“Friendships are discovered rather than made.”

-Harriet Beecher Stowe- 

16 | Friendship and Loss

HyunJoong had finally lost his mind.

The next thing I know, he would be putting a flower in his hair and sing a lullaby to a tree, half- by the street.

Oh my God.

“Ha ha, very funny pretty boy!” I said, showing that I was not amused by his lame joke, “Can’t you be serious even for a second?”

I could not ignore the pain and longing that was evident in his eyes but to believe his confession of killing his sister, I just thought that it was just too ridiculous. I would be the one who had lost my mind if I decided to believe him.

“I’m not lying,” HyunJoong said in his serious tone of voice, “She is dead.”

I blinked while MinYoung gasped loudly.

“Your sister’s dead? Omo,” she said sympathetically, “I’m sorry to hear that.”

HyunJoong looked away. “Don’t be. It’s been two years already,” he said it so quietly that I had almost missed his words. His posture stooped while he stared to the ground; an unusual change from his usual sunny self. What happened to this pretty boy? Was he telling the truth or was he just playing with us? There was no telling with him. He was simply unpredictable. However, I had to admit that he looked so sad, almost sorrowful. Maybe he was partially telling the truth after all.

“It’s true?” I asked, “She’s dead?”

“I wasn’t lying,” he quipped, his gaze still fixed to the ground.

I gulped. So, the part of his sister being dead was true after all. He would have to be the best actor in the world if he could feign that sorrow in his eyes when he talked about her death. “But how did she....?”

“Like I said,” he said, “I killed her.”

This time, both MinYoung and I gasped in unison. He can’t be serious now, can he? MinYoung shuffled towards me, gripping my upper arm in fear. Her large doe eyes were glancing at HyunJoong with unmistakeable dread. I on the other hand could feel my heart beating so fast that it was out of rhythm.

“Y-y-you kk-killed her?” MinYoung had difficulty uttering those words. Her lips were trembling with fear.

“Please don’t tell me that you’re actually serious,” I said.

HyunJoong shifted his gaze from the ground to give us a sombre look. While we waited with bated breath for him to explain, the final bell rang and HyunJoong magically returned back to his normal self. There was the usual mischievous twinkle in his eyes as his lips crept up to form an amused smile on his handsome features. “Look at the two of you,” he said, “You guys look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

It was as if all vocabulary had left my brain and I couldn’t even find a word to retort back to him. We watched in despair as he flashed us his toothy grin as though he did not just confessed to a murder to us.

“Let’s go to class, ladies. Let’s not be late,” he said with a wave of his hand, “Even a murderer needs to study, you know.” He his heels and began to walk towards our class building.

MinYoung and I blinked to each other and I felt her grip on my hand tightened. “Is he a murderer, Bommie-ah?” she asked, her voice quivering, “I’m scared.”

I tried putting on a brave front but my quivering voice gave it out that I was dead scared at the moment. “I-I don’t know, MinYoung-ah,” I said in all honesty.

We both turned to look after his retreating back when he suddenly halted his steps and turned his head to give us a toothy grin. “Don’t waste anymore time, girls!” he yelled, “Unless you want me to kill both of you too.”

MinYoung and I gasped loudly.

He’s going to kill us?

Oh my God!

“We’re coming!” I shouted in an instance. I dragged MinYoung by the arm at full speed to follow his steps.

HyunJoong gave us a satisfied smile before marching towards the class building.

“Bommie-ah, I’m scared,” MinYoung whispered at my ear.

“Don’t be,” I said, trying to sound brave.

However, only God knows how terrified I was when I realized that my gut feeling was telling me that HyunJoong was telling the truth; that he did indeed kill his sister.

Oh my God!

Pretty boy is a murderer.

But why is he roaming free like an innocent civilian?

**********************

By lunch break, I was convinced that HyunJoong was just playing with us. It might be his only entertainment in life to mess with our heads since it was apparent how much he was enjoying watching us squirm with fear.

When he was eating his steak, he was deliberately moving the knife here and there. MinYoung and I basically were having multiple episodes of mini heart-attack due to this gesture of his. We did try to change to subject to a lighter one, talking about Secret Garden—our latest drama obsession—but HyunJoong would be steering the conversation back to his favourite topic of the day—murder.

“If I was that director Im JungSoo guy, I would have killed JooWon!” he said, stabbing the steak with his knife just to make a point, “That way, I’d have RaIm to myself.”

That particular scene was gory enough to make me stop chewing on my corns and I exchanged fearful glance with MinYoung who looked like she was about to poop in her underwear.

“K-k-kill?” MinYoung stuttered, pushing her glasses up the bridge of her nose.

“Yes. Kill,” HyunJoong said, making MinYoung and I shrieked with fear. Then suddenly, he threw back his head and laughed out loud. “You girls,” he flashed us his killer grin.

It was then that I felt that I had just about enough.

“STOP IT!” I yelled, slamming my hands on the table as I edged forward across the table to look at him straight in the eyes, “Stop playing with our minds.”

HyunJoong was still grinning, like my words held no meaning whatsoever. “Who told you that I was playing?” he said, the mischievous glint still apparent in his eyes.

I turned my eyes into slits. “YAH, KIM HYUNJOONG!” I yelled, “You better start telling me the truth before I turn into a murderer and kill you myself!!”

MinYoung gasped. “B-B-Bommie, c-calm down,” she said in a tiny fearful voice.

HyunJoong on the other hand looked unperturbed by my sudden outburst of rage. However, a shadow of regret passed across his face when he said, “I’m telling the truth, Bommie,” he said, sounding sad, “My sister is dead. You can search the Internet if you don’t believe me. Her death had been all over the news.”

“It’s true?” I asked, for the umpteenth time although I had believed him the first time, “Like really true? Like honest to God true?”

HyunJoong slowly nodded. “I’m telling you the truth. She is dead and it’s all because of me,” he said, stabbing his knife into his piece of steak, “I killed her.”

“Oh, HyunJoong,” MinYoung said, her eyes b with tears, “I’m sure that’s not true. If it is, you would have been locked up in jail by now.”

“Yeah!” I nodded in agreement, “The police wouldn’t let you get away if you’re the one who killed her. So tell me the truth now, how did she die?”

HyunJoong’s lips crept up to form a bitter smile. “I’d rather not talk about it,” he said icily, “Just drop the subject, Bommie.” There was no denying that he was annoyed, upset even.

In a matter of seconds, HyunJoong had turned cold, like his heart had suddenly turned into ice. The cheerful, carefree pretty boy had suddenly turned to oblivion. I wonder what was causing this sudden change. I bet there was more to his lame “I killed my sister” story but I really couldn’t buy it. I knew in my heart that he wasn’t a murderer. It was really ridiculous to be thinking about carefree pretty HyunJoong as someone who would kill his own sister. Whatever the real story was, I was determined to find out. As soon as I get home, I’ll be surfing that Internet for the truth.

“This is unlike you, HyunJoong,” I said, “Just tell us the truth.”

“I already told you the goddamn truth but you two refused to listen!” he barked, which made both MinYoung and I jumped in our seats, “Just drop it.”

I blinked. “What’s happening to you, HyunJoong?” I asked in exasperation, “Why are you acting this way? This is not the real you!”

“What do you know about the real me?” he said bitterly, “You don’t even remember me. You only think that I’m just a pretty boy, nothing more.” A look of disgust displayed on his face.

“You know that’s not true, HyunJoong,” I said, “You have a good heart and you look at things differently from others.”

“Gee, I’m so touched,” he acted as though he was wiping off the tears from his eyes, “Just admit it, Bommie. You only befriended me because you want my help with that kingka boyfriend of yours. You don’t even care about me.”

I gasped. “What are you talking about?!” I shrieked, “We both know how ridiculous that sound.”

HyunJoong let out a bitter laugh. “It’s the truth, just admit it, Bommie,” he said, “I’m not worth being a friend to anyone. I’m useless and pathetic. I’m the one who was supposed to die first, not HyeMi.” He sounded so regretful, like he believed that it was the truth.

I didn’t know that underneath that cheerful, carefree face, pretty boy was hiding an emotional turmoil in his heart. It just broke my heart to see him like this. I only thought that he was playing since he loved to tease me but I know from the look in his eyes that he was being truthful, that he actually blamed himself for his sister’s death.

MinYoung blinked. “That’s not true, HyunJoong,” she said in her angelic soothing voice, “I adore you. I think you’ve been a great friend to us. I’m sure her death doesn’t have anything to do with you because I have faith in you. I believe you’re not the murderer type.”

“Me too!” I said, “Whether you believe it or not, I have long accepted you as my friend.”

HyunJoong blinked. He looked at me and MinYoung with his sorrowful eyes before dropping his gaze to his palms. “This is too much, I’m sorry,” he said apologetically, “I need some time on my own.” He stood up abruptly and walked out of the cafeteria. He might have been carefree before this but looking at his retreating back, I had never seen someone who seemed so lonely.

MinYoung and I just followed him with our eyes. Since he said that he wanted some time on his own, we were giving it to him because he needed it and because he was our friend—because we really cared about him.

It just occurred to me that HyunJoong’s life might have seemed perfect—good looking, wealthy and smart—but there was no such thing as a perfect life and I was thankful for my own less than perfect life.

***********************

For the rest of the day, HyunJoong didn’t speak another word to us and it was making MinYoung uneasy.

“Do you think he’s alright?” she asked with a worried crease on her forehead, “He’s not himself just now and I’m afraid if he’s gonna do something bad.”

I bit my lip. Just like her, I was actually really worried about HyunJoong. Thoughts of him committing suicide by jumping off the rooftop had been hovering my mind the whole time. I didn’t want him to hurt himself because truthfully I blamed myself for partly being the reason for his sudden change of behaviour. If it wasn’t for my nosy probing into his sister’s death, he would still remain the same carefree HyunJoong like yesterday.

“I don’t know,” I shrugged and we both turned to look at HyunJoong.

It was near the end of school and we were still having qualms on what to say to him as soon as the bell rang. MinYoung had decided that it was best for me to have an honest talk with HyunJoong since she also blamed me for his turn of character. “HyunJoong has done so much for you, Bommie-ah. It’s not nice for you to make him down like this. Talk to him.”

I wanted badly to point out that he had not really done much for me—except driving me crazy on a daily basis since I met him—but I figured that it was better if I kept my mouth shut and agreed to her words.

Like he knew that we were talking about him, HyunJoong turned around in his seat and looked at us, his expression unreadable. We blinked, not knowing what to say. Suddenly, he lifted up his thumb and index finger to make an ‘L’ and put them in front of his forehead.

MinYoung and I gasped. He said we were losers!

HyunJoong grinned and mouthed ‘I’m fine’ before shaking his head and turned his attention back to the teacher in front.

I blinked. What the hell is going on with that pretty boy? He seemed like he had lost his mind.

“Tch tch,” MinYoung said, “This is what we get for caring about someone. You better talk to him soon, Bommie-ah before I kick his myself. He’s becoming annoying.”

I rolled my eyes. What happened to her ‘Ooh, I’m sorry worried about HyunJoong’ part? Before I could say something to her, the bell rang and MinYoung immediately gathered her things into her backpack.

“I need to go,” she said, “Micky asked me to go to the bookstore with him. His favourite book is coming out today.”

I felt a sudden pang in my heart. It suddenly occurred to me that SeungHyun had never asked me out. We may have been official but it seemed like Micky and MinYoung were progressing faster than us. “Are you guys dating?” I asked, “Are you official?”

MinYoung’s cheeks turned to ripe tomatoes. “Not yet,” she said and there was no denying that sadness behind her voice, “but I’m sure we’ll be soon. We’re doing great currently.”

“I’m sure he’ll ask you to be his girlfriend sooner or later, MinYoung-ah,” I said, giving her an encouraging pat on the back, “Micky’s too much of a gentleman to play with you. He’s really nice and you should know how lucky you are.”

MinYoung looked thoughtful for a while. “The fact that he is so nice is what worries me the most,” she said earnestly then when she saw the puzzled look on my face, she added, “I don’t really know if he’s asking me out because he is nice or because he likes me.” She gave me a sad smile.

“MinYoung-ah..”

All of a sudden, I felt like a useless, selfish friend. I was so absorbed in my trivial troubles with SeungHyun that I failed to notice that my best frie