Jiyong's P.O.V

 

I have loved him since forever, since ever after. He was one of the turning points of my life, the one who was able to make me feel complete. It was funny, how I met him.

 

My family lived in a small district during those days, and it was a close-knitted small town. Everyone knew what was going on in each other's households, and everyone knew everyone else. It was a fun town to live in, despite the fact that not many instrument shops were available in that town. And because I loved music, I was pretty bummed by the lack of the shops there.

 

But there was one, however.

 

I still go there from time to time, during breaks from my group's activities, to chat with the ajusshi there and catch up on certain things.

 

It was there that I met him.

 

"Hello Jiyong," Mr Park, the owner of the shop said, greeting me warmly as I entered the store. I greeted him as well and went to the piano at the corner of the shop. My neighbour hood district didn't like spending money on luxurious items like pianos and instruments or whatnot.

 

It was considered a waste of money if you spent your money on anything except groceries for your family. I usually went to the shop to play the piano as my family, very obviously, did not own one. Not that Mr Park minded though, he liked listening to me play.

 

I took an elementary school piano book from my bag and set it on the piano latch, like I always do. I has 'borrowed' the book from the music room in my school. The pieces inside the book were really lame, but it was all I had as a guide for my piano playing.

 

I let myself be immersed in the music, so immersed I hadn't noticed when a boy slipped into the seat next to me.

 

"WOAH!" I cried when I noticed his presence. I nearly tumbled backwards onto the floor but Mr Park caught me by the back.

 

"Hold your horses there Jiyong, no need to get so excited," I stared suspiciously at the boy. He had large doe eyes and a skinny frame, so skinny he looked like his clothes were going to fall off himself any moment.

 

"This is Jang Hyunseung, my nephew. My sister just moved in with her husband next door,"

 

I looked at him, and he smiled at me.

 

"He is your dongsaeng, and I want you to treat him well, because his parents aren't usually at home because of work. I heard he goes to your school as well, Jiyong,"

 

I pursed my lips as I looked at him, and shrugged.

 

I wasn't particularly bad to him. Because he was a grade lower than me, we would have different classes in the day. I just didn't make the special effort to get close to him or know him well. Most of the break time I would be in the music room playing the piano. I was labeled as 'anti-social' by my schoolmates because of my attitude.

 It wasn't that I was unfriendly or treated them badly, but it was just because I didn't make the effort to talk to them. And neither did I make the effort to find or talk to Hyunseung too.

 

But somehow, he always found me.

 

Be it in the music room, or when we were released from school, Hyunseung would come running up to me, with his heavy bag almost half his size bouncing against himself, shouting,

 

"Jiyong hyung! Wait for me!"

 

And I would.

 

Somehow or another, I grew attached to him. We were almost inseparable, like blood brothers. His parents were rarely home from work, so I took it upon myself to be like a father, mother and brother to him.

 

I was always there to protect him, no matter what.

 

When Yoseob transferred into our neighbourhood, and grew close to Hyunseung because both of them were in the same class, I was suspicious of him. Yoseob's family was fairly well-to-do and  I was reluctant to even get to know him more, even when he heard of my passion for music, and gave me and Hyunseung countless of invitations to play the grand piano that belonged to his mother in his house.

 

But eventually, I warmed up to him after I heard that he had stood up for Hyunseung against bullies one day in school.

 

All three of us had a common dream and goal. Hyunseung had an incredible talent for dancing, and Yoseob for singing. I auditioned in to Cube when I was 19 years old, and got in, to my surprise. Hyunseung and Yoseob didn't audition in that year as they felt that they weren't that ready yet.

 

--------

 

"Congratulations hyung!" Hyunseung screamed as he hugged me. I smiled and hugged him back, as I held the letter that proved my acceptance into Cube tightly in my hands.

 

Yoseob tackled hugged me as well after Hyunseung finally pulled himself off of me.

 

I was overwhelmed with emotion at that time. My dream was finally coming true, and words couldn't describe how happy I felt. But as happy as I was, I felt a tinge of sadness as I realized that I would not be able to see Hyunseung or Yoseob on a daily basis anymore.

 

That .

 

Hyunseung and Yoseob laughed when I told them that it didn't feel right to leave them both there.

 

"Come on hyung, don't be ridiculous," Hyunseung laughed.

 

"Yeah, do you think you would be the only one becoming a star? Give us a couple of years and pretty soon we will be colleagues," Yoseob said, smirking at me.

 

Hyunseung hugged me again, and whispered,

 

"We are being serious hyung, don't worry okay? Just wait for us."

 

I smiled and hugged him back tighter.

 

"Don't I always?"

 

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"Why is Jiyong grinning like an idiot?" TOP said, chucking a coke can at my head. Usually I would go all commando like and chuck something heavier and bulkier back at him, but right now I felt too happy to care.

 

He had made it in with Yoseob.

 

I smiled to myself and re read the text message he had sent me over and over again. I giggled like an idiotic schoolgirl and typed a reply back to him.

 

To: Hyunseung

Awesome!! Wanna meet up before your first day?

 

"I think it's Hyunseung~" Taeyang whistled, and the whole van bursted in wolf whistles and laughter.

 

It has been a year since I had debuted with Big Bang, and now we were in Japan on tour, promoting our single 'Day by Day'. I had wanted to be at the company for when Hyunseung and Yoseob auditioned, but couldn't because of the tour.

 

I smiled and leaned back in my seat, causing Daesung to gag when he saw my expression.

 

"Leader is really creeping me out," he joked, pushing me. "What kind of person makes a lovesick expression like that?"

 

"Hey guys, we are here," Our manager from the front of the van called, stopping the van in front of a small hotel. We were going to spend our night here, and continue on to Tokyo the next morning.

 

"What's with all the lights and stuff?" Seungri asked, as he stepped out of the van. A few blocks away, there were rows and rows of stalls, selling food, games and such.

 

"I think there's a festival going on, want to check it out?" Taeyang asked, but not before looking at me for approval.

 

"Can we? Can we? Please?" Seungri and Daesung whined.

 

If this was any other day I would have rejected and commanded that they go up the hotel for rest, but this wasn't any other day.

 

I shrugged and turned to our manager,

 

"Would it be okay? I will make sure the kids be back before midnight,"

 

Our manager looked a tad bit reluctant, knowing that we had a full schedule the day after, but he agreed in the end. "Just make sure you don't get chased down by rabid fangirls later on,"

 

I nodded and signaled to my band members, telling them it was okay. They cheered and started running towards the festival like little kids.

 

Seungri and Daesung started going wild and ran to the game stalls, while Taeyang, TOP and I pretty much just walked along the stalls, browsing through the things they offered.

 

I was about to say we go back to the hotel when Seungri pointed to a stall, his mouth full of the chocolate banana he had just bought.

 

"What's that?"

 

The stall was decorated with dark blue drapes and pictures of stars and palms hung from the top. A table with velvet cloth draped over it was set in front of the stall, and a pretty young lady dressed in a dark purple kimono was sitting behind the table.

 

She watched us approach the store, curious, and spoke in Japanese,

 

"Would you like to have your fortune told?"

 

I looked at the band members, and they shrugged. We had all studied Japanese a bit before our debut, so I guess it would be okay. Seungri swallowed his chocolate banana and walked forward to sit in the seat. Speaking in broken Japanese, he said,

 

"Me first please!"

 

She chuckled, and took his hand. She delicately drew lines with the tip of her fingers on his palm, making him blush a bit. There was a glazed look in her eyes as she looked at the palm, and she spoke,

 

"Very flirtatious boy, must be careful of jealous girls,"

 

The Big Bang members bursted into laughter upon hearing this, and Seungri blinked, embarrassed. The young woman went on to take a deck of cards, and spread them on the table. She gestured for Seungri to pick one.

 

When he did, she smiled and flipped the card over.

 

"The Star. Stubborn, but there is hope for renewal," she said, smiling at Seungri. She must have realized that we weren't Japanese as she explained his fortune in simple terms. When the rest of the Big Bang members went to have their fortune told, Seungri whispered to me in Korean, still embarrassed at his fortune.

 

"I don't think this is real, hyung, any of our fans would have known my personality,"

 

I cocked my eyebrow at him, and shrugged, "whatever you say, maknae,"

I was the last to have my fortune told. I couldn't help but feel nervous as I sat in the chair, and gave her my palm to read.

 

She took a longer time to read my palm than others, and throughout the whole thing, she was mumbling something inaudible in Japanese under her breath.

 

She looked at me, and her large brown orbs seemed to bore right into my soul.

 

"You would have to make a choice," she said. I stared at her, and nodded slowly, processing what she had said.

 

"A difficult choice awaits you in love, and you would have to make the right one. Even if you do make the right choice, I cannot guarantee that you would be happy. However, there is a chance for new friendship,"

 

I felt my heart sink further with every passing second. I hoped that I had heard wrongly because everything that was said just now, was not good.

 

Except for the friendship part.

 

She went on to spread the tarot cards on the table like she had with every other member, and I picked one, sweating slightly as I did. She flipped it over, and studied the card intensely.

 

"The Lovers. Decisions to be made not necessarily about love. Possibly a struggle between two paths, and internal conflict with oneself," I gulped, feeling as if a part of me had just died.

 

I thanked her and started to walk back to the hotel with the rest of the Big Bang members, thinking about how ish my fortune was. As I was walking, I felt a sudden tap on my shoulder. I turned around to see that the same fortune teller that had told me my fortune just now.

 

"Jiyong san, please keep this," She said, pushing the tarot cards she had used into my hands.

 

"You knew who I was?" I asked, surprised.

 

She shook her head, smiling, but didn't explain why.

 

"Everything will work out, Jiyong san, dai-jo-gun," she continued, giving me a thumbs up. I stared at her blankly, but managed to thank her and continued on my way back to the hotel with Big Bang.

 

Love...looks like I'd have lots of trouble with it. I pursed my lips and absentmindedly played with the cards, until the vibration of my phone jolted me back to Earth. I clumsily took it out with my left hand, the pack of tarot cards still in my right. I grinned as I read Hyunseung's message.

 

From: Hyunseung

Sure thing, where'd you suggest?

 

I was about to type back when I accidentally dropped the pack of cards, causing the cards to scatter on the pavement.

 

"Argh, guys, help me with this," I sighed to my members, and they squatted down to help.

 

I collected a few cards, until my hand hovered unconsciously over 'The Lovers' card. I picked it up delicately, and looked back and forth from the card to my phone, the LED display still brightly lit with Hyunseung's message.

 

This...this didn't have anything to do with Hyunseung.

 

Right?

 

--------

 

I didn't like him. Yong Junhyung. He was a cute hoobae, that's for sure, but he was acting way too close and clingy with Hyunseung.

 

I noticed this when he introduced himself to the Big Bang members after Hyunseung, Yoseob, Dongwoon and him were switched to the new training studio.

 

I remembered when he first introduced himself to me. He was an aspiring rapper, and he told me how much he had looked up to me, and that even though our ages weren't that far apart, he really respected me as a sunbae.

 

I took notice and paid special attention to his training process, a tad bit happy to have someone like him as a hoobae. But now he would always look at Hyunseung with these eyes, and leave it to innocent Hyunseung to not notice his intentions.

 

I found myself grumbling whenever I see him make contact or attempt to talk to Hyunseung, but then again, Hyunseung never seemed to notice why Junhyung was treating him extra nicely.

 

Heh, it take him a long time to ever reach the place I had secured in Hyunseung's heart.

 

"Do you think you are over reacting a bit?" TOP asked one day, as the Big Bang members and I walked out of the training studio after another session with the guys. That day, I had purposefully ed all advances of Junhyung when he tried to engage Hyunseung in any form of conversation or have any contact with him at all.

 

I glared at TOP, and the rest of the members as well when I saw them nodding vigorously, agreeing with what he had said.

 

"We know you like Hyunseung, but Junhyung was just trying to be friendly with him, come on," Taeyang said.

 

"You are acting a little childish, and a respected sunbae shouldn't be like that," TOP scolded.

 

I frowned and turned to face the front, ignoring the members.

 

Maybe I was over reacting...just a little bit.

 

- During Day 3 of the Camp -

 

I sighed in frustration as I picked out the card. It was the same one, over and over again. How the hell was that possible?

 

Teddy looked at me from across the bed, and sighed. We were both sharing the same room, and both of us were up late at night, trying to write lyrics for the songs in Big Bang's new album, and supposedly my solo album as well. But so far, nothing was coming to us. Tired, I had taken out the tarot cards to play.

 

Teddy had kept quiet as he watched me, amused, as I spread the cards on the bed and flip the ones I had chosen over, reshuffled them, and repeated the whole thing again almost seven times, ending with the same result each time.

 

"Jiyong, nothing good is going to come out if you keep doing that," Teddy sighed.

 

"Doing what?" I snapped, irritated. Was it my fault that my life's acapolypse was soon approaching? That I was honestly freaked out about what the fortune teller had said?

 

Teddy held his hands up in surrender, not wanting to argue with me any longer. He picked up his Rilakkuma plushie and walked over to his bed.

 

"I am going to bed. You can continue venting your frustrations on poor inanimate objects," he said, laying on his bed and turning so that his back was facing me.

 

I glared at his back, then at the cards I was holding in my hands. I couldn't help but scoff at myself. I was way too stressed out.

 

- During the Courage Test in Camp -

 

I crouched down behind a tree as I waited for the next pair to come. I chuckled. I couldn't wait for when Hyunseung came by. Hyunseung was a scaredy cat when we were young. I lost count of the number of times I had pranked him with Yoseob.

 

I looked at my lit blue lamp, and thought of how priceless his expression would be if he thought that he was lost. I smiled and switched off the light.

 

A few minutes later, I heard someone panting. I peeked from behind the tree and smiled when I realized that it was Hyunseung.

 

"Oh boy, that was scary," Hyunseung panted. They must have ran from the previous checkpoint, to be this tired.

 

"Where is the checkpoint?"

 

I felt the smile slip from my face as I recognized the voice. I squinted in the dark and scowled darkly as I realized who was Hyunseung's partner. Yong Junhyung.

 

I followed them for a while as they wandered around, debating whether or not to switch on the lamp.

 

Junhyung seemed to stop walking, and called out Hyunseung's name.

 

"Hyunseung?"

 

"Hmm?" Hyunseung, who was walking infront, turned to face him.

 

Junhyung didn't say anything, but walked closer to Hyunseung, and took both his hands.

 

"Hyunseung, I know this isn't an appropriate time to say this, but..."

 

"Junhyung? What are you-" Hyunseung asked, shocked, trying to retract his hands from Junhyung's.

 

I felt my heart drop, when I realized what this was.

 

"I like you, Hyunseung,"

 

"What?" Hyunseung choked, trying to wriggle his hands out of Junhyung's grip.

 

"When I saw you for the first time when you auditioned, there was this feeling in my stomach. I thought that it was only temporary, and that it was just admiration for your dancing, but it wasn't,"

 

Junhyung said, looking at the ground, embarrassed.

 

"I realized my feelings for you after a while, and thought I was straight too, that I liked girls...but I like you much, much more. Hyunseung, return my feelings, please?"

 

It was dark, but I could see their silhouettes clearly. Hyunseung had stopped trying to resist Junhyung. Junhyung tilted his head to meet Hyunseung's lips, and Hyunseung...didn't turn away.

 

I closed my eyes, not wanting to look any further. I felt something hot in the pit of my stomach. I felt something wet and warm fall onto my cold hands, and opened my eyes to see that they were tears. I turned with my back facing them, and leaned on a nearby tree stump.

 

I covered my mouth with both my hands, trying not to make a sound as I tried to choke back the tears that were flowing freely out of my eyes.

 

I wondered why I hadn't stood up and switched on the light then. I wondered why I hadn't stood up and walked over to Hyunseung and pull him away, leaving Junhyung by himself in the forest. I wondered why I hadn't stood up and went over to introduce Junhyung to my fist.

 

I wondered why all I did was cry. I didn't usually cry for anything, but just that once, I couldn't help it.

 

I sat there for the longest of time, not even noticing that both of them had left, going on to look for the next checkpoint.

 

 

I stood up weakly, unable to think straight. My knees wobbled and I gripped onto the blue lamp, switching it back on again.

 

I let my tears flow freely down my cheeks as I walked towards the path that led back to the barbecue pit. I didn't feel like taking part in the courage test anymore.

 

"Jiyong? Jiyong!"

 

I looked up to see Lee Joon running towards me, looking slightly hysterical. I wiped the tears off my cheeks hurriedly as Lee Joon gripped my arm, and bent over, gasping,

 

"Yoseob...Doojoon...fell," he panted, looking at me again, a desperate look in his eyes. "Followed them...but...fell,"

 

I felt slightly pained at that time. Why did it feel like everyone else's troubles were so much more important than mine?

 

Lee Joon shook me, making me come back to my senses. What the was I thinking about? It wasn't time for me to be worrying about myself now. I looked at Lee Joon and nodded, surprised that my voice sounded so steady.

 

"Lead the way,"

 

Hey guys, you know what happened? I originally completed this chapter yesterday...but then I accidentally went and deleted the whole thing.

THE WHOLE THING.

but my love for you guys kept me going and I managed to finish this chapter again. All 3, 503 words of it. Might not seem like a lot for you guys, but yeah...oh by the way, if you see the sudden decrease in chapters, it isn't because I deleted some of them, but because I combined the two parts of some chapters together to make it easier for newer readers to read :)

Happy Lunar New Year guys!