That was the first and last time I met Tiffany. Days passed and changed into weeks without me knowing. The things I have to be done from work were getting more and more each day that I felt soreness on my back and my neck ached due to sitting too long and didn’t move for a long time. It was getting on my nerves yes but there was nothing I could do since it was my responsibility and more tasks and more responsibilities meant more opportunities. Besides, Yoochun’s too kind to be ignored. He has offered me to give me two or three assistants to help me but I kindly rejected. Why? That’s because I thought I could do it on my own; never thought that I got a wrong calculation on that.

I think it’s enough telling stories about days before. Today is Saturday but it surely feels like Monday or any other weekdays. The difference is, today I will work from home instead of office. The final presentation will be two weeks from now yet I haven’t even reached halfway, means it’s still a long long way to go. I guess I will just be a caffeine addict for the next two weeks. How is Tiffany? She is still busy just like me so we’re kind of drifting apart. We don’t communicate each day anymore but we still keep in touch. The last time I sent her message, thankfully she’s healthy and I hope she is too by now. It’s natural not to be as close and communicate to each other as intense as we used to. Once I finish with this task, I will ask her to meet again. Why me? Well, obviously she would never and I mean never be the one to ask me to meet up again. Why again? Go ask her, not me because I don’t have an answer to that.

Can I complain again? Okay, thank you for the opportunity then. Sigh. Today is Saturday and by now it’s only at 7 am but I already wake up! Gaahh!! Okay that’s enough. I’m hungry and complaining makes me hungrier than before. I walk to the stairs and descend it, intending to go to the kitchen to stuff some edible things into my mouth. I take the cereal box and the carton milk; place it on the kitchen counter. I then take the medium-sized bowl and mixed the cereal with the milk, not forgetting to stir it before shoving it inside my mouth. Finished eating my breakfast, I make myself a nice warm instant coffee to accompany me for the day. I’m sure today will pass so fast that I won’t even realize when the sun has been replaced by moon. Exaggerating? Sigh. I hope I am but unluckily, I’m not.

I just have done with bathing when my cell phone rang. I quickly ran to the bed and retrieve the phone. The home screen said it’s from Jessica. With a frown, I picked up the call. She asked me what I was doing and I told her. She asked again what I’d be doing for the day. With a loud sigh, I answered that today I had to do some work from home. She sounded sad hearing me but when I was thinking why, her mood suddenly changed and she with a happy tone offered herself to come and help me doing my job. Since today would be lonely and my piled-up work was too much, I just said yes to her proposal.

“Taenggoo!!” She hugged me as soon as I opened the front door for her.

“Hey~” I didn’t know what to say and could only hug her back.

“Have you had breakfast? I made French toast for you.” She gave me lunchbox and sat on the stairs to remove her shoes.

“Thank you.” I deliberately didn’t answer her question. She had spent some time to make me breakfast and by some time it means more than half an hour since I know how she hates cooking or anything related to kitchen.

“What do you want to drink, Sica?” I asked her. She who had visited my place more than two times made herself at home. She never failed to visit me every weekend, even I never had chance to accompany her outside. She said she was fine with that and would spend her day here helping me or sleeping when she felt tired. At night, I would drive her home and that event reoccurred for 2 times.. Ah! Make it three with this time.

“Anything you drink.” She laid her body comfortably on the couch while waiting for me. I chuckled and made another glass of instant coffee for her.

“Here is your coffee and the toast in case you haven’t had breakfast.” I served her drink and the toast on the coffee table.

“Thanks’, Taeng. So what is today’s schedule? Lots of work as usual, huh? Poor Taeyeon~ Lucky you for I am here to help.” Jessica sat up and made a space for me to seat.

“Yeah.. Report, report, and report again. I wouldn’t receive the promotion if I knew the work would be like this. Sigh. It’s hard to be a supervisor, moreover when you have to work alone. When I was still a team leader, at least I would still have people to help me, unlike now.” I protested and poured half of my work problems to Jessica.

“Stop protesting, Taeng. You can protest about the work but you can’t do the same with the salary you receive, right? Oh come on, everybody wants to have your position, moreover your tempting salary. Your salary is much more than me, Taeng!” Jessica patted my shoulder. She then took one of the toast and gave it to me.

“Now eat so we can finish your job faster!” Jessica took bread for herself. I complied with her request and ate my portion of toast.

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“Can we take a break for a moment, Taeng? I’m tired~” Jessica broke a joint or two by tilting her head to the left and right. She then stretched out her arms and yawned loudly.

“Hahhaa… What time is it now, Jessi?” I saw her hibernating her laptop before climbing the couch and placed her head on the armrest.

“I don’t know but based on my tiredness and hungriness, I think it’s already time for lunch. Come on, Taeng! Turn off your laptop for a moment, will you? The presentation won’t happen until two weeks from now. You still have adequate time to go.” Jessica yawned again. Tears came out from her eyes. Maybe her eyes too feel tired for staring at the screen for too long.

“But, Jessi! It’d be my first time to do the presentation in big hall where many engineers from over the world will attend to watch me. What if I fail? What if I stammer while presenting it? What if they can’t understand what I say? My English isn’t as good as you, Jessi! Whoa and I can even feel the nervousness by now. Look, my hands are sweating!” I showed her my wet hands.

“Don’t worry, you will do just fine, Taenggo. Trust me. I will be there to watch you and support you. Yoochun too will be there so relax and take a deep breath. Everything will be okay.” Jessica took my hands and held it. She soothed me and it made me calmed down a little.

“You are right. I can do this! Thank you! So what do you want for lunch? Let me order it by phone. Don’t worry, I’ll treat you lunch.” I took my hands back and got up to get the phone.

I know Jessica is a nice person since ages ago but I never knew she could be this warm and understanding too. She’s however known as an Ice Princess, meaning a girl can fall on her in front of her face but believe me; she could care less about that. Jessica’s kindness toward me is getting weirder each day. How could I say so? She acts more like a lover than a best friend. I mean, it’s understandable to ask me to have lunch together with her, but asking me to have breakfast, lunch, and dinner together?? Can I still say that it’s normal? Next proof, do you still remember Sunny? Yeah, she still often asks me to have lunch together when she isn’t busy and as usual I can’t say no. Jessica at first disallowed me to go with Sunny but after some discussion or more like her preachment for me, the deal changed. Jessica always follows me and sits between me and Sunny whenever we have lunch together. She too walks in between me and Sunny, making sure Sunny won’t and can’t land a single touch on my body. It’s not that I want to protest about that but I feel bad for Sunny and the atmosphere between us three is so awkward; too awkward in fact.

Jessica too always calls me in spite the fact that we’ve met at work every single day. She calls me to make sure whether I have arrived at home or not or sometimes only to ask me what I was doing at that time. Odd, right? Yeah, I think so too. I really want to believe that it means she has more feeling for me but hey, I can still remember clearly how painful is the rejection feels. It feels horrible, not to mention I’ve been indirectly rejected twice and been cheated once. Wow! What a great history I have made caused by bad love story. Furthermore, I don’t know what to do in case Jessica has more feelings for me. Clearly, my heart isn’t mine any longer. It has already been taken by Tiffany. I just met her once, but it feels like I’ve loved her for the longest. Yeah yeah I know, she hasn’t given me distinct answer but for her, I’m more than willing to wait, no matter how many months or even years she may need, I’ll always be there when she’s sure about her feelings.

“Jessica, what do you want to order? Chinese? Western? Korean? Japanese?” I asked her again.

“Uhmm.. Any restaurant which has salad as one of the menu.” She answered me quickly.

“Jessi, don’t you want to eat anything else? You always eat salad and salad again. You need more than that, you know, like protein, fat, and carbohydrate. How if I order Pizza or spaghetti maybe? I know you love pasta so much when we’re still in high school.” I told her while searching for nearby Italian Restaurant which offered delivery service.

“You still remember that, Taenggo? Wow~ I thought you’ve forgotten. It’s been years~ Okay, order me carbonara with cheese and sausage then.” Jessica smiled brightly at me. What’s wrong again with her?

“Roger that.” I called the restaurant and ordered large pan of tuna pizza for me and to share it with Jessica in case she wanted more, two portion of garlic bread, a portion of bruschetta, salad and carbonara for Jessica, and cola to accompany us eating later. Soon after the delivery came. I opened the door and paid for the bills, didn’t forget to leave some tips for the delivery boy. I brought the food in and presented it on front of Jessica.

“Here is your food! Let’s eat!!” I announced happily and got a slice of pizza for me.

“Taeng, can I ask you something?” She took a bite on the garlic bread and brushed the crump away from her face after.

“What is it?” I casted sauces all over my pizza before making it enter my mouth.

“Do you still have special feelings for Sunny after all this time, Taeng?” Jessica reluctantly looked at me in the eyes, waiting for me to provide her with honest answer.

“No I am not.” I replied firmly and stared back at her with the same intensity, trying to convince her that I’m not lying with my words.

“Are you sure?” She raised her one of her eyebrows.

“Definitely. Why?” I smiled. I took another slice of pizza and chewed it slowly, before finally made a gulp and pushed the food through my throat.

“Naaah,,, Just asking.. I don’t agree if you still let Sunny wandering around you too often. It won’t be good for both of you, Taeng.” Jessica looked at me from the corner of her eyes. She didn’t stare at me rightly and pretended to busy herself with the food.

“And why is that?” I knew she didn’t like it based on her not too welcome gesture toward Sunny but she just told me directly about it now.

“Just because.” She again avoided my gaze.

“Then I will have to say no to your proposal. I’m fine with her being around me. Besides, she is a nice woman and friendly too. She is smart and funny. She is mature and more experienced in many things than me so I can always ask her about everything since her knowledge is limitless too.” I shrugged my shoulder and continued eating.

“But I’m smart too! I am a nice woman, friendly, funny and knowledgeable too! And the most important one is that I am your best friend while she is your ex. Best friend has stronger boundary than ex, Taeng.” Jessica argued back.

“So? What are you implying, Jessi? Both of you have different position in my eyes but doesn’t change the fact that both of you are important for me. You are my best friend while she is my ex. I like being around you as much as I like being around Sunny. Sunny has what you don’t and vice versa but the most important thing is that I like both of you and I like mingle with you two.” I really don’t know where this conversation will be going. Jessica sounded like a really jealousy and possessive girlfriend when in fact, I know she has no special feelings for me, except if she… No no, it isn’t possible.

“What I am implying is, I don’t want you to get hurt again, Taeng. I’m afraid she one day will try to trick you again just like what she did before. You said that she loved you, right? What if her love for you still there? Loves can make people insane, Taeng, including her. I’m more than sure she won’t think twice to leave her fiancé just to have you again.” Jessica debated my reason while I raised my eyebrows hearing her arguments. This is getting nonsense and more nonsense each second passed.

“I’ve told you that Sunny and I ended our sinful relationship nicely, didn’t I? She too had agreed that she had to be loyal toward her fiancé and must move on with her life because her future is clearly not with me. She’s not mine from the start and I too am not that low, Jessi. I know what I did with her was wrong and I regretted that. At the very least I should do is to give her back to her right owner who is her fiancé and yes I’ve done that. What more do I need to do, huh? She still can’t move on and as a good human being, being around her until she can move on is the only thing I can do to help her.” I explained.

“But how can she move on when she is still in love with you?” Jessica looked as emotional as me. She put down her fork and looked at me seriously.

“And why we even discuss this matter, Jessi? It’s not like Sunny’s existence around me disturbs you in any way. Ah yes! While we’re talking about this; can you please stop acting annoyingly when Sunny is around? It’s not polite and I feel bad for her.” I recalled how Sunny had confused expression when Jessica acted like a the last time I was with her.

“Why, you prefer being around her than being around me?!” Jessica raised her voice tone a bit and I frowned.

“Sighed! What’s wrong with you, Jessi?” I scooted closer and hugged her shoulder sideways to calm her down. Her mood was easily changed recently, since the time we reconciled if I’m not mistaken and the mood swings was too much for me. In one minute, she would act like she was the happiest girl in the world but in another minute she could transform into a uncontrolled beast while sometimes she would had somber expression like she face a very huge problem. Why? Don’t ask me, ask her.

“Nothing. I’m sorry, I guess it’s just period.” Jessica answered hesitantly. She again gazed at anywhere but me.

“You lied.” It was more like a statement. Oh come on, I’ve known her for ages and I would be the stupidest best friend in the world if I don’t know when she’s telling the truth and when she isn’t. I knew her like the back of my hand, except at the time when I confessed. Let’s just say that I miscalculated.

“I’m not!” She denied and I chuckled.

“Okay you aren’t. But remember this, Jessi; I know you too well to realize when you’re lying and when you aren’t. Got that?” I squeezed her shoulder a little and moved back to my original place.

“I don’t want us to argue or fight because of unimportant thing. When we are alone, let’s just talk about us, Sunny aside and vice versa. Okay? You can always tell me anything, Jessi. I’ll lend my ears to hear you out and even my smart brain to advise you the rightest thing to do according to me.” I ruffled her hair and pinched both of her cheeks to make her smile.

“But I can’t be honest about this matter.” Jessica murmured some words I failed to hear. She said too slow and incoherently.

“What did you say?” I asked to make sure.

“Nothing.” She abruptly replied.

“Oh okay. Let’s clean this so we can continue working and maybe catch a movie at home if the work can be done faster.” I stood up and started to gather the trash of food and brought it to the kitchen to dispose it.

Honestly? I feel curious in what Jessica’s hiding from me but prying would be impolite and I don’t want to force her. I think that if she is ready, then she will tell the matter to me one day. I’ll just have to make sure that I will be there when she needs me. She never once talked about Donghae again nor ever talked about other guys. I knew her beauty close to perfect so it would be the biggest lie if she said no one’s after her by now. Since the short relationship with that jerk, she never updated me about any other guys who were trying to approach her when in fact; many eyes always follow her whenever I walk with her at office. I don’t know, maybe the trauma caused by Donghae is still there. I can understand that traumatic disease when it comes to love is hard to be healed; I experienced the same thing too. I just hope one day, she can find her true love, Mr. Right sent directly from God only for her.

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It's been 3 days since Jessica visited me in my apartment and been too long since the last time I met Tiffany. I'm still busy, I admit that but it's not what bothers me the most. I miss her. I miss her so much that I can't fully focus all of my concentration to my work. Part of my concentration is on Tiffany. How's she? What's she doing? Sighed. And before you may think further; No! She and I are fine. It's just the lack of communication that makes me wondering and curious about her. Is she really okay? She's so secretive about many things, unlike me that won't hesitate to answer any question she'll ask. Sometimes she said that she couldn't answer my question if it's too personal. Why? I don't know either unfortunately. She said that there were things better left unsaid.

What am I doing now? Aside from talking to myself inside my mind, as usual, I'm busy trying to gain a scope of rice to feed myself. I even think I need to visit a doctor to check up on my eyes. I really think I need a glasses because I keep on staring at the laptop screen since God knows when. I prefer seeing Tiffany's picture though. If I only had chance. Sighed again. Yoochun is home already and he said sorry for making me too busy that I couldn't even have time for myself since weekends feels like weekdays. I said it was okay as long he would give me the bonus if we got the tender later. He of course said yes to my request.

"Taeyeon-ah!" A man voice startled me that I almost feel from my chair.

"Hahaha.. Sorry? How are you? Still busy doing the report? How about the presentation? Have you started on doing that?" It was Yoochun.

"You're too much, Sir! And yes, I'm doing slavery work by now. Thank you for asking." I sarcastically replied his answer and tried to hold back my smile.

"Don't say that, Taeyeon-aaahhh.. You make me feel bad." He pouted.

Oh my, I guess his wife affected him too much. And yes, I've met Junsu by the way, on the day he got back from States. He was picked by Junsu and went to office directly, bringing his wife along. In short, I talked to his wife and boom! I revealed his real personality too at that time. Junsu loved to act cute by palming his face and tilted his head from left to right while smiling widely. Strangely, he's really cute and I hate to admit that wow! He's soooo funny and he looked like 8 years old kid who married to an adult man. Junsu too loved to pout if someone disagreed with his opinion and damn again! He's cute! And now Yoochun tried to mimic his wife and sighed. He's cute too.

"You indeed need to feel bad! I got no holiday since you left me with this task. The burden is too much, Sir! The tender is too big, Sir! I'm afraid I can't compete against the other companies. I'm sure they assign profesional and senior manager to make the proposal, but me? I'm just a supervisor and I even got the position not long ago! What if-"

"There's no what if, Taeyeon. I choose you because I have trust in you. I have trust in you because I've seen you working for years and never once you made me disappointed. I believe you can beat them and win the tender but! Even if you can't, doesn't mean you don't have capability. It's just God has other plans for us, for our company. So don't bother yourself with negative thoughts and just do your best. I'm sure you can nail it." Yoochun said to me with a smile and patted my head.

"And about your complains,, hmm.. Special for today you can go back early. Grab your lunch and go home directly. You deserve a proper rest but don't forget to come to work tomorrow! I need a brief explanation regarding the proposal you've made so far." Yoochun continued.

"Are you sure, Sir? But there are still lots of things to be done." My smile grew almost instantly.

"Stop pretending to be strong, Tae. Your eye bags are too distinct to be unnoticed. Let me be your Santa for the day! Hohohoho!!" Yoochun clutched his tummy and mimicked Santa's particular laughter.

"Eerrrmm.. Sir, everyone is looking at you. You probably want to stop following Santa's laughter." I nudged his waist several times.

"What?! Oh my!" Yoochun stopped immediately and covered his face with his palms. I had to smile with that. He never once failed to make my mood better.

"Ehem.. I better go back to my room then. I'll see you tomorrow!" He nodded and walked abruptly to his office room. I was still laughing when he entered his room. He really is something, isn't he?

I gather all my belongings and put it back inside my purse. I shut down the computer and stand up. I walk and make my way to Jessica's cubicle. I know she will be mad like hell if she finds me nowhere after work hour later. I hide a smile remembering how Jessica and I had passed the rough pavement smoothly. If I were asked whether I still wanted to confess to Jessica then the answer will still be yes. I knew I didn't fall in love with a wrong person even she had rejected me in a not so nice way. What's important now, Jessica and I have back to our normal state, even better than we used to.

"Jessi!" I clasped her shoulders from behind.

"Whoaaa!!!" Jessica gasped and screamed with her familiar high pitch voice. Blame me for forgetting that fact.

"Yah! You startled me!!!" She stood up and hit me on my chest repetitively.

"Shuusshhh!! We're in office!" I without any second thought hugged her to calm her down.

"Wohooooo!! No PDA here, please!!"

"Aww my eyes!!!"

"Hellloooo!! I'm working here!!"

"Oh no, now I miss my baby so much!"

"Look what you've done! Come here with me!" Jessica blushed and tweaked my ears. She then dragged me to the hallway by pulling up my ear.

"Ouch! It hurts!" Once we've arrived, she let go of my ear and I rubbed it. I'm sure my ear is red by now.

"What's up?" Jessica asked me wonderingly.

"I just want to inform you that I'll go back sooner today. Right after lunch actually." I told her.

"Eh? Why?"

"Yoochun pitied me, saying I deserved proper rest. But I remembered that I have side job as your driver. So here I am, asking for permission from my other boss." I grinned.

"Will you cancel your plan to go back early if I say no?" Jessica's question made me frown.

"I guess not. Well then, you are free to go. Case closed." She shrugged and intended to walk away, but I was quicker to hold her waist.

"Jessi, what happened between us? What happen to you?" The question has been bugging me for some time and I think I have enough of implying my own way. I need to know the truth directly from .

"It's nothing, Tae. I'm fine. I'm just tired I guess." She made an excuse. How did I know it? I've been her closest friend since years so of course I knew.

"Jessi,-"

"I said I'm fine, okay? Look, Yoochun is right. You need adequate rest. You better leave now so you can use the whole day to be a bummer. I'll see you tomorrow?" She turned around and smiled. Was it a sincere smile or a fake one? Damn for I failed to differentiate it. It happened too fast to recognize it.

"Okay. I'll see you tomorrow." I dropped the matter for now. I stepped forward and engulfed her in a tight hug.

"Bye. Be a good worker, alright?" I pulled away and ruffled her blonde hair. Now that I remember again, I haven't changed my account in AFF. Blondie_is_mine?? Tsk! The name is pretty ridicilous actually but hey, who can blame me when I made it because of love?

"You too. Be careful on driving and don't forget to text me when you've arrived." She tapped my cheek before bracing herself to come closer and kiss my cheek.

I was too shocked to move and once I've gained my soul back, she had gone from my sight. I wasn't dreaming, was I? I told you, she got a secret under her sleeves. Is she somehow have a feeling for me? Is she? I still can't figure it out up until now because I don't have enough proofs, or have I? She is easily jealous, possessive, loves skinship, caring, attentive, curious, and lastly her hatred for Sunny is beyond normal. Are all that combined enough to prove that she has romantic feelings for me? I shook my head for ever thinking about her that way. She is just confused after breaking up with Donghae. Yes, that's must be the reason. Stop being so full of yourself Taeyeon!

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I use my helmet and get ready to leave. I haven't had lunch by the way and thinking maybe I can ask Tiffany to have lunch with me. It's still 10.15 am by now and if I'm lucky, I'll arrive at Tiffany's campus before lunch time. I just hope the traffic will be kind enough to let me pass swiftly. I miss her and I won't waste this chance to just be a lazzy bummer at home. It's a big no no. I rather feel tired and sleepy for a whole day than let the chance to meet Tiffany slip away. And if you wonder; no! Tiffany hasn't known that I'd visit her at her department.

"Excuse me, do you know Tiffany Hwang?" I asked a girl who's talking with her groups in front of the department building.

"And you are?" The girl in yellow polo shirt asked me back. She politely stood up and left her groups behind.

"My name is Taeyeon, Kim Taeyeon and I'm Tiffany's friend." I offered my hand.

"My name is Sooyeon. No offend but I'm one of Tiffany's close friends but never once I saw you before. If I may ask, how do you know Tiffany?" She shook my hand and asked me.

"Ah. I met her from social media world. I often chatting with her online but I ever met her of course but not that often." I answered and she eyed me from head to toe.

"I see. You must be the author she has been talking about. I know you! She told me that you're her favorite author! It was nice to finally meet you, Taeyeon. Being curious, I searched your stories and read it. Yes! She's right! Your writing has sucesfully captivated my attention." She grinned widely and her eyes twinkled in happiness.

"Thank you! I'm happy you like my writing." I nodded.

"I love it!!" She exclaimed loudly, making the groups behind her stared at Sooyeon curiously.

"By the way, you're searching for Tiffany, right? She's working on some project inside the laboratorium. You just have to follow the hallway and go right after the third door. There will be a room with 'Manufacture System Laboratorium' board and there you'll meet her." She directed me using her right hand and I tried to record every information.

"Oh okay. Thank you very much." I smiled and waved her goodbye. I followed her direction and slowly knocked the door. Soon, the door opened and I again have chance to see the most beautiful girl in the world before my eyes.

"Taeyeon?! What are you doing here?!" She frowned and closed the door behind her. Oh okay, I didn't expect this way of greeting honestly.

"Hi to you too!" I lifted my right hand and smiled.

"I'm here to ask you to lunch. So, will you accompany me to lunch, Fany-ah? It's been a while and the fact that we've been busy made us drifting apart. I miss you. Don't you miss me too?" I retained the grin on my face.

"Sighed. You won't take a no as an answer, will you?" She palmed her face.

"Errmm.. Why are you busy?" I stared at her and she got eye bags which are as big as mine. She looks thinner and pale. Is she sick?

"Quite busy yes. But I too haven't had lunch yet.I guess an hour or two out from here won't cause a trouble." She reasoned out and yes, her answer made the grin wider, that if it's even possible.

"Yes! What do you want to eat?" I followed her enter the laboratorium and waited for her to tidy up her things. There's no one else inside the room. Does it mean she works alone? No wonder she looks like a zombie then. I mean, where are the others?

“You’re the one who asked me to lunch so you decide and you’ll also be the one to pay for the lunch.” She looked up and smirked before putting the last things into her bag.

“What have I got into?” I mumbled under my breath, low enough to make it unnoticed but hey, I kind of forgot she got the sixth sense.

“Stop complaining and let’s go!” She walked to my way and intertwined her arm with mine. I left the lab with a wide grin plastered on my face. What’s the meaning of few bucks anyway comparing to the fact that I got a beautiful girl to accompany me to lunch, right?

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“So why are you here? Aren’t you supposed to be working at this hour?” She asked me while waiting for our orders to be arrived.

“I took a leave for the day. Yoochun kindly gave me a chance to have a day break so yeah, that’s pretty much why.” I smiled.

“It doesn’t describe well why you are here actually.” She shrugged proudly, looking so arrogant and cocky at the same time, yet still beautiful somehow.

“Hahaha,, smart as usual, Scarlethwang. I’m here because I missed you. I’ve told you about that, haven’t I? So, how have you been? How’s life?” I played with the eating utensils on the table.

“I’ve been good. Life is tiring and exhausting yes but aside from that, I think I’m okay. It’s been so busy and hectic but I’m still able to handle all that so far. Talking about Scarlethwang reminds me of your eyywwhh username in AFF. Why you haven’t changed it, Author? Do you still have feelings for Jessica somehow?” She propped her chin with her hand on the table.

“I can see that. You look so tired and pale. Blondie_is_mine, huh? Now that I think about it again, I think the name is pretty ridiculous, right?” I raised one of my eyebrows.

“It is.” She nodded in approval.

“I actually wanted to change it into Scarlet_is_mine but that particular girl hasn’t given me a definite answer so I postponed my initial plan to change it until she could answer my proposal.” I hesitantly looked in her eyes and she looked so sad hearing me saying that so bluntly. Did I say it wrongly? Or is it possible that she really doesn’t have any feeling for me? But based on her gestures, her caring attitude, her words, her everything makes me believe that there’s still a chance no matter how tiny it is that she has feeling for me; a feeling that states she likes me not in normal way. Is it only my false intuition then?

“Taeyeon-ah, please don’t start it again.” She dejectedly told me.

“I mean what I said, Fany. I like you, more than you can ever imagine. I like you the most no matter how impossible it may be. I realize that this is only our second meeting, but there’s nothing I can do to stop my heart from beating abnormally whenever I think of you, Fany-ah.” I bravely took her hand and held it. I stared at her seriously, trying to convey my confession and overwhelmed feelings not only with mouth, but also with eyes.

“I can’t do this, Tae. We can’t possibly go further than now. Please understand me.” She pleaded and slowly took away her hand from my weak grip.

“But why? Do you not like me the way I like you? Do you think I can never be enough for you? Is it because I’m a girl too? Or have you already had someone that you love?” I flooded her with so many questions. I need to find the answer no matter how hurts it may sound. I have to stop guessing because I know, only she who has the real answers to each and every question I had there. Jessica had rejected me, Sunny had betrayed me, what about Tiffany then?

“I don’t want to answer your questions. Like I’ve said, I know when my tomorrow never comes, Tae. I don’t want to hurt you nor do I want to hurt myself. We have no future, Tae.” Tiffany eyes started to glisten and ready to release the tears as soon as she blinks.

“I can protect you, Fany. I promise I will pick you up and drive you to campus, ask you every hour regarding your condition fetch you from campus and drive you home, and accompany you in every meal daily. I even am willing to move to location near from your rented house if you want me to. I’ll do anything for you, Fany-ah.” I tried again, hoping she can change her mind. I braced myself and retried to take her hand into mine. I breathed in relief when she didn’t avoid my touch.

“It’s not enough, Tae. Please don’t make it so hard on me.” She tightened her hold with my hand and soon after, drips of tears falling out from her eyes endlessly.

“Why? What is not enough, Fany? Tell me and I will grant anything for you. I beg you to just give me a chance; just once. You can even dump me or punch me, kick me, slap me if I fail you. One chance is all I ask, Fany-ah.” I don’t care if I look pathetic right now. I know what my heart wants and I won’t let my trauma in love field preventing me from finding and owning my true love. I feel tears threatened to be pulled out. I blinked and there they are, flowing down from my eyes to wet my face rapidly.

“I’ll be honest with you, Tae. I was sent here on a mission; to do a duty, but I cannot tell you what it is because it’s mine and God’s secret. To make it short, once my duty has been accomplished; my life here within this ephemeral world will end. When? I’m afraid I can’t tell you because up until now, I don’t know about it either. All I know is that I have to be ready to be taken no matter what or when.” Her tears keep streaming and her answer made me shocked. I was and am speechless. Is she telling the truth?

“I know it’s unbelievable and I don’t ask you to believe it either because I know it’s hard to accept but it’s the main reason why I can’t accept you, Tae. Do you understand now?” Tiffany squeezed my hand before pulling out her hand.

“Wha-why? Why God could mercilessly do this to you? I thought He’s full of love and affection. How could He want to take you away just like that when you’re the best bride He can find out there? How could He?” I was more like asking to no one, still incapable to trust her fully. I clutched my heart, the source of hurt feeling I feel inside. I have the difficulties to breath and I guess Tiffany realized that when she moved from her seat and sat beside me.

“Taeyeon-ah, please-“

“When? When will He take you away? I promise I will take your place and trade my soul for you.” I didn’t let her finish.

“What?! Are you crazy?! I won’t let you do that and so won’t God! Don’t be stupid, Taeyeon-ah! The matter isn’t that simple like how you can flip your hand easily!” She scolded me. She slapped me lightly, maybe to make my logic back to its place.

“I don’t care! I like you and I know you like me too, but now we can’t be together just because of that stupid duty of yours! What sins you’ve done, Fany until He has heart to sacrifice you just like that?! You are a devout Christian and I know that. You never fail to visit church each week and you too always read bible every single day! What are you lack of, Fany? What?!” I raised my voice subconsciously, attracted other customers attention.

“Shuusshh!! Lower down your voice a bit, will you?!” She frowned and I ignored her by avoiding her gaze. I fumed in anger and had trouble controlling myself. I mean, how could you when you know your happiness is just in front of your face but you can’t reach it; you can only aim it without having ability to claim it. It hurts so damn much!

“When did I ever say that I like you too? And if you already know that I’m a devout Christian, why you still proceeded in confessing to me? You know very well that my belief forbids me from having a relationship with same gender, right? I think you are smart enough to answer the rest of your questions yourself.” She sighed and got up to get back to her place.

Her words shattered my heart. I really didn’t expect it one bit that those ruthless words would ever come out directly from . I couldn’t say anything to argue with her reason. She made a move which checkmated me. I kept my silence yet still failed from preventing my tears from trickling down my eyes. It was just too sudden and I haven’t prepared my heart to accept the impact of her mean and direct words. The food came and we ate in silence; the only sound came from the clinking eating utensils. Finish eating, I drove her back to her campus without uttering a word.

“Thank you.” That was the last thing I heard from her before I roared my engine and drove back to my apartment.

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Her words keep echoing inside my head over and over again. It’s like a reminder which set automatically and there’s nothing I can do to make it stop. Up until now I still can’t believe she did say it to me. Who can I blame but myself then? It’s my decision to confess and her right to say no. I knew the risk once I determined to say out my feelings but I failed to predict the worst possibility might happen. I thought the worst would be she saying not ready or something like that. It was out of my expectation and yes it hurts, it’s painful, shattering, exasperating, but then again; what can I do about it?

My days are back to what it used to be. I was and still am accompanied by my longtime best friends, Mr. Vodka, JackD, Wine, etc etc. I don’t mind because that’s the only friends that won’t hurt me; even Jessica had hurt me in the past but alcohol? Naah, they never once rejected me or left me behind. I still however do my duty to drive Jessica like usual but unlike the old me, the Kim Taeyeon is now can hide her emotion perfectly. I make sure Jessica doesn’t notice the real me who is already broken and unworthy. I keep my smile attached on face whenever she is around and try hard to listen and concentrate on the topic so she won’t know that actually my head is filled by Tiffany and Tiffany only.

I had my lessons well and I’ve promised not to ever fall in love again. It has to be Tiffany and since Tiffany had directly rejected me painfully then that’s the end of my love story. Pathetic? I don’t care. I don’t think I care about anything recently. I live my life like a robot, do what I need to do because I must not because I want and that’s that. I don’t have any more reasons to continue my life. Tiffany at least has a duty to do and I try to mimic her reason; I still have a duty to do presentation to deputize my company in that event held tomorrow.

After that? I don’t have plan yet on what to do next. Maybe I will just take days off to be a bummer, be a useless and ungrateful daughter like what my parents accused me, be an inappropriate and contagious gay Jessica used to tell me, be the third wheel and relationship crusher like what I did with Sunny, or be a failure writer and faith destroyer like what Tiffany said indirectly days ago. It’s sad to be me and it even sadder to know I can’t be someone else and still have to continue my life as me unwillingly. What about my stories? I have deactivated my account and gone from that site. Tiffany? I don’t know anything about her anymore since that day. She didn’t call me and nor did I call her. That’s the best thing I guess?

Today is Saturday and I decided to shut down myself fully from the outer world. I want to be lazy and do nothing; think nothing too perhaps if possible. Jessica called me earlier, saying she wanted to visit me but I kindly rejected. I said I only needed sleep the whole day and fortunately she took my lie and agreed. So here I am, feeling lonely and unworthy. I don’t want to be gay if I have a choice but I don’t. Love chooses people, not the otherwise and unluckily, I keep falling for girls instead of men. Do you think I want that? No, I don’t! But I don’t have authority to select the people whom I want to love! Can I even blame God for making me this way? It seems that making me abnormal isn’t enough that He keeps sending me countless trials that I can’t overcome. Preference, parents, family, and love; mixture of those all and boom!! I praise myself for still being able to retain my sanity after all this time. I really have the worst luck, don’t I?

I look at my reflection from the mirror and I smiled sadly. I look so much different. With mere days, I was able to reduce my weight by several kilos. I can see the distinct cheekbones since my baby fats have gone. The collarbone is too obvious that it scares me. The eye bags are too rounded and dark that makes me look like Panda. My face is pale and as white as the wall behind me. I sarcastically laughed and admired myself for being a pabo. If only suicide is legal in holy bible, maybe I’ve done that. I know hell will be my last and eternal residence once my contract in this world has finished but I don’t want to be put in the deepest stage of hell so yeah, that’s why I keep trying to live in spite the lack of desire to go on with my life.

I’m still busy complimenting my negative traits when my phone vibrates. It’s a message from Yocchun, asking whether my presentation slide is ready or not and whether I’m ready for tomorrow or not. I reply him, telling that everything is okay and under control. Have I told you that my hairs fall off easily these days? I think that’s because of the stress so yeah… sighed. My phone vibrates again but this time it’s a call from unknown number. I hesitate to answer but in the end, my curiosity wins and so I answer. My eyes grew wide and I quickly went around the room to search for a blank paper to write down the room and the address. I didn’t waste any second for I abruptly changed my clothes, packing things needed for tomorrow and left the apartment.

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I'm so sorry I have to end the chapter here. Sighed. I'm really bad at making drama, aren't I? One day, a reader told me that I have talent in comedy but not in drama. I guess, she is right, no? T.T

I actually wanted to end it within this chapter but my eyes can't compromise.. I'm so sleepy and today is tiring~ Besides, it will be too long if I put all together in a chapter. The end will be in the next one, so be prepared, okay? Kekkeke..

Oh ya! Congratulations for winning the award, SNSD! You guys must be voting like crazy, right? Well, you deserved standing ovation and that's one of reasons why I think I need to make an update~

I hope I didn't disappoint you with this chapter, like really T.T What happened until Taeyeon panicked like that??? I'll answer it in the next chappie~

I need to complete this story before updating others so for other stories readers, I hope you understand :)

Okay, I'll end it here. This chapter has my somber mood :(

See you and I love you :*