly. “I was going to ask you to help, but I remembered that you usually have to tutor on the weekends.”

“Wait, you didn’t tell me that,” Baekhyun piped up with his forehead creased in perplexity.

Chanyeol shot Baekhyun a look that brought chills down Minseok’s spine before the same boy smiled at his friend and replied, “I was going to ask you after I asked Changsub. I thought that we were good friends enough for me to think you would already do that.” He pouted lightly. “Was I wrong?”

“No!” Baekhyun exclaimed urgently. “I was just wondering why you didn’t tell me first.”

Chanyeol smiled at him. “It’s because I knew I could trust you.”

Baekhyun’s eyes widened before he looked down, his mouth unable to contain the smile on his face.

“I…I can help.”

Everyone looked at Changsub who had spoken up as he fiddled with his fingers. “I can take a day off. I don’t think the tutoring center will mind.”

Chanyeol brightened up as he clapped his hands together in glee. “Really? Great! Thank you, Changsub; I don’t know what I would do without you.”

Changsub looked away in embarrassment, also unable to hide his smile.

“And you Minseok? Are you going to come?” Chanyeol asked as he turned and tilted his head at him.

Minseok looked up at his friend from where he was lounging at his chair and shrugged. “Probably not. It doesn’t interest me.”

“You won’t even do it for your best friend?” his friend gasped as he dramatically threw his fist against his chest.

Minseok only responded with a blank stare.

Chanyeol peeked at him with one eye before laughing. “Well, if you did offer your help, I would really worry that something was wrong with you.”

Minseok simply snorted and smiled.

 

Minseok shifted in his chair, his hand propped against his cheek as he watched his classmates stumble in one after another.

And funny enough, Minseok was bored. Chanyeol hadn’t come to class yet, and it made Minseok realize how much he depended on his friend in more ways than one.

“Did you hear?” one his classmates exclaimed. “Park Joohyun dropped out of the race for student president!”

Minseok looked up in light surprise to see two of the classmates in front of his whisper loudly. He tried to remember the two, one with dark black hair and a loopy smile and the other with brown chestnut hair and a charming smile. Too bad Minseok never cared to learn their names.

“What?” the other hissed. “She was head-to-head with Park Chanyeol! It even looked like she was going to win! What made her drop out so suddenly?”

His friend looked around and leaned closer. “I don’t really know the details, but I heard she not only dropped out of the race and is instead going for vice-president.”

“That doesn’t even make any sense. I was totally rooting for her. Chanyeol’s cool, but I thought Joohyun would be the better choice for president.”

“Right? And I even heard it was because of Chanyeol that she dropped out.”

At this point, Minseok was confused.

He was confused because he didn’t know why Joohyun dropped out of the race. In fact, it made no sense to him with every way he looked at it.

He supported his friend, of course, but he didn’t care who was president either way.

But he remembered when the midway poll results showed that Joohyun was in the lead and how Chanyeol reacted.

Peeved. Angry. Frustrated.

A normal reaction, Minseok thought, knowing that his rival was winning.

But it was reaction afterwards that Minseok thought was odd.

Chanyeol smiled. A cunning one,.

And Minseok remembered asking his friend if he was alright.

And Chanyeol had responded with simple, “I’m fine. Perfectly fine.”

And he had left Minseok saying that he had “something” to do.

Minseok knew it had something to do with Joohyun, but not what exactly.

And he was afraid to think this is what he had to do.

“But why would Chanyeol do that? He doesn’t seem like the type to sabotage his opponents,” the boy in front of him continued, bringing Minseok's attention back to them. “I even heard that he went to school over the weekend and helped clean up that graffiti mess. Not only that, he helped catch the culprits.”

“Really? Huh, Chanyeol’s more capable than I thought.”

Minseok’s eyes wandered when he caught sight of Changsub who was sitting diagonally from him and next to the two boys.

It appeared that he wasn’t the only one who was listening to their conversation.

Minseok wasn’t able to tell what Changsub was thinking, but with his stiff appearance and furrowed eyebrows, anyone could see that their words bothered him.

“Changsub,” Minseok began to say.

But Changsub jumped up before Minseok could say anything more, something else catching his attention.

“Chanyeol, could I speak to you?”

Chanyeol, who had finally entered the classroom, looked over to the boy who had called out his name and walked over to his desk.

“What’s up, Changsub?”

The other boy looked nervously around, his voice quieted down to a hush. “It’s about this last weekend. You didn't...”

Chanyeol’s eyes darkened at the sound of his words. “Not now. Later,” he mumured as he interrupted him. And he brushed Changsub off, his threatening demeanor now gone and his cheerful one back in place.

Changsub looked nervous as he slumped down in his chair, obviously downtrodden.

But one thing Minseok that caught him off guard was what Changsub was thinking.

According to his thoughts, Chanyeol hadn’t gone during the weekend to help clean the graffiti.

Even though everyone else thought he did.

Unable to catch Changsub after class since Chanyeol whisked him off, Minseok settled for the second best.

Baekhyun looked up to see Minseok sitting in the empty seat in front of him.

“Can I ask you a question?”

Baekhyun looked at Minseok oddly before shrugging and going back to his doodling. “What’s up?”

“Did Chanyeol come to school to help clean the graffiti?”

Baekhyun froze, his pencil lead breaking off from the extra pressure he was putting on it.

“Ye-yeah, he did. Why?”

Minseok shook his head. “Just asking. Thanks.”

Baekhyun nodded nervously, unable to look Minseok in the eye.

Minseok walked back to his seat, his peripheral vision still trained on Baekhyun. He was lying. But why?

 

Weeks passed and Minseok was unable to get an answer from anyone.

Changsub had clammed up and started hanging out with them less frequently and Baekhyun stuck to his story.

And Minseok couldn’t ask Chanyeol. He just couldn’t.

So he settled to let the matter go, feeling like it wasn’t his business to get involved. Yet, there was nagging feeling that told him everything wasn’t right.

And in terms of the race, Chanyeol won by a landslide. Ever since his biggest contender, Joohyun, dropped out, it was obvious that he would win. Even the smaller candidates, no matter how big their supporters were, could not best Chanyeol.

Joohyun had received the vice-president chair, also winning by a landslide.

And Minseok felt like everything came out so perfectly for Chanyeol.

But perhaps it is because he’s simply the type of person who attracts others to him. Like moth to a flame. You can’t help but to like him. A person who works for what he wants. A person who will eventually rise to the top.

That’s what he told himself.

But a small part of him, a part that was growing increasingly in size, told him otherwise.

A part that whispered from the depths of his heart.

But exactly how did he get there?

 

“Oh, I’m sorry.”

Minseok shook his head. “No, it was my fault.” His forehead creased as he realized who he bumped into. “Hello, Park Joohyun.”

“Oh, hi Minseok,” she replied with a bright smile.

Park Joohyun. He hadn’t thought about her ever since the presidential race.

She glanced at her watch, eyes widening. “Oh, I have to go.”

“Wait,” Minseok called out. He hesitated. “Could I ask you one question?”

She paused, looking at him expectantly.

“Why…why did you drop from the position of president?”

She froze, eyes widening once more. “Oh, um.” Her eyes didn’t look at Minseok as she stared off to the side. “I didn’t feel like being president was well suited for me.”

“On, the contrary, I thought you would have made a great one.”

She blushed. “Thank you.” But suddenly her eyes brightened, now having an extra twinkle in them. “But don’t you think Chanyeol makes a better president? He’s everything that I wish to be and more. And he’s done such a great job so far. I feel so lucky to work with him and be with him that I’m glad he suggested to me to take the vice-president position instead.”

Minseok cocked a brow. “What? Be with him? He suggested that you to drop from the presidential seat?”

Joohyun’s hand flew to at the realization of the slip of her tongue. “Oh, I mean, um.”

Minseok’s eyes narrowed. “Joohyun. Please tell me the truth.” A pause there and he continued, “You’re going out with Chanyeol?”

She nervously shifted on her feet, fiddling with her fingers. She finally looked up at Minseok and nodded hesitantly. “Oh, please don’t tell anyone. Chanyeol and I decided to keep it a secret because we were afraid of what people might think and do.”

“I won’t, but could you at least tell me how? Or at least when?”

She smiled happily, trying to suppress it as she reminisced about the memory. "It was during the race; I think right after the midway results came out. Chanyeol kept coming to me for help because if I remember correctly, we were ‘fellow rivals’. And I couldn’t just push him away; he just seemed so sincere and apologetic. And then things lead from one thing another, and before I knew it we were constantly together. And he finally confessed to me. Which I confessed back.” She blushed lightly and continued.

“And one day, he told me that he was sad that we were running against each other and that he would have loved to work together instead. He then joked around and said that I should run for vice-president instead. He got so excited because he was sure that we would both win our respective positions if we did. But he dropped it afterwards and said it was a stupid idea. And after thinking about it, I told him that I would run for vice-president instead. You should have seen him; he looked so panicked and told me that I shouldn’t. But I wanted to. Because I also wanted to work with him. So, then I dropped out and well, that’s what happened.”

Minseok blinked at her. “I see.”

She blushed again. “I’m so sorry for suddenly telling you all that. I haven’t been able to tell anyone, and it’s hard to keep it a secret for so long.”

Minseok smiled lightly at her. “It’s okay. I’ll keep it a secret.”

She smiled in relief. “Thank you, Minseok. And I really have to go.”

He waved her off as he stood there in silence.

He really didn’t want to think about it. He didn’t want to think that Chanyeol would purposely manipulate Joohyun’s feelings for him to gain advantage in the race.

But he remembered a time where Baekhyun had mentioned that he thought Joohyun was cute, and Chanyeol seemed indifferent about it. In fact, he seemed that he almost encouraged Baekhyun. And Minseok was sure in that time period they were supposedly dating.

But he didn’t want to think about it. And he hoped that he was just being paranoid.

But the part Minseok was trying to suppress, the cynical side part of him that simply didn’t believe in anyone anymore, was slowly rising.

Whispering to him that everything about Chanyeol simply didn’t seem right.

That his last final hope was never something to put faith in from the very beginning.

 


A/N: Wow, it’s been a long time. Things just gotten to crazy and I never had time to sit down and write.

But no more school! So hopefully that means more time to write!

So, I’m pretty sure we all know who his past best friend was. Surprised? Or did you expect it?

I actually was planning on putting the two chapters together, but it turned out too long, even for me. So I split it up into two. But I’m planning on updating the next part soon. I don’t know why this took me so long to write, but I kept getting stuck at places.

But hopefully you guys like it.

Like this story? Give it an Upvote!
Thank you!

Comments

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XiuminsKnuts
#1
Chapter 20: Mmm could Chanyeol also hear thoughts or was hin saying monster a reference to him manipulating. The whole layer to his thoughts makes me think he was well aware of true thoughts and hiding them
Baembi
#2
Chapter 30: How could I not have read this before T_T This is literally one of the best Xiumin fics! Aww I wish the surgery will be successful..
MiniMe004
#3
Chapter 30: ....... and she'll die ...... No, I hope everything will end up fine
anitaklr24
#4
Chapter 30: I love it! hope everything is fine!
Have a nice night/ day!
Hugs ^^,
anitaklr24
#5
Chapter 29: I really like it! they are so cute together. Hope the best to Kyungjin!
Have a nice night / day!
Hugs ^^,
ReadTheGems #6
Chapter 29: Your story is so thoughtful and relevant to me. It make me curious as to what life has thrown at you and how you have dealt with it. I am glad to know that there is a person such as yourself out there. Thank you.
Now off to look at any other stories written by you.
k_nana #7
Chapter 29: You know, i didn't even know about the story until i scrolled over xiumin's list of fics and stumbled upon this one n i was damn glad i did. This story means a lot to me because in a way, his character is related to mine a bit in dealing strangers so throughout a series of ur updates, i learnt a lot from ur character of xiumin and for that, thank u, even though ur not expecting this. I will be sad when i finish reading ur fic, but then again, i can just reread it again and again if i want too. Thanks for writing this wonderful fic :)
anitaklr24
#8
Chapter 28: Beautiful chapter! I have a great time reading it! Hugs ^^,
anitaklr24
#9
Chapter 27: Great chapter! Finally they are together!!!I am so happy with this chapter!
Hugs ^^,
anitaklr24
#10
Chapter 26: I don't know why but I cried a little in this chapter. Sometimes, we are like Minseok who put a lot of expectations in Chanyeol without thinking that Chanyeol was a human like him, who makes mistakes.
I am looking forward to the next chapter!
Hugs ^^,