15: Suho

“You look different, Suho.” Baekhyun blinked at me, smiling as his eyes gave me a creep. But I still caught what he has to say—I look different. I don’t know how different I looked in my friends’ eyes but I replied him with a smile anyway. Whatever difference it is, I know the changes are for the better. I felt good about myself.

“Let me look at the mirror then,” I teased, stopping at the hallway to look at myself on the wall. I brushed my sideburns and patted my cheeks a few times. Hah—I even act different now. Kai caught me doing that and gave me a push. It must’ve given him the chills seeing me do so. I don’t care anymore—what people said about me.

Chen took a look at my face and smiled, “You don’t look different. You just seem… worse. You keep on smiling that it’s disturbing.” He gave me a small hug and I laughed—knowing that he wasn’t completely telling the truth. In the corner of my eyes, I caught a small glimpse of Hanhee. It was Monday so she was neatly dressed in the school uniform. I felt a small tap on my back and noticed that it was Luhan.

I raised my brows at Luhan and he gave me another push. “Go and talk to Hani. Everyone knows that you can’t stay away from her.”

“Shut up.” I rolled my eyes at them. But yet, my feet brought me closer to her. My steps were light now. I could see that Hanhee was looking at me too. She had a confused look on her face—she always does. I smiled at her and she just nodded at me in acknowledgement. My smile fell and I tried to look at her eyes—I thought that it was finally down; the barriers she set up for everyone. I thought that it’s going to be better after the visit to her home.

“What’s wrong?” I asked her, taking a hold of her hands. Hanhee tried to peel of my grip but I knew something was wrong. There’d be no way for Hanhee to give up to me right away. I had it coming but still, it didn’t feel that good. I don’t want her to push me away anymore.

“I—” She looked away from me. Was it her past? Did it come to haunt her again? Slowly, I took her right wrist and pulled up her sleeve. She stopped me midway and pushed the sleeve down. “I’m just cold.” She explained, taking my hands away. It was a bit crowded in the hallway but I knew that people has their eyes on us. And Hanhee is not comfortable with that. But I doubt that she was just cold.

“Do you want my jacket?” I asked her. She looked at me and I tried to appear as bright as I could. “I keep a jacket in my locker. Do you want me to get it for you?” But she did seem pale. Maybe she was just cold but something told me that it wasn’t completely all that. I bent down to meet her eyes and she finally looked at me again.

“Are you okay?” I asked her, pushing a few strands of her long hair behind her ear. Hanhee took a deep breath and closed her eyes. After a few seconds, she looked at me again and shook her head. Was that a sign for ‘I’m okay’ or ‘No, I’m not okay’? I sighed and stepped closer to her but Hanhee took a step back.

“Are you okay?” I repeated my question. I brought her hand to intertwine with mine and led her to come to my locker. Since I keep most of my stuff in the Student Council office, I had enough space to put some of my extra clothes inside my locker. Even Hanhee’s hand felt extra cold and I looked at her again. What happened while I was gone? What happened during the weekend? Why did she change in just a few days?

“Joonmyun,” She called me. I snapped up and hummed at her. Hanhee paused and looked back at me. Her face gave me a small smile and I smiled back at her. I gave her hand a tight squeeze and ignored everyone’s stares on us. Let it be—I’d protect her if I have to. “Let go of my hand.”

I stopped on my stance and looked at her again. Is Hanhee just playing a game of push and pull with me? Is this something to test my feelings or what? “I’m just cold. You don’t have to hold my hand.”

My eyes travelled down to our knotted hands. Looking around us, I saw people staring and whispering at each other. I let go of her hand and she took a step away from me. Hanhee rubbed the two of her palms together and smiled at me. “You worry about nothing. I was just cold.”

I blinked at her. Hanhee then walked away after bowing at me in acknowledgement. She doesn’t have to bow at me all the time. It’s not like I’m the president or what. She doesn’t have to do that. I don’t have any power over her. I just don’t. I stared at her retreating figure and sighed, scratching the back of my head. That was so embarrassing—worrying about nothing. Wait—does that mean that she doesn’t need my jacket?

“What a show,” Kris suddenly showed up behind me. I smiled at him and my lips awkwardly—only then did I begin to walk into my homeroom class. He was still pursuing behind me and he was quiet. I turned at Kris and nodded up at him. “You like her so much, don’t you?”

I was surprised with his straightforward question. My silence made Kris smirked and he wrapped his arms around my neck. “You creep, why bother to hide it when you like her that much?”

“Is it that obvious?” I asked him. I looked at my own hand—the one that touched Hanhee’s. I like the fact that she’d only let me to do that. I wanted to be her sole man but I knew it’d be impossible. If she needs to change, she needs to let more people in her life. I must get her back to the right track—this time, for good.

“Do you want to meet her, Kris?”

“I met her before.” Kris commented. “Why? Are you two on that kind of terms now?”

“Not yet,” I confessed. It’s funny how everyone kept on asking me that. I didn’t even know what Hanhee thinks of me. She might not see me as a man. As a friend, yes, but I couldn’t see her heart yet. Though I opened up to her, she still had her walls strong. She wouldn’t let anyone else inside. Well, my friends are loud—they’re nice and friendly. And I trust them to welcome Hanhee kindly.

“What are you thinking about now?” Kris asked me.

I sighed and suddenly my voice felt heavier. “Kris,” I called him. The friend raised his brows at me and I frowned. I wasn’t sure whether it was the right thing to do but I did it. I told Kris everything. From my first meeting with Hanhee and the reasons she kept pushing me away.

And the look on Kris’s face is not that good.