“What am I doing here? Why did you send me here?! I don’t want to come in. I don’t want them to see me. They will just shove me out and kick me off of this house just like what they did to me months ago. I’m not wanted here.” I protested once I recognized that I was standing in front of my parents’ house. That’s correct. My parents house, not mine because they have written off my name from their family member list the day they sent me out. Unconsciously, my grip on His white cloak tightened.

“You don’t have to worry about that. They cannot see you as they cannot se Me. Come. Let’s go inside.” He smiled genuinely like he always did and reached out His hand to me.

“Come on. I’m always here with you and I will always will.” Seeing my hesitation, he walked closer to approach me with His hand still reaching out for me.

“I really am not sure about this.” I murmured yet I still took His hand anyway. He walked in front of me and you don’t have any idea how startled I was when He had ability to walk pass the door without having to collide His body with the solid wood made door.

“Don’t be surprised. Like what I’ve told you. They cannot see you. It’s safe, Taeyeon.” He made His head penetrated out through the door and it scared me. He giggled afterward and made His way outside again.

“Come in. You better hurry before you feel regret for missing the glorious conversation.” He grabbed my hand and pulled me inside through the same front door and yes, we made it through, just like the magicians on TV did.

We finally went inside and once again I come back into this house. The interior isn’t precisely the same. I see that they have replaced the old TV with the new one, with the screen which is wider and flatter. I also see that the sofa has chaged too, both in color and model. It was brown and now it’s black. I subsconciously smiled knowing that I could finally back to the place I once called home again, even though in a different state. Because they couldn’t see me as I could see them.  I looked around, trying to find any living person within this house.

“Moomm~ I miss Taeyeon noona~” I heard a man voice which was similar to my younger brother. I in reflex turned my head around to find the source of that voice. Like possessed, my feet walked on its own to ascend the stairs.

“I know  Jinwoon-ah. I miss her too.” I heard my mother replied. I finally stepped on the last step of the stairs. The person I’m with is following me from behind. It looked like He deliberately let me to recall things with my family. Probably He wanted me to rethink about my decision again by letting me see the fact regarding the things I’m weak at; family for an example.

“I want to meet her, Mom. It’s been a while and none of us know how she is doing by now. No matter how Daddy stated that she brought shame to this family, she is still my older sister, Mom. She is still your daughter, a person who once inside your womb for 9 months.” I gulped hard and covered my mouth to sustain my sob. He cared. My brother still cared with me. I missed them too and if only I could, I would already hug them by now.

“I remember that, Jinwoon-ah. Have I ever told you that when she was still inside my womb, she was so disturbing and hyperactive? She loved to kick so much that your father always attached his ear or his hand on my stomach and feel her kicking and playing inside my belly. Your father always sang a lullaby when we’re about to go sleep to assure that she would leave me in peace and wouldn’t wake me up caused by her hard kick.” I saw tears started to creep out from my mother’s glistening eyes. I wanted to wipe it away from her but I couldn’t. I could only see them chatting inside my old room and sat right beside my mother whereas Jinwoon sat on the single couch where I used to sit whenever I studied for the exam years ago.

“Now you make me missing her even more.” He pouted and his eyes too were red, like he prevented himself from pouring out his heart out. Maybe because he is a man and he feels embarrassed to cry in front of my mother.

“Are you okay? Do you still want to continue seeing this?” He asked me while standing. He slowly rubbed my back to soothe me.

“Y-yes.” I saw in between my short breath. I’m crying so bad now, like I never before. It’s like the tears couldn’t find a way to stop. It’s like a broken dam where the water will flow heavily and yeah, that’s the state I’m in by now.

“How many months have passed since she left this house?” My mother asked with a crackted voice. Fortunately, Jinwoon is kind enough that he took sheets of tissues and gave it to her. She said thank you and Jinwoon nodded.

“I don’t know for sure but I think it’s almost a year because this house feels so empty without her, Mom. Do you feel that Dad is different too now? Since the night Tae noona left.” He sighed and my mother looked away. More tears fell out of her wrinkled eyes. Since when my mother looked this old? She was so beautiful with almost no wrinkle can be detected the last time I talked with her which is months ago. I recalled and my eyes started to hurt from the crying.

“Yeah. He rarely talks and he avoids any conversation involving Taeyeon. He doesn’t smile as often as he used to. It’s like he’s a different person. Even when we’re in our room, he usually only reads a novel or directly go to sleep.” My mother used the tissue to brush her tears away in spite of the fact, her face will still wet again since she cant’s stop crying.

“Is it that bad?” He asked and my mother nodded weakly.

“Have you ever brought the topic about Taeyeon noona with Dad?” Jinwoon asked again and this time I tried hard to pay attention attentively because I need to know about that fact too. Had my father ever missed me? Or vice versa, he disgusts me so much that even talking about me will make him puke?

“Of course.” My mom answered shortly.

“What did he say?” Good job, Jinwon. Keep asking further until we get the answer we’ve been wanting to know so much.

“I’ll leave you alone for now. I’ll come again to fetch you up later.” He told me and I said okay. In a zap, He disappeared from my eyes. I blinked my eyes several time to ensure that He’s gone for real and yes, He has gone.

“He never uttered a thing whenever I mentioned Taeyeon’s name but I could see from his eyes that he missed her too. It seemed like he actually wanted to forgive Taeyeon and called her to come back to our house but his pride didn’t let it. The fact that he is a leader in this house forces him to differ what’s wrong and what’s right. I know, deep inside his heart, he is longing for Taeyeon’s existence too.” My mother’s statements shocked me. Is that true? Is that really true? I didn’t mishear it, did I? My father, the person whom I thought was and still is the person who hates me the most indirectly said that he missed me?  I really cannot believe it. It’s just too good to be true.

“I noticed it too, Mom. Up until now, there’s no one who’s brave enough to occupy Taeyeon’s noona seat and Dad always takes a quick glance to Taeyeon’s unnie vacant seat before he starts eating his breakfast.” Jinwoon added and again I was so shocked and it made my face drenched in a split second. My tears were uncontrollable and dampened my already wet face.

“Oh so you acknowldeged it too. Yeah, he always does that. It literally defines that he misses Taeyeon’s unnie presence in this house. He is just too stubborn to admit it.” My mom shook her head in defeat.

“Why haven’t you tried to contact her, Mom? Why didn’t you secretly try to coomunicate with her? Supposedly, mother’s feeling can ever be erased. If I missed her this badly, I cannot imagine how much you long for her, Mom.” Jinwoon commented and I had this urge to hug him tight knowing that I missed him so much, more than he ever thought. I tried yet I failed because my hands just passed through his body. I cannot touch him. I cannot feel him. I can see them yet they cannot see me. It hurts.

“I did but she changed her number because everytime I dialed her number, it sent me directly to the operator or the machine saying that the number I was calling was not existed. I ever thought to approach her directly to her office but I was afraid. I’m scared that she would hate me because of what we did to her.” Her words stabbed me directly in my heart. It pierced me deeply that I choked and unable to control my breath properly.

“I had the same thought too. If only Daddy wasn’t too harsh on her, all of this wouldn’t happen. If only he didn’t kick her out, maybe I could still freely see her everyday. If only he could accept unnie’s decision to love a woman instead of a man, maybe~ Maybe~” Jinwoon couldn’t continue since he’s ended up crying and incapable to say the next words. Oh God, what have I done to my own family? All of this caused by me. I can never forgive myself. Never.

“Don’t say that, Jinwoon-ah. No matter what, he is still your father and we must respect his decision.” My mom calmed Jinwoon down yet I don’t think it would work because the expression I can see is anger, hatred, and hidden wrath.

“And Taeyeon is my sister, Mom! She is my role model. She is a perfect sister for me! She never once disappointed me. She always defended me since I was still a kid. She taught me from right to wrong. She gave me money, love, and attention when my own parents couldn’t!” He raised his tone and honestly, this is the first time I saw my little brother this angry. He was a very obedient boy who could never say no to his parents because I always told him to respect our parents no matter what.

“Jinwoon-ah! Calm down!” My mom startled and snapped back. Not long after I could hear footsteps coming and soon the owner revealed himself. Yes, it’s none other than the person whom I used to call Daddy. He is my father. No matter how much he hates me, he cannot change the fact that he will be forever my biologic father.

“What happened here?” My father’s bass voice echoed around the room. He strictly looked at Jinwoon, knowing that he’s the one who inclined his voice before. He dropped his luggage on the bed and loosened up his tie.

“It’s all because of you, Dad! You caused this! You’re the only reason why our family is a chaos now. You’re the main cause why mom and I cannot see Taeyeon noona again roaming around this house! I hate you, Dad!” With that Jinwoon left and the sound of his footsteps are more than enough to picture how mad he is right now.

“You’re not going anywhere, Jinwoon! Come back here you ungrateful child!!” He went berserk and followed outside to go after Jinwoon.

“No! It’s enough. Please, I beg you. Losing one daughter is enough. I don’t want to lose another one. Not again.” My mother fell down on her knees and hugged my father’s knee tightly. She sobbed. She sniffed. She cried all her heart out and the sight of that aches me. I fell down on my knees too, trying to touch her but nothingness is all I can feel.

My father’s expression softened. He bent his body and helped my mother to get up.  I am still in squatting position and looked above me. I saw my father hugged my mother tightly with his hand caressing her back. This is enough. I couldn’t see it any longer. It shattered me too much and it’s unbearable for my weak heart to withstand. Lord, where are you? Bring me back, please.

“No, Taeyeon. It’s not over. Just stay there for a little longer and you’ll know what I mean.” I heard His voice enchoed. I sighed and I went to my bed to sit on it, continue watching the shattering scene in front of me.

“Shusshhh.. I understand. I won’t be mad at him. Don’t worry. Calm down, honey. Calm down. Stop crying. I just don’t want Jinwoon to be a rebel son. He needs to respect his parents. He should know where he stands. He’s our son while we are his parents so he must respect us sincerely.” My father continued rubbing my mother’s back.

“I.. I missed Taeyeon. I want to see her.” My mother sobbed on my father’s chest. I scooted closer to them, feeling curious to what my father would answer my mother’s statement.

“I know.” He replied shortly. I guess my father still hates me after all. He cannot and won’t open his heart to forgive me. Is my preference really that capable to make hatred grow in his heart?

“Do you remember the time when she’s still a kid? She loved to play with gun and cars instead of fluffy dolls. She always protected her friends from bullies. She joined fighting club so just she could defend her friends, especially girls from the naughty boys. Her heart is pure. She never commited crime and has a weak spot to poor people like beggars.” Suddenly my mom blurted out. She let go of my father and went to my bed. She grazed her palm on the bedsheet sadly.

“You know what. I never changed the bedsheet ever since Taeyeon left. Why? It’s because at least, I could still go here and imagine that she’s still sleeping peacefully right there on the bed. I could even still smell her scent on the pillow sheet even after months she hadn’t slept here. I missed her so much. I missed her that I counted days, weeks, and months, waiting for the right moment to meet her again. I want to hug her and hear her call me mom. I missed her I can die.” My mom took a pillow, the one that I used when I was still living here and embraced it.

“Hey.. I-“ My father walked to my mother.

“I tried so hard to look strong in front of our two sons because I want them to still obey your rude command not to contact Taeyeon. I became a different person, pretending to be indifferent about Taeyeon’s inexistence because I want them to forget about Taeyeon when I myself can’t. It’s understandable Jinwoon acted that way you know. Taeyeon is indirectly his idol and you have separated him from her. What do you expect him to do, huh? It’s good enough that he burst out now, not any earlier.” My mother complained.

“What?! But it’s-“

“It’s Taeyeon’s fault for liking women? It’s Taeyeon’s fault to bring disgrace to this family? You always blame her! But have you ever taken a look at yourself? Do you think you are holy enough to judge her? God is the only One who has right to judge after His people, not me, not even you!” It’s my mother’s turn to burst and it frightened me for my mother is one of the best people I’ve ever known.

“9 months long I bear her in my womb! After nine months, I could finally see the most beautiful woman born from my womb. She is the result of our love. She is the definition of love itself created by you and I. She even had Daddy as her first word! Not Mommy!” She continued. My father stayed still, right standing in front of my mother. He pursed his lips tightly.

“She always took a nap in the afternoon so she could greet you in the door when you’re home. She’s only 5 years old that time yet she’s already able to show her love for you! Unlike you who have heart to ditch your own daughter just to save your pride! Look where your pride has brought our family now! All of us are drifting apart~” My mother sobbed again. Her shoulders shuddered and her lips are trembling.

“Our sons are introvert now. They rarely stay at home. I often caught Jiwoong entered Taeyeon’s bedroom and stayed for a moment and when he went out, his eyes were already red. Jinwoon always spent his time to log in to Facebook just to see Taeyeon’s profile. I caught him doing so several times. He couldn’t even freely see his own sister’s photos in this house now because you have taken off every picture that has Taeyeon in it.” My mother said exasperatedly.

“I-I didn’t know. I-“

“You never know because you don’t care. They respect you so much that they did all that secretly. They obeyed your command in front of you yet behind your back, they still Taeyeon’s brothers who missed their sister so much and you can’t do anything about that.” My mother ended her explanation and I felt difficulty in breathing normally. I think I have cried too long.

“You better fix this situation if you don’t want to lose another family member and you know I mean it.” My mother said the last words. She got up and walked away. She stood on the doorway and took a quick glimpse at my father before going out off the room.

“What should I do now? Should I give up this pretense and admit that actually I miss you so much just like Jinwoon, Jiwoong, and your mother do?” My father weakly plopped his body on the bed. He took out his wallet from his pocket and opened it just to reveal my photos revealed clearly from his wallet.

“I always see you in this picture whenever I miss you because I don’t want to admit that fact to others. But seeing the condition now, I don’t think I should defend my pride and let my family ruined more than it already has. I will seek out for you starting tomorrow and bring you back home. I hope you aren’t that angry with this old man.” He chuckled bitterly and it’s so painful to see him being this way. I never thought he actually still cares about me.

“Well, you have full right to be mad at me but just not too long, okay?” He talked to my picture and caressed my face on it. It’s so desperating. I even didn’t know how to react.

“I love you, Taeyeon-ah. I know you are a strong woman.  You are my daughter after all. Daddy will pick you up soon.” My dad said it and flipped his wallet close. He put it back inside his pocket. He then went out and I intended to follow him when I felt a strong force which pushed me backward and that’s the last thing I remembered.

-----------------------------------

“Taeyeon-ah. Don’t worry. I will always be here and patiently waiting for you to wake up so we can chat again like usual, okay? I promise I won’t protest even a bit even when my will flatten and my back will sore caused by sitting too much but in return, you have to promise that you will recover soon and be cheerful little Taeyeon like I’ve always known. Promise? Good!” I’m now inside my ward and it’s Jessica who talked to the sleeping me.

“Taeyeon-ah~ What should we do now? I’m bored and I’m sure you are more bored than me since you practically cannot do anything. That’s why you need to wake up like really really soon! I will pay the tickets to the movie, including the popcorn and colas later when you’re strong enough to walk. Just.. just don’t give up your life, Tae.” I sighed seeing Jessica bit her trembling lips hard to prevent the tears from coming out.

“You need to struggle. I have faith that your critical condition will eventually change into a stable one. Do you remember that you once said you are the owner of black belt? It means you are strong, right? Now it’s time for you tor prove how strong you are to me. You need to survive, Tae. We still have our unfinished story~ and I haven’t given my best to prove you that I’m worthy to have your love.” Jessica grabbed her handkerchief from inside her purse to wipe out the tears that keep coming out.

“Stop crying, Jessi. I’m not worth your tears. Stop believing in me because I myself unable to belive in myself.” I walked to her and patted her head which of course ended up patting the air instead.

“You know what, Tae? I feel like I just heard your voice telling me to stop crying. I’m delusional, aren’t I? Maybe it’s because your state worries me so much that I cannot help but thinking of you all the time. You should have a rest now. I will just go down to seek for some food. I must stay healthy so I can endlessly waiting for you. I love you. See you.” Jessica got up from her seat, lowered her body a little and placed a kiss on my forehead. Again I felt a strong force pushed me and I fainted.

-------------------------------------

“Welcome back.” A voice greeted me and from the surrounding alone I know that I’ve back to His place. The view is similar, still surrounded by clouds and all.

“So, did you enjoy the trip?” He asked again once He realized that I kind of ignored His question. I still feel dizzy thank’s to the sudden forces which forced me and pushed me carelessly. I also feel astounded and confused.

“I guess that means yes. So, what do you feel now that you’ve seen and known things you didn’t know before? It feels different, no?” He clasped my shoulder and smiled genuinely like He always did times before.

“I-I don’t know what to feel or what to say. It’s just too sudden. Too shocking and beyond my wildest imagination. I- I never thought they still care, especially my father. I thought he hated me, despised me so much that he has heart to kick me out off the house.” I honestly saied and He chuckled.

“I know right. I just want to show you that not everything that you think or thought is true. You can never judge anyone because the wisest judge is Me, not humanbeing. I’m sure you have known it by now.” He stated and I nodded.

“Let me clarify some things. Your father never hates you. He disappointed yes, he was mad yes, but not hate. He could never hate you. He ever tried but never succeeded. He missed you just like any other your family members but different from others, his pride is just too high that he wouldn’t admit it to anyone, even to your mother.” He explained and I sat on fluffy surface of cloudy rug followed by Him.

“As for your mother and brothers, they missed you badly yet they didn’t want to fight your father. Your mother secretly longed for you very much. She often cried when no one was around the house because she couldn’t bear the feeling of missing you. Your brothers never protested before because they remembered how you taught them to never disobey their parents no matter what.” He exclaimed and again tears already surged up, asking to be forced out in no time.

“They love you, Taeyeon-ah. You are not and will never be loveless. I love you, your family loves you, Jessica loves you. You’re just too blinded by your own assumption that you never realized how much they love you.” He took my hand, made me turned out my head toward his direction. I saw trail of tears dampened His cheeks. Did he just cry? But why?

“This isn’t your time to be here. When it comes, it will come and nothing can ever prevent it. The story of life and death of a person has been written and it’s called destiny. How well you can manage it and stay walking on the right path depends on you. I must say that I am so disappointed knowing that you prefer woman to man but aside from that, you are a good child.” He sighed and took a deep breath. I feel so guilty watching my own Lord crying for me.

“All your life, you always prioritize people’s interese; especially to those you love without any complain. You always pray for people around you and sometimes you even forget to pray for yourself. You are very sincere in every thing you do. You give without taking granted and I amazed by your character. The only flaw you made maybe when you decided to love the same gender.” He wiped away His tears and halted.

“It doesn’t mean that you are not a sinner. The only living holy and pure creature without any sin is Me but I must say that I feel proud of you, child. Don’t you think it will be inutil if you still choose to end your life rather than continue it and mend your flaw? You still have a second chance to repent your sin and become normal.” He offered again with pleading eyes, indirectly conveying that I better stay alive than choosing to be dead instead.

“If I choose to stay alive and repent my sin, will you send me to heaven?” I asked and He nodded firmly.

“If I choose to be dead because I want to save people’s life that deserves a life more than I, will you still send me to heaven?” I asked again and He paused for a moment, frowned, and finally nodded His head again.

“I have stated that I would save people who believe in me. My children salvation lays in Me because I am the only One who can save them and I know that You believe in Me so whatever your decision is, I will still save you.” He reasoned out and I smiled in relief.

“But the decision still lies on Your hand though. Either I choose to trade my sould for her or to stay alive, the final decision will be determined by You, right?” I asked.

“Yes, but knowing how much you love Tiffany and how you always behave and have been a very well mannered child, I give you freedom to choose. What will you choose, my child?” He tilted His head and I saw how His face is shining and full of charisma. I should consider myself lucky that I ever had a chance to meet my Lord. I’m sure Tiffany had met Him before me though.

“I choose…..”

----------------------------------

“NOOOO!!!” Tiffany woke up and sat up immediately. Sweats covered her face and her hospital gown was already wet thanks’ to her uncontrollable sweats.

“Fany-ah! You finally woke up! Thank God! Wait here! I will call for a doctor.” Heechul said in glee and hugged his younger sister before running a little to call the doctor and announced this good news to him. In no time Heechul came back with the doctor following him.

“Hi there, Tiffany! How are you feeling? Can you please lie down for a moment so I can check you up? It won’t be long.” The doctor said and with blank stare Tiffany obediently followed the doctor’s request. She lied on her back while keep staring at the ceiling.

“How is she, doc?” Heechul unheeded Tiffany’s odd behavior and asked the doctor. He noted in mind to ask what’s going on with his little sister later.

“Her blood pressure is normal and her lunge and all are functioning normally. She’s unbelievably healthy! I don’t know how though but if there’s no problem follow, she can be released by tomorrow morning.” The doctor informed and Heechul smiled delightfully. He was glad that Tiffany has awake and more than that, she’s totally healthy or that’s what he could conclude from the doctor’s statement.

“That’s great, Doc! Thank you!” Heechul shook the doctor’s hand and hugged him for a little to express his happiness.

“You are very welcome. I will send the nurse to check on her in every 4 hours to assure that she’s really okay. I’ll get going then. Have a good day.” The doctor then excused himself watched by Heechul. Tiffany was still lost and stared at nothingness.

“Hey, what happened to you? Shouldn’t you be happy that you can finally awake and being healthy again?” Heechul tapped Tiffany’s shoulder and dragged a chair so he could sit beside her.

“…………..” Tiffany ignored Heechul’s remark and the older brother pouted.

“Ah yes! I need to contact Taeyeon and share the good news! I’m sure she will be happy and come running when she knows you’re awake!” Heechul snapped her fingers and intended to rummage his bag and take his phone when a hand stopped him.

“It’s useless.” Tiffany finally said another word after she woke up.

“What do you mean? She cares about you, Fany-ah. She won’t-“

“It’s useless because she’s no longer here.” Tiffany continued.

“Of course she isn’t here. She said she is the representative from her company to do presentation in tendering process. Perhaps, she’s too busy or she’s too tired that she hasn’t had time to visit you. No worries, I’m sure she will be here once I said you’re awake.” Heechul chuckled and patted Tiffany’s head, totally unaware about the real meaning behind Tiffany’s words.

“She’s no longer here, Oppa. She’s not in this world anymore. She’s dead.” Tiffany finally blurted it out and started sobbing. Heechul stopped all his movement and stared at Tiffany with full of shock.

“W-what do you mean? It’s not funny, Tiffany. She’s just fine the last time she left here.” Heechul smiled hesitantly, couldn’t believe in Tiffany’s words at all.

“I’m not joking, Oppa!” Tiffany said exasperatedly.

“Then how could you make a conclusion that she’s dead, huh? How, Fany-ah?” Heechul was as exasperate and desperate as Tiffany by now. He still remembered how Taeyeon said that she would be back as soon as her business had done but then again, could it be that what Tiffany was saying is true?

“She’s dead because she traded her sould for me, Oppa! She’s dead in my place! I-i… I haven’t even had chance to let her know my real feelings for her. Oppa~ what do I do?” Tiffany tugged on Heechul’s shirt and in reflex; Heechul got up and hugged Tiffany tightly.

“Shuusshh~ We never knew whether what you’re saying is true or not, right? Don’t lose hope just yet. I’ll find out where she is soon. Stop crying. I’m always here for you.” Heechul decided to just believe in Tiffany for now even deep inside he’s still unsure regarding Taeyeon’s where about. He rubbed Tiffany’s back and let her crying her heart out.

“Taeyeon is dead, Oppa. She’s dead when she hasn’t known how much I love her. I love her, Oppa~ I love her so much but now I have lost my chance to confess my feelings for her. She can never know. She wouldn’t know because it’s too late.” Tiffany clutched on Heechul’s shirt and gripped it tightly. Her tears had successfully made a pool on Heechul’s shirt.

“I know you love her, Tiffany. I have known it the moment I saw how you stare at her with full of love and affection. I’m relieved when I know that she’s a very bright and good girl. In spite of the fact that she has the same gender with you, I feel happy because I know she’s the right person for you. I know she can take care of you well, even better than me.” Heechul sad his opinion.

“But it’s useless now, Oppa. I’ve lost my chance. I’ve lost her for good.” Tiffany continued crying and this time Heechul cried along too. Both of them cried in each other arms without knowing that the person they’re talking about is standing and watching them with tears on her face.

-------------------------------------

 “Are you sure you won’t change your decision?” The same man with white cloak stood beside her and asked her.

“No. I’ve made up my mind.” Taeyeon said with full of confidence.

“I’ve vanished Tiffany’s ability by the way so the last thing she knew was the fact that you have taken her place and died in her place. Aside from that, she couldn’t even see you even if eyou’re standing right here beside Me now.” He informed and Taeyeon nodded.

“Thank you.” Taeyeon shortly replied, still feeling amused and sad seeing her best ffriend screaming and asking for help like crazy.

“NO!! DOC, YOU MUST SAVE HER! PLEASE I BEG YOU!” Jessica didn’t even care for her pride anymore and begged on her knees. Her arms wrapped around the doctor who had given up in trying to save the petite woman’s life lying lifelessly on the hospital bed.

“I’m so sorry but there’s nothing we can do. I’ve done my best as a doctor but life and death are in God’s hand and there’s nothing even a doctor can do to change it. I’m sorry for your loss.” He bent his body and helped Jessica to get up and stand on her feet.s

“No.. No.. She can still be saved. Please, Doc. Just one more time? I..I don’t know how to live my life without her.” Jessica weakly let the doctor make her stand up. She didn’t bother to brush her tears away. The thought of losing Taeyeon is unbearable and the tears keep coming out when she thinks about that.

“I’m so sorry but we’ve been trying for the past hour and there’s no sign of living coming from her. Even if she still can be saved, but if she doesn’t have the will to live then it’s useless. We won’t be able to bring her back.” The doctor explained softly and Jessica could only sob and continue crying.

Just when she thought life couldn’t be better after she realized that she fell in love with the right person. Just when she thought she could try to retrieve Taeyeon’s heart and mend her broken heart. Just when she thought there’s a chance even only a little that Taeyeon still had heart for her, even if it’s less than 10% and she’s willing to take the risk so that she could own Taeyeon as Taeyeon own her literally. But all of her plan, imagination, and ambition crashed in an instant when she saw the endless straight line on the heart detector machine.

“N-no.. It cannot be true. She’s just fine before. Her heart rate was stable. I knew it! I’ve been waiting beside her for God sake! And now you just told me that she has dead? That she cannot be helped anymore and that there is no hope for her and I have to let her go just like that?!” Jessica snapped at the doctor and with a loud sigh, the doctor signaled to his assistants to help him. The nurses along with other staffs came and brought Jessica outside.

“No!! You must save her, Doc. Please~ Please I beg you~ I cannot lose her again. No.. Moreover this time is eternal. She’s the reason why I still believe in God and miracle.” Jessica gave up and fell down on her knees as soon as she was outside the ward.

“I’m really sorry, Mam and my deep condolence for you. I hope you can be strong to face this. Now if you excuse me.” The doctor looked down and bowed before going to the opposite direction, away from Jessica.

“How could you do this to me, Taeyeon-ah? How could you leave me for real? Where should I give my love if not to you then? You’re the only one who owns my heart. I love you, Taeyeon-ah. I love you so much.” Jessica muttered lowly for no one to hear. Tears were continuously falling down from her already swollen eyes.

“I’m so sorry, Jessi but it’s for the best. Be strong for me and keep on living, okay?” Taeyeon squatted and whispered inside Jessica’s ear but of course the blonde couldn’t hear it.

“I’m asking you for the last time, Taeyeon. Are you sure you don’t want to have your life back?” He asked again while still standing not far from where Taeyeon and Jessica were.

“Nope. I’ve made up my mind. Let’s go. I need to prepare myself for the funeral.” Taeyeon sighed and smiled sadly before walking back to Him.

---------------------------------------

“No! This is your entire fault! If you weren’t so stubborn and didnt choose your pride over your own daughter, this wouldn’t be happen!! My Taeyeon would still be here!!” Taeyeon’s mother scowled her husband with tears trailing on her cheeks.

“I’m so sorry.” Taeyeon’s father couldn’t say anything and stood still.

“I hate you, Dad! I swear to God that I won’t ever forget about this! I will never forget that my own father is the main cause of my sister’s death!” Jinwoon bravely screamed at his father’s face.

“Stop it, Jinwoon-ah.” Jiwoong came in between and separated Jinwoon from Mr. Kim.

“He is right. Your mother is right. It’s all because of me.” Mr. Kim hung her head low and murmured. Tears dropped and fell on the floor, making a sprkinle.

“Enough. No matter how much you feel sorry, Taeyeon would never come back and you Jinwoon-ah. No matter how much you hate Dad, it can’t change the fact that Taeyeon has gone for good.” Jinwoon stated and tried to be strong yet failed miserably when distinct tears came out from his eyes.

“Taeyeon-ah. It’s me, your mother. You look so beautiful in that gown by the way. Your face is pale yet it cannot hide the beauty of your face. Your heart is beautiful too. It’s so pure and innocent. You’ve been nothing but a good daughter for me, Tae. You never said no to each and every command I made. You never protested about anything even though I often had little time for you. You’re so young, child~ Why do you have to end up like this?” Her mother approached the coffin where Taeyeon’s lifeless body lied at. She squatted and caressed Taeyeon’s cold and pale face.

“Wake up, my daughter. Tell me that this is not happening; that this isn’t real; that you are still living and just sleeping peacefully by now.” Taeyeon’s mother cried harder. She got up a little and bent her body to place a kiss on Taeyeon’s forehead.

“I love you so much, Tae. I’m sorry I wasn’t able to show it and I’m so sorry for being a bad mother for you. I didn’t even have chance to correct myself and show it my love to you better because you have left for eternity. Please forgive me, Taeyeon-ah~” She sobbed and drop of tears wetted Taeyeon’s dead body.

“I love you too, Mom. I love you as much and I know that you love me too. You’re nothing but the best mother for me. It should have been me who asked for forgiveness from you. I’m so sorry for being a disgrace to our family. Please stay healthy, Mom. Take care of yourself.” Taeyeon stood beside her mother and cried. She wanted to hug her mother so much but she knew she was unable to.

“I’ll see you in heaven, arraseo?” Her mother kissed Taeyeon for the last time and walked away. She left with Jinwoon who already said his farewell words before her. The time for funeral would be 2 hours from now.

“Taeyeon-ah. I know I’m the only one to blame because what I’ve done to you is unforgivable. I don’t even deserved to be called a father. I’m the worst father you can find out there.” Taeyeon’s father paused and bit his lips hard.

“If I can amend my words then I would have done that. You’re not a disgrace for our family, Taeyeon-ah. It’s just me and my foolish pride that made me say those hurtful words. I know saying sorry won’t make you comeback but if your soul was still here then please hear me out.” Taeyeon’s father finally let go and tears starting to stream out from his eyes.

“I regret it, Tae. If I could only turn back time, then I promise I would accept you just the way you are. I would give you my bless to any woman you choose to be your partner for life. I-I…” Taeyeon’s father voice cracked due to crying too much.

“I would be a much better father for you, Tae. I wouldn’t do the rude things I did to you before. But now it’s too late, isn’t it? I learned my lesson when you’re no longer there. I realize my mistake when I can’t ever fix it because you’ve gone forever. One thing I’m sure of; I’m sure you are in heaven now. You’re in a better place, much better than when you were with me.” Taeyeon’s father smiled bitterly.

“I don’t think we can meet in afterlife though because likely, I will be sent to hell for wasting such a good daughter like you so I’ll just say what I want to say now.” Taeyeon’s father reached out his hand and touched Taeyeon’s cheek.

“I love you, Taeyeon-ah. Your mother is right, you are nothing but a perfect daughter and bless for our family. Forgive this old man for treating you so badly. Please take care of your mother and brothers from up there and visit us once in a while, okay? I’ll get going now. I just hope one day your mother and brothers can forgive me.” He finally ended his speech and bent down to kiss Taeyeon’s forehead. He deliberately let his lips stay longer on Taeyeon’s forehead, knowing this would be the last time he could do that.

“I love you too, Dad and I have forgiven you long time ago. I’m sure mom, Jinwoon, and Jiwoond will forgive you. Time will heal everything anyway. Please take care of them well and if one day you find Jinwoon or Jiwoong experienced the same thing, I hope you will not kick him out like what you’re done to me. I’m happy that you have learnt your lesson even if it cost me my own life to make you realize that.” Taeyeon walked beside his father to the front door and talked as if he could hear her.

The funeral process started not long after that. The sky was bright and the temperature was just right, not too hot and not too cold either. It’s like the weather gave bless for the funeral process to be carried out smoothly. Many people came since Taeyeon was known as a very good person. There were Yoochun, Junsu, and their son, Yunho, Sunny and her fiancé, Taeyeon’s families, and Taeyeon’s work’s colleagues. All of them gathered using black suit to convey their deep condolences. All of them felt sad and losing Taeyeon as a friend, sister, daughter, employee, and employer was a great blow for them. However, Jessica didn’t come because she couldn’t bear to watch the funeral process of her beloved person.

As time went by, people dissipated and one by one left the cemetery. There were only few people left who were no one but Taeyeon’s father, mother, and brothers. They took some time to squat, caress Taeyeon’s name on her tombstone while saying sorry over and over again. Taeyeon’s soul was loyally standing there, watching her family murmuring regretful words with sad eyes. She has been crying no stop since she was mentioned dead the day before and she didn’t have any idea how she could do that.

Finally they went back and when Taeyeon was about to go back to where she belong now, a woman with red hair came out from behind the tree and walked to her grave. Yes, it was Tiffany and Taeyeon was shocked to see her. She thought Tiffany wouldn’t come but she was wrong. Tiffany was alone with a black sleeveless dress bringing her black purse on her wrist. She walked so slowly and squatted beside Taeyeon’s tombstone.

“You are so stupid you know that?!” Tiffany just started to talk yet her voice already cranky and cracked a little.

“Have you ever thought before deciding on something?!” Tiffany raised her voice. She was alone on the graveyard and the sky was getting darker yet she could care less about that. Taeyeon squatted right beside Tiffany to hear her attentively.

“Why did you do this!? Do you think I will feel grateful if you are dead in my place? Do you think I will be happy that you have sacrificed your own life just for me? Do you think I can live my life normally knowing that the one I love is dead already?!” Tiffany exasperatedly blurted out. She weakly hit Taeyeon’s name on the tombstone with tears unstoppably coming out off her eyes.

“Yes that’s right you, Pabo-yah!! I love you! I love you so damn much! Do you know how hard it was for me to hide my love for you and pretend that I don’t have any feelings for you because I know that my time was short at that time? Do you know how my lips kept on trembling everytime I lied that I didn’t have any feelings for you? Do you know how much I wanted you to just kiss me at times but you never did it because you were too polite and nice to do that?!” Tiffany harshly wiped the tears with the back of her hand.

“You don’t, do you?! That’s because you are stupid!!! Now how can I kiss you when your body is buried beneath the earth? How can I confess my love to you when you’re not even here anymore. How- how can-“ Tiffany choked by her own tears. She rubbed her chest and inhaled deeply.

“I don’t even know whether I have to say thank you or hate you instead because you’ve left me for good yet you’ve given me your time so I can live longer. Why did you do this, Taeyeon-ah? What you were thinking when you told Him to end your life for me? And why did you even let this happen, God? I was the one who supposed to be dead, not her, not Taeyeon.” Tiffany sobbed harder and Taeyeon cried along with her.

“For whatever reason you may have, I just want to let you know that I rather be dead with you so I won’t have to live this life without love. The one I love is you. It’s always been you. But now that you are dead, I choose to never fall in love again and just wait until my time has end so we can meet in heaven.” Tiffany forced a smile.

“I promise you will be the first and last one for me. I will love you forever in spite of your inexistence within this mortal world. I will wait until He takes me away from here and when that time comes, I swer we will be inseparable.” Tiffany caressed Taeyeon’s name lovingly.

“God, I have done my duty here so You don’t have any reason to make me stay here longer. Please end my suffer and take me away from here so I can meet my love. And I beg you to meet me with her in the afterlife world.” Tiffany slowly got up and stood on her feet.

“I know you’re still here, Taeyeon-ah. I’m so sorry I didn’t say those three words you’ve longed to hear before. I hope you can hear me out now.” Tiffany took a deep breath.

“KIM TAEYEON I LOVE YOU!!!” Tiffany screamed loudly and her voice echoed.

“I love you so please wait for me, my love. I’ll come to you.” Tiffany said breathlessly. She gasped when she felt an unknown force just passed through her body. She then smiled realizing that it was Taeyeon who wanted to tell her that she’s there and able to hear her confession.

“I’ll leave for now but I’ll stay with you forever. Just wait for me for a couple of years more.” Tiffany said her words and left with tears still flowing down her cheeks.