So here I am, updating, because a friend decided to harass me in school for not updating in months.

16: Hani

Meeting Suho was something I couldn’t avoid. This is because he’s studying at the same school. Sooner or later, we’d bound to meet up and talk at least once. But being this attached to him, I clearly could avoid it. It was supposed to be very simple actually—do not bother about him. I should’ve not let him see my wounds and sympathize with me. I should’ve shoved him away and drew the line more persistently. And now, I’m not sure how I can cope with the changes around me.

Last night, I had just trimmed my fringe, the one I kept for too long. It wasn’t something big but I could see better then. Not only literally but I started seeing things—like how people would react to this changes. Will Hyomin and Eunjo laugh? They’d probably clap and congratulate me, maybe taking me out for a cup of coffee to celebrate. Then, I realized that they have been there for me all the time. I was only too blind to see their effort. Will Suho notice? That, yes, but I don’t know why I thought so. Maybe I want him to notice small things like that.

“Shim Hanhee,” A voice alarmed me and I slightly jolted from my seat. Was I too occupied with my thoughts? I turned to the source of the voice and saw Kris, a friend of Joonmyun.

My brows ceased, showing that I clearly did not expect him here, what even calling my name like that. Then only I looked around the class, finding it absolute empty. Did the class end early? Catching a small glimpse at the clock, I noticed that it was indeed after noon and classes had ended. I must be spacing out again during class. Right, I’m spacing out again now.

“I want to talk about something with you.” Kris stated.

I nodded nevertheless but Kris is very intimidating. I felt intimidated. And slowly, even without me noticing, I had my back straightened and cleared my throat. This is also new.

“Suho likes you.” Oh, so this was that something he wanted to talk about. “He likes you a lot and I can see that you’re aware of it.” Kris bit his lips and he sat down in front of me. I dragged my chair backward to distance myself from him. “I know about it, because apparently, Suho isn’t the least secretive about his feelings.” I nodded at that, supporting the little fact. “But why aren’t you doing anything about it?”

 I wet my lips almost immediately, finding myself flushed. It felt like Kris was trying to find my fault or something. It was uncomfortable and I felt bad.

“So,” Kris continued, leaning against the desk in front of him to take a better look at me. His eyes were piercing onto mine and there was not even a single curve on his lips. He seems so cold. I don’t like it. Was that how other people see me? “Are you going to do something about it?”

“Did Joonmyun ask you to do this?” I asked. No, I wasn’t mad or anything. I was just curious. But knowing Joonmyun (though I don’t really know him), he’d be the type to share almost everything with everyone. “I’m not going to be mad or him or what. I just...want to know.”

Kris’s face turned amused as he kept the disturbing eye contact with me. “No.” He answered. I nodded my head at his reply and looked at my nails. Oh, they’re chipped. Need to get them trim too. “But I know that he needs help somehow. I get you, Hanhee because it’s not easy to get this sudden spotlight attention on you. And I am slightly sorry that a friend of mine is causing you this trouble. But like I said, Suho is a friend. A friend I care a lot about.”

“So, what do you want me to do?” I asked him, leaning against my chair. Was I getting comfortable at talking to a stranger?

“If you like him, tell him that. If you don’t, then tell him that as well. You have to talk to him. It’s not working if Suho is the only one who is trying to match up with you.”

“Are you saying that I shouldn’t let Joonmyun stoop lower?”

“No, that’s not what I mean.” Kris looked flustered for a moment.

“That’s exactly what you mean.” I insisted. My pride hurt, I couldn’t help it. “I get it. Joonmyun is the student body president; he got wealth, rich friends, the brain, the face so why would he pay attention to a commoner like me?”

“But you are not any commoner, Shim Hanhee.” Kris mocked. I stopped trying to smash back his words. And he realized that. So Kris mustered up his courage again and continued, “I know you. I may have done a little research and you have to agree with me on this one; you are not any commoner. And by commoner, actually you’d be far away to be described as one. Do you want to know what I think, Hanhee?”

No.

“I think you’re the one who don’t want to stoop lower to meet Suho.”

No.

“You got it wrong. I’m not like that.” I replied.

“Well you used to.”

“Not anymore, Kris.” I stressed out. Kris smirked when he heard me started calling him names. I didn’t know how on earth he got his hand on my info but it was undeniably wrong for him to do that. He can’t do that. That’s invading my privacy. But the fact that he had more about it, I was trapped. And maybe I got slightly scared.

“You’re avoiding my eyes.” Kris mocked again. That made me staring back at him and we stayed under tension like that for a few seconds. He looked away first and I tried to blink my eyes from getting teary. “You know, I’m quite surprised that Suho doesn’t know that much about you. If he wants to, he could’ve gotten his hand on this matter already. He is, after all, the school’s student body president. Everything is under his power. Doesn’t that tell you anything about him?”

And somehow, our topic returned to Kim Joonmyun.

“Well, if you’re too dense to figure it out,” Kris sighed, “I can guarantee that he is sincere about his feelings. He doesn’t even know your background and yet he has fallen for you like this. What more, he’s even aware of your little problem there.” And his eyes travelled to my sleeves. That got me even tensed. Did he know?

“You should stop, Shim Hanhee. It’s not healthy.” I gulped at nothing particular. My eyes remained glued to Kris even after he stood up. He was still staring at my wrists. He was indeed talking about that. “I could almost imagine what you feel but still, you shouldn’t hurt yourself. Hurting yourself will make it worse. And seeing you bleed like that, Kim Joonmyun is going to break down as well.”

I froze. Even when he put a roll of new bandage on my desk, I was still there, staring at nothing.

“Don’t stoop that low, Hanhee. You can do better. Match up side by side for Suho instead. You shouldn’t be tied to your past.” Before Kris could leave, he had those words said to me. It still rang in my mind even after a few minutes he left.