6: Hani

There must be something wrong with my face. Not only do I have Joonmyun’s uneasy eyes on me, now I have his friend, Yi Xing’s attention as well. It had been a week since I stayed the night at Joonmyun’s house, and I heard nothing from him after that. It didn’t bother me though because I like it better that way. I still have his clothes and it was in my locker for a long time already. I just didn’t know how to approach him and give it back. Maybe I’ll just wait until he claimed it from me.

Cuttings didn’t stop. I never try nor do I have any intention to stop. It is after all my only escape to this world’s cruel ways. My life went into a total silence. No one knows, and I don’t want anyone to know. Even with Joonmyun knowing, he doesn’t care. And it’s all for the best. I stopped tapping my diary and closed it. As usual, I kept it away right away and decided to just pretend to concentrate. I had no interest at Physics but anything to keep me occupied.

I looked at my right and caught Yi Xing staring at me again. It has been a while now, him looking at me. He never took any interest in getting to know me before. Well, I took it that way since we have been going to this Physics class for over half a year now. He wasn’t the type to look at girls and even if he was, I’d say it was weird for him to actually stare at someone like me. Sighing, I looked away from him.

But hey—he’s one of Joonmyun’s closest friends, I recalled. I saw them once at cafeteria. Like always, Joonmyun’s eyes were all worries and he followed my whole move. I remembered it very clearly because no one stares like Joonmyun does. I chuckled because my assumption was that Joonmyun was just so scared that I might cut myself to death. And since then, Yi Xing began to stare too. Well unlike Joonmyun, he was a bit naughty? Maybe that, I guess. I doubt that Joonmyun told him about me because why would he look at me slyly if he knows my case.

The bell rang and I let out a desolate sigh. My girls weren’t here in school because they joined this one camp about girls’ physical abilities. I couldn’t even around the school hall during Physical Education so as much I hate being alone, I also don’t want to spend my entire week running around hills and jungle trekking. It was empty now, the Physics lab. I always do that, being the first and the last one to go. As I was about to get up, I noticed someone else’s presence inside.

Startled, I almost hit Yi Xing in his face. He laughed at me but kept his composure the next moment. He was pretty much bipolar. Well since Yi Xing began to stalk me like Joonmyun does, I actually learnt a little bit about the two friends. Like how they are actually come from a bigger group of boys, naming them ridiculously as EXO. It wasn’t like they’re idols so that got me laughing actually for quite an amount of time. I began to smile at that thought again but I knew that Yi Xing was still examining me.

“What do you want?” I asked him, collecting my stuff and put them inside my bag. I pulled my sweater to cover more skin. Yi Xing didn’t answer but he had his back leaning against the door frame. Maybe my jeans were way too worn out? That’s why he was staring? I couldn’t blame the school for its stupid rule; School uniforms only to be wore on Mondays, Fridays and on special formal occasions. It was suited for the rich kids’ thing against school uniforms—them and their big power. Today’s Thursday so no uniforms for me.

“Messy long hair and cracked lips…putting that aside, you’re pretty.” He commented. I remained silent although I could hear his words. Why was he complimenting me? Shim Hanhee being pretty was something I never even imagined of. “Worn out jeans, black T-shirts with an oversized sweater—are you trying to put that rebellious rock school girl theme?” He asked, crooking his brows.

It was starting to get under my skin. He was judging me and I hate judgments. “Yes.” I answered him and tried to slide my way through the door. Although I had no more classes, I would go anywhere but not in the same room with Yi Xing. He actually craved that not-so-good first impression. He saw that irritated look on my face and made way for me to go out. Before I could leave, it wasn’t very clear but what he said made me standing static. “Definitely not Joonmyun’s ideal type…”

I looked back at him and shot that ‘what-do-I-care’ look. He raised his hands in defeat and walked to the other side of the hallway. What an arrogant attitude. I noticed that a few glares were thrown at me. That was weird, getting attentions. I closed the Physics lab door behind me and locked it. The teacher knew how my habit so she let me keep the lab’s keys. I was on my way to the teachers’ building to give the key back when I realized that I would pass by Joonmyun’s office as well. He is after all the students’ council President.

I turned around to get his clothes from my locker and I saw Yi Xing again. I rolled my eyes at him and he caught that. Maybe it was an amusement for him to see me acting like that. Joonmyun was far way better—except for the fact that he forgot everything about me already. I heard Yi Xing’s laugh and when I turned slightly to see if Joonmyun’s there, he flashed me a crooked smirk.

I sighed and turned around. I put my other books inside and took the bag containing Joonmyun’s clothes. Seeing him not lingering around his friend’s locker meant that he probably left already. I would just leave the bag on his office and took off. We need not to converse and he need not to look after me again. And I would peer off that looks I get from him. It would be like how it always was.

I made my way to the other block, where the teachers’ lounge was. After I left the keys inside Mrs. Lee’s drawer, instead of returning home, I made a beeline to Joonmyun’s office. I would like to be involved with something like this and actually get a few credits for it but no, I would prefer being the invisible one. The students’ council room was like a real company’s meeting room. I stopped peeking inside and wondered whether to just come inside or not. But the sign clearly said that no students are allowed without permission.

“Hey—” I turned to my left and saw EXO walking towards me. I sighed and tried to walk away but a tall one grabbed me by my shoulders. “You’re the mysterious girl from before, right?” I didn’t get what he meant but it struck me when I recognized his face. He was the one who apologized about the mirror incident last time. I hesitantly nodded my face.

“Guys, this is the ‘victim’ of the glass scattering incident. I say, we shall all apologize for our irresponsible acts.” He went to his friend’s side and a few others bowed along with him. I bowed back but then shuffled my feet backwards. I’ll just hand Joonmyun this back some other time.

“But what are you doing here?” An uninterested face asked me. He was on a lollipop and has rainbow dyed hair. I actually like his hair. But his question got me stuck. Another tall man stepped in and turned the knob for me. I stepped further back and looked at them. “Do you want to file a report?”

“Oh, you are?” This time it’s the wushu athlete. I know him because I saw his performance once. I didn’t know that he was actually a part of EXO too. I shook my head and was about to turn around. The tall man had pushed the door and some of them walked inside. Were they all members of the school council? Yi Xing stopped in front of me and smiled. “Or do you want to see Suho?”

“Why would she want to meet Suho?” A pretty one asked. He was wearing the soccer team’s jersey and I caught his name from behind; he’s Luhan. He didn’t believe that I was actually intending to do so. I shrugged and smiled weakly, walking further backwards. Yi Xing shrugged and came inside too.

I looked down to the bag and sighed. I’ll just cancel my plan and give him when we’re alone or something. Maybe I could just drop this off in front of his house. Seeing his friends coming inside indicated that Joonmyun was also there. I didn’t want to have anything to do with him anymore.

“Yeah, someone’s filing a report outside.”

“She’s not filing a report.” Another voice argued. “She’s here to see you, Suho.”

“Why would she see hyung?”

“—was she going to confess?” And a few of them laughed. Didn’t they know that I was still outside here? I turned around and slowly walked away. 

“Who is this you were saying?” I stopped walking. That’s Joonmyun’s voice. I heard the door knob turning and my feet went faster.

“And she even brought a bag. Maybe there are homemade cookies inside. Get ready, hyung!”

The door was completely opened but Joonmyun saw no one. He looked back to the room and raised a brow. I was still walking in a speed but why did the hallway felt longer than before today? I heard Yi Xing’s annoyed voice trying to tell Joonmyun that I was here.

“It’s Shim Hanhee.”

And tap, tap, tap, tap, tap—he had my wrist grabbed. I sighed. There’s no way I could run from this one, don’t I? I turned around and he could see that pain in my eyes. Slowly, he let go of his hand. I circled my wrist right away and even though it was covered under my big sweater, I knew that he knew.

Joonmyun’s mouth opened and his brows frowned—I could see that he was about to scold me but his eyes looked around. A teacher walked pass us and we stood awkwardly there. He then grabbed my wrist, massaged it softly before sliding down again to knot his hand with mine. I couldn’t manage to say anything. I just looked at his Adam apple, which was right perpendicular with my eyes. He led me inside the room and I was greeted with a breeze of the air-conditioning.

I heard a few whistles, and maybe some howls also but they were left faded when we stepped into his office. He closed the door behind him and looked at me. I looked back at him and eased the frowns on my head. We were smiling to each other now—how cliché. I felt that extra grip he pressured into my hand and he stepped closer.

“I miss—”

“I’m here to return your clothes.”