"When I think of your kisses, my mind see-saws."

-Joni Mitchell-

10 | Lucid Dream

After tossing and turning on the bed for the whole night, thinking about the kiss with Choi SeungHyun, I woke up that morning still not able to erase that one mortifying thought from my head.

My breath stinks.

The most popular, most gorgeous guy in school kissed me and the only thing he commented on afterwards was how my breath stinks.

Yes, that’s it.

I am never going to have a boyfriend.

Guys would be too disgusted to marry me.

I will still live with my dad in my forties, selling corns by the roadside.

Oh. My. God!

I’m going to die as a spinster.

This cannot be. I need help. Smelly breath— there should be a cure for it, right? I went online to search for the natural remedy for it. One site recommended brushing the teeth and tongue with a fluoride toothpaste.

I quickly dashed towards the bathroom and brushed my teeth and tongue for about 10 minutes. When I was finished, I swear I could taste the blood from my slightly bleeding gum. But what is bleeding gum compared to the shame of being the girl with smelly breath?

Hey, no pain no gain, right?

I exhaled to my palm and tried to sniff the smell. My breath smelled minty and fresh, just like the toothpaste. However, I still could not convince myself that it was good enough.

I surfed online for another remedy. One site said that taking a quarter teaspoon of cinnamon powder should “make your breath smell fresh for the whole day” so I quickly dashed to the kitchen, grabbed the container with the cinnamon powder and a teaspoon, and rushed up the stairs back into my room. I saw Appa at the kitchen, blissfully enjoying his oatmeal and I could tell that he was confused by my behaviour by the look that he was giving me.

“Bommie, what are you going to do with the cinnamon powder?” Appa shouted, “You’re not going to cook in your bedroom now, are you?”

I rolled my eyes. As if I had all the cooking equipments to cook in my room. “No, Appa! Just a—a science experiment!” I yelled back.

“Just make sure that you’re not making bombs!” he yelled back.

*Facepalm*

Who in the world can make bombs using cinnamon powder? Sometimes, I do pity my dear father and his slight lack of IQ. Ignoring his yell, I opened the container and began inhaling the sweet aroma of cinnamon.

Yes, this smell will definitely perk up the mood for kissing, I’m sure. I held the teaspoon in my hand and pondered to myself. Say, if a quarter of teaspoon equals to fresh breath that lasts for a day, two teaspoons should make my breaths smelling fresh for eight days, won’t it?

I am such a genius!

I forced two teaspoon of cinnamon powder into my mouth and gulped it down with a glass of water. It tasted horrible; bitter and sweet and herb-like, all at the same time. But it’s okay, no pain no gain.

I sniffed my own breath and found it to smell really fresh. However, I was still not convinced that it was good enough. I mean, I thought I had an okay breath smell but turns out I didn’t so my judgement regarding this whole breath smell can’t really be taken into consideration.

Frustrated, I rested my head on the study desk dejectedly and saw the Panadol.

I think I know where to go to get help for this.

Park Bom isn’t going to let smelly breath ruins her love life.

*************

“Ah, Miss Park! What seems to be the emergency?” Dr. Lee inquired with concern as soon as I got inside the room, “My nurse told me that you sounded pretty desperate.”

I had exaggeratedly told the nurse that I needed to see Dr. Lee urgently, that my whole life depends on it. I didn’t even know that they were going to cut the queue just to let me in first.

I quickly took the seat in front of him and wailed. “Dr. Lee, my life is over!” I exclaimed, “My breath smells!”

Dr. Lee suddenly looked like he was having constipation— but that might as well be my imagination. I mean, doctors are known to be empathic towards their patients so he shouldn’t be showing any reaction to my life’s problems.

Dr. Lee cleared his throat. “How long has this problem started, Miss Park?” he asked, not even looking up to look at me.

“I just found out yesterday but it might have been going on for my whole life!” I exclaimed in my most dramatic manner, just to show him the extent of how this problem would affect my entire life, “I’m going to die alone!”

“You’re going to die?” he asked.

“Are you telling me that this is serious?” I asked back, my eyes wide.

Dr. Lee suddenly looked like he was constipated again. “No, you just said th— Never mind,” he cleared his throat awkwardly and fidgeted in his seat. He let out a sigh and looked at me apologetically, “So Miss Park, uhm, I have to apologize beforehand for doing this.”

**************

How dare he chase me out of his room?

Dr. Lee shouldn’t be a doctor in the first place. A doctor should never turn their backs on their patients. A doctor should always listen.

Maybe I need to get Dr. Lee fired.

Frustrated, I tried to wreck my brain for another solution since Dr. Lee had disappointed me. He was supposed to be the best doctor in the world! Suddenly, I had the brilliant idea.

The pharmacy!

Everyone knows that whatever health problems you encounter, the pharmacist can help prescribe medicine to cure it.

I quickly rushed towards the nearest pharmacy across the street. I entered through the door and heard the jingles from the bells hanging on top of the door.

“Welcome!” a girl greeted cheerfully from behind the counter.

I scanned through the pharmacy and was glad to find that there was no one else there except for a young mother in the midst of buying a lice shampoo for her son who was busy scratching his hair.

I smiled at the boy but he just regarded me with empty eyes. Well, if he doesn’t want to befriend me, then I’m not in the mood befriend him too. I crossed my arms against my chest and waited patiently for my turn. Once the mother got the lice shampoo, she took her son’s hand and led him out of the pharmacy. Finally, I was alone with the pharmacist.

“How can I help you, miss?” the cheerful girl from behind the counter greeted me.

I tried to muster my brightest smile to mirror the one that was plastered on her face. “It’s not for me. It’s for my, uh, best friend,” I told her.

The salesgirl didn’t even blink an eye. “How can I help your friend, miss?”

I cleared my throat inwardly, trying to sound indifferent and neutral so that I sounded convincing. “You see, my friend, she was kissed by a guy—mind you, he’s a really gorgeous guy—and the guy told her that her breath stinks. Do you have something to help get rid of her breath smell?” I said, “I mean, she’s my bestest friend and I hate to see her like that.”

Sorry, MinYoung!

I made a mental apology towards MinYoung.

 “Oh, that’s too bad,” the smile left her face and her forehead wrinkled to form a small frown, “Maybe she has bad oral hygiene?”

“NO, I DON’T HAVE BAD ORAL HYGIENE!!” I snapped defensively without thinking.

The girl blinked rapidly and she cleared awkwardly. I wish I could just die to save me from the embarrassment. I had just directly admitted to her that my breath stinks. “I thought you said that it was your friend, miss?” she said, looking at me in confusion.

I should just stuff a shoe into my mouth.

I let out an awkward laugh. “Oh, silly me!” I said, “I meant to say, she doesn’t have bad oral hygiene. It was a slip of the tongue. You know how sometimes we mess up words that we’re saying? By the way, I have nice breath. Really. Not smelly. I brush 4 times a day. Everyone knows my breath smell nice.”

The girl blinked rapidly. “Uh, okay,” she gulped, still looking at me in confusion.

God, it was just too embarrassing for me to handle so I did the coward thing; I ran away.

“Okaythanksbyegottogo,” I said as I rush out without even looking back.

I guess it was all up to me to find the cure to my smelly breath.

*************

“Bommie, what in the world are you wearing on your face?!” Appa’s voice boomed through the kitchen once he saw me rushing down the stairs. Appa was eating a bowl of cereal drowned in milk with a glass of warm milk beside him.

Yuck. Too much milk!

MinYoung had asked me out for our usual Saturday outing which consists of window shopping for hours—drooling over the things on display and praying hard that we’ll snatch a super rich husband someday—and eating jajjangmyeon at a small restaurant near the mall. After I got home from my outing to find the cure to my trouble, I had spent the whole day trying to figure out the way that I can face other people—especially SeungHyun—with confidence. Luckily, I happened to stumble upon a Youtube clip of a doctor showing a foul smelling diabetic foot ulcer and got the amazing idea.

Surgical masks—the answer to my woes. Apparently, not only does it prevent people from smelling your breath, it can fend off foul smell from the environment too. Plus, it can also help to protect my body against respiratory infection.

Perfect!

Immediately after God had enlightened me with this awesome idea, I went to a pharmacy—a different one, of course— and made a purchase of a box of surgical masks. It had left me 10,000 won poorer but I didn’t mind at all.

So, I had put on the surgical masks and apparently, it had made Appa a very curious cat.

“It’s a mask, Appa!” I said and pretended to cough, “Uh-huk. I think I have a mild flu and I don’t want to spread the infection.” I quickly went to put on my shoes.

God, it’s amazing how I can lie to Appa without even feeling guilty nowadays. Yes, I’m definitely going down the road to hell.

I heard the sound of footsteps and within seconds, he appeared in the living room. He crossed his arms in front of his chest and gave me a look. I understood that look. He didn’t want me to go out since I was ‘sick’. My lie had backfired.

“You need to rest if you’re sick, Bommie,” Appa said. His gaze had softened and he looked really concerned. Suddenly I felt sick to the pit of my stomach.

“Don’t worry, Appa,” I said, waving my hand dismissively, “I’m fine. It’s just a mild flu. Plus, MinYoung really needs me right now.” I crossed my fingers behind my back.

Not really.MinYoung didn’t even sound excited to meet today but I was the one who begged her to meet me since I need someone to confide about Choi SeungHyun.

“Why? What’s wrong with MinYoung?” Appa asked.

I had just lost the idea on