It was like a clear memory, a little taunting, and it was also what had started everything. White flower garlands had been pinned to the back of every pew in the church. The lights had been double checked that morning to make sure they glowed dimly, so that when it started there would be a luminous glow illuminating the room to make it look as if heaven was descending.

Namjoo could still remember a few weeks ago that cry in his eyes when she first appeared to him in her wedding dress. They were having their wedding photo shoot in a wide courtyard overtaken by nature. She’d been nervous standing there in front of the mirror. Anxiety had taken control of her and her feet suddenly felt heavier as if her heels weighed ten pounds.

Slowly pushing the dressing room door open she peered out into the hall to find it empty. The laced tablecloth on the table gently swayed back and forth by the breeze of the soft wind as if saying she’d taken long enough. Her heels clicked against the wooden floor as she stepped toward the opened doorway presenting the yard of luscious green.

The wild trees even seemed to be beaming with smiles as she neared the door. Clutching onto the frame she hid behind it and tilted her head to the side to take a peek outside. Luhan was nervously pacing around; his hair swept back and his tidy black tux looking even handsome under the glow of the sun.

Was he filled with excitement like she? Was his heart flipping and sliding against his chest like hers? Did his legs feel weak to the point that he might not be able to walk? Did his feet feel heavy?

All these thoughts transgressed through her mind before he slowly turned around as if sensing her presence. Too slow to react she felt their eyes meet. Her heart was pounding so hard she literally thought all her respiratory organs stopped functioning.

The corner of her lips curved up and she bit her lower lip as waves of fluttering emotions of all sorts swept through her. When she finally stepped out Luhan’s eyes gleamed and his jaw dropped open to let out a loud laugh. His eyes crinkled up in the process and his brows were brought together at what was more than he’d expected. Then locking his lips together he brought his clenched hand up to his lips as his brows curved.

Uncertainty filled her and it felt like she was standing under water with her chest high and heavy. A whoosh of wind applauded in her ears; her dress fluttering in its direction. Even the grass seemed to tickle her invisibly.

Stars sparkled in his eyes prettily as he pulled his hand away from his lips.

“Hi, beautiful.”

Feeling like jello, her heart melted and all worries dissipated as tears swept her eyes. Her lips shook as she smiled a bit shyly feeling touched. That precious moment that would never be replaced belonged to them. That few half seconds, those feelings, and that anxiousness was theirs to keep.

It was really happening. They were going to get married. And when that ring slipped onto her finger she knew she wasn’t doing it again with anyone else. The kiss that had sealed their marriage was a once in a lifetime for her.

“Namjoo?” That voice sounded far away.

That green scenery faded immediately and an array of light seeped through her eyelids before she opened her eyes. She’d been sleeping on her belly with her head twisted to the side. She was momentarily confused about where she was before her eyes tilted up to find Luhan standing beside the bed staring down at her with a frown.

Caught by surprise she immediately sat up feeling emotionally swarmed by the flashback or dream she’d just had. When she did sit up she felt a warm liquid fall out the corner of her eye and quickly turned away to wipe it off her face.

“Are you…ok?” he asked.

“Oh…yea, yea, yea,” Namjoo rushed her words as she hurriedly ran up from the bed. “Just a nightmare.”

Shutting the bathroom door behind her she walked over to the wall and knocked her forehead against it a few times. What the hell had she been thinking to have thought back so far like that?

After locking herself in the bathroom for a mere ten minutes she finally found herself sitting with Luhan at the table. A plain white piece of paper sat between them.

First, she decided she needed to understand a few things about the gang, so she was going to draw out a map.

“His name’s Mario.”

“Mario?” Namjoo repeated with a raised brow.

“That’s what I heard them call him,” Luhan told.

“O…k…” Namjoo muttered to herself as she wrote down the name and circled it. “And they’re after a key which opens a storage with money.”

As Luhan nodded she wrote ‘key’ drew a circle around it and drew an arrow to ‘storage’.

“And they’re after you because you killed someone on their side and have the key,” Namjoo spoke as she wrote ‘Luhan’ down. “And all this links back to Mario.” Setting the pen down she continued, “So we have to find out who it is you killed and why they want to get to the storage. Question is, how?”

When she glanced up at Luhan, who was seemingly lost in deep thoughts, the Luhan in a tux in her dreams flashed before her eyes. Suddenly disturbed, Namjoo quickly turned away. Out of the corner of her eyes she could see him sitting there and even that bothered her. Clenching her eyes shut she let out an unintended sigh and rubbed the side of her head.

She felt emotionally clogged up as if she was congested by her own thoughts. That ring, the wedding, and the stars in his eyes repeatedly shook the pictures in her head.

No, this wouldn’t do. She needed away.

“What’s wrong?” Luhan questioned. “Are you hungry?”

“What?” she turned to look at him and met with his eyes before quickly turning away. Figuring she needed to get out of the room as fast as possible she stood and took a step back only to collide into the chair. Luckily she caught herself before tripping backward.

A frown crossed his face.

Namjoo let out an almost awkward laugh, “I’m going to get some air. You know…for ideas.”

Quickly spinning around she walked around the chair only to stumble into her bags lying on the ground and caught herself against the wall. Silently pounding herself with fists she rushed toward the door.

“Wait, where are you going?” Luhan stood up.  

Pretending she didn’t hear him she slipped her shoes on and was out the door. As she hurried down the stairs before he could follow she scooped her hand up her flustered face and through her hair. She was feeling nostalgically sick and if she didn’t get rid of it she didn’t want to know what might happen.

#####

“Wait, Nam…” he took a step forward, but the door had already closed.

What was wrong with her? She’d been acting sort of strangely since waking up. What was it she’d dreamed? Namjoo had looked as if she’d been having a good dream when he saw her that morning. He stepped around the bed toward the door, but stopped when the ringing of a phone surprised him. Glancing around confused he concentrated attention to his ears before moving in the direction of the noise.

Spinning around he caught the flashing of Namjoo’s phone sitting in one of her shopping bags. Picking it up he stared at the number on the phone and answered.

The voice of a male spoke, “Hey, Namjoo, it’s me. Remember that luncheon I told you about last time? They’re having one at the hotel today, do you want to come?”

Luncheon…hotel…

Luhan pictured a rich hotel with a glass chandelier hanging from the ceiling as the room sparkled with lights and guests. Fresh wine and champagne were sitting in wine glasses on long tables draped in white cloth; food to the side. The room was circled with guests in formal clothing mingling and chatting…

His eye twitched at the setting.

“Hello? Namjoo?” the voice asked.

Luhan clenched his teeth before asking in a deep set tone, “Who’s this?”

Whoever it was seemed a bit taken aback as a short moment of silence followed.

“Uh…I’m sorry,” he apologized, “I thought I was talking to Namjoo. I’m…I’m Sungjae. Is Namjoo there? Can I talk to her?”

“She’s…” Luhan started before eyeing the bathroom door, “taking a shower right now and she has an appointment later, so I don’t think she can go.”

“Oh….I see,” Sungjae replied. “That’s fine then. Can you let her know I called?”

He narrowed his eyes, “Sure.”

“Thanks.” Sungjae said a bit chirpily before hanging up.

Pulling the phone away from his ear he tossed it to the floor before walking toward the door.

#####

Walking her thoughts off sounded like a good idea. After a few minutes she felt almost refreshed at least that was before she caught a couple standing by the bus stop. The boyfriend’s arm was safely linked around his girlfriend’s shoulder. A couple…

Namjoo quickly turned away from the sight and lightly hit her forehead repeatedly. Heading down the walk she listened to the busy wheels of cars churn against the streets. When she tilted her head up to look around she caught an advertisement about an estate company on the billboard with a couple in front of a house.

Turning away she speed walked down the small lane toward older houses. The long branches of short trees brushed against the top of her head as she strolled along. This was the area of lower class families; small homes with low roofs stole up the area. They looked tiny and limited, but homes were homes after all.

Namjoo stopped to glance through a windowless house with just a curtain blocking that square in the wall. As the wind blew sweeping the curtain up she spotted a small television set inside the home without carpets and spotted a wooden table. Upon the second time the curtain was swept up she spotted a mother walking around with a baby in her arms. This time she also caught an old portrait of a family sitting on that wooden table.

Her eyes traced the dirt yard and the clothes line overtaken by fresh laundry sat out to dry under the sun’s heat. A simple affordable home with the lack of an air conditioner and heater hadn’t been what she’d idealized as a life. Even as simple as it seemed a family still occupied the space. A mother, a child, and perhaps a husband at work….a family.

A sick wave of nostalgia and sadness swept over her before she turned away. Heading back the way she’d come she found the bus stop again and plopped down onto the bench. For a long time she watch the city life go by in front of her eyes.

Somewhere deep inside she knew she’d neglected herself and that family she wanted to keep together. But she couldn’t because that hole built up in her heart and she didn’t want to bear her emotions anymore. Instead of fighting for what could have been she tossed it. She regretted it, but she couldn’t come to terms with it. And for a long time she’d spent missing it.

Leaning forward she pressed her face into her palm. Namjoo wanted to honestly cry, but she didn’t want to embarrass herself. So when the bus came she climbed onto it. A few minutes later she was wandering around the courtyard outside of Sungjae’s hotel hesitating about whether she should go in to ask for him or not.

“Namjoo?”

She turned caught off guard by the voice and spotted Sungjae with an ice cream bar in hand.

“Ah…hi,” she greeted.

“What are you doing here? I thought you were busy.”

“What?” Namjoo asked confused.

“I just talked…” he began then laughed before shaking his head. “But what are you doing here?”

Namjoo eyed the flowers by the side before looking at him, “I’m bored and thought you might have some places in mind where I can have fun.”

“Fun?” he repeated. “Yea, sure.”

#####

Sliding the door open Luhan glanced inside and browsed the tables. He spotted families, singles, and pairs chattering away. Namjoo didn’t seem to be there though.

“Luhan!” Kat loudly greeted upon catching sight of him. “I was wondering if you’d come in today. Come in, come in.”

“Oh…no,” he shook his head and held himself back from her outstretched arm.

“If you’re not here to eat then what are you here for? Sneaking a peek for someone?” she seemed to wink her eyes.

He laughed nervously, “I was just wondering, did Namjoo stop by?”

“No, I didn’t see her.”

“Oh…thanks,” he quickly nodded and gave her a quick farewell before turning to run off.

Where the heck would Namjoo go? What other place did she have to go?

Traffic seemed to be trampling the city as he headed down the sidewalk, walked in and out of 7-eleven, and browsed through crowds carefully. Thirty minutes later there was still no Namjoo. Luhan walked passed a bus stop and turned to watch a bus drive by before staring down the street.

By now he couldn’t help, but feel a little frustrated as overwhelming worry and anxiety happened to be flushing through him. Namjoo was alone and he couldn’t forget that Mario’s people were out there in various disguises. What if something happened and Namjoo couldn’t help herself?

Luhan spun around to look past the streets again.

He was going to give her a piece of his mind later.

#####

“Interesting, right?” Sungjae asked as he handed her a strawberry filled crepe. “There are bars and clubs behind Khao San Road. I heard a famous celebrity owns one.”

“Really?”

He nodded, “I heard a rumor that some gangs overrun the clubs, so it’d be safer if you don’t go alone. I mean, if you ever want to go. Would you want to go?”

Namjoo turned to look at him, many ideas popping in her head.

“Of course.”

Sungjae flashed her a smile before shifting to her as he halted, “Oh by the way, are you staying with someone?”

“What?”

“I mean…I called you earlier, and someone answered your phone.”

“Oh,” her eyes widened in surprised before the tone of her voice dropped as she repeated, “you called…”

He nodded.

Shooting him a smile and an awkward laugh she lied, “No, I’m not staying with anyone. I…I met this friend. That’s all. He must have picked up my phone.”

“Oh…really?” Sungjae questioned before nodding and she quickly looked away.

After having dinner with Sungjae at some eatery she finally returned back to the hotel in a Tu Tu. As it neared the ghostly hotel she spotted Luhan standing outside. He turned to stare when the Tu Tu stopped and she alighted. When it drove off she quickly walked over oblivious to the angry frown on his face.

“So,” she started right away, “I got a few ideas today. I heard there are a few clubs behind Khao San Road overrun by some gangs. Since we know nothing much about Mario, why don’t we start off there? Go in and talk to them. It sounds good, doesn’t it? Use his enemies to close in on him.”

Namjoo let out a loud laugh of satisfactory before finally looking at him. That self-amused expression on her face immediately wore off when she sat the thin slit in his eyes as he glared.

“What?”

“Where’ve you been?” His deep voice seemed to portray his mood.

Her lids fluttered, “Out…here and there. What’s with you?”

“What’s with me?” he repeated as if he was offended by her question. “Standing here for four hours straight wondering if you’ve been kidnapped somewhere, harassed, or had your arms broken off! What if Mario’s gang caught you and took you somewhere, killed you, and dumped your body in the lake and nobody would have known?! And what’s with me!?”

Her jaw dropped. Just what the hell had he been thinking?

“Are you insane?”

“Insane?” he repeated, once again sounding insulted. “You’re the insane one, going around as you like. Have you thought about what Mi Yun would do if she lost her mother!?”

Namjoo let out a fiery breath hot with anger.

Biting her lip she deeply inhaled then exhaled, “I was with a friend and nothing happened. So don’t go off getting pissed off just yet.”

She watched his expression immediately change from fury to some other kind of form of suspicious anger. “Friend? Who?”

Namjoo glanced at him suddenly nervous. Luhan had disliked her school mate Sungyeol to the point where she’d almost been banned from seeing him. But then, they were in no relationship now.

“Sungjae,” Namjoo answered calmly. 

Luhan’s eyes stilled on her before he turned away to laugh angrily or sarcastically, she couldn’t tell. Namjoo wasn’t sure whether this was getting any worse or not at all.

He finally turned to eye her silently before walking inside leaving her to stand there completely confused and baffled.