“Have you had your lunch?”

It was a typical question that he would asked her every single day, when the clocked has strike past 12 in the afternoon. It was another excuse, of which he could take her out for a date during work time. She would faintly smile at him, shyly nodding her head, despite the fact that they’ve been together after years. He would be a complete idiot afterwards, smiling and grinning.

The Monday morning seems casual, yet slightly gloomy. Something about it seems out of place and Kim Joon Myeon couldn’t help but worry even more. Somehow, something inside him hasn’t been in peace for the past week. He hasn’t been living properly and at times he’d wonder why. He used to be living very well, everything was a fit in, and the happily-ever-ending story was right in front of him. But these days, it was out of his grasp.

The morning passed quickly, as it was filled with twice amount of work than usual. Everything was done by him, alone. He was the CEO indeed, but it seems being a CEO doesn’t make anything easier. He felt lonely though, unlike usual. He needed the company that has been missing for the past week. His heart, somehow, the feeling was out of his grasp.

It was then, when he realized an hour has passed since lunch time. He wondered since when did he start to miss out lunch time. He used to love it a lot, that sometimes he’d give his employee some extra time or sometimes he’d sent them lunch for free. His desk was messy, unlike usual, when he always had someone to help him. But it seems, something has indeed gone out of its place. He felt tired, but still he looks forward to lunch, knowing it would be as exciting as ever. Swiftly, he tidied up his messy desk, before tidying himself up.

“Have you had your lunch, Jieun?”

He blurted out the typical question he has always been asking her for the past years. He had his own trademark, that cheeky smile that always made her giggled. He still looked nervous and shy, as always, despite the fact that it was normal for him to ask her out. Still, those heart-thumping feelings lived inside him.

But then, there were no giggles, no chuckles, nothing but the thrilling silence. It made him wonder what has gone wrong. Usually, her voice would fill the room in no time, giving it a perfect harmony of her gentleness. Her gaze would sweetly meet his, her lovable brown orbs. Her scent would suddenly overwhelm him. Her hand would suddenly be in his grasp, she would be so close. But today, there was no answer. He could barely feel her presence.

He looked to his right, where another desk that belongs to her was located. It was empty, it was left empty. He looked horrified, spotting it once again empty. It has been this way for the past few weeks, him trying to regain back what has gone. But soon, he turned back to the calm man he was famous for, his horrified look turning to a rather relieves one. She’s gone. He’d have to accept that fact sooner or later.

She’s gone.

***

“Kyungsoo,” he called out one of his employee.

It was late at night; most of his employee has gone home to rest. Some stayed up late, giving some of their work the finishing touch, simply to let their mind rested in free later on. Kim Joon Myeon rather than wanting to finish his worked, he was scared to go home, knowing she was no longer there to accompany him.

“Yes?”

“Your car broke yesterday, am I right?” The younger boy nods, “take mine home. Just don’t forget to pick me up early in the morning.” Joon Myeon tossed his car keys toward the boy who could only stares at him with wide eyes.

“Bu – but… but…” Kyungsoo stammers.

“Have I ever told you not to question your boss? Go home, it’s late. Just don’t forget to pick me up tomorrow.”

He went out, leaving the younger boy dumbfounded with the car keys still hanging in his palms. Joon Myeon was slightly broken, slightly eaten by the pain bit by bit, day by day. Ever since she left, life hasn’t been such a good friend. He ruffled his hair, taking a stroll downtown. He felt so empty, so lonely, that it felt so scary.

The night was colder than usual; it was supposed to be warm though. The wind seems so rough on him, as he ruffled his hair in frustration. Today too, he needed some fresh air to freshen his mind and soul. He was tired, dead tired, that he no longer knows what was right or wrong. He had that faint smile, signaling he was tired, signaling he was in pain. He has been waiting in silence, for the pain to be gone.

“Where are you going? Did you give your car key to another random employee?”

“Chanyeol, it’s you again.” He let out a sigh, showing a bitter smile to the taller man, “He has a name, Chanyeol. It’s Kyungsoo.”

“The frog eye? I don’t like him. He seems too weak to be a man.” He remarked, “Where are you going this late at night?” He demands for an answered.

“Home, of course. Where do you think I am going? I just need some fresh air.”

“And ended up being completely wasted in a bar? You’ve been repeating this over and over again for a week – tossing you car key to a random employee, getting some fresh air, and ended up being completely wasted later. I’ll have to pick you up sometime later, it’s annoying.”

“Sorry. You could just ignore the calls.”

“Darn it! Why do you have to put my number on the speed dials?” He cursed out, but then softens at the sight of his best friend being horribly in pain. “Jieun wouldn’t like it, would she? She’d hate seeing you grieving over her like this.”

Joon Myeon let out another long sigh, again smiling bitterly, knowing what the man has blurted out is completely true. She wouldn’t be happy at all, if she ever knows how painful he has been living lately. But there was nothing he could do about it. He walked away, trying to free himself from the guilt that suddenly comes to strained him. The silence was killing him so badly.

“Just let me off tonight. Just tonight.” He requested sincerely, and the taller man finally walks away.

***

The rain was pouring outside. The sky has turned grey. The bright morning suddenly turned gloomy and Kim Joon Myeon could only wonder why. Everything seems so black and white and he did not know why. But slowly, it became unclear, it turned grey. He was left confused, losing himself in the midst of the pain that was slowly killing him.

He was lazy, unlike usual. He wanted to lie down a bit more on his bed, to close his eyes a bit more, before accepting the reality. He naively thought, if he ever shut his eyes closed, maybe this all will be unreal. It would be merely a nightmare, and he might regain her back to his side. But no matter how much he shut both his eyes closed, it was impossible to regain her back. It was a mere naïve thought that would only hurt him even more in the end.

He stared blankly at the ceiling, as his hands tried to reach for the presence that used to be next to him. She was no longer there. She was a part of him, yet she was no longer there. How is he going to continue living without her? He wondered how, yet it was a fact how he needs to continue living in the end.

His phoned vibration snapped him out of his string of thoughts. It was his mom, worrying after his condition ever since she left. It was his mom, asking him if he had prepared for the event later once the rain stopped. No, he hasn’t prepared himself. In fact, he tried hard to escape from reality, wondering if he could ever escape the event. He was scared, although he didn’t show it. He was sad, although no tears could ever escape his dark eyes.

It was still slightly pouring outside, but it seems they could not postpone it any longer. He anxiously looked outside the window, wondering about things. His string of thoughts has become longer than expected, he was thinking about so many things, trying to distract himself. He tried hard not to break down; it was forbidden for him to break down. Although it hurts so much, she would hate to look at him being broken. He needs to stay strong.

After all, he could not escape from reality. He wore his last piece of clothing, the black cardigan, slightly turning gloomy because of it. He tidied himself up; he wanted to look great in front of her, before saying goodbye. He was shaking, his hands were trembling, yet he managed to hide it well. He exited the door, driving his car off somewhere, with lots of thoughts in mind.

He wasn’t late; instead he was one of the earliest. He was supposed to be the earliest though, but the fear was eating him up. He could not bear it, after all he’s just a mere human being. He stared blankly at the black casket, where she silently lies. He hasn’t seen her ever since she left; he was scared that he might break down. But today, he has no option but to face her. He wonders, how do you say goodbye to someone forever?

He has her favorite white rose in his hand. Just like how she looks, the white rose was pure and gentle, it looked kind and sweet. It began and he has no time to prepare himself. He followed it in vain, her funeral, as she left him forever. He was scared; he could not lie about it. He was very scared, he wanted to break. Suddenly, he felt so helpless and weak. He was too broken, as much as he tried to deny it, he was very broken.

His last goodbye was a goodbye without a word. She looked so peaceful, sleeping inside the casket, not to mention beautiful. She was very beautiful, dressed in beautiful white dress, as she bid her last goodbye. She looked cold though, will she be lonely? He wondered. Will she be okay? He wondered. Will they meet again? He wondered. He broke after all, he cried silently, as the pain engulf him even more.

He hold her cold hand, hoping she’d come back to life. But deep down he knew he would have to let her go. He placed his white rose on her hand, and smiled at how it perfectly fits her. It was the goodbye he bid her, with his tears staining her cold hand. He wondered if she’s in the same pain as he is. It was the hardest goodbye one could ever feel in life.

It took him a long time to let go off her hand. He stared at their hands, interlaced against one another for the last time. The diamond ring he had given to her shines brightly, it was matching with his. Their couple ring, a sign of their marriage, he wondered if there would be another chance in the future. He will miss her a lot, he will never be able to fully let go of her. In fact, it might be impossible.

He let go off her, although it was hard. Yet he was bound to her after all. He watched her, bidding her goodbye to the world and to him. The silent goodbye to bid someone forever. That time, he thought life is finally going to stop. He thought after she left, his life would be over, even time would stopped. But no, it goes on, it forced him to live in pain day by day. Life, it goes on.

***

Life goes on.

Today, too, he is completely wasted. 

Author Note

Hello. I have seen a lot of EXOIU request. I'll try to fulfill them once I'm inspired too. Now, now, let's see how well this chapter turned out to be. It's supposed to be very angsty, I tried to make it that way but I guess it lacks of angst. I tried to describe a person feelings while waiting for a funeral. I guess it didn't really work out. Tell me what do you think. I hope this is a good enough angst.