“Anger is just a cowardly extension of sadness. It's a lot easier to be angry at someone than it is to tell them that you're hurt.”

~ Tom Gates ~

19 | Between Anger and Sadness

This is so not happening. It must be only a bad dream. There is no way that SeungHyun would do something like this to me. We had only been official for seven weeks, two days, four hours and 28 minutes; it was still too early for him to cheat on me with another girl.

I hid behind the huge pillar in the airport and took a peek of them. SeungHyun still had his arms around that girl’s shoulder when he was cheerfully introducing the girl to Micky and MinYoung. I could not believe my eyes when MinYoung shook hands with the girl with a smile upon her face.

I had never thought that she would betray me like this. She was supposed to be my best friend! It’s only right if she gave SeungHyun a powerful slap across the face. Or two. Then, she was supposed to pull the girl’s hair out until she goes bald— not shake hands with her.

I blinked back the tears that were already welling up in my eyes.

I hate you Choi SeungHyun.

You who had made me miss you like crazy. Like a fool, I kept staring at my cellphone hoping that you would call. Like a fool, I kept hoping that you would come back to me sooner so that my heart would be at ease. Like a fool, I kept praying for your success.

Is this how you pay me back?

Did you not miss me too?

MinYoung glimpsed down at her watch and looked around for someone; probably she was looking for me. She then took out her cellphone and put it close to her ear. The other three were still engaged in a cheerful conversation.

Before long, I heard my phone’s ringtone and knowing that it was MinYoung, I proceeded to push the red button to reject the call. I did this for the next three times that she had called me. Did she really think that I would happily be meeting SeungHyun with another girl wrapped in his arms?

Shakily, I took out my cellphone and dialled for HyunJoong’s number.

“What do you want this time?” came his grumble from the other side of the phone, “Isn’t your lover kingka back already? Why don’t you just bug him instead?”

Normally, I would have fought him off with a witty remark about his girly features but this time due to the emotional turmoil inside me, I decided to let it pass.

“HyunJoong~”

I could not mask the sadness in my heart and I think HyunJoong heard it too. Tears were already rolling down my eyes.

“Bommie? What’s wrong? Are you hurt?” There was concern in his voice like he knew I was already crying a river. “Is this about SeungHyun? What did he do?”

I gulped hard and wiped my snotty nose. “He’s hugging another girl,” I sniffled, “He doesn’t even miss me. I think he doesn’t like me anymore.”

I heard HyunJoong’s loud gasp from the other end of the line. “Are you sure? I’m sure it’s just a misunderstanding,” he suggested.

I shook my head as though HyunJoong could see me. “NO!” I said defiantly, “I saw him hugging her with my own two eyes. It’s definitely not a misunderstanding.”

HyunJoong was quiet for a moment. “You know what, if I were you, I’d go straight to him and kick his balls but since you’re not me, I suggest that you go and ask him about her now. Maybe you’re just overreacting. Maybe she’s just his relative. Or maybe she’s his sister because according to the guys, she’s pretty hot.”

“It’s not his sister!!” I yelled angrily. My voice was raspy and hoarse. “HyeYoon unni was our senior at school. I know how she looked like. This is certainly not her.” I paused to blow my nose. “Do you think I’m that stupid to be jealous of him hugging his own sister??!!!”

“Well—” HyunJoong started, “You can be a bit overdramatic at times.”

I decided to ignore his degrading remark. “Do you really think that I should just go up to them and ask about her?”

“I would if I were you.”

“But you’re not me.”

“Thank God for that.”

“YAH!”

“Hey, you asked for my opinion, didn’t you?”

I groaned. I didn’t even realize that my tears had already stopped. By then, instead of feeling sad and sorry for myself, anger was building up inside of me for being betrayed by SeungHyun. I guess HyunJoong was solely responsible for me feeling that way. He always had that kind of effect on me.

“You know what? You’re right!” I said, “I’m going to go there and show him just who he’s messing with.”

“Alright!” HyunJoong cheered, “Don’t forget to call me later and tell me how it goes. I want the full sto—”

I hung up, not bothering to even let him finish. To me, HyunJoong would always remain a nuisance, no matter how helpful he could be. I sneaked a peek at SeungHyun and he was laughing at something with the girl. MinYoung and Micky were nowhere to be found; they had probably left SeungHyun for some alone time with the girl.

How sweet of them, I thought sarcastically.

I breathed deeply, balled my fists and marched ahead towards SeungHyun and the girl with my head held up high. Whatever happened, I decided that I would go home with my pride still intact.

SeungHyun looked surprise to see me. “Corn girl!” he called out happily. The pretty girl turned to look at me and flashed me a jubilant smile.

I’m pretty sure that she was mocking me with her smile. Without uttering a word, I went straight to SeungHyun and kneed him in the groin. HyunJoong would not have thought that I was capable of doing that. He must be proud.

SeungHyun moaned loudly in pain and clutched his groin with his hands. “What is that for?!” he yelled.

“That’s what you get for not calling me,” it was my turn to yell. Then, I punched his stomach. “That’s for making me miss you like a fool!” Next, I slapped him hard across the face. “And that’s for hugging a girl in front of me.” I briefly glimpsed at the girl. She was looking horrified, probably shocked at the scene happening in front of her. SeungHyun looked as shock as she was—if not more.

We were already attracting some crowd but they all left after I shoot them with invisible daggers from my eyes.

I crossed my arms across my chest and glared at SeungHyun who looked like he was in immense pain. The girl rushed to his aide, asking repeatedly whether he was okay. SeungHyun did not answer her. Instead, his eyes were locked with mine. The girl followed his gaze and when she noticed how I was still staring, she quickly straightened her posture. Then, she had a smile on her face as she came closer to approach me, extending out her hand in a friendly manner. “Hi, my name’s HwangBo,” she said, “You must be Bom.”

I felt bad because she was being friendly so I shook her hand firmly. “Nice to meet you,” I said curtly.

SeungHyun straightened up and began to massage his face which must be causing him throbbing pain by then. “What’s gotten into you, corn girl?!!” he yelled, “Why must you act so crazy in front of HwangBo?!” He paused to breathe deeply, trying to calm himself. “Look, HwangBo’s my childhood friend and we haven’t met each other for years so it’s such a good coincidence to have met her here. She has just arrived from Ulsan. Her school is having a two weeks break.”

HwangBo nodded eagerly, agreeing to that. “Don’t think anything else, Bom,” she added, “We’re just friends. When he called me last night to tell me that he’s arriving today, we decided to meet here since I was in town.”

I blinked.

He called her last night?

He didn’t even call me for the whole week citing that he was too busy with practice to talk. How come he had time to talk to this ‘childhood friend’ of his?!

I felt a pang in my heart when I thought back about how I didn’t even know that he was coming back today – I only knew from MinYoung – and that made the pain even worse.

“Bom?” SeungHyun called, breaking my train of thoughts.

“You didn’t even call me,” I blurted out, tears were already welling up in my eyes, “I waited all week for your call but you didn’t even make a single call. If MinYoung didn’t tell me, I won’t even know that you’re coming back today.” A drop of tear soon made its way down my cheek and I wiped it off in disgust. “You had the time to call her and your friends but you didn’t even think to call me.” HwangBo was gazing back and forth between me and SeungHyun and she had a look of guilt displaying across her face.

SeungHyun blinked. “I was jus—”

“I don’t want to hear it,” I said angrily and looked up at him through my teary eyes. “I hate you Choi SeungHyun! I’m going to buy a voodoo doll and make you suffer!!!” I my heels and started to run with all my might. I heard him calling after me but I kept on running and I ignored the strange looks that I was attracting from the other people along the way. I don’t blame them if they thought that I was crazy since I was muttering angrily to myself with tears running down my eyes. It was definitely not a pretty sight.

This is all because of that stupid heartbreaker kingka, Choi SeungHyun.

***********************

When I was in the taxi on the way home, I got a text message from MinYoung.

Where are you?! Why aren’t you answering my calls? SeungHyun’s trying to surprise you so I was not supposed to tell you that he’s coming home today so if you haven’t met him, go back home. Sorry, I didn’t know that he wanted to surprise you. So when he surprises you at your house later, just pretend to be surprised okay? By the way, he introduced me to his friend. He’ll probably introduce her to you. Don’t tell him that I’ve told you about this okay?

I stared down at the cellphone in my hand, blinking rapidly. He wanted to surprise me? I was about to melt down by the sweet feeling that the thought had brought to my heart when I suddenly was reminded by how he went M.I.A on me for almost a week. Did he go to that length just to surprise me? That doesn’t even make any sense.

No one ignored their loved ones for as long as a week just to surprise them.

I was still pissed at SeungHyun when I arrived home. I closed the door with a bang and stormed inside. I saw Appa sitting at the dining table, drinking water while reading the newspaper. He looked surprised to see me and he glimpsed towards the washroom like there was something there that he was afraid for me to find out.

“You’re home early,” he commented, “I thought you’d be out with SeungHyun.” I slit my eyes at him. Just the sound of his name had angered me. I guess Appa noticed how furious I had looked. “Whoa, what happened?” he asked with concern, “SeungHyun can’t come back today?”

“No, he’s already in Seoul,” I grumbled.

“Then, why do you look so angry? Did you two fight?”

“I don’t want to talk about it, Appa.”

“Then, what about dinner tonight? I have already bought the crabs!”

I gave him a death glare and I saw that my own father was slightly shuddering at the sight. It was as though he was afraid. How odd. My father was never afraid of me, no matter how angry I could be.

“If you insist on having him here to eat crab, I’ll disown you!” I yelled.

“You cannot disown me. I’m your father. Only I can disown you.”

“I don’t care! I’ll disown you no matter whether you like it or not! You can count on it!”

“What is going on with you?! Where’s SeungHyun?!”

I took a deep breath. “Don’t say his name!” I yelled, “I hate hi—”

My outburst was interrupted by a loud gasp coming from near the washroom. Before long, a middle age woman came into view. She was thin and petite with long hair and soft motherly features. She was wearing a track bottom and t-shirt and I get the feeling that she was the reason why Appa was suddenly excited about jogging. She gazed back and forth between Appa and me with a frown on her forehead.

“YongSul-shi, is this Bom?”

YongSul-shi?

She’s already being informal with my father?

They must be close.

I raised my eyebrows at Appa.

Appa abruptly stood up and I could see how he was faltering to stand, like he was very nervous. He cleared his throat and fidgeted on his legs, his face pink. He glanced at me before saying, “Yes, SuKyoung, it’s her.” He paused to gulp, avoiding my eyes. “Bom, this is Miss Lee SuKyoung. She’s my, uh, exercise partner.”

Exercise partner?!

I rolled my eyes. How juvenile can my own father get? Did he really think that I was naive enough not to know that this woman might be his girlfriend? If I wasn’t so angry at SeungHyun, I would have run over and give this woman a warm hug for being able to make my father exercise. Before this, Appa had proudly declared that he would rather be eaten alive by hungry wolves than to jog. He must really like this woman. No wonder he was giggling to himself earlier on.

“Hi Bom, nice to meet you,” SuKyoung bowed politely with a friendly smile on her face.

“Nice to meet you too,” I said politely, “I’m sorry but I’m just dead tired so I’m going up to my room.” Without another word, I rushed up the stairs to go into my room and threw myself on the bed. I screamed into my pillow, trying to relief all the stress inside me. I had been holding it in for far too long so it felt good to let it out.

I heard a soft knock on my door before Appa appeared inside the room. He carefully made his way towards my bed. “Bommie, are you okay?” he asked softly in his fatherly voice.

It took me a while to figure out that Appa was actually asking me about the matter of him bringing his ‘exercise partner’ to the house and I