Donghae’s POV 

I had decided to clean my room as a way to pass the time. By the time that was done, it should be time to go see Hyukjae again. I smiled at the thought and walked over to my closet, which was the first place I’d decided to clean. Everything seemed tidy, but a little reorganizing couldn't hurt. 

I put my hands on my hips as I frowned as I caught sight of a stack of unruly shirts lumped in the corner. I should probably get a crate to put them in. I think the old storage room near the kitchen might have some. I once saw Bom putting them back there…

I decided that was the plan, and headed out my room, and then down the stairs. 

As I was taking my time down the stairs, I caught sight of a flared blue skirt making its way down the hallway. 

“Umma?” I called, taking the steps two at a time to catch up with her. I didn't know she had come back from her Paris trip. She had been gone all week and I didn't except her to be back until tomorrow. 

She paused and glanced at me over her shoulder. When she saw me hustling towards her, she stopped and turned around. Her eyes held no interest and she looked impatient to get going again, but I still smiled as I came to stand in front of her.  

“I didn't know you got back today,” I said, playing with my thumbs, watching her give me another impatient look before going back to the tablet in her hands. She began to walk again and I fell into step beside her. 

“Yes, I just arrived,” came her clipped response.

“How was your trip?” I asked politely, taking note of the new ring on her finger— a souvenir from Paris I suppose. 

“Excellent,” she answered curtly again in the same blank tone. She paused when we reached the end of the hall and adjusted the expensive gold watch on her hand, lifting an eyebrow at me, almost as if she was unsure as to why we were having this conversation.

Just then her phone rang, and she spared me another look before bringing it up to her ear. 

“Yes?” she answered, her voice taking on a more cheery sound. “Don’t worry. My flight leaves in an hour. I assure you that I’ll be there in time.”

“Y-You’re leaving again? But you just got back…” I asked when she hung up. 

“Business is business.”

“Where are you going?” 

“Singapore for a very unnecessary meeting, but as I’ve said, business is business.”

“B-But that means you won’t be here on Wednesday.”

“Why does it matter if I’m here or not?” she asked, though she looked as though she was focused more on the tablet than on me.

“It’s my first day of college and it’s orientation day. Parents were welcome, and I just though you would want to go…” I said timidly. She didn't seem fazed by this new information and in fact looked more uninterested. 

“I don’t know what you were expecting, but you should know by know that I’m too busy to attend such a petty thing,” she said, sounding annoyed as she started walking again, leaving me behind.

But you made such a big deal when Leeteuk went off to college. You took the day off and spent the entire day with him. You even got him a congratulatory present. You doted on him like you always do.

Why not me? 

I almost expected myself to be disappointed and just accept her answer. But for some reason, I felt… angry. Why did she always have to cast me aside? Was I not good enough to be her son? I mean, I understand I might not be the best, but she treated me like I was a nuisance, instead of her child. What made it even worse was knowing that she was only like this with me. She held Leeteuk on a high pedestal and would move mountains to make him happy. It wasn't that I hated Leeteuk, no in fact I adored him. I was just mad at her. 

And at the moment, something in me snapped, and suddenly, I wasn't thinking right.

“All you do is work.” She stopped mid-stride and turned with narrow eyes, looking at me as if she couldn't believe I’d just talked back to her. “You’ve never done anything for me. I was never your first priority in anything. It’s always work work work. And when you’re not working, you find something to do where you don’t have to be around me. Why was it never like that with Leeteuk? I’ve always tried to be good, so why? Why do you hate me so much?!” I didn't realize my voice had escalated. The tears were now drowning my eyes and my throat burned with the taste of bile as if I would throw up. 

Then I realized what horrible thing I’d just done. Oh god. I didn't mean that. I’m sorry, I wanted to say. I felt so guilty and I wanted to apologize, but the words couldn’t form in my mouth. 

“How dare you,” she threatened suddenly, startling me.  

“I’m sorry. I-I didn't know why I said that.” I pleaded, trembling as her face twisted further with rage. Her eyes flashed hatefully and curled up into a sneer. 

“You ruined my life!” she spat, her eyes wild with hatred. “It’s your fault they left and I’ll never forgive you!” she screamed. “You made them leave! I loved them both but because of you they left me! You bastard child!” 

I didn't understand what was happening. my ears were ringing with her yelling. “W-What are you talking about?” I asked desperately. She heard it and laughed. 

“How could I ever love you? Because of you, Leeteuk’s father found out I was having an affair with your good for nothing father! He wasn't supposed to find out but you ruined everything. Not only did my husband leave, but your father left me too. See? You're own father didn't even want you. I sure as hell didn't want you, but I kept you hoping that he’d come back. But he never did. None of them did. And it’s your fault!”

I felt like I couldn't breathe with the way my lungs were contracting violently as I tried to swallow down my tears. I could barely process what she’d just said, but she kept going. 

“You were never supposed to be born. Your father left me when he found out. And then Leeteuk’s father left when he found out. They both left because of you! How does it feel to know that because of you, Leeteuk had to grow up without his father?! You ruined both of our lives!”

For a moment, nothing moved. The tears had almost stopped mid-fall, my mind stopped processing anything, and I couldn't do anything but stare at her, watching the way she looked so raw with emotion as if what she’d just told me was the truth. 

M-My father? I was the unwanted child of an affair?

But that couldn’t be. 

Because I meant something to her. She wanted me. She loved me. Right?

“W-W-What?” I whispered through the tears.

“God, you really are illiterate,” she spat.

The air was thick and I suddenly had a hard time breathing. I couldn't do anything, but listen helplessly as she kept going, shouting about how pathetic and useless I was. I felt like she was ripping my to pieces with all that she was saying. I could barely hear it all because my own mind my started screaming at me that everything she was saying was right. 

I was unwanted. I was never supposed to be here. I ruined my mother’s life. I ruined my brother’s family. I did nothing but cause people misery. 

Soon, everything started to feel numb and I sunk to my knees, grabbing at my head and shaking it furiously to stop the everything. Stop! Stop! Stop! 

It was after the third time that I realized I had screamed the words out loud. 

“How dare you speak so rudely to your mother!” I barely heard the angry click of her shoes as she came close, smacking my harshly across the head. I whimpered, excepting another hit. But before she could, I heard heavy boots clomping urgently down the hall. 

“Donghae?” someone called out to me. 

Matthew’s voice sounded down the hall and when he came closer and saw what was happening, his eyes hardened instantly and he sent my mother the scariest look I’d ever seen on him. He pushed past her and came straight for me. 

“Donghae, son?” I felt thick arms grab onto my shoulders, pulling me off the ground and holding me against him. Through the blurry haze of tears, I saw Matthew, eyes wide and worried. 

“M-Matthew,” I just cried more when I caught a glimpse of my mother over his shoulder. She was glaring at us, her own tears streaking down her face, but she didn't seem bothered by them. 

“Get out of the way, Matthew, this is a family matter,” she barked, taking a step towards us, but stopped dead in her tracks when Matthew threw her another hard glare.

“You’re not his family,” Matthew sneered over his shoulder, grabbing onto me more firmly when more hurtful sobs tore through my throat. Hearing him say that was like another slap in the face. 

She looked like she wanted to explode, but Matthew gave her a warning look as he carefully pulled me away from her. 

I didn't want to move, didn't want to do anything except just cry and scream to my heart’s content, but I numbly followed the insistent tugging that was pulling my away from my mother and towards the front of the house. 

I let myself be ushered into the back seat of the car. The harsh slam of the door caused me to jump, and I looked at Matthew when he got into the driver seat. 

He looked enraged, but he managed to compose it when he turned to look at me with sympathy in his eyes. 

“I’m sorry about this, Donghae. I wish you didn't have to find out that way,” he said, his eyes dropping down as if he couldn't bare to see the hurt on my face anymore. 

“You knew?” I asked, the sobs causing my voice to shake pathetically. 

“I heard the yelling. I’m sorry it took so long for me to find you, but it’s a pretty big house,” he said, trying to lighten the situation, but I didn't feel up to it. Matthew looked like he understood. He didn't say anything else about the fight, and just reached into the back seat to pat my hand. It was a small gesture, but it was comforting. 

“You can’t stay here,” Matthew said. “I can take you over to Kyuhyun’s place, or you’re welcome to stay at mine, but right now I won’t let you go back in that house.”

“Hyukjae,” I heard myself say between the tears. I don’t know why but he was the one I wanted to be with right now. 

Matthew looked hesitant, but one look at me and he nodded. He turned around and started the car, and soon we were driving. 

The car was dead silent so I had to listen to my own dreadful sobs that I tried to stifle down, but the whole incident kept replaying itself over and over in my head and I couldn't stop. But I tried to be quiet for Matthew. 

Matthew must’ve drove well above the speed limit because we pulled up in front of hyukjae’s building in no time.

I don’t know how I ended up here, but one minute I was still in the car and the next Sungmin was panicking in front of me, using his hands to wipe my tears, looking as if some tears of his own were forming. 

“Please,” I heard Matthew say from beside me. “Can you get Hyukjae?” 

That was all it took before Sungmin was running off down the hall, knocking someone out of the way in his haste. While he was gone, Matthew pulled me over to one of the chairs in the waiting area. He crouched in front of me and pulled a couple tissues out of the box that was on the table beside us and used them to dab at my face. 

 A few sniffles and shaky breaths later, Hyukjae was emerging from the hallway. He stopped in his tracks when he saw me. 

“Donghae?”

that fight escalated way too quickly but i couldnt write it any better. maybe i'll fix it up later. 

and i promise the next chap will not take long.