Luhan was already in when she returned. The way he sat at the foot of the bed and just stared at the wall made him look dejected and downcast. His eyes were doleful and his hands sat on his lap almost making him appear as a statue. Instead of turning at the sound of the door opening, he didn’t move at all.

Seeing him that way made Namjoo feel bad and of course guilty, but she wasn’t up to mending his wounds the cliché way. In order to make Luhan feel that she wasn’t going to avoid him she didn’t hesitate on plopping down right beside him. Besides, going through another awkward phase with him sounded tiring at this point.

“Lets go out tomorrow,” Namjoo said turning to him.

“Why?” He turned to look at her.

“My birthday.” She reminded. “We were going to do something, remember? I told Sungjae to come along too. We can just have casual drinks and enjoy the night.”

Luhan lightly pressed his lips together before turning to face the wall again, “Why don’t you two go? I’ve grown out of those things now.”

Namjoo couldn’t help, but run her eyes over his still dejected face. He was making her feel worse, yet celebrating her birthday without him didn’t feel right. It was alright last year because he’d been there for Mi Yun’s, which was as well her birthday anyway. Since she’d met him, he hadn’t been excluded from any of her birthdays. And Namjoo knew it would be the same this year.

“It’s not the same without you,” Namjoo straightforwardly stated. “Lets not worry about anything tomorrow, huh?”

She watched him lift his eyes up from the ground, but still didn’t turn to her. With this Namjoo believed that he would take her words into consideration. And perhaps, she hoped Luhan would feel the same way as she. That he hadn’t missed any of her birthdays thus far and would keep it like that.

“You don’t have anything nice to wear, do you?” she questioned. “Then,” she let the word drone on, “how about we go shopping?”

#####

What Namjoo was up to exactly, Luhan couldn’t tell. One moment she was telling him off and the next she was acting like nothing had happened at all. Was she the fool or was it him?

Still, he followed her.

Despite the growing crowd in the mall he was surprisingly able to keep his eyes glued to her back. Taking extra caution not to appear too near her he remained at least five steps away from her. And when people cut through them he’d hurry to find her again before feeling the calm sweep in once he found her.

Instead of wishing that Namjoo might hold on to him he wanted to hold her arm. Instead of telling the world that she was married so others would leave her alone or not even look at her at all; he wanted to let them know he wasn’t a bachelor anymore. He wanted to tell them not to look his way. There was already a paved road in front of him and at the end of that road he knew well who he wanted to be waiting for him.

They walked into a men’s dress shop and as they browsed through the aisle he let the heavy jazz music seep into him. The distinctive low pitch notes made him want to sway lazily with it. Sinking into a tub of emotive blues sounded a little disturbing, but they brought back all the memories that mattered most.

“Do they use the same measurement for shirts here?” He heard Namjoo mumble to herself as she searched through the racks overstuffed with collared shirts to short sleeved button ups.

His heart almost leapt out of his chest when he wondered if Namjoo would remember what size he wore. He suddenly thought about those special occasions when they attended family reunions during their newlywed life. On those evenings she’d help him dress up and even fix the tie around his neck. The way her eyes heavily concentrated on making it look right made him miss watching her eyes rove over him as if he were the only one in the world she could see. It had made him feel special and lucky.

Namjoo’s mother had often scolded her for leaving his tie crooked, so he’d caught her practicing with his ties in secret. Luhan had offered to be her puppet, but then they always ended up playing around and Namjoo never really learned how to tie his tie right.

He awoke from his dazed thoughts when Namjoo pressed a shirt against him and cocked her head with a frown.

“It looks funny,” she commented. “Why don’t you get something you like?”

Luhan almost wanted to shout no, he’d take it, but Namjoo had already stashed it back on the rack. The shirt immediately became consumed by the others and he lost sight of it. Disheartened, he turned to look at the other white, black, and blue shirts hanging there.

It didn’t matter to him what he wore. It was almost meaningless if she just left him there like that. He wanted her opinion and he wanted her to help him pick something out.

Namjoo left him standing there anyway. He ended up with a casual outfit and they returned to the hotel as it was. Again, he lay on his side wide awake. It didn’t quite feel the same after Namjoo had told him straightforwardly to keep his distance. Her words made him all the more conscious about the intentions behind his actions. Knowing more of that allowed him to relinquish the fact that reality was quite the opposite.         

There was no hope.

None at all.

If he had spoken to her about the cruise, Namjoo would have turned him down. The voice at the back of his head that told him there was a chance she’d say yes was just naïve. The night they went out because he was hungry and carried her back, Namjoo would have gone into the hotel upon their arrival if she hadn’t fallen asleep.

The less time she spent with him, the better it was for her, the worse for him.

Nothing was as he’d wanted.

Even though he hadn’t expected this to happen, he had to admit that during the one year of their divorce he missed her a lot. And he often thought about their daughter as well, but Namjoo probably assumed he didn’t care at all. How was he to show it when she was so hardheaded and intent on reading his motives the wrong way?

What if there was just a little percent of Namjoo that yearned for him too?

If it surfaced, he’d take every chance possible to climb over that hill to have her in his arms again.

As the next evening neared and his eyes darted out the window he thought about how they’d often gone out on nights like this. When still in the friendship stage he’d waited for her to beauty up before hitting the clubs. Namjoo had really liked that kind of life then. Because work took so much of her time, she rarely enjoyed herself fully. Watching her set herself loose made him feel carefree too.

Namjoo had always been some kind of influence on his life. She’d always been the lead.

As he clipped the last button of his shirt together the bathroom door opened. Namjoo stepped out running hands over her dress to smooth it down. To his expectation, it was a perfect fit. Contrary to the darkness of the dress, Namjoo seemed to shine in it. It accentuated the shape of her body prettily and he thought he really liked the V-cut of the dress.

“It looks ok, right?” Her voice was almost unable to transmit through his brain.

His heart was pounding, thrashing against his ribs, but he couldn’t sweep her off her feet and kiss her or tell her she was beyond beautiful. The overwhelming emotions flustered him. Part of him wanted to cover her up in a blanket and hide her from the world. The other half wanted to show her off proudly.

This time, he had no say in it.

Pressing his lips into a smile he just nodded.

Luhan really dreaded the thought of getting to the club. Mainly young adults filled that place and most of them were predators seeking for prey. He worried Namjoo would go off on her own and get into her own dilemmas, but there wasn’t anything he could say about it. Namjoo would only try to ward him off more if he said what he felt and he didn’t want to be pushed any farther away.

A starry sky had already overcome the sunny lit sky when they stepped out of the cab. There were a group of young men smoking toward the side of the doors watching as the cab drove off.

“Lets go in,” Luhan suggested before pushing her forward.

“I don’t think Sungjae’s here yet…” Namjoo said finally putting her phone away.

“We’ll wait inside,” was all he said while opening the door and as he did so a blast of music began pounding the walls.

It gave him a headache, but there wasn’t anything he could do about it now. After having their I.D.’s checked they walked into a dark room lit up with a disco light. Various colors flashed off the walls over the group of dancers on the dance floor. Laughter, shouting, and shrill whoops of joy swarmed through the air as he looked around. Another dim light glowed over the bar corner at the back.

The youngsters there were all competitively dressed in outgoing clothes; short dresses, tight skirts, and crazy heels. A large part of the men were casually dressed, but there were a few here and there who were fancily dressed with ties and blazers.

Luhan spotted a few flirting all over the place and wondered if he and Namjoo had once looked like that when they talked around.

Namjoo plopped down onto one of the seats by a short table and looked around. He could see it in her face that she was determined to enjoy herself. She was glad to be there which left him wondering over whether she wanted to return to the past or not.

“Hey!” A voice chimed into his thoughts and he looked toward Namjoo to recognize Sungjae standing behind her.

“I thought you said you were coming late.”

“I just got here, but lets go get something to drink,” Sungjae suggested. “You can get free drinks if it’s your birthday.”

“Ah…really?”

The two of them were so embroiled in their conversation that Namjoo didn’t even bother to ask him if he wanted to tag along. Were they always so friendly with each other?

Suddenly folding his arms he inched his foot forward to give her a slight kick with a turn of his head. The two finally silence and turned to look at him.

“Do you want something to drink too?” Namjoo questioned.

“No, I’m fine.”

“Ok,” Namjoo got up and turned to Sungjae, “should we go?”

As they walked off Luhan quickly turned to watch feeling slightly betrayed and baffled. Shouldn’t she have tried to usher him along anyway? Did she not think he wanted to enjoy himself either?

Luhan remained where he was sullenly for the next 10 minutes before Sungjae finally appeared with a cup of something for him.

“I thought you might be bored,” Sungjae smiled, “Namjoo says she’s going to stay by the bar, so if you want to find her later you can find her there. Are you sure you don’t want to join us?”

What did he mean by that? It wasn’t as if they’d asked him to be with them anyway. Luhan droned over that fact while politely refusing all the while wanting to pull his hair out. He didn’t want to succumb to Sungjae’s goodwill if he had anyway, so he waited until Sungjae was out of sight before finally grabbing the cup and chugging whatever drink it was. It was sweet, a little sour, and tasted like large mix of vodka. Luhan wanted to vomit after draining its contents, so feeling whoozy he sat there with his head spinning.

Namjoo was always the better drinker compared to him. How were they going to get back of Namjoo got herself drunk and he wasn’t in his right mind either?

For a long time he sat there almost dozing off before suddenly urging himself to get up for a cup of water. He wasn’t sure how much time had passed, but there were gradually less people there than when they’d first arrived.

As he received his cup of water he turned to look around and spotted Namjoo standing by the bar counter freely chatting away. There was a silly smile on her face while she chatted with the bartender and also to someone he’d never seen before on a stool on her right. Sungjae was standing there looking amused, but he didn’t really matter to Luhan.

That stark smile transitioned into a crescent moon shaped smile. Immersed into a daze with it Luhan only woke up when someone leaned over to whisper into her ear. Namjoo reacted with a jolt of laughter, which made him uncomfortable. Forgetting about his cup of water he left it on the table walking his way through the small crowd before squeezing in between the man and Namjoo.

There was a discontent moment of silence with his appearance, but he didn’t so much pay attention to it as he did to the redness of Namjoo’s cheeks. She was drunk, he knew it.

“Ah! Luhan! Where’ve you been!?” Namjoo loudly greeted slapping his shoulder with her hand. “This here…he’s a very good friend, but also one of the worst human beings. Isn’t that right?”

Namjoo turned to look at him with a muffled laugh and Luhan wanted to cut her tongue off. Tugging on her arm he awkwardly smiled toward the bartender and the man on the stool before bidding them farewell. Namjoo started blabbering slurred sentences he couldn’t make out while Sungjae hurried after them.

“Where are you going?” Sungjae questioned.

“I’m taking her back,” was all Luhan said before pushing the front door open. A chilled breeze slapped his face as he walked toward the street.

“Ah…is that so? I can take her back too, I mean, that is if she doesn’t want to leave yet.”

Coming to an immediate pause Luhan turned to look at Sungjae, “She’s had enough for tonight. Thanks for coming out anyway.”

Then readjusting Namjoo’s arm around his neck he pulled her along. There was a throbbing headache growing in his head now. He felt an urge to belt over to the side to try and puke all he could out, yet he wanted to make sure they were back at the hotel first. Namjoo wasn’t cooperating well though. Her legs seemed to drag themselves heavily and she kept staggering from right to left pulling him along. If he didn’t hold on tight they could fall over and injure themselves against the concrete, which was the last on his list right now.

Somehow he managed to grab a cab and Namjoo pulled her arm from around him. There was a moment where she tried to shift away from him, but he grabbed her arm to keep her leaning against him anyway. For now Namjoo had gone quiet. She was always unpredictable when drunk and he felt like it was a miracle that luck was on his side.

Namjoo stumbled out of the cab when they arrived at the hotel a few minutes later. Again she swayed to and fro. It was a sight scary to watch and Luhan reached out for her arm in case she fell.

She mumbled something before pushing his hand off, “I can walk by myself.”

One step forward clumsily ended up with her ankle giving way and she slanted to the side. Hurrying forward he grabbed her arm to steady her only to hear her laugh at herself joyously. Anyone could tell by the way that she carried herself so loosely that she was quite out of her mind.

Within the next two steps Namjoo almost tripped over her own feet with the lady behind the counter watching every step of the way. Like a child, Namjoo let out a high shrill before laughing at herself. Luhan felt an urge to wrap a hand around to keep her quiet for the sake of embarrassment.

When they reached the stairs, Luhan tilted his head back to stare up the steps that suddenly seemed much more than he’d remembered. He just wanted to go to sleep so badly. His headache was getting worse, but Namjoo wasn’t giving him a hand. One more glance at her told him it might take more than just five minutes to make it up the stairs if he let her walk.

Feeling exhausted, he lifted her up. Namjoo let out a whoop of happiness before clutching onto his shoulder when she would have demanded him to let go. His heart suddenly began ramming against his chest when Namjoo leaned her head against his shoulder. As tired as he felt he slowed his steps in hopes of delaying time. He hadn’t felt this kind of warmth throbbing in him for a long time and it almost felt foreign, but enjoyable.

However, they eventually reached their room and he reluctantly let Namjoo down. She reeked of alcohol, but something about her remained as attractive as when they’d left.

“Hold on, I’ll get you something to change into,” Luhan told before turning to step away, but felt Namjoo grab his wrist and tug him back.

“Why? You don’t want to talk with me?”

The sound of her heels clattered against the ground as she kicked them off  and stepped toward him. His head slightly lowered when Namjoo ran her hand up his shirt before suddenly unclipping the first button.

“What are you doing?” He reached up to grab her hand alarmed.

“Why? You don’t like it?” Namjoo tilted her head up to look into his eyes.

Honestly, he felt himself fall into another daze when their eyes met. Namjoo grabbed his hand and pulled it away before releasing the second button. A step of hers brought him a step back and then another and another.

Namjoo chuckled, “Aigoo…look at you. All that jealousy must wear you out a lot. This big baby still wants to be pampered…”

Namjoo made cooing noises she would toward a baby when she reached up to grab his nose and gently shook it. Luhan remained frozen and dumbfounded. The fact that Namjoo was touching him was something he had to sink in and that she knew he’d been jealous over Sungjae told him something else.

Was Namjoo playing off his feelings or did she want to purposely instigate them?

Another button came undone before he finally managed, “W…wait, Nam…Namjoo…”

But it was too late. He collided into the bed and fell back. Throwing his hand against it to keep him up was a useless attempt. Namjoo climbed onto his lap with her knees by his waist, her eyes taunting him for the worst. Luhan quietly gulped knowing he was in trouble. 

***Sparks and another awkward phase soon to come heh~ To give you a head's up, next chapter's gonna be rated

***So, who's the fool now? lol