#####

The day was going good. At least that was how it felt like once they got breakfast. The unintended getaway to Na’s seemed to help somewhat with his and Namjoo’s relationship. In a sense, it felt like they were able to get along in a much closer way than when they just stayed in the city. And he wanted it to continue.

Luhan returned to the apartment alone, first taking a seat on the bed with outstretched legs. Hearing that Sungjae had beat him to giving Namjoo the opportunity to go see the elephants made him feel even more weary of that guy. Now he couldn’t throw away the suspicion that Sungjae was after something Namjoo had. If he said anything though, he was sure Namjoo would only refute him.

With a small sigh he got up and pulled his top drawer open to stash the gun inside turning when the door open. There was no expression no Namjoo’s still face giving him no opportunity to evaluate whether her meeting with Sungjae had gone well or not. He couldn’t even tell if she was excited for those elephants or not. And childishly, he hoped she wasn’t excited at all.

While watching her he slowly pushed his drawer close. Namjoo first reached into her pocket to pull out her phone. It was very quiet, deathly quiet. Luhan didn’t regard the atmosphere as dainty or stiff. He was just curious about what was on her mind, how the talk had gone, and if she wanted to do anything. Nothing seemed wrong at all.

The sun was shining on his back and the windows had been well closed. If they were to talk about anything at all, not even a peep would be heard from the room. It was still so quiet and Namjoo hadn’t chosen to say anything, so Luhan first shifted toward her starting with a smile on his face to first talk. A beep sounded from her phone interrupting the moment of anxiety. He watched her eyes scroll through the message before she stepped up.

“Why don’t you have a look at it?” Namjoo asked tossing the phone onto the bed monotonously.

His eyes ran over her, half-curious about what she was talking about and half-worried about why she was allowing him permission to look at the message. At this point he wasn’t concerned about anything just yet.

Without hesitating he took three strides toward the bed and picked the phone up. It was from Sungjae. Luhan cautiously peered at Namjoo again only to see that she was strictly watching him with a thin straight line on her lips. This wasn’t any moment to be amused, but rather a time to prepare for the next lashing as Luhan realized it. Namjoo was angry and she wasn’t about to just give him the heat of it just yet.

One more look through the text showed him that they were the next addresses of the apartments to be looked at. 

“Can you remember the location of those places? You want to go out in my stead again? Is it fun? You like doing it, don’t you? It’s a lot of fun, isn’t it? Taking me as a joke and cutting into my business serves as a lot of joy, right?” Namjoo spat the questions out without stopping to take a breather.

He felt her grab the phone from him with a hideous glare.

“Kim Namjoo who has the heart of a bear?” Namjoo turned away to snort loudly then back to him. “What is that, a joke!? I’m just a fool, aren’t I? I’m a complete fool! Fine, step on me. Take over my life. Sit on the throne, why don’t you have my phone too?” There was an angry and loud puff. “I can never have enough of you; one good thing always leads to the worst. Is there something you want from me?”

What did she mean by that?

He was left there appalled when Namjoo began to turn to walk away with just a glare on her face. The first thought that occurred to him was that she couldn’t walk out that door. He’d apologize; they’d go through this even though he had no real explanation worthy of her forgiveness. He knew Namjoo would hold it against him, she wouldn’t listen, but he’d make her. One of his biggest mistakes that led to their fall was that he’d never tried to make her listen. 

Once Namjoo got angry to the extreme, he would too, and instead of trying to stop her he’d let her walk out and it was there that their anger never ceased. It built up instead and then the resentment came. They never talked anything out then.  

“Wait, Namjoo…” he called out, stepped forward, and grabbed her arm to turn her back around.

As expected, Namjoo put up a fight and tried to pry his hand off. To limit her movement he struggled to settle his hands on both her arms and finally managed to restrain her a minute later.

“I’m sorry,” he quickly let the apology fall through first, looking at the face despising him.

Namjoo’s face contorted somewhat sarcastically, “Your apology will fix it? Is that what you think? You had no right, Luhan! To take any chance I want from me!”

His lips slightly fell apart baffled with uncertainty of what to say next.

Namjoo tried to pry his hands off her arms again, “I can’t stand the sight of you right now. You’re not letting go?!”

Tightening his grip he slightly tugged her forward, “You can’t go with him. Why do you want to leave so bad? What about is so bad about me that you’d want to move in to some place with him? What’s so bad about me that makes you want to leave me again!?”

That contorted expression immediately disappeared from her face and her brows furrowed in a kind of worried, almost scared manner. Namjoo’s wrists twisted as if she was hesitating while her eyes kept trailing away then back to his repeatedly.

All of a sudden he wasn’t angry anymore. Luhan felt kind of sorry for saying what he’d last said. He hadn’t meant to say ‘again’, he just wanted her understanding.

Taking advantage of his loss of concentration, Namjoo immediately freed herself and fell a step back.

“Namjoo…” he stepped toward her, but she quickly backed away.

“Just…leave me alone,” was all she said before turning around to rush out the door.

At a loss, he took a step forward and stopped. For a long while his eyes hung on the door. He’d failed with trying to make her listen.

He was always getting her angry, but he couldn’t help but wonder if sometimes his past doings were what triggered the deeper of her emotions. However, he couldn’t know if Namjoo was still holding anything against him or if she beared a grudged against him, just like how he’d never know if she still had a soft spot for him.

If Namjoo stopped getting angry with him, he’d want to tell her he didn’t have any bad intentions when he tried to intervene. Luhan would tell her, he still wanted her happy. He just wanted her to stay at the hotel with him because, honestly, that was the only place where he could be with her. It was probably the last place for them to share.

#####

Namjoo needed some air. She couldn’t stay in that stuffed room with Luhan. All she could feel were his emotions clouding over and it was overwhelming her. She was still angry, she still wanted to be angry, but Luhan had done something to dispel it and it made her feel uncomfortable.

It had to do with the plead in his voice, on his face. It was all there – some kind of desperation and she could feel it. Namjoo didn’t like it. They weren’t the feelings she wanted projected from him. But she disliked it even more because of the fact that she knew it. She knew very well what he wanted and it was what she wanted to turn a blind eye to.

Either Luhan was panicking over her leaving him again or he just didn’t want her in another place by herself. Namjoo wanted it to be the latter.

In the truth of it all, she had left him first. And she wouldn’t know how Luhan felt about what had happened between them – if he was hurt or still troubled over it. She’d never asked, she’d never worried about it. The thought never came to her till now.

Namjoo didn’t want to believe that Luhan was still hurt over the divorce. They both made the decision after all when she said she wanted to leave. Of course, the new life didn’t come to her happily. She was miserable every part of the way, but Luhan never contacted her nor did he come by just for the heck of it. He never even stopped by with the excuse to see his daughter. Maybe that hurt her too, but Namjoo didn’t want to think of it anymore.

So many emotions and so much hurt had played a part of it all that it pained her to try to think back to it. And now her gut instincts were crushing her more than she needed. Luhan still wanted her, they told her. She didn’t want to listen, no. Her word had already been given to her mother that she’d never get back with him. Namjoo would keep her word on it.

Sitting down on a bench in the middle of the busy metropolitan city, Namjoo pulled out her phone. After a moment of hesitation she finally dialed the number of her closest friend. She needed to belt it out to someone before she might go crazy herself.

A few short rings sounded before Sungyeol answered.

“Hey, it’s me.”

“Namjoo? Is it really you?” He half-shouted into the phone. “I’ve been waiting for your call! Your mother told me you went to Bangkok to look for Luhan. You left so suddenly! Is something going on? Is he in trouble?”

A smile grew over her face and she slightly bent forward while running a hand to the back of her neck, “I found him.”

“Is that so?” Sungyeol seemed to breathe a sigh of relief. “That’s good. How is it over there? Is everything going well? Are you ok?”

“It’s going well despite the weather,” Namjoo replied calmly. “Sungyeol, if something bothers me, I should do what benefits me no matter if the other party gets hurt, right?”

There was a faint moment of silence, “Why? Is it about Luhan? Are you two on good terms? Or are you arguing again?”

“No,” Namjoo lied quite confidently.

“If you think it’s better for you, do it,” Sungyeol urged, “but if it’s something you’re doing to oppose your own feelings, don’t go there Namjoo.”

#####

Namjoo had been gone for a long time and he was starting to worry. Luhan tirelessly stood in front of the window with his eyes locked on the street. An hour flew by before the minutes started ticking again. Finally giving in to his restlessness he stepped out and found a payphone near the corner of the street.

His lips had gone dry also conscious of the fact that even if they’d been able to dodge Mario’s people for a few days, they weren’t always safe. Luhan peered around before struggling to memorize the phone number that belonged to Sungjae. After hugging the payphone booth for a mere three minutes he finally dialed the number he could only come up with.

Once the phone was picked up, Luhan immediately questioned, “Is this Sungjae?”

There was a long pause that made his heart race hoping he didn’t get the wrong number. He hated trying for a new number.

“Yes that’s me.”

Luhan let out a quick sigh of relief, “It’s me, Luhan.”

“Oh yes, hi!” Sungjae sounded a little chirpier this time around.

“Um…I’m just wondering if you met up with Namjoo or if she’s currently with you.”

“She’s not here,” Sungjae replied and Luhan felt like chewing on his own lip. He’d wasted his coins only to hear this person’s voice and yet Namjoo wasn’t there either.

“Sorry for bothering you,” was all Luhan said before hanging up and leaned against the pay phone with a long groan.

Retreating back to the ghostly hotel he remained by the window and when he finally tired again lay down on the bed with arms draped over his eyes. His thoughts ran forth playing out scenarios of how he’d talk to Namjoo when she returned. They would argue, he’d apologize again and try to explain himself if Namjoo listened, then they’d reconcile and everything would be good again. The other scenario was that Namjoo would give him the cold shoulder along with the silent treatment. There wouldn’t be a cold war this time around though, because he wouldn’t react angry to her anger. Luhan would make sense of it and somehow turn the situation around. Yet, these were just his mere thoughts of how he wanted their situation to be.

But he didn’t know Namjoo now; he couldn’t be sure that she still had the same persona as she’d had when they’d been married. And again, he worried over whether she had inclined to her mother’s influence about him being an awful person.  

Luhan remained like that for a long fraction of time before the door finally opened and he shot up to sit. He eagerly watched Namjoo halt in her footsteps for a second before sitting down on the chair by the table. All this she did without looking at him.

“Lets talk,” Namjoo started.

Luhan ran his eyes over her before moving over to the chair on the other side of the table. He’d listen so long as she stayed.

“Lets set some ground rules,” she suggested.

Warning himself not to speak he clenched his hands together anticipating what it was she wanted.

“First, lets not get into each other’s personal space; I don’t touch you, you don’t touch me,” Namjoo went on. “Second, lets not touch each other’s things in terms of respect. Third of all, lets focus on our first priority here; getting past Mario, find out why you’re being used as a scapegoat and who they think you killed. Lastly, our relationship is only that of comradeship. Lets keep our teamwork the way it is right now. I like it like this.”

There was an abrupt moment of silence. There was a gut feeling that Namjoo hadn’t finished what she wanted to let out. Luhan didn’t know if he was prepared to hear what was on her mind. Part of him felt like she was going to throw a surprise at him and the other part of him was already feeling crushed.

“I’ll apologize for getting angry earlier. For whatever reason it was that you did that; I guess it doesn’t matter anymore. I was really angry the night I talked to Sungjae about the apartments, but I didn’t really put much thought into it after,” Namjoo assured. “You don’t have to worry about me leaving, but Luhan, I didn’t come here to try to spark anything with you. I only want you to go back home to be Mi Yun’s father again. Lets just work hard so that we can leave this place.”

There was a short sting in his heart and the next couple of minutes were spent sitting in solemn silence.

Luhan didn’t want comradeship. He didn’t want a line between them, but he knew well Namjoo had said it to draw another barrier between them. She disliked him and she didn’t want to get close again, but she didn’t have to make it so direct. Being so straightforward about everything…hurt.

His mind didn’t clear. He very much ached with isolation that night. Turning to see Namjoo’s back facing him made the hurt all the greater. Luhan really wanted to look at her or at least touch her hair. Yet, through it all he wanted to respect her the most, so he ended up abiding to her first rule.

Would Namjoo have come for him if it weren’t for Mi Yun? If not, would Namjoo have just waited until he showed only to realize that he wouldn’t have made it at all?

Luhan thought about Namjoo waiting around for his show while feeding Mi Yun with lies about him. He thought now, that Namjoo wouldn’t have made an effort to search for him. She probably would have thought he was off somewhere on a job having forgotten about them again. All in all, Namjoo wouldn’t have come for him if Mi Yun had continuously spoken of him.

The realization of that stung him again.

Filled with grievances he turned away so that Namjoo was out of his sight and curled up on his side.

He could only wonder now if he might be able to step back into her life.

#####

Namjoo hadn’t been able to sleep well, she wasn’t sure why. For some reason it had been difficult to even wake up that morning. When she turned to see the empty spot beside her, she’d gotten up then.

She wasn’t sure what she’d expected from Luhan after telling him all that. To draw a line somewhere was where she’d been headed. Namjoo suddenly wondered if she’d been too mean. Besides she did all the talking and rarely gave Luhan an opportunity to say anything. Yet, if she did she was also afraid to hear something she didn’t want to hear.

Yes, it was better this way.

Luhan couldn’t be hurt in the long run anyway. Her words might hurt him now, but he’d forget it later; she was sure of it. There were plenty of women out there for him and many chances for a new marriage.

While getting dressed she discovered the note Luhan had left before heading out. Once she’d slipped her shoes on she left as well. There was no plan to have breakfast with him as of yet that morning, but they’d meet back at the hotel in the afternoon anyway.

Namjoo hesitated before deciding to leave Luhan a note in case he came back before she did. Feeling somewhat eased she met up with Sungjae near Khao San Road where he promised to take her around.

No matter what happened, she still wanted a normal night out on her birthday. Since she was in Bangkok she should take advantage of what the night life had to offer her. It’d be a regret leaving without having any personal enjoyment. And plus, she didn’t want to be strained by Mario and his people all the time. In another perspective Namjoo also wanted Luhan to enjoy himself.

Sungjae waved to her upon her arrival before leading her across a parking lot. They crossed the street before Sungjae pointed out one of the evening clubs to her.

“I heard a famous actor owns it,” Sungjae explained. “It’s totally safe, so don’t worry about anything. But why did you suddenly want to look at clubs?”

“It’s my birthday Monday,” Namjoo told with her eyes locked on the building currently closed for the day, “so I want to celebrate it with a night out; you know, casual fun. If you’re not busy, why don’t you come join me? It’s just going to be me and Luhan, you know him, right?”

There was a hint of recognition at the name in his eyes before he nodded, “Yea, I remember him. Are you two close? I mean, that is if you don’t mind me asking.”

Namjoo turned to look at him and her lips before turning away. With a nod of her head she said, “Mm…” 

***The birthday. Ah...the birthday. Look forward to it ^^

***;A; so busy with classes I can't really write and I have so much planned for this story