The taste of her warm lips seemed to be calling for him when his eyes sighted them. Namjoo was almost fit again after giving birth to Mi Yun. He had an urge to harmlessly touch her and press his face against her warm skin. Luhan imagined smiling against her and pictured at the back of his head Namjoo giving him infatuated kisses.

Reality was; Namjoo tried inching back into the bed with her palm up against his shoulder. After a second she uttered, “I can’t breathe.”

Shaken awake Luhan pulled himself up and shifted over to the side where he scratched the back of his head. Should he be embarrassed or ashamed?

Darting his eyes back and forth to make sure that he wouldn’t look at her he asked, “Water? Do you want something to drink? I’ll get us something to drink.”

Being sure to move fast he shot up, slipped into his shoes messily, and walked out. He was nervous about what kind of expression was on her face, but he was even more nervous with himself. Clearing his throat he hurried down the stairs after resituating his shoes on and was out the door.

He needed to clear his mind.

That evening they ate dinner sunk in silence and when he stepped out of the shower Namjoo was already fast asleep, curled up on her side with her back to his side of the bed. Turning off the lights he turned toward the bed and adjusted the blanket over Namjoo before climbing in for some sleep.

#####

Darkness first appeared to her when the lights turned off and she felt Luhan shift into position beside her. For sure she’d felt that tension of intimacy when Luhan’s eyes glided over her. Even though her heart had palpitated, she felt uncomfortable. If they had kissed she didn’t know what else could have happened.

Back in the days when Mi Yun was still not born they would have kissed after bickering and teasing. Namjoo would shift closer to him and strangle his neck with her arms or they’d wrestle playfully in between and sometimes they made love. Back then it was still the norm.  

Now, she didn’t want to spend romantic days with him. She wanted no Luhan, no rekindling their passion, and none of his sincerity. Namjoo didn’t come here for that. To rebuild what they were wasn’t her goal and would never be.  

But she was growing nervous. If they started to get along really well, Namjoo was afraid Luhan would make her even more nervous.  

#####

“Should we call Mi Yun?” Luhan asked cheerily when he turned to see Namjoo sitting on the bed the next morning.

He watched her bite her lip and stare down at her phone as if hoping for a message or phone call from someone. Luhan couldn’t make sense of the picture. When he shifted toward her his feet rammed into her suitcase and jumped from the excruciating pain.

“What’d you do?” she wondered finally looking up at him.

“Agh!” he groaned falling against the wall as he clutched his toes. “Your suitcase…”

Namjoo’s eyes darted toward the suitcase then to him. There wasn’t even an ounce of concern relevant on her face.

“Were you listening to me?” he managed through gritted teeth.

“What did you say?”

Luhan felt like rolling his eyes, but the pain emanating from his toes was too powerful for him to just ignore it. Hopping to the bed he threw himself down and softly felt for his toes. It felt like they were bruising up from the hit. He could see hues of purple and blue swirl in his mind.

“It’s not that bad,” Namjoo commented from peering over his shoulder before sitting back on the bed. “Anyway, I’m going to head out later. Have lunch on your own.”

“Wait…” he quickly turned suddenly numb to the pain. “Where are you going?”

“I’m going to meet up with Sungjae. I have to apologize to him.”

Sungjae!? Sungjae again?

“Apologize about what? What should you apologize about? What is there to apologize about?” he shouted loudly, exaggeratedly.  

Namjoo slightly leaned back as if he’d become some sort of creature in front of her. Her brows intertwined while she silently judged him.

“Anyway, I’ll be back later.”

A moment of silence passed and he couldn’t find the correct words to roll off his tongue so that it might not make him look like he didn’t want her to go. However, fact was, he really didn’t want her to go. If he said it, they might argue.

A split second later Namjoo slid off the bed.

He swiveled around to watch her go through the door and bit his lip. What kind of date were they going to have this time?

#####

“My apology to you,” Namjoo handed Sungjae the coffee he favored and sat down beside him on the bench outside of the hotel.

“So what happened the other day?” he asked after taking a sip from the ice cold can.

“Just…something came up,” Namjoo excused still unable to talk to him about Luhan. It never crossed her mind about how he’d react if he knew she was a divorcee, but with her ex-husband at the moment. “Anyway, how was the trip? Did you ride an elephant?”

He smiled and nodded, “You missed out.”

Namjoo pressed her lips together and tried to withhold her disappointment. “I’ll make sure to go next time.”

He nodded enthusiastically and they sat in continued silence. As the wind wavered back and forth, her brain still recalled the favor she’d asked him for. Was it alright to go ahead with it or she should withdraw her decision? Besides, she’d only done it out of spite. Now that she and Luhan were on talking terms she wasn’t sure anymore.

They were both holding back from getting on each other’s nerves. Luhan was putting effort in it and she saw that. She, on the other hand, didn’t want to let him down either. After all, it wasn’t just the work of one person to make things right. Yet she was afraid of getting along too well with him.

“My manager hooked me up with some estate agents,” Sungjae spoke up as if having read her mind. “I heard the places they have are real nice and prices are negotiable. Are you still interested?”

She’d have wasted Sungjae’s efforts for her too. Then on the other hand, she did want out of that room. Waking up to feel Luhan combing his hand through her hair or adjusting the blanket over her weren’t quite the things she wanted to wake up to. It felt nice, but Namjoo didn’t want to feel nice.

Even if Luhan was ok with it, she wasn’t. She wasn’t ready; the hole in her heart wasn’t mended with bricks and stones yet.

“Yea.”

“Since I left their numbers and addresses inside, I’ll text you later, ok?”

#####

“I’m going in first,” Namjoo called tucking her towel around her arm.

After having Namjoo buy him dinner Luhan felt quite satisfied with having ordered her around. Observing her nonchalant face when she returned told him that she didn’t quite have so much fun with Sungjae as he’d expected her to. Her face majorly remained blank and she didn’t show resistance when he purposely gave her specific orders about how he wanted his dinner.

“Yea, go ahead,” he answered without turning around from the crossword he was trying to solve.

When the door closed he turned around wondering if Namjoo was angry at something else and was keeping it to herself. Or had something happened between her and Sungjae? Luhan frowned almost worried with the latter before Namjoo’s phone beeped.

His eyes shot toward the bathroom door and chewing on his lower lip got up to grab her phone.

“One of the real estate agents has apartments opened on Sukhumvit Road along the skytrain line. I have other appointments booked in the Silom and Sathorn region for you. Another one at Lang Suan is ready to meet us in the afternoon tomorrow. You know where the skytrain is, right? I’ll meet you outside by the street, but don’t go up the stairs. Same time at 8, ok? Have a good night, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Apartment? What apartment? What was the text talking about? What was Namjoo up to? With Sungjae? What was going on?

Questions filled his mind before he deleted the text without hesitance. When the message immediately disappeared he turned to stare at the suitcase lying on the ground. A flurry of unexplained emotions ranging from amused stupidity to solemn anger splashed through him.

Whatever was going on, he’d have to find out tomorrow. And if those apartments had something to do with Sungjae he’d wring her neck for sure.

While Namjoo slept peacefully that night he tossed and turned until he was left staring at the ceiling. His imagination was running wild. Scenarios of Namjoo and Sungjae moving into a place together raced around his head. And then she would knowingly smile at Sungjae brightly when he brought her flowers. Mi Yun, too, would like Sungjae when Namjoo introduced their daughter to him.

These outrageous thoughts made Luhan silently curse and grip his hand into a fist. At least he knew about it so he could prevent it from happening. Namjoo wasn’t leaving the hotel, he wouldn’t let her. It definitely wouldn’t happen.   

That next morning when he walked out of the bathroom after washing up he saw Namjoo looking through her phone. Probably expeting a message from Sungjae. Luhan snickered at the thought that he’d gotten to it first and felt a trivious smile light his face.

Pulling his drawer open he asked, “Do you know where you want to go for your birthday?”

She didn’t answer, so he turned to see that she was still immensely absorbed in her phone.

Annoyed he called, “Namjoo.”

“Oh…I don’t know,” she answered monotonously still not looking up from her phone.

He felt like saying something to her, but didn’t. Was she so eager for Sungjae’s message? What was it about that guy that Namjoo felt like he was the only one she could rely on?

“I’m going to be out on some business this morning,” he turned to look at her with a fresh shirt on. “You might have to get breakfast and lunch on your own.” 

“Is that so?” was all she asked.

He wished she’d be more curious. For about a minute he stood there looking at her stare at her phone before she finally turned to him.

“What?”

“Nothing,” he turned away. “I’ll be back.”

Morning traffic was severe that morning. The taxi he’d chosen had to brake roughly quite a few times before finally pulling over to the side of the road by the skytrain. When he got out the ground was rumbling signaling that the train had arrived for its passengers. A very narrow concrete staircase blockaded by a fence stood behind him and there were numerous people heading up.

Business and routine was so common Luhan kind of wished he also had one. Wake up, work, call home during lunch, and head home to his family. His life right now was barely that that just the thought of it made it sound nice.

Luhan turned away from the staircase and caught Sungjae through the corner of his eye. Luhan stared at the guy and wanted to snort. He saw Sungjae looking around for Namjoo and stopped near the foot of the staircase to check his watch. Before he might have the chance to call Namjoo Luhan walked toward him.

“Hi,” he coolly greeted.

Sungjae turned to stare at him surprised and confused.

“I’m Luhan,” he introduced himself, “we met before, remember? On the ferry, I was with Namjoo.”

He stared at Luhan for quite some time before finally smiling and nodded. “Oh…hi.”

Luhan formed a smile on his face, “Namjoo’s caught up in some business today, so she asked me to come out for her.”

“Really?” Sungjae asked after letting the thought process through his mind, but had no suspicion.

Luhan deeply nodded, “She said since we have the same taste, I can decide for her.”

“Then…should we go?” Sungjae asked.

The first apartment was very modern with a simplistic white door that Luhan knew Namjoo would adore. The creamy yellow walls inside were inviting and soft offering a peaceful feel. Luhan let his feet slide smoothly across the waxed wooden floor and bit his tongue. Namjoo would love this kind of place. If the price was just right, she’d take it on the spot.

Knowing these made him feel bitter.

While the estate agent conversed with Sungjae, Luhan wandered off into the bathroom and turned the water on. Even the water flowed out as smoothly as that wooden floor out there.

“So what do you think?” Sungjae walked to the door.

Luhan lifted his face up and turned around, “No. Namjoo wouldn’t like it. She hates yellow and,” Luhan stepped out of the bathroom and stomped his feet against the ground a few times, “the floor doesn’t seem sturdy. It looks expensive too.”

“But the agent said…”

“No,” Luhan immediately cut Sungjae off. “Just no.”

Shaking his head ignorantly he walked out of the flat.

“Nope, not it. Namjoo wouldn’t like this,” Luhan repeated every other time they visited the other available apartments. It was either the walls, the utilities, the dust in the apartment, the color of the place, or the sound proof doors that were the problem.

“Then,” Sungjae sighed after their last visit, “I guess I’ll talk to my manager about other available options.”

“I guess you will,” Luhan agreed with a nod of his head. “Namjoo’s quite picky. You can’t imagine ever living with her.”

Sungjae awkwardly smiled at his last comment before shaking it off, “Anyway, since it’s late, should we grab something to eat?”

“Uh…no,” Luhan readily rejected, “you go ahead. I have other errands to run.”

After watching Sungjae leave Luhan removed the smile from his face and quickly waved his arm out for a cab. Thank god it was over! He wasn’t sure he could withstand the company of that man. Every one of those apartments had hit the spot, but Namjoo wouldn’t get them. That crummy hotel they were in would have to do. Namjoo would just have to deal with it.        

Luhan found himself walking through the mall an hour later after filling his stomach and stopped by a dress outlet. He knew that if Namjoo wanted to go out on her birthday she’d want something to wear and he didn’t want her to have to borrow from anyone. Namjoo was worth more than someone else’s already worn dress.

Slowly moving along the aisles and finally pausing he pulled out a black dress with a V-cut. It was a little sparkly, but not too sparkly. As his eyes roved over the length of the dress he tried to imagine Namjoo in it. It didn’t show too much skin nor did it seem too tight fitting. The length of the dress wasn’t too short either and the bottom had a variety of space for movement.

She would like it; he knew she would like it. After checking the size he checked out and stopped in the shoe department. Carefully browsing the shoes on display he finally decided on a simple pair of heels and departed for Khao San Road before it’d get dark.

He remembered seeing a tourist information area somewhere. It was hard to forget the face she’d had on when talking about how she wanted to ride that elephant. Feeling guilty and bad, he felt like he wanted to make it up to her.

He spent literally an hour there consulting with the guide before finally paying for the trip and left. By the time he got into the cab he was dead beat unable to imagine how women were able to shop for so long. He wanted sleep and that was all he wanted.

Namjoo was rubbing her wet hair with a towel when he got back.

“You were gone for a really long time,” she commented turning his way when the door opened, “I didn’t know if you were dead or alive.” Then spotting the bag she asked, “You went shopping?”

Without word he held it out to her and watched her hand movements stop.

“What’s that?”

“It’s for you.”

Her expression softened somewhat and the towel dropped to her shoulders before she took the bag from him.

“If we were back in Korea I would have taken you and Mi Yun out for a meal, but this is all I can do,” Luhan said when she set the bag on the bed and took out the dress, unfolding it like a curtain.

Satisfaction and anxiety overwhelmed him as he awaited her reaction.   

“You didn’t have to…”

“There’s something else in there,” he was quick to cut her off.

She turned away with a roll of her eyes with a short laugh of unexpressed happiness and a smile.

That was it. She liked it. He knew she liked it and knowing that couldn’t have made him happier.

“I know they’re shoes,” Namjoo told before giving him a soft smile that lit her eyes up prettily and made his heart race. “Thank you.”

***Naughty Luhan! At least no argument...yet but gotta give him props for putting effort into everything!