Kris looked at me, tossing the book on the floor.

“8 months. It took me 8 months to find you” He said, his gaze never left my face as he took huge steps towards me, eagerly closing the gap between us. “And it wasn’t even me who found you”

He stopped midway, only a few steps away from me.

“If it’s an apology you want---“I started, trying my best to maintain my cold demeanour but deep down, I was warm. I secretly yearned for his warmth and embrace.

“I don’t need your apology” His eyes squinted. “I don’t need anything from you”

“Then why?” My brows furrowed in confusion.

“I’m here to ask you one thing” Kris said, his arms crossed his chest.

“Ask away” My voice came out more nervous than I expect it to be.

“The day I was kidnapped. You could’ve waited for reinforcements. You could’ve brought men along with you. But you acted alone. And I know you knew the bullet was coming. I haven’t thought much about it but then occurred to me, you shielded my body from the bullet. I just realized it. If the bullet had hit me, you knew I wouldn’t be in critical condition considering the angle, it would’ve just hit my arm. But no. You shielded me, you took the hit without thinking of the risks”

I was awed. I never thought much about it until now.

“Why did you? And don’t you dare give me that crap about protecting me and all. Because I know my life should be protected but little damage is fair. Why would you risk it? A little scratch for your life?”

His voice echoed in the room, his eyes seeking for answers.

“Why?”

Because I’d rather die than see them hurt you

“I’m heartless, cold, and unfeeling. I kill innocent people without thinking twice. I have no conscience and the worse part of it all? I don’t feel anything when I see them die by my hand. You ask me why? WHY DID I SAVE YOU? Because I’m not afraid to die! I was raised to kill and do my job. TO DO WHAT I’M TOLD WITHOUT ASKING QUESTIONS.  And I was doing my very best, no matter what the cost is!” I could feel my cheeks heat up, my chest heaving. I didn’t scream, I didn’t yell. But what I confessed was the most hideous side I kept in me. Unflinchingly, I walked towards him, closing the distance. “If you think you owe me anything, you don’t. It’s already been paid for”

His jaw clenched, his face turned angry. For the first time in my life, I felt inferior to Kris Wu. Seeing him like this was too horrifying to believe.

“COLD? UNFEELING? I DON’T CARE HOW MANY YOU’VE KILLED! YOU DO THAT TO PROTECT PEOPLE! YOU PROTECTED ME! YOU SAY YOU DID IT ALL BECAUSE OF A JOB AND THAT I DON’T OWE YOU ANYTHING! LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING! THAT’S ING BULL! YOU’RE A ING LIAR BECAUSE YOU HATE TO ADMIT THE TRUTH! YOU SPEAK OUT ING LIES BUT I COULD SEE THE DESPERATE TRUTH IN YOUR EYES. YOU KEEP UP YOUR NEVER ENDING FAÇADE, CONSTANTLY REMINDING US, ME, THAT YOU DON’T CARE, BUT DEEP DOWN, YOU CARE MORE THAN YOU WANT TO!” He grabbed me by my shoulders, pulling me closer to him. “YOU’RE A HYPOCRITE!”

I could feel my heart stuck in my throat. He has never yelled at me before. He has always been patient and understanding and playful even at times like this but right now, he’s changed. It’s like he’s grown up into the man I’ve always looked forward to. He didn’t treat me like a fragile girl anymore; he didn’t see me like he used to before. Now, he saw me as a woman he was so desperate to have. The woman who broke his heart and left him bleeding, yet ironically, the same woman who saved his life.

I shook away my feelings, shutting away my screaming heart.

“YOU’RE JUST AFRAID TO LOOK AT THE TRUTH YOURSELF. YOU ASSUME EVERY SINGLE THING. WHAT I DID WAS NOTHING MORE BUT A DUTY, AN ACT TO HONOR MY WORD AND TO REPAY A LONG DUE DEBT.” The words stung him as it did to me. His grip on me softened.

I’m a liar. I’m a sick liar.

“Was I ever even just a friend?” He asked, hurt and betrayal filled his voice. The anger washed away.

“Yes and you will always be” I whispered. Masking the pain and the guilt.

He smiled bitterly as he pulled me into his warm embrace. I started to squirm beneath him but he held me tighter.

“Please, just one last time. Before we say goodbye” He whispered near my ear, caressing my hair at the same time, circling an arm around my waist.

I sighed, defeated.

One last time

My arms embraced his waist, taking in every warmth he could give. My head leaned on his wide chest, smelling his scent. It was the same cologne I gave him last Christmas. I gave out a small whimper.

I’ll be missing you

He pulled away before we could get more intimate. His hand touched my face, memorizing each detail, each line, each crack, each edge. Then, he stopped at my cheek, feeling my warmth under his fingers.

“I guess this is goodbye” He said, tearing his fingers away from my flesh.

“Yes” I said, biting my bottom lip.

“Don’t worry, I’ll never come back unless you want me to” He tried to smile but it came out painful.

“Kris”

“Xu Xian”

We stood apart, like strangers.

“Li Jia Heng” I muttered out his real name.

“Seo Joo Hyun” He said out mine. His lips soften into a smile that cracks apart my spine. He repeats my name like the word amuses him. In all my life, no one has ever said my name like that.

It’s been years since I’ve last heard my REAL name. And it had to come from him.

Kris turned around and walked towards the fallen book. He picked it up and handed it to me.

“Take good care of this” He reminded, brushing my fingers with his before pulling away. He then abruptly turned around, and ran out of the door.

He never even looked back

My legs moved and in an instant, eventhough my brain thought otherwise. I was shocked by my own body. It seems to have read my heart rather than my mind. I caught up to him in a flash. I grabbed his jacket right at the same moment he got down the porch. He stopped, turning to look at me.

“I—“ My breath was running out.

 I’m scared and I’m alone and I want you to stay

“Yes?” He asked, eyes hopeful.

I bit my lip. Words flooded my brain but seem to disappear in my mouth. Why is this so hard?! Why does everything have to be so hard!

“Kris” I pulled him to me. My defences crumbled.

 I love him. I do. I can’t stand the thought of living without him. I love him and I don’t want him to go.

I crashed his lips with mine.

His body registered shock but his lips instantly replied to my need. All the hurt, all the pain, all the lies, everything. It all didn’t matter. It all magically erased. Right there, my empty heart became full. Everything, every crack, every hole, every curve, Kris Wu filled. I was complete. His arms crushed me against his lean body, holding me as if I was his lifeline.

“I want you” I whispered. “I want you and it’s killing me”

He pushed away, smiling. His lips touched my brow.

“I want you more than you want me” He kissed me, this time more passionate than before. Right then, I knew. I chose him. It will always be him. No matter how many times we fight and lie to eachother, we will always choose eachother.

I am his and he is mine. I intend to keep it that way.

updates <3