A quarter of his world shattered; a knife stabbed his heart even when he told himself he would continue to go after her for as long as he had to. But he’d never heard Namjoo say anything like that, so it hurt anyway.

Luhan had to use up a silent minute to gather himself up. Regardless, she was still his. As long as the thought prevailed, Namjoo wouldn’t be able to leave him.

“I’m going in,” Namjoo stood and without waiting for him headed on inside.

Luhan turned to watch her go before following. After turning the lights off, he sat on the bed, and turned to glance at Namjoo who was situating her pillows. The way she moved was familiar; arms gracing the air, her elbows angling up in specific ways, and how she seemed turned away from him. 

In his mind he’d seen her do this plenty of times. Namjoo would turn to look at him, make a stark comment, and grab the pillow she’d fixed to throw into his face. They would playfully fight and when they tired, they’d lay down to cuddle under the covers; talk and sleep. And she had always felt perfect in his arms.

He wanted her in all ways…so bad. If that scared her, that was a good sign because she thought of him and imagining the future made her nervous. Luhan wanted her to be nervous. At least…she felt something around him.

Feeling stuffy, but dragged down he pressed his lips together; running his eyes longingly over her.

“Namjoo,” he called and when she turned around gave her a quick peck, “good night.”

With that he lay down and to his side; fighting hard to kick away the hurt she gave him. Luhan had to believe there would be a day when Namjoo would finally come back to him.

As expected, Namjoo was indifferent toward him the next morning. Awake, he sat up on the bed cross legged and watched her draw out what he thought was their plan at the table. She looked fresh and energized whereas his energy felt depleted. Luhan hated how she seemed unaffected by her own words last night.

Shouldn’t she be feeling guilty for making him feel down?

“What are you doing?” Luhan questioned with sleep still in his eyes.

“We’re,” Namjoo said without looking up, her hand busy with scrawling whatever she was scrawling, “going undercover.”

“Huh?” His jaw dropped surprised and he felt more awake.

“We’re going clubbing. Take your ring off; we’re not going as a married couple.”

Shots fired in his head and he jumped up from the bed to have a look at what she was writing. Namjoo let out a shriek and raised her hands up for the paper he suddenly snatched from her, but held it up high so she wouldn’t reach it.

“Luhan!” She screamed frustrated.

Luhan’s eyes narrowed when he saw that it was a letter directed back home to his parents. He turned to observe her wondering what it was that she was hiding. Nothing on her face was readable, which left him to question if anything had gone on between his parents and Namjoo during his absence.

He felt worried.

“What are you doing?” Luhan asked.

Namjoo turned away irritated before she held her hand out for him to give her the letter. She waited with a heavy silence, but Luhan just stared at her in refusal. He wanted her to talk to him.  

“Why are you writing them a letter?” He pushed on.

“Why?” She protested loudly. “I can’t?”

Luhan crumped the letter up between his hands only to hear her protest even louder.

“What the hell are you doing!?” Namjoo raised her voice grabbing his arm.

“Why are you even doing this?” Luhan questioned. “Who cares!?”

“I do!” She glared at him upon snatching it back and let out a breath of hot anger when she saw how ruined the paper was. “Because Mi Yun is in my care, not yours.”

Namjoo shot him a heated glare before she grabbed a new paper from the side. He watched her sit down, grab the pen, and start again. To interrupt her he grabbed the pen this time.

“Well I say forget it,” Luhan continued. “Don’t worry about my parents.”

“They’re going to throw a fit,” Namjoo stood from her seat again, “because I left Mi Yun with my parents and not them. Why? Because you’re her father and the father’s side of the family should watch his daughter, not Mi Yun’s mother’s. It’s patriarchal rules. That’s why this letter matters.”

“Don’t write it,” Luhan ordered a moment after silence. “I’ll deal with them when we go back.”

They had a stare off before Namjoo slightly widened her eyes and held her hands up, “Fine, whatever.”

She slid out from between the table and the chair walking over to her shoes.

“Did you have breakfast?” Luhan quickly asked.

“No.”

“Really?” He sounded a bit excited, but was cautious of not sounding too excited. The last thing he wanted to risk was making her uncomfortable again.

“Why don’t you hurry up so we can go eat?” Namjoo seemed to withhold herself from rolling her eyes.

A smile bounded across from his face before he ran toward the bathroom to wash up.

That evening he fiddled with his ring as he watched Namjoo walk to and fro inside their room. He was unable to bear the thought of her in the black dress he’d bought her as a birthday gift. He didn’t think Namjoo was able to bring herself to wear it again either, so without say they’d gone clothes shopping during lunch.

Luhan hated going to the clubs…again with her. He hated when others ran their eyes over his property whether they were male or female. This time he knew he couldn’t argue with her. They needed to get somewhere and they needed answers. Namjoo wanted to go home too. He could the longing for their daughter in her eyes and how she wished she wasn’t there. He, though, wished very much that she’d stay with him.

“What are you sitting there for?” Namjoo asked, slipping into her heels.

Lifting his eyes up from the ground he skimmed his eyes up over the plain green dress she was wearing. He hated how it hugged her body even more than he. How the cloth draped its arm around her made his heart palpitate; his insides increasingly jealous.

Namjoo held her hand out and his heart jumped in expectation, but spotted a hairband hanging off the tips of her finger to his dismay.

“Can you tie my hair up?”

Luhan glanced at her bandaged hand and felt the urgency to bite his tongue.

“Why? Just leave your hair down.”

“It’s irritating, just tie it up,” Namjoo insisted and urged her hand toward him.

Luhan didn’t want to be to too close to her. The pull of attraction between his mind toward her was extremely aggravating. Unable to refuse, he stood and took the hair tie from her. Upon pulling her hair up he took a whiff of the rosy body soap she’d been using and memories of how he’d bit at it infiltrated his mind.

He wished so much that tonight could have just been theirs. A candlelit dinner, wine, steak, a little dance, and back to the hotel to spend the night. This picture was woven in so many wrong ways.

To put his arms around her and press his face against her neckline while swaying her back and forth was what he wanted to do. Instead, he gulped and pressed his lips together while slowly tying her hair.

If Namjoo realized how precious it was to preserve their togetherness, she would dance with him too. Why she was being so thickheaded and why she kept spinning lies in front of him would need time to find answers. But he couldn’t understand why Namjoo kept going back and forth.

Sometimes she’d give him her hand and other times she wouldn’t let him touch her. What was it that was running through her mind, when he knew well she felt the same?

“Don’t forget, I do the talking,” Namjoo turned around to remind him. “Did you take your ring off?”

“Oh…” Luhan held his hand up and uneasily touched the ring.

He was hesitant, not because he was taking the ring off, but because it felt like he was throwing something he was emotional about away.

“Just take it as we’re going out to complete another mission,” Namjoo told starting toward the door.

Namjoo was completely in work mode as if she’d never left the force these years. He wondered if she was having fun with the thrill flowing through her blood. She was never one to remain still; someone who preferred the action over the romantic movies.

Luhan had to think to himself again if he was more into their relationship than Namjoo had ever been.

“Namjoo,” Luhan called out when they stepped out of the cab minutes later, “stay in my sight. If anything goes wrong, I’ll be there to help.”

Namjoo seemed to nod without reply before the sound waves slammed into his face seconds later. There was a crowd inside the densely packed club; everyone moving along to the beat of the music with drinks in hand and smiles plastered on their faces.

Luhan quickly drew his eyes over their heads before he spotted Namjoo just two people away from him. She continued drifting further without glancing back at him. A kind of silence dominated him, deafening his ears. In that one split second he heard Namjoo’s bubbly laughter in his ears, his heart thudding fast at the sound of it.

For a second he thought he was crazy then realized his consciousness was replaying the first time he’d found her attractive. At a club when they’d gone out after befriending each other, he’d heard her laugh like that. Suddenly spiraled by some kind of sorrow he felt his heart sink lower and lower into the depths of the dancing floor.

His Namjoo was there, but also wasn’t there. What was it about him that was so hard to love?

It suddenly became important for him to know why she wanted to be just friends.

“Namjoo?” He found himself calling out and spun to look around, the drastic beating of his heart panicking when he couldn’t see her. “Namjoo!”

An eased breath of slow panic escaped him before he pushed through the crowd to see her sitting with someone on the couch before him. His brow twitched at the sight.

That man with her had been talking with her in the coffee shop the other day.

#####

This time around it wasn’t hard to depict her target from the crowd. Namjoo instantly saw him in front of her after becoming free of the crowd.

Business matters had always been business matters. Whatever she did, she’d put her mind to. She couldn’t deny the sense of thrill she felt, but she was honestly more overcome by anxiousness than excitement. Her senses had dulled over the years and with a child around things were obviously different.

To treat this as an assignment would be her underestimation. This person led a gang, a bunch of individuals that hunted and killed their opponents. She couldn’t see them in a lighter sense. Whoever they were, they had ammo and guns.

Walking toward him Namjoo flashed a smile, “Is that seat taken?”                          

“Ah…I knew I’d see you again,” Tin smiled, his earrings shimmering in the light as he twisted his head.

Namjoo took to the seat and crossed her legs.

“What’s the catch tonight? You here with friends?” Tin browsed the crowd then turned to her.

“I came alone. I enjoy a lot of time by myself,” Namjoo answered to which he raised a brow.

“Really?” He sounded contradicting. “Now that’s interesting.”

To keep up with the story Namjoo smiled again, “Your business must run well. You probably don’t have a lot of time for yourself. Don’t you get tired?”

He seemed caught off guard and managed a speechless laugh, “Ah…yes…now that you mention it, I don’t have a lot of time. Why? Are you interested in being my shuttle?”

She raised her brows surprised.

“There’s an abandoned salt factory by the fisherman’s dock,” he whispered, “meet me there if you’re interested.”

Patting her back with a smirk he stood up to walk toward the ‘Employees Only’ door. A bit dazed Namjoo stared at the door wondering what just happened. It felt like it had been too easy and that served as one reason for her uneasiness. Another quick second came to pass before she felt the weight beside her push the cushion down. A cold glass dripping with dew magically appeared before her.

“Want a drink?”

Namjoo turned to see a handsome young fellow sitting beside her donned in a casual outfit. Had she spent so much time thinking that she hadn’t realized she’d been in the seat for so long? Or was this just some random student looking for a one night romance?

“No thanks,” Namjoo shook her head, “I’m about to leave.”

“Oh come on,” the young lad held his arm out to bar her back into the seat, “just this drink. My friends kept pushing me to come over here and talk to you. I’ll leave you alone after this.”

Namjoo swerved her eyes toward the bar counter where it looked like some men were watching them with mischievous smirks. Coolly turning back to glance at him she then eyed the drink.

A pair of hands landed on his shoulders loudly and the young lad was seemingly pressed into his seat. A turn of her head let her identify Luhan behind him.

“Sorry man,” Luhan apologized a bit sarcastically, “the girl’s already mine.”

Namjoo almost opened to testify, but felt him grab her hand after walking from around the couch to lead her out.

“You didn’t have to be so rude,” Namjoo told as they walked through the doors.

“You’re the one that was rude,” Luhan muttered underneath his breath as he stopped in his steps.

A loud snort of speechlessness fell from her lips as she fought for something to relay, but felt him throw his blazer at her.

“I can’t look at you in that, so wear it,” Luhan directed before taking a step toward the street.

Namjoo glanced at the blazer in her arms before heaving a deep breath and slipped it on. Sometimes it seemed like Luhan pms-ed even harder than her. His moodiness drove her toward the cliff of impatience.

Luhan only stared out his window during the ride back to the hotel. The reason for his silence was something she didn’t know. She would have told him about what Tin told her, but something told her that now wasn’t the best time. Namjoo found herself glancing at him secretively, but even if he noticed he didn’t turn to wonder why.

The sleeves of his blazer hung low over her hands and she could feel the warmth of the material against her fingertips at every brush. Namjoo listened to the engine of the cab roar off into the distance; part of her wishing for it to take her on a longer ride, but instead she watched Luhan head inside. A kind of quiet silence trailed on as she followed him wondering about the reason behind this quietness.

Usually Luhan would have spoken with her or argued with her about staying away from other men, but he hadn’t said anything. When she turned around after closing the door Luhan had his back to her.

“Being sneaky isn’t you forte.”

“What?” Namjoo frowned unsure if she’d heard right.

“You said that to me that night,” Luhan turned to look at her. “I don’t think that’s your forte either.”

“What are you talking about?”

It only took him a step forward to close the gap between them surprising her when she thought they were farther apart than expected. In no less than a second her face was sandwiched by his hands, his lips placing a soft kiss on hers.

“No more games, Namjoo,” Luhan forced her to look at him. “We were friends before you married me; we’re not going back there.”

Growing increasingly uncomfortable she fought to shrug him away suddenly realizing what it was he wanted. Luhan resisted her, blocking her means of escape. Finally with her arms tucked between them and unable to find a way to push him back, he grasped onto her upper arms.

“Don’t run away,” he urged, “look at me, what are you afraid of? You let me hold you for two nights and you draw a line again? It doesn’t work like that. We’re not friends with benefits, but you’re my ex-wife. You can’t just look at me and say what happened between us that night was an accident. I know it wasn’t. You feel the same way I do.”

Dark, purple venom twisted and bent inside her. There was a pressure on her chest and Namjoo couldn’t find it in herself to breathe.

“Namjoo, I l…” Luhan started, but Namjoo found herself screaming; tugging and pushing to oust herself from his arms.

She could feel his arms fighting to wrap themselves around her, but Namjoo didn’t want it so she kept screaming wildly until Luhan had no choice but to let her fall a step back. A distorted cry seized and came out weirdly. In no time Namjoo was engulfed in a deep fog and felt a dry sob fall through; the sacred box of their memories at her feet.

Namjoo didn’t want to go where it hurt, but the sharp vines nailed her in place while the memories soaked her feet making their way up. 

***Well in case you got a bit lost w/this chapter; basically they started off arguing about the letter of apology Namjoo wanted to send to Luhan's parents. To him; it's not a big deal, but to her it is. It's just their difference in thinking. And then we have them going 'undercover' to the club; they're not supposed to look married or be identified as a married couple, so rings off as Namjoo says. At the club Luhan indulges into the depths of his mind; filling himself up with questions and memories of him & Namjoo. So when they return, Luhan initiates a confrontation about why Namjoo suddenly wants to be 'friends' only. Namjoo knows what's up, she knows where he's headed. So when he's about to say "I love you" she stops him, w/her screaming. And to the next chapter we go.

***Merry Christmas everybody! Happy holidays! Sorry for the late update!