“Happiness is not the absence of problems but the ability to deal with them.”

-Annonymous-

17 | The Unromantics

Without even realizing it, I had already hung up on MinYoung. I stooped low as I stared to the ground; the cellphone remained firmly in my hands.

HyeMi killed herself?

Oh my God.

I started to think about HyunJoong and how he was acting just like any other boys. I remember how he was listening to my problems and trying to help the matters between me and SeungHyun, all the while hiding those deep pain in his heart. It must have been terrible for him. I thought about his cheeky grin and my heart broke further apart.

Who knew that the pretty boy HyunJoong was hiding some deep heartbreaking past?

Tears started to stream down my face. I was feeling really guilty for forcing him to tell me about his sister when I had already seen how reluctant he was to tell it in the first place. I thought he was only kidding when he was acting crazy earlier.

SeungHyun saw me crying so he abruptly stood up and headed my way, leaving Appa to talk to himself. “Hey,” he called softly when he reached me and touched my shoulders, “what’s wrong?” He reached out to wipe away the tears from my eyes. I caught a glimpse of the look of concern on his face.

I tried to stop crying but failed miserably. Out of the corner of my eyes, I could see Appa watching us, probably wondering why in the world I was crying my eyes out when just less than a minute ago I was the happiest girl on the planet.

He was probably thinking that I was acting up just to get my boyfriend’s attention.

“MinYoung called,” I said between sobs, “She told me that HyeMi had killed herself.”

“HyeMi?” SeungHyun paused to think with a deep frown forming on his forehead, “You mean HyunJoong’s sister?”

I nodded, feeling too sad to talk.

“Oh, SeungHyun, I’ve got to go,” I said, “I need to see him.”

SeungHyun looked thoughtful for a while, like he was contemplating on whether he should allow for this to happen. His brows were furrowed together and his lips were grim. After a moment, he sighed. “He really means a lot to you, doesn’t he?” he asked softly.

I nodded. “He’s my friend, SeungHyun. I’ve known him since we were little although I had only remembered about him today,” I said, “He has helped me so much these past few days and it’s basically my fault that he’s being forced to remember about his sister. I feel responsible for this.”

SeungHyun frowned and bit his lower lip as he gazed down at me. He softly wiped off my tear-stained face, shaking his head all the while. “If it means so much to you, then we’ll go find him. Together,” he said, his lips beginning to curve up to form the iest side smile, “We’ll both make sure that he’s alright.”

I could not believe my ears. He was going to do this together with me. He did not think that I was strange for wanting to help pretty boy. It can’t be said how relieved I was that SeungHyun was being so supportive.

“Y-y-you’re going to help me?” I asked, just to make sure that I was hearing correctly, “You don’t think that I’m weird for wanting to do this?”

“I’m afraid that can’t be help, corn girl,” he said, giving me his infamous smirk, “I will always think that you’re a little weird.”

I stuck out my tongue and he laughed. I didn’t even realize that I had stopped crying by then. “Let’s go find him?” I said and he nodded.

“Ehem.”

I heard the sound of Appa clearing his throat so we turned back to look at him. We had almost forgotten that he was there watching our every move.

“Bommie, in case you have forgotten, you have a stall to handle here. Where are you both planning to go?” Appa asked, pointing towards the corn stall.

I bit my lip. Before I could even open my mouth to fabricate a story about how my adopted cat is dying and we were actually on our way to rescue it, SeungHyun had spoken before me.

“I’m sorry, Mr. Park,” he bowed politely, “but I may have to ask for your help with this. Our friend is having a big problem and we really need to find him now. I’m sorry if it’s going to cause you too much trouble.”

Appa blinked as though trying to grasp it all. “You—” he pointed at SeungHyun, “are asking me—” he pointed to himself, “to look after the stall for her?” lastly, he pointed at me.

SeungHyun nodded while I gulped in anxiety. I wonder how he could be so calm whenever he was facing my father. It was like he knew just how to tackle Appa.

“Again, we’re very sorry, Mr. Park,” SeungHyun bowed again, “but we’re really worried about our friend.”

The look on Appa’s face was telling me that he was in awe with the gorgeous specimen standing before him, like he couldn’t believe that a boy so perfect could end up with me. Without even waiting for his answer, I knew that he’d trust SeungHyun enough to let us go. Heck, I bet he wouldn’t even stop to ponder if SeungHyun had asked for his permission to bring me to Alaska to go fishing.

“Make sure you get her back before 11 or I’ll never let you go,” Appa said finally.

I yelled happily. “Appa, you’re the best!!” I ran up to give him some wet sloppy kisses on the cheek and he pushed me away after some time.

“Don’t be late,” he warned, “I’m locking the door if you’re late.”

“Thank you, Mr. Park,” SeungHyun bowed once again.

When we were leaving, SeungHyun took a quick glimpse at Appa and chuckled to himself.

“What’s so funny?” I asked.

He glanced sideways at me with a smile on his face. “Your father is really the grown up version of you, Bom,” he chuckled, “He was talking to himself, just like what you love to do.”

I glanced back at Appa and sure enough, he was mumbling to himself but I recognized that look on his face.

“He wasn’t talking to himself,” I said fondly, “He’s talking to my mother.”

SeungHyun reached for my hand and gave it a little squeeze. “I’m sure they both love you very much,” he smiled.

I smiled back and closed my eyes for a while. I felt the gentle breeze brushing against my skin.

Umma, I love you too.

**************************

“What the heck is wrong with you two?!!” HyunJoong grumbled in annoyance once we met him. He wasn’t too fond of us being right in front of his big house when I called him just now. “Can’t this wait until tomorrow? I’m in the middle of doing something.” He gave SeungHyun a look.

“Bom was worried about you,” SeungHyun stated matter-of-factly, “Actually, she worries a lot about you lately.”

HyunJoong rolled his eyes and looked at me. “I thought we’ve already done the whole sappy thing this evening. What’s this for?” he crossed his arms across his chest.

I glanced at SeungHyun and he nodded so I took a deep breath. “I already know how HyeMi died,” I said softly, “MinYoung found the Internet article.”

I could see how HyunJoong’s jaw tightened like he was holding something back. He looked at me; his eyes were cold once again. “So?” he said through gritted teeth, like he was trying his best to keep calm.

“You said that you killed her and I know that it isn’t true,” I said carefully, “but the thing is, I think you feel responsible for her death. Maybe you actually believe that you’ve killed her.”

HyunJoong was quiet for a second before he pretended to look at his watch and yawn. “Gee, look at the time. We have school tomorrow,” he pretended to yawn again, “So I’ll see you guys tomorrow?” he was beginning to make his way back into the house.

“Wait,” SeungHyun said, grabbing his shoulder, “Bom’s not finished yet. Just hear her out.”

HyunJoong shook his head and looked at SeungHyun, a look of disbelief apparent on his face. “I can’t believe that you’re actually in this with her.”

“I’m only here for her,” SeungHyun retorted firmly, “She cares about you since she thinks you’re her friend and all while I couldn’t care less.”

“How noble,” HyunJoong remarked sarcastically but SeungHyun pretended not to hear.

“Listen HyunJoong,” I said, “I just want to let you know that we are here for you if you need someone to talk to. Don’t hold it all inside. We can help. We’re your friends.”

“He’s not my friend,” HyunJoong pouted towards SeungHyun.

“Be careful, duck face,” SeungHyun warned, “You’re walking on thin ice here.”

“Seriously, HyunJoong, I really couldn’t care less about why she killed herself or what’s written in her suicide letter. I just want to make sure that you’re fine,” I said.

SeungHyun blinked. “Letter?” he asked, looking at HyunJoong, “What letter? She wrote a suicide letter?”

I nodded.

HyunJoong heaved a deep sigh. “You guys are never going to let me off if I don’t open up, aren’t you?” he asked and we both answered him with a vigorous nod. He sighed once again. “Fine,” he grumbled, “we’ll talk.”

He led us to the bench in front of his house and we sat together with him in the middle. We waited for a moment for him to finally open his mouth.

“HyeMi was bullied in school and she tried to tell me but I thought that I was too cool at the time. I didn’t spare her the time she needed to listen to her problems. My parents were always busy with their newly successful business that they had forgotten that HyeMi still needed attention. Back then, I had a lot of friends and I was really popular in school so I acted distant with my own sister because I was embarrassed to be seen with her by my friends although we used to be so close. We weren’t at the same school so I didn’t know that her bullying was really bad until one day she came back with bruises on her face. Then we noticed the bruises on her body.”

I gasped. It sounded really horrible. I glanced at SeungHyun and saw that he had turned pale.

“My parents asked her how she got all those bruises but she insisted that she fell down the stairs at school, that it was all accidental. My parents bought her story but I didn’t buy it. I mean, no one can ever be that clumsy. However, I didn’t want to get entangled in her petty affairs so I pretended not to even care. Days gone by and HyeMi was starting to behave more and more distant and quiet. I was quite worried but I didn’t make the effort to talk to her. One day, she tried to talk to me but I refused to listen and told her to stop being so useless since I was busy playing games with my friends. That was the day before she left.”

I bit my lips. All kinds of emotions were in turmoil inside me. Part of me badly wanted to slap HyunJoong for being so cold towards his own sister but part of me pitied him, that he had blamed himself for her death all these while. It must have been so hard for him. Who would have known such a carefree person like him was hiding a big burden in his heart.

“Why did they bully her?” I asked carefully, “Do you, um, do you know the reason?”

HyunJoong sighed and kicked the ground aimlessly. “You remember my family before this, don’t you Bom?” he asked instead and I nodded. “We weren’t rich but when we moved to Jeju, my dad had a sudden success with his property company and thus, we became rich. At first, I didn’t like it there. I didn’t have too many friends but ever since we made the big money, all of a sudden, so many people became my friends and I became popular. I hate to admit this but I soaked up all the attention and I became a whole different person than I was before. I was suddenly too cool to hang out with my own sister. HyeMi, instead of becoming popular, she ended up being hated on for being rich and the bullying started. HyeMi was really timid and soft so I guess that’s what makes her an even easier target for these bullies.”

SeungHyun had balled up his fists in anger. “I hate bullies,” he grumbled in fury, “I really do.”

I fought hard the urge to roll my eyes when I thought about how he used to bully me before but I guess it was a different case with HyeMi’s so I remained silent.

HyunJoong sighed again and his eyes were glassy like he was holding back tears. Without a word, SeungHyun reached out to pat his back.

“The press had gotten it wrong. It wasn’t a letter that she wrote but it was her suicide note for me. She wrote, ‘I’m sorry for being so useless’,” HyunJoong paused, looking disgusted at himself. “After HyeMi’s death, the media coverage was huge and the bullying became really well known. My parents were adamant to put her death to justice. Things got very ugly after that when the bullies got kicked out of school and everything changed after that. My parents weren’t the same anymore and I guess I changed too. My friends started to abandon me and I was alone. My mother put the whole family to family therapy session and it took about a year for me to recover, although not fully.”

Without even realizing it, tears were streaming down my face. I couldn’t imagine how it must have felt to be feeling the kind of guilt that he was carrying. “Oh, HyunJoong.”

HyunJoong turned to look at me and shook his head. “This is exactly the reason why I didn’t want to open up about her to you,” he said, “I just know that you’d turn sappy.”

I tried to blink back the tears but failed miserably. “I can’t help it, you know,” I sobbed, “It’s not like there’s a faucet to my tears that I can turn off.”

HyunJoong shook his head and looked at SeungHyun. “This crazy girl,” he pouted his mouth towards me, “your girlfriend?”

“I have never met her in my whole life,” SeungHyun said in mock disgust.

“I thought so,” HyunJoong smiled, “She looked like she had just run away from a mental asylum.”

To my utter amazement, SeungHyun chortled. I couldn’t believe it, these two boys who never seem to be able to get along in the past was laughing at me, together.

I snorted through the tears and pinched both of their upper arms. Just my luck. The two closest boys in my life were ganging up and having fun making fun of me. I was definitely doomed for life.

HyunJoong reached out to ruffle my hair playfully while SeungHyun offered me a handkerchief from his pocket. I took it and wiped my tear-stained face.

“Like I have told you numerous times, Bom,” HyunJoong said, “I AM FINE. Don’t worry about me. I can’t help it if I’m acting weird whenever talking about HyeMi since it hurts but rest assured, I really am fine. You can stop worrying about me.”

“I can’t help it, you know,” I grumbled, “This is just who I am. I worry a lot. It’s not like I can change who I am. You shouldn’t have made me worried in the first place.”

HyunJoong groaned while SeungHyun chuckled to himself. HyunJoong abruptly stood up and did a light stretch. “Enough of all these sappy talks. I hope that after this no one will ask me about her again or I’m going to make a press conference about this,” he glanced down at his wrist watch, “I’m going back inside. I was in the middle of something when you two came so I’m going to continue that.”

“What are you going to do, HyunJoong?” I asked in horror, “You’re not going to harm yourself, are you?”

HyunJoong slit his eyes at me and then turned to look at SeungHyun. “Seriously man, it’s not too late for you to run away from this loony here,” he said.

“Hey!” I protested and SeungHyun laughed.

“Let’s get going, corn girl,” SeungHyun said as he reached out to drag me by the hand, “Let’s stop harassing the duck face.”

“Hey!” HyunJoong protested just before his face broke into a grin and he waved at us, “G’nite guys!”

There was something in the way that SeungHyun was looking at HyunJoong. Before this, there was always something hostile in his eyes, like he could never tolerate the pretty boy but now, I could see that he was already warming up to HyunJoong.

I think that night HyunJoong had gotten himself a new friend.

*******************

We were walking towards the cafeteria and I was searching for a tissue for my