My name is Taeyeon, full name is Kim Taeyeon but people usually call me Taeyeon or Taeng or Taengoo, well it actually depends on who is the one who calls me. I live a not so normal yet quite a pleasant live. I am 23 years old this year and yes I have finished and got my bachelor degree in engineering department last year. I am now working as one of the scientist in local oil company. I live with my parents and grandmother. I have 2  brothers, one is older while the other one is younger. One of them is still studying to achieve his master while the other one just graduated and finished his study from senior high school.

“Taeyeon!!” My mother called me from downstairs. My mother has a high pitch voice which has the ability to ruin your hearing organs if you didn’t come to her as soon as you heard her call.

“Yes, Mom! I’ll be right there in 5 minutes!!” I replied to my mother’s call with my not-so-loud voice.

“You better be or you may be late for work!” My mother reminded me. I didn’t need to reply her protest again since I would be there soon anyway, right?

If you haven’t noticed, my mother still treats me like a kid. She will make sure breakfast is ready and served on the table of dining room before all of us wake up; us refers to my brothers and me of course. My father usually wakes up as early as my mother since his office where he is working is quite far from our home and the traffic jam is not helping at all. That’s why my mother always wakes up at 5 am to prepare the breakfast for us, including our lovely Daddy. Mom will wrap Daddy’s breakfast so that he can enjoy his breakfast in car. Yep, we have a driver so Daddy won’t have to drive on his own. Well actually it’s not a ‘we’ since me and my siblings use motorcycle.

My mother and father are such nice parents. They treat us equally and fairly. They give each of us a motorcycle to use, even the motorcycle’s brand are the same. The difference is only the color of our bike. Mine is blue, just like my favorite color while my youngest brother’s is black while the other one is white. Oh yeah I haven’t told you my brothers’ name. The older one is Jiwoong while the youngest one is Jinwoon. It feels similar, right? Sometimes I even call the wrong person since I keep forgetting their names. Tsk! What a bad sister I am. So here we are having breakfast together as usual in the dining room.

“Taeyeon-ah, what time you will come home later?” My Mom asked me.

“I don’t know, Mom. I think I have to work overtime. There’s oil leaking incident and me and others have to investigate it further.” I answered while chewing my bread.

“Stop talking when you are eating! You will get chocked, you know!” My Mom said strictly. And have I told you how strict and fierce my Mom is when she is being serious. Geezz, you don’t even want to know about it.

“Sorry, Mom.” I answered shortly. My mother nodded and turned to my brothers.

“Then how about you, Jiwoong? When will you go back to your dorm? Have you done packing?” Yup! Jiwoong stayed in dorm near his university and he just finished his one month vacation at home. Soon he will be back to his dorm. I still miss him being here though.

“Later this afternoon, Mom. Yup! I already packed everything, don’t worry.” Jiwoong answered before gulping his milk

“Sighed. It surely feels fast huh? It’s just like yesterday you came home and now you already have to go back there again. Can’t you just live here, son?” My mother asked Jiwoong with a hint of sadness. I know my mother loves each of us very much that she still find it hard to separate with one of us.

“I want to do that too, Mom but you know how far the distance between my university and our home is. It’s not possible to do that. Even if the road is as empty as graveyard, I will still need at least an hour to reach my campus.” Jiwoong disappointedly answered. Jiwoong is a mommy kid, well actually each of us is. It’s not our fault though. It’s just our mother loves us too much that she almost never let us do things on our own.

“Yes I acknowledge that. It does just feel lonely here without you.” My mother’s comment made Jiwoong felt guiltier than before.

“Stop saying that, Mom. I’ll be here on each weekends okay?” Jiwoong smiled and tried to cheer out mother up. Oh yes it works alright when a smile suddenly appeared on Mom’s face

“Really?? Great! I will keep your promise then!” My mother smiled widely.

“Jinwoon, you still have your holiday right? So have you applied to universities you want? Give me the bank account so I can send the registration fee this afternoon.” My mother talked to our maknae.

“Of course, Mom. I will give you later after the breakfast, okay?” Jinwoon said.

“Mom, I need to go now. I’m late already!’ I stood up and kissed my mother’s cheek.

“I’ll see you around then. Jiwoong-ah, take care okay? I will miss you~” I kissed his cheek and ruffled his hair.

“Jinwoon, be a good kid and stay at home! Don’t wander around too often! You will just send out parents to bankrupt later.” I said to my youngest brother who loves to play around too much. I seldom find him at home whenever I come home from work.

“Be careful on driving, Tae. Bye!” My mother accompanied me to my bike.

“Okay, Mom! Bye!” I put on my helmet and turned the gas backward, ready to go.

-----------------------------------

"Tae, let's grab some lunch. You will grow shorter if you are too occupied with those strange liquids." Jessica, my workmate approached me. She worked in lab too just like me but we have difference job desk.

"Yah! We need to investigate this further. Why the oil keeps leaking? What's wrong with its viscosity? Is there something wrong with the mud injection? And-" My explanation was cut by the scary blonde, especially when she is hungry.

"Bla bla bla I don't care! We don't even get additional payment for skipping our lunch, right? So come on take that weird big eyeglasses off and accompany me to lunch." Sighed Jessica had used her demanding tone means I have to comply with her order.

"Right. Just go to the canteen first. I'll just need to wrap this up. I will be there in 5 minutes, okay?" I put down my lab glasses which I always use to protect my eyes.  I start gathering my documents and put it on my table neatly.

"You better be or else!" Jessica threatened me again before slowly dissipating from my eyes.

I followed precisely as Jessica ordered me. I took off my lab jacket and grabbed my purse, making sure that I've brought my wallet since I've promised Jessica that I would treat her lunch today. I past the hallway and headed to the canteen. From afar, I could alocated my blonde friend. I walked to the table for two and sat in front of her.

"So, what do you want to order? Please just order adequately, don't be too much okay or I don't think I will last for another week." I pleaded her.

"Hahaha.. Don't worry, Tae. I'm not greedy with food, remember? Be thankful I have you treated me lunch intead of shopping for clothes or bags." Jessica teased me.

"Right. So what do you want? I will buy it for you." I offered to be the one who has to go and line up.

"Just tuna sandwich and lemon tea ice, please." Jessica smiled at me.

"Okay. Anything else?" I asked her.

"Nope. That will be sufficient, thank you." Another smile appeared on her flawless face. Sighed if only she knew that I have a crush on her since we were highschool yet I was too coward to confess.

"I'll be back soon." I told he and went up buying the food. I bought cheese burgers, fries, and cola for me. After I have collected the food, I went back to the table and put the tray along with the food on the table.

"Tae, with whom are you texting with?" Jessica asked me while chewing on her sandwich.

"I'm not texting anyone." I continue typing on my blackberry device.

"Then why you can't stop texting since you first lay your there?" I sensed sarcasm from Jessica's words. Uh oh, this is not good at all.

"I'm trying to write the new update here, Jess. You know how I love writing stories, right?" I answered Jessica with my eyes still attached closely on my phone's screen.

Yeah I love writing since well I guess since I was still in elementary school but I was a lazy girl. In fact, up until now I can still be categorized as one. My mother always make sure everything and I mean everything is served and ready for me, including ironing my school uniform, cooking, teaching subjects I didn't understand, washing the clothes, cleaning the floors, washing dishes, etc etc. And no, my Mom isn't a maid. She was smart, very smart actually. She finished her master in philosophy when she was nearly 50 years old. Now tell me what words could be more appropiate to define my mother if not smart.

As you've suspected, yes I'm much closer to my mother compare to my father. It's not that I don't love Daddy, but he is seldom at home. He works on shore and his shift is 2 weeks at work and 2 weeks off. Even when he has his holiday, he will still go to his office everyday. So you can't blame me if I can't close to him like how I'm close with my Mom, right?

Back to the story, I decided to start writing since I fell head over heels with Korean idol. Well I used to love western singers much more than I love my own country idol until one day I was being affected by my school mate in senior highschool. Her name is Jiyeon and she loved TVXQ very much that she started to influence me badly, terribly, and severely. She forced me to look after their MVs, and listen to their songs. Eventually, I started to like them and in less than a year, I've sucessfully become Cassiopeia. But that's not the worst! We unwillingly had to continue our studies separately. My and her university's distance is no joke at all but we stay being best friend up until now. Oh yeah, what's worst is that she has stopped being TVXQ fans and left me hanging!! She said she didn't feel interested in them again T.T

Okay so I'm sure most of you think how does it related with me and my writing hobby, right? Well Jiyeon told me how she loved to read TVXQ fanfiction on AFF and she even gave me the link of it. Sometimes I think why should I befriend with her when all she did to me was nothing but giving me bad influence. Why? Because most of TVXQ pairing there are gays pairing T.T and have I toold you that my most favorite member is Yunho U-Know? If not then I'm telling it to you now.

From most of the fics that I've read, Yunho was always being paired up with Jaejoong with Yunho as the man in relationship while Jaejoong will be the woman one. I just can't take it anymore because I hate to see my idol being gay!! So one day I searched for another idol who came from the same label as TVXQ. I found Shinee, F(x), BoA, EXO, and SND. Since I've been drooling over boys group, I thought maybe I should try for the girls group now and yes I chose SNSD.

I left my lovely TVXQ, well not wholly since I still devoted half of my heart for Yunho no matter how gay he might be in real life while I left the rest of half to SNSD. There are 5 girls in SNSD group which are Sooyoung, Yoona, Sunny, Seohyun, and Hyoyeon and I love Yoona the most! I diverted my old hobbies which was reading TVXQ fics to reading SNSD fics. Sometimes I find the author pairing Yoona with Seohyun and Sooyoung with Sunny. Hyoyeon will be left with the girl from other group like Nicole from KARA.

Yes, you read it right. They are paired girls x girls and I don't even feel weird reading it. Am I somehow gay? Honestly, I didn't know and I never cared until the person who's busy eating and scolding at me right now appeared. Jessica, Jung Jessica with her blonde shoulder length hair, flawlessly beautiful, cold outside warm inside, smart, intelligent, sharply pointed nose, thin yet well defined lips, thick eyelashes entered my life. I met her in university. She entered the same department as me so you can say I've been liking her for more than 5 years now and I don't think the feeling will be subsided any soon.

So yeah I've come to realize that I'm gay. I now have the courage to say that I prefer girls to boys, I will love to have girl as my lover instead of boys. However I only have the guts to admit it to myself while my friends and especially my family don't know about that. It is my biggest secret in life and no one including my parents, siblings, and best friends would know about that. I never found any girls attracted though, not until Jessica came. She was the one and only girl I have ever crush with.

Back to the story, I've admitted I'm gay and I love writing but not about my personal life of course so yeah I write about SNSD. I feel bored to always be a silent reader so one day I thought, why didn't I be the writer/author instead? I'm sure I can be a pretty good one if I try. Even though English is undoubtedly not my first language but I have confidence about my English ability. So far, I've written 4 stories and well the response coming from my readers are actually nice. My thoughts was disturbed by Jessica's call.

"Tae.. Taengoo.. Yah KIM TAEYEON!!" Jessica screamed just beside my earlobe, making me almost jumped from my seat.

"Yah! What was that for, Jessi?! I can hear you alright!" I scoffed and back to my seat.

"I've been calling you since forever but you didn't respond it. It's not my fault that I thought you went deaf so I have to make sure by yelling inside your ear." Jessica rolled her eyes. I saw she had finished eating while I've only touched half of my burger.

"Oh right. I'm sorry. So, what were you saying again?" I continue my eating.

"I asked you why you still lost in you imaginary world called fanfiction? You even write about lesbian relationship, Tae! I'm afraid it will affect you someday. You know gay sickness is contagious." Jessica commented seriously.

She is totally right, it is indeed affecting me hugely. But truth to be told, originally I'm gay not only because of the gay fics but because of you, Jessica. Sighed. If only you can read between the lines. Does the hint I give you not enough? Does my over caring attitude toward you not mean anything? Jessica oh Jessica, how I want you to be mine and only mine but then again you only have eyes for men, not for a pathetic girl like me.

"Yah! I still like guys, you know! You know how Yunho is the only person who can enter my heart and for your information, he is a guy you know!" I reassured her by pretending that I'm normal.

Oh yeah if you are wondering how could Jessica gave me such comment, I was the one who told her. She is the only person who knows about me being a not-so-great author in AFF. She knows I love SNSD and TVXQ. I told her about me loving to read fanfiction in AFF and also about writing the stories of my own. In fact I even allow her to read my masterpiece and she thinks I have talent as a writer but yeah she of course doesn't agree with me writing about girl x girl relationship. She even ever asked me whether I'm gay or not since I never have relationship since born.

Hey it's not that I'm not attractive or because I'm too ugly and stinky that guys didn't want to approach me. I got the beauty inherited from my mother and nice attitude also. Guys are drooling over me and cannot wait to get his hands all over me but yeah like I've said I'm gay so I can't find guys attractive at all. Even when the guy who was chasing me was a basketball player with broad chest and nice abs, tall and cool, not to mention handsome but you know what? I didn't even take a glance at him.

"Even with the fact that Yunho is gay too?? Come on, Tae! Just back to the real life, will you? I really support you to become a writer but please don't write about abnormal couple. Why don't you create a story where a man falls in love with a woman or something like that, huh?" For the nth time Jessica told me about this thing but yeah how can I stop when I myself is gay too. I can't bring myself to write about normal couple no matter how many times I've tried it.

"If I make Yoona couple with a guy then not many readers will want to read it. Fans prefer they being gay than normal you know." I reasoned out. Well part of it is true though.

"But you really are sure that that's the valid reason, right? You're still normal, right Tae?" Uh oh I really hate this question because everytime she asks it, want it or not I have to lie. I don't want her being afraid if she knows my true identity.

"Geez! Do I need to kiss a random guy to make you believe in me?" I pretended to be offended by her question and hid my nervousness.

"Then why don't you have any boyfriend until now? I mean you are beautiful, smart, diligent, creative, and humble so there's no way guys don't want you as their lover. So tell me, what's your reason, Tae?" Okay I don't know how to response to this. The question really caught me off guard.

"Thank you, thank you, and thank you. Well I think I just haven't met the right guy, Jess. When I've found it, I promise you will be the first person to know it." Of course she would be the first person since she is the one I love and I hope the right person for me.

"I'll keep your promise, Tae. And please continue being normal okay?" Jessica warned me.

"But Jessi, what if it's only what if okay." I reminded her before continue.

"What if I become gay someday? Will you still be my friend when it happens? Or will you despise me for what I am?" I tried to speak normally even if it's difficult knowing that the questions came from deep inside my heart.

"I..I don't know, Tae. What's with these kind of questions? You will never gay anyway so why should I answer to that ridiculous questions, right? Right, Tae?" My questions backfired me. Now what should I answer Jessica? I cursed silently.

"Ye-yeah of course. So I..I think you don't really need to that questions. It's a st-supid question, ri-right? Hahahaha.." me for stammering obviously! I laughed awkwardly in hope Jessica wouldn't notice my nervousness.

"Well then, let's go back to work, Tae!" Jessica smiled genuinely, making my heart stopped beating for a second.

---------------------------------

"Welcome home, sweetheart." My mother greeted me in the front door and helped me bringing my bag and blazer.

"Hi Mom." I greeted back half heartedly.

"Taeyeon-ah, what's wrong? Is there any problem at work?" My Mother asked me worriedly.

"No, Mom. I'm just tired. I think I will just go upstairs and sleep." I didn't forget to smile sincerely at my mother. I don't want her to worry about me.

"But what about dinner? Don't say you want to skip that?! Come on, Taeyeon. You know skipping dinner is not good for your body." My mother caressed my cheeks lovingly. Ooh how I love my mother so much. She pays attention to her family member greatly and I'm so thankful for that.

"I'm still full, Mom. I'll go and prepare dinner by myself if I'm hungry. Okay?" I kissed my mother's cheek and headed upstairs.

I locked my bedroom, afraid my mother would barge in without warning like usual. I don't want my mother to see how devastated her daughter is just because she is in love and to make it worse, I'm falling in love with a girl. I plopped my petite body on my queen sized bed without bothering to change my work attire or wash my face first. I looked up to the ceiling and drowned in my own delusional world, thinking about the first time I met Jessica, how I ended up falling in love with her to the time when I knew how Jessica despise gay people which also means my love to her will be unrequited forever.

It hurts, my heart feels shattered and teared up in two. I clutched at my heart tightly while closing my eyes. As I've predicted, Jessica's face clouded my mind. It's always her and her only. My eyes and heart are only focus on her. An hour past in a blink and I know I can never move on if I keep thinking about her. I unwillingly got up and moved to the front of my PC. I typed the AFF web address and pressed enter.

I'm waiting for my account to log in. I saw there's new message in my inbox but I didn't immediately open it. I wanna know whether there's new comment or subscriber on my stories or not. I smiled graciously seeing there's some additional subscribers and comments. I quickly clicked the story titled 'Enraged Lust' to see the new comments. I'm happy, so happy to know there's nothing but positive comments regarding my new chapter. Well the story genre is comedy romance with full of mature content of course.

My readers even call me as ert author T.T well it's not entirely true though. In real life, I'm not that ert like what they entitled me. I never even kissed even once! Whoaaa what a news right?! It's not that surprising right? Since I never have lover so no wonder I never let a man or man to kiss me. Some of my readers think that I'm a true ert in real life but I ignore them. I'm just too ashamed to admit it to them.

Now it's time to check after my inbox. Wuii there are some new messages and one of them admit that she is coming from Korea too!! Wait wait, her name is Scarlethwang? Humm that's weird because her name isn't related with SNSD at all. Actually my account name too doesn't related with SNSD or whatsoever. My account name is Blondie_is_mine. Do you really think I have blonde hair? Actually I was inspired from my love's hair color. Yep, mine is brunette while Jessica is the one with blonde hair. I know my world revolves only around Jessica which makes me look more miserable than I already am by now.

So the Scarlethwang asked for my twitter account. Should I tell her? But my twitter account is my real name with real photo. Humm, I better ask her about that first. I replied her message saying that I don't have fan account and that I used my real name as my twitter account. I left my PC to take a quick bath and changed into my pajamas. I dried my hair using the towel looped around my neck.

I'm feeling much better now after bathing. I checked my cellphone and saw there's a message from Jessica. She asked me to go to the cinemas tomorrow after work. She wanted to watch 'Man of Steel. Have I told you that she doesn't have boyfriend too? She just broke up with her ex, Taecyeon 2 months ago which sent me into heaven knowing that she's available for now. It doesn't mean by her being single, I can just snatch her heart away like that. I'm fully aware of my place and yes I've accepted the fact that she will never be mine. I replied her message saying yes, I would love to.

I let out another sighed and pitying my own love life before going back to my PC. I saw the Scarlethwang replied my message. She said it didn't matter and yes I finally decided to just give my twitter account to her. I told her that my account is @kimtaeyeon. Not long after, I saw someone mentioned me and that person was apparently the same person who just asked my twitter account.

‘I finally know my favorite author twitter account @kimtaeyeon.’

I couldn’t help but smiled reading the mention. I then decided to just follow back her yet didn’t reply to her mention. Oh yeah, her twitter account is the same as her account in AFF which is @scarlethwang. I wonder what the meaning behind that scarlet name is. I guessed Hwang is her surname but who’s her full name then? Her other mention interrupted my thoughts about her.

‘Oh My God! My favorite author is following me back!! Yeaaayyy!! @kimtaeyeon’

Whoa she is surely loves to exaggerate about something, hum. This time I replied her mention, saying:

‘Hahaha.. Nice to know you too @scarlethwang.’

I don’t know why but this girl is making me curious somehow. Maybe it’s just because I’m feeling lonely or maybe she is just my runway from Jessica. I really really want to know more about this hwang girl. I then went into our conversation in inbox and typed that I wanted to know whether she has kakao account or not. I waited for her reply and refreshed the pages for several time until I saw there’s new incoming message for me. I eagerly opened it and widely grinned when she answered that she had it. I quickly replied and gave her my number and id name in hope she would add me soon and yes my prayer was answered! Thank you God!! I love you~~

Scarlethwang: “Hi Author! ^^”

Kim Taeyeon: “Hi reader! Nice to finally can chat with you ^^”

Scarlethwang: “The pleasure is all mines. Your story is very great by the way~”

Kim Taeyeon: “Which story you’re talking about?”

Scarlethwang: “I love Enraged Lust the most.”

Kim Taeyeon: “Oh that story. Well thank you for liking it then. Anyway, may I know your real name? You’ve seen mine anyway so it will be fair if you tell me yours, right?”

Scarlethwang: “Do you just want to know it? Or do you really really want to know it?”

Kim Taeyeon: “Really really want to know it. Tell me please >.<”

Scarlethwang: “I never asked for yours though. You are the one who put it right there :P”

Kim Taeyeon: “Meanie!! And you just told me that I was your favorite author *pouting”

Scarlethwang: “It won’t be fun anymore if I tell you mine but well okay, let’s play it fairly. My full name is Stephanie Hwang but people usually call me Tiffany.”

Kim Taeyeon: “Great name you have there. Are you American?”

Scarlethwang: “Nope but yes I used to live there until I moved here 5 years ago.”

Kim Taeyeon: “I see. Do you have Korean name then?”

Scarlethwang: “Of course but I won’t tell you now. My turn now; how old are you, author?”

Kim Taeyeon: “I’m 23 years old. You?”

Scarlethwang: “Just one year younger than you. Hum so how can you make that funny story? Where did you get the idea? My roommate always yells at me for being so loud every midnight you know.”

Kim Taeyeon: “Hahahaha. I’m sorry for that then~ Uhm, I don’t know either. The idea just flows into my mind smoothly. At first, I thought no one would find it funny though.”

Scarlethwang: “Are you kidding me? Your story is the best comedy story I’ve ever read! Not many authors are able to make their readers laugh even when they entitled their stories as comedy. Trust me~”

Kim Taeyeon: “Really? Wuii thank you for the compliments then.”

Scarlethwang: “You really are like what they’ve said you know?”

Kim Taeyeon: “Eh? What do you mean?”

Scarlethwang: “Humble and smart!”

Kim Taeyeon: “I’m not! You just haven’t known about me further so I don’t think you have right to compliment me so highly like that.”

Scarlethwang: “I’m just trying to be honest here.”

Kim Taeyeon: “Errr.. Thank you? I’m just still being unusual to be compliment like that so I really don’t know how to react with that.”

Scarlethwang: “Oh okay. So author, don’t you feel sleepy already?”

Kim Taeyeon: “Nope, not yet. Are you sleepy already?”

Scarlethwang: “Same here. I just don’t want to disturb you.”

Kim Taeyeon: “Don’t worry because you are not ^^ anyway, are you still studying or working?”

Scarlethwang: “I’m currently trying to finish my thesis as soon as possible. I want to graduate soon so I can work and watch Korean concert using my own money.”

Kim Taeyeon: “Err I don’t really know that your reason is proper enough to be complimented though.”

Scarlethwang: “Hahahaha. I know right? But well that’s just me.”

Kim Taeyeon: “Yeah I think so too. Hahaha… What is your department?”

Scarlethwang: “Manufacturer Engineering. How about you?”

Kim Taeyeon: “Does that department really exist? The name is surely weird and seems complicated though. Ah yes, I’m from engineering too, Petroleum Engineering.”

Scarlethwang: “It really does exist! But yeah it’s kinda complicated. I can’t stop regretting entering that department. It is difficult and well let’s just say that choosing that department is one of my biggest mistakes in life T.T”

Kim Taeyeon: “Hahaha. Relax, it will be over soon. You better move your and seriously work on your thesis.”

Scarlethwang: “Yes, Sir!”

Kim Taeyeon: “Fany-ah, can I sleep first? I have to attend meeting tomorrow morning.”

Scarlethwang: “Then please do so, author. Have a nice dream ^^ btw, Fany is a nice nickname.”

Kim Taeyeon: “It’s really late and please call me by name. You too really need to sleep, Fany. It is nice talking to you. I hope we can chat again sometime. Have a nice dream for you too!!”

Scarlethwang: “I’m not really sleepy, author. I will do spazzing after this. And yes of course, we can chat again soon and as much as you can. Bye author!!”

Kim Taeyeon: “Bye Fany!!”

-------------------------------

I know I know that I still have 3 incomplete stories!! O.O

But somehow deep in my mind I know maybe this one will be the first story which will be marked as complete~~

I'm planning to write this and end it soon...

I write it just to fill my spare time anyway so sorry if it's not to your liking >.<

That's all from me and please feel free to comment or give me some critics about this story~

Thank you and I love you~