The question first came to me when I was 13. I remembered my mom being overly amused at me for my answer. When I was 13, my mom decided it wouldn’t be long before I started falling in love, dating, and heartbroken. It was about time to bring the topic out. My mom was very sensitive when it came to perfect timing. She liked perfect timing so much.

Perhaps, I was too young back then. I was too innocent and naïve to be asked about such a question. So, of course, my answer came out naïve and dream-like, less realistic, and childish. My mom responded well to it, she patted my head and smiled a motherly smile. I figured my answer was right and perfect, but once I grew up, I understood her respond. It was a lovely respond indeed.

As any teenager would eventually have to deal with, my mom asked me about “the one”. Before I fell in love and dated and ended up broken-hearted, it was about time for me to seek something in men. What kind of person would be my ideal type? What kind of men would I fell for? She asked me who I would like to be my “the one”.

My answer came out very naïve, of course. I told her I want to meet this typical man: handsome, tall, with well-built body; he has to be attractive and very charming; a handsome genius and rich. I wanted a prince-like man as my suitors. He has to handsome: fair skin, pointy nose, kissable lips. He has to be tall, at least 10 inch taller than me, and well-built to be strong. He has to be smart, so my brain wouldn’t explode from too much thinking. Now, when I think about it, how insane I must be back then. I would laugh at it.

Seven years later, my ideal type changed. I was proven wrong by the world.

***

Kim Jong Dae has an average look of a man. His looks were bearable. I wouldn’t say he was ugly, but he was not handsome either. He was average. His skin was not fair and not tanned. He was not tall either, barely 5 inch taller than me. He looked quite strong but lacks the well-built body despite his manliness. When I first met him, I remembered saying he was lower than my league.

He was not born in a rich family either. His father ran a small company downtown and his mother is a regular manager at a bank. He practically had just enough money. He was not a genius either. He never got to top three or five in college. He always barely made it to top ten with only slight difference with the lower rank. So, I made another reminder not to look at him as a man. In other words, I shouldn’t fall for him.

So what was his charm? He was very kind and friendly. He smiled wherever he was, to whoever it was. He didn’t have any enemy; he was greatly and widely loved. He was very kind; he helped everyone that people often used him. And the way he rejected them was so sincere and kind that people feel bad for trying to use him. He worked very hard. He was diligent. Besides that, he has an amazing voice.

When the question first came to me, his charms and qualities were not listed in my mind. The question came for the third and fourth time; still his qualities didn’t come to me. So, I deemed him to be unfit.

But I did. I did fall for him.

***

We were lying on a vast land of green grass. It was dark. He was sitting down behind me, half lying down with both arms supporting his body. I was lying down, head on his chest. It was dark, his head was right above me, yet I couldn’t see his face. I couldn’t see anything except the dazzling stars and the sparkling city lights. I couldn’t see him but I feel safe.

When I grew older, I realized my “the one” didn’t exist. As I grew up, I realized how simply frustrating and devastating the world could be. How cruel and merciless the world is. I have nowhere to run, I have nowhere for comforts. I became a lost child. No one understood me. Everyone misunderstood, everyone were selfish. To win and survive, we took down each other.

I was heartbroken for more than once. I was a fool, falling for the same trap again and again. After being hurt, I realized I shouldn’t seek for my ideal man. What I seek in a man should be more than that, but also less than that. That was when I met him.

Kim Jongdae was different. I couldn’t see him but I feel safe. In his embrace, I felt his overwhelming sincerity and warmth. In his presence, I found comfort. I could hear his heart beat. We didn’t synchronize, yet it was comforting. Once my heart stop for a single while, his would beat. He made me feel alive. He understood me.

Seven years later, the world proved me wrong. I did not need handsome, smart, tall, and rich men. All I need has always been Kim Jongdae. 

Author Note

Another variety of how I write. How is it? Honestly, this is not how I expect it to be.