The woman I’ve fallen for wasn’t that particularly special to others but she was that much special to me. She didn’t stand out among the crowds. She blends in very well – to an extent that none ever noticed her soft and lovely presence. But she always stands out to me. My pair of eyes would search for her lovely figure. She was the first figure I’d dart my eyes to, mine boring to her lovelier ones. Then, we would have a staring contest, which I undeniably love, until she eventually looked away with the shades of pink on her cheek. I’d always win, while she would always lose. As much as I love winning, winning this game didn’t particularly make me happy. I’d break, slightly hurt, by the fact that she looked away.

She was often unnoticed. She was the quiet girl who spends her day at the corner of the class, paying great attention to the teacher, or reading the book, or at times she would daydream. Her fingers would always danced gracefully, tapping on the wooden table, as she thought about what to do next. Her body was petite in a lovely way. People called her as lovely, because she is lovely, but to me she was beyond lovely. She was perfect yet imperfect in a perfectly perfect way. Damn, her and her perfection (which often drive me insane, haunts me in my dream, lost my confidence, and a bunch of others insanity).

The woman I’ve fallen for wasn’t that beautiful either. She rarely dressed up or put any make-up on, but that was something I loved about her. Me, too, wasn’t that handsome of a men. She was an ordinary girl, who lived extraordinarily inside me, she tamed in a spectacular way. I, too, have enough confidence to say that I have tamed a small fragment of her heart.

Lee Ji Eun was her name. The name that caused my ear to perks up at the sound of it, and mini heart attacks that would climb up my chest (which were signs of being in love). It was a beautiful name, owned by may, but still very special to me. It was not too old-fashioned or too modern and I think the name fit her well. Mine, however, was a name that I couldn’t grow to be fond of. It often sounded off the beat and peculiar in a way that I hate it. Kim Myungsoo, that ordinary and uncool name is mine. The name that failed to send butterflies to Lee Ji Eun’s stomach, although it partly tamed her.

We’re ordinary but again entangled in this so-called mess called love. I liked her, but I do wonder if she liked me back. None has ever been confirmed. I glanced at her from a far, although we managed to close the distance a while ago. I’m not sure if I can be “the one” for her either. This is what she told me at the beginning: I do not believe in true love or if love can exist in this world. If it does, it   can’t exist forever. Don’t you think we’re too young to love? Even adults and the wise misinterpret love. It was a surprising saying. She was bubbly, cheerful, and humorous, and at the same time she was serious, mature, and wise. She had, a peculiar contradicting personality, she was a whole in a package. But still, I am in love with her.

We talked and we get closed to each other, although none of these feelings have ever been conveyed or confirm. We’d talk at night, I’d spent my time staring at the phones. But at school, she wouldn’t even look at me properly. She was very shy, we rarely talked at school. I am a man and she is a woman, man are better at hiding their feelings so at times I’d work so hard not to show it, but did she realize I’ve always stared at her from afar? It’d be lovely and embarrassing if she ever does realize.

Lee Ji Eun, there are times when I thought she truly cares about me because she was very caring and understanding. She would take care of me during the times I’m sick or when I’m upset. She has the perfect way of comforting me. But also, there are times when I doubted the confidence of taming her. We’re in this kind of relationship, where none has ever been conveyed or confirms, everything was blurry, in a push-pull. I know, she was being careful, because she was often insecure. But at times, the words often hang at the tip of my tongues. I love you, if I ever said that would things turned out worse or better? Damn, what ifs and what is!

Last year, before the last day of school, right before winter vacation started, we’re very close. I was at my peak of confidence, where I almost asked her out. But the thoughts suddenly shrank when she didn’t even try to contact me during the vacations. She jokingly stated: I’d forget about you and all of this nonsense we’ve been through. I was afraid it might be real; I shrugged it off as if it was nothing. But it was growing rapidly, of how real it was. We grew apart and I lost my confidence. When school finally started, she wouldn’t even look at me properly. We became strangers, and I started to question if these feelings have ever existed.

It was three days of hell, where she wouldn’t talk at all, where she treated me like strangers. She must not be joking at the time, she truly forgets me. During the old times, she’d always know where I was and what I’ve been doing without the needs to be told. Yet she became nonchalant, still the same woman, yet she no longer cares about me. She never know anymore, of where am I and what have I been doing. It was upsetting, yet I couldn’t bring myself to confront her. I am a man after all.

“I’m sorry I’m being quiet at you. Is it bothering you?” It was the first thing she said late in the evening, when we’re the only person left.

“Yes it is. I thought you were angry or something. I tried to ask you questions about subjects but you already asked it to others. I’m not in the mood of talking either. I was worried.” I stutter, in the most embarrassing way.

And then, we made up. Another push-pull we’ve to go through. But at least, we made up. She became the person I know, and she was lovelier.

***

I belonged to the basketball club; I was quite good at basketball, while she was someone who’s very bad at sports. I found it cute though, how she’d pouts after failing to do something. It was the third week of January, where I’d have to join another competition. She knew it, but she didn’t even cheer on me, and I knew she wouldn’t come to see me either – she couldn’t. And it was somehow upsetting. I’d update her at the end of every single competition and she’d ask me if I’d win. But then, she’d reply with a boring “OK” as if she wasn’t interested either.

And today, as how it has been for the past three days, I have no choice but to miss the last two subjects. I have, without a choice, go out and play some more basketball. Today, however, I wish she’d at least cheer on me with a good luck or anything, instead of doing her casual daydreaming. I walked past her twice, as I told the teachers I’d have to go out for the competition. I’d hold my breath as I walked past by hers, holding my breath, hoping she’d say something but nope. I walked past her twice, but she did nothing but to stare outside the window, or too busy scribbling on her notes.

“Okay, you can go out, Myungsoo.” The teachers told me, as I packed my belongings and leave the class.

“Thank you,” I smiled at Mr. Jung, one of the friendliest teacher in the school, as I attempted to walk past by her once more. Again, I hold my breath, as I felt a tapped on my back. It sent a mini heart attack up to my chest that I was afraid I’m going to burst anytime soon. I quickly walked past by her, itching to know why she has tapped me.

***

“Have you figured out what to buy on her birthday?” Woohyun asked, as I had that cheeky grinned on, staring at the pink note she stuck on my back earlier. GOOD LUCK! The word was prettily written on it.

“You looked so stupid when that grin on. Wipe it off! Damn, your girl caused you to doze off at a crucial moment!” He continued, after receiving no responds from me. He often called Jieun as “my girl” and she seems to be aware of it but choose to shrug it off. She said: let’s not occupy our mind with nonsense and false rumors; we’re busy enough without them. It may not be a big deal for her, but it was for me.

“I’m going to buy her sticky notes and win this game!”

“Sticky notes?!” Woohyun hits my head. “What are you thiking?!”

“Well… girls loved cute sticky notes… and she can talk to me with it!” I waved the pink paper. “And let’s win this!”

And Lee Ji Eun, I’m going to ask you out real soon. 

Author Note

Now now... my MyungU fluff that seems to be failing. Sad. Is this even fluff? I need to learn to write better at fluff! Happy reading!