shouldn't i write on 'ray of sunshine'? yeah
shouldn't i finish my internship report? hell yeah
shouldn't i start writing on my 40-60 pages that are due in June? definitely!
-> small hiatus until i got my college life under control weeps.

but here i am lmao. another 17 pages long woogyu-oneshot that makes no sense at all. as everyone read breaking the silence (i think), you know how i mark sign language in my fics.

it's sort of canon, but sunggyu is not part of infinite hehe. he sort of is the grumpy older brother with an inspirit sister, who wants her woogyu ship to sail. enough spoilers. have fun and comment please! <3

PS: anyone else going bankrupt because of woollim's spam of releases? seriously STOP WOOLLIM.

XIX. I didn't sign up for this [Woogyu/Fluff - idol!hyun, grumpy!gyu]

‚Oppa, please.’ His sister signed frantically.

He shook his head and folded his arms. „I said no!“

Misun stomped her foot on the floor. ‘Just this once! Who knows when a chance like this will come up again! You have to help me!’

“I have to work, Sun-ah. And you should learn for your exams. Stop running after these idols.” Sunggyu saw the discussion as over and walked away.

She followed him into the living room and grabbed his arm, tugging on it to get his attention. He sighed and gave her a stern look. Sunggyu shrugged her hand off and plopped down on the couch. He stubbornly turned the TV on and kept his gaze on it, ignoring his younger sister moving her hands quickly. After a few minutes of fruitless signing, she gave up and stomped away. Sunggyu heaved a sigh. Misun had been bothering about it since the day before. Apparently, there was a fansign of the idol group she liked in their town next month and she really wanted to go. They were living in a small rural town, so it was rare for any celebrities to visit. He understood that very well, but Sunggyu couldn’t understand why Misun was so desperate to meet them.

He doubted those fancy, sparkling media puppets were all that great off the camera. Sunggyu didn’t want his sister to fall for their lies and fake characters. What if they were going to laugh at her disability? He just wanted to protect Misun from hurt. She was way too deep into this whole idol crap, crying for days when something bad happened or jumping around wildly whenever they won. Her room was full of posters (one of them was a creepy life-sized poster of their main vocal – Sunggyu hated the feeling of being watched by it whenever he entered Misun’s room), albums, DVDs and other merchandize. It was pretty creepy for him to go inside. He was really worried for her future. How was she going to get a boyfriend like this? She better not still be dreaming of dating her favorite member, who she liked to call Hyunie-oppa. As if that guy would ever date her! He already looked like some snobby playboy! Wasn’t it proof enough that he called all of their fans ‘girlfriends’? Shameless!

Sunggyu wasn’t really the right one to worry about her dating life, though. He was already turning 26 this year and in no relationship. His mother kept nagging him to find a bride already and start a family, although he had told her on several occasions that he did not want a bride. Sunggyu couldn’t get hard for a woman even if he blindfolded himself. He blamed his mother and father for that, because the young boy had had a very traumatizing childhood where he caught his parents in the act several times. Ever since that the sight of his mother…no. Sunggyu shuddered and shook his head. He could not see a woman without thinking of his mother and how she-

Unspeakable things.

Anyways, he may be single but at least Sunggyu was not hunting after some imaginary boygroup, who danced with unicorns under sparkly rainbows. He was a man! Men did not use makeup!

Sunggyu frowned when he heard loud music coming from his sister’s room. Why did he offer Misun to live with him again? Teenagers were such a trouble. “This kid!”

He stood up and made his way to her room. Sunggyu knocked on the door. “Kim Misun! Lower the volume of your music!”

She didn’t do that. Instead, she defiantly turned it louder. He tried opening the door but it was locked. “Yah! You’re mute and not deaf!”

Sunggyu frowned and knocked on the door again, a little louder this time. “Come on, Sun-ah. You’re almost 17. Stop acting like a 10-year-old. If you think this is going to change my mind, then you’re very wrong. I’m not going to the fansign with you. Open the door or I’m sending you back to mom’s house!”

The door was opened and he stumbled back when the full volume of the music hit him. He glared at his sister and pushed past her to turn it off. She stomped over to the bed and slumped down on it. ‘I hate you.’

He rolled his eyes. “I don’t think you do.”

His heart softened when Misun’s eyes filled with tears. Sunggyu sighed and took a seat next to her. He wrapped an arm around his sister and she sniffled. ‘True. I hate myself. I hate the fact that I can’t talk! I can’t even communicate with them on my own. Instead, I have to ask someone to come with me! I’m a useless waste of space.’

Silent tears rolled down her cheeks and Sunggyu wiped them away with a frown. “Don’t say that. No one thinks of you that way. You’re a wonderful person, Misun. Beautiful, charming, intelligent – aren’t you even nominated for an award at your school?”

Her lips twitched shortly. ‘I don’t think I’m going to win it. All the other kids are normal.’

“You are normal!”

Misun narrowed her eyes at him. ‘I’m mute! I can’t even do an acceptance speech.’

“So what? I’m sure they’ll have someone to translate for you if you win. Sun-ah, you’re still a normal girl, with or without voice. Although, with your level of intelligence, you might not be normal after all.” He gave her an encouraging smile and she hesitantly smiled back. “You’re amazing, okay? Mom used to cry when she saw my grades, but you’re her whole pride.”

‘I’d trade having a voice for good grades any second. Why was I born like this, oppa?’

Sunggyu rubbed her arm comfortingly. “I don’t know, Misun. If I could give you my voice, I’d do it.”

He truly meant those words. He had been 9 when his sister was born, barely able to understand the whole process behind it. The doctors told their mother that there had been complications, possibly because she was already over the ‘safe’ limit for woman to get pregnant. It was not unusual that children had birth defects when the mother was already too old. In Misun’s case her vocal cords had not developed properly. She was unable to make a sound with . Sunggyu had found his baby sister creepy in the past, because she had always been so quiet. Misun had been just like a puppet. But with time, he had understood what was wrong with her and that it wasn’t really ‘wrong’. She was just different and as her older brother, it was his duty to protect his little sister and support her. Sunggyu had learned sign language faster than his parents and had always looked after his sister the most. It was the main reason why they were so close now, almost like twins but 9 years apart.

‘Can you really not go to the fansign with me? Please!’

He groaned. “I have to work, you know that. And it would be weird for a man my age to go to there. I bet only teenage girls go to stuff like that.”

She puffed her cheeks. ‘They have male fans too! And the members are close to your age, so some fans are older too!’

“There are men listening to this cheesy pop stuff with sparkling unicorns?”

Misun narrowed her eyes at him and started hitting his arm. “Ouch! Yah, stop!”

‘I told you to stop it with the unicorns and sparkle stuff! They make proper music! Don’t judge them before listening to their songs!’ Like always when she talked about her beloved boygroup, her gaze was burning with a fiery fire. Sunggyu found it a little scary.

He huffed. “I doubt their music is my style. I’m not much into pop music.”

His sister stood up and went over to her shelf, grabbing seemingly random albums. (Sunggyu wondered why she even had several copies of one and the same album. Was that really necessary?) She went back to him and pressed the CDs into his hands. ‘Listen to them. Give them a chance.’

“If you think this will make me go with you…”

She lowered her head. ‘No, I understand. I’ll just ask a friend to give them a letter from me.’

Sunggyu didn’t have the heart to give the CDs back to her, so he kept them. He’d just give them back to her in one or two weeks. He stood up and ruffled her hair. “I’m sorry, okay? Oppa will buy you ice cream, how’s that?”

‘Okay!’ She smiled hesitantly. ‘Will you give the CDs a listen? Their music is really not that bad.’

He glanced at the albums in his hand. Infinite. Who even named their group like that? “Sure, but don’t expect me to fangirl over them later.”

‘You will fall for them soon enough!’ She smiled at the life-sized poster of that one guy that was stuck on her door.

Sunggyu rolled his eyes. There was no way he would fall for them! He didn’t even like that his sister declared her love for them so openly all the time. Sunggyu didn’t say anything, though. He had said it often enough. Those guys didn’t even know she existed. She was just one girl in a flock of fangirls and that poster guy would only break Misun’s heart. Sunggyu would be the one forced to comfort her for days or weeks when that dude comes out with dating news.

“I’ll stick to dating real persons, thank you.” She puffed her cheeks again in anger, but before she could sign anything, Sunggyu walked out of the room again. He knew better than to start a discussion with a hardcore fangirl.




In the end, he did listen to the CDs. Sunggyu usually listened to the radio on his way to work but they kept playing this one annoying song, so he put one of the CDs from his sister in. The songs weren’t all that bad, but maybe he’d just been lucky enough to grab the best album. Every band got lucky once or twice and brought out a good song. God knew who this boygroup had paid for the melody and the lyrics. Maybe they weren’t even the ones singing the song. Sunggyu scoffed. Fake. Idols were all fake. He’d never fall that damn trap of good-looking boys and girls fresh out of the surgery room.

The next days, he listened to the other albums too. Sunggyu was shocked when he found himself humming one of their songs while he was typing a boring report. He stopped in his movements and frowned. Then Sunggyu shook his head. So what if their songs were catchy? It didn’t change the fact that they were just Barbie dolls, which couldn’t sing or write their own songs!

When Misun asked him how he liked the albums after a week, Sunggyu confronted her with his thoughts. He should’ve known it would end in a (seemingly) never-ending speech about how great her idols were.

‘Oppa, they are not fake! They compose some of their songs by themselves and even write the lyrics!’

Sunggyu folded his arms. “That’s just what the company tells you. You are too blue-eyed.”

His sister looked about ready to tear his head off his shoulders. Sunggyu was sure that if she had a voice, she’d be screaming at him already. ‘I’ve followed them for years! It’s not like that. They are truly genuine. If you knew them, you wouldn’t say stuff like that.’

“You followed them through the Internet and TV! If you were my age and had seen how the business world worked, then you wouldn’t say stuff like that. It’s their job to look genuine and please the crowd. They want you to buy the albums after all.”

She threw her hands up in the air in an act of despair. ‘You don’t understand because you haven’t seen them on their shows or read the fanaccounts! And they do sing live!’

Sunggyu rolled his eyes. Why did she get so emotional over some boys she barely knew? And they were so much older than her! If any of them approached his baby sister, he’d castrate them. “Whatever. They’ll probably breakup soon anyways.”

‘I hate you, oppa!’ Misun ran away with teary eyes. Teenage girls…so emotional. Does she have her period?




That evening, he searched the group on Google for the first time. There were a lot of articles and YouTube links. They even had their own Wikipedia entry. Sunggyu clicked the hyperlink with a bored face and read through it. There were six members and apparently all of them sang and danced. Six were so many. They were all close to him in age, the eldest being one year younger than him. He wanted to rant about them abandoning school and being uneducated fools without a real future after their idol career ended, but Sunggyu found out that all of them had properly graduated from school and some of them were studying in college or already done with that. He had to admit that making your degree while living the idol life seemed pretty stressful.

By the time it was time to sleep for Sunggyu, he knew a lot more about Infinite compared to before. They had debuted four years ago from a small company. Apparently, their CEO even had to sell his house to afford the first release and MV. They only got their first win last year with a song called ‘Chaser’. One of the songs Sunggyu had liked quite a lot, although he might not want to admit it openly. From that point on last year, their popularity had risen and now they seemed to be doing well for an idol group. Sunggyu even watched some of their MVs and live performances, stubbornly grinding his teeth because damn they could dance and they did sing live. He was so deep in refusal that Sunggyu wasted hours on watching MR removed performances, just so that he might be able to find something to pick on. There wasn’t anything, though. All of them sang live and Sunggyu had to admit they were good. He could understand why girls would go all wild over them.

Despite everything, he didn’t become a fan. Sunggyu just changed his opinion a bit, admitting that they were not just sparkle and unicorn, not fake and unskilled. He still didn’t think much of idol fanservice and the way they deluded girls into thinking they mattered, but they were good at what they were doing for a living. Their music was a bit different from the usual Kpop stuff. Sunggyu also had to admit that all of them were quite handsome. Since he was into men, he had no trouble admitting that, but he would never fall for any of them. What good were looks when you didn’t know the real personality behind them? People in the ‘real’ world were already wearing masks and hiding their true selves – then how could he believe some dudes on TV, who needed the fan’s love to make money and survive?




Sunggyu pushed the group’s name and music into a dark corner of his mind soon enough. He went back to listening to his usual music or the radio, concentrating on his work again and forgetting about the fansign. At least he forgot about it until he found something in Misun’s trash bin when he cleaned the apartment. Sunggyu pulled the two tickets out with a frown and read what was written on them. “Infinite fansign...12th June, 3pm. Once in a life chance to see your idols from up close and talk to them.”

“Are those from Misun?” He muttered. The tickets had obviously been crumbled in a rage and thrown into the trash. June 12th was next Wednesday. Sunggyu sighed. Why did he feel bad just looking at them? Maybe because he could just imagine the face his sister had made when she threw them away. The fansign had meant a lot to her.

He turned the tickets around. On the back it said ‘Only 50 lucky fans will get the chance to see Infinite!’. Sunggyu wondered how hard it must have been to get the 2 tickets. Had they been randomly put into an album or did Misun have to buy them? He had no idea but 50 seemed like a very small number when compared to the size of their fanbase. Fans would probably kill for those tickets.

Sunggyu moved to put them in the trash again but he hesitated. With a sigh, he put the two tickets in his back pocket and brought the trash bag outside. “Aish...this girl.”




Misun came back later that evening, not even greeting him in the living room and instead heading straight for her room. Sunggyu heard the door slam shut and he frowned. He had told her often enough not to slam the doors like that, even if she was mad over something! He thought about going to her room to ask what was wrong, but the door opened again and she came back, almost running the small distance. Misun entered the living room with an expression that was a mix of fear and despair.

‘Oppa, did you empty my trash bin?’

“Yes, you know that I always bring the trash out on Friday. Misun, what’s- hey!” She left while he was speaking, running off to the front door. Sunggyu stood up and followed after her. “What are you doing?”

She shook her head and slipped out of the apartment. He put his shoes on and followed her downstairs. Misun went to the corner where all of the tenants put their trash bags. Sunggyu stopped in his tracks and observed her as she started looking for their trash. She seemed desperate to find something. Something important. Sunggyu remembered the tickets in his back pocket. He scratched his head and walked over to her with a sigh. He grabbed her arm and pulled her away from the trash bag she had been close to tearing open.

“Stop it, Sun-ah.”

She tried to free her arm and glared at him when his grip didn’t loosen. ‘Let me go, idiot!’

“What will people think when they see you searching through the trash?”

‘It’s none of their business! Why did you throw the trash out?!’

Sunggyu rolled his eyes. “Why did you throw the tickets away if you were just going to dig through the trash for them now?”

‘You don’t understand-‘ Her eyes widened in realization and she stopped struggling.

He pulled the ticket out and gave them to her. Misun stared at them and then she broke out into tears. She snatched them from his hands and sank on her knees, weeping silently. Sunggyu thought it was a bit of an exaggerate expression of happiness but it seemed genuine. He looked around and saw one of their neighbors looking at them with furrowed eyebrows.

“Come on, stand up, Misun. People are going to think I’m throwing you out or so.”

She nodded and sniffled. ‘Thank you.’

“Next time think harder before you throw something away. You worked hard for them, didn’t you? It said only 50 people can go.”

Misun stood up again and wiped her eyes. She shrugged. ‘It doesn’t matter anymore. I can’t go. I found someone who wants to buy the tickets. At least someone will see them in my stead.’

His sister pushed past him with a bitter smile and walked back up the stairs to their apartment. Sunggyu sighed as he watched her slumped shoulders. He had forgotten about the fansign maybe, but Misun hadn’t. She obviously still wanted to go. Sunggyu doubted that she had been so frantic to find them because someone else wanted to buy them. He put the trash bag back in its place and followed after her with heavy steps.

Sunggyu found Misun in her room. She was sitting at her desk with her headphones on and he could see that she was watching videos. He sneaked closer and recognized the people singing and dancing. Misun didn’t notice him and continued to watch the performance, silently mouthing the words and nodding her head to the music. Sunggyu knew that if she had a voice, she would be singing along right now. He felt a sting in his chest. It was unfair, really, the fact that his sister couldn’t speak. He knew it was hard for her to express her feelings to other people, especially when they were unable to read sign language. And even then signs and written words sometimes did not carry the same emotion as spoke words. But even without her singing along loudly, Sunggyu could tell that she knew all the lyrics and she loved the music. Was it wrong of her to be that dedicated to her hobby? Sunggyu knew that music had sometimes helped him when life got hard, so maybe this too was a big support for her in life.

He ruffled his hair and stepped closer, pulling the headphones from her ear. She looked up at him in surprise and Sunggyu saw the wet traces of tears along her cheeks. Sunggyu wiped them away. “I still have some overtime that I can use up. Just this once, okay? And I’m not translating any embarrassing stuff.”

Misun just stared at him, seemingly frozen. He patted her head and walked away again with a light smile. Sunggyu just couldn’t say no to his sister when she was sad like that. He was no fan of her loving those guys, but maybe she’d concentrate harder on her studies afterwards and maybe even realize what a foolish dream it had been. It was just for a few hours, he told himself. He’d endure it, say for her whatever she wanted to express and then go home again with a clear conscience.

Sunggyu went to the kitchen to cook dinner for them. Their mother would probably be disappointed in him for giving in to his younger sister, but she was not here anyways. She didn’t have to know. Sunggyu was in the middle of cutting carrots when two arms were wrapped around his torso. He stopped cutting momentarily and smiled.

“You owe me something. And don’t mention it to mother. She’d have my head.” He said and he felt an energetic nod from the head that was resting against his back. Her arms tightened around him. “Yah, stop crying. Aren’t you happy?”

Sunggyu didn’t have to see her face to know that she was crying again. Just like he didn’t need words from he to know how happy and grateful she was. Knowing that she was happy made Sunggyu feel like he had made the right decision. He was still against her loving those idol guys, but he could not handle seeing his sister that sad any longer. She had it hard enough with her disability.

“Come on, let go of me and let me prepare dinner in peace.”

She did as told but didn’t step from his side. Misun tugged on his arm and he looked at her. ‘Let me help you, oppa.’

“No, go and study. Or do your homework. I’m not taking you if you neglect your studies.”

His sister pursed her lips but she nodded. Misun suddenly leaned forward and pressed a kiss to his cheek. ‘Thank you! I’ll forever be indebted to you! You’re the best brother.’

“I hope you still remember that after the fansign.” He muttered as she ran out of the kitchen while dancing happily. Just for a few hours. It can’t possibly be that bad.




Clearly, he had underestimated fangirls and their dedication towards their favorite idols. Although only 50 tickets had been given away for the fansign, the street in front of the little hall was filled with people. Sunggyu followed close after his sister as she navigated through the sea of fans. There were mainly girls around Misun’s age around, some older or younger and some boys even. They either had signs in their hands or big cameras that Sunggyu thought must have cost a fortune. It was loud. Very loud. So much that he was close to just turning around and walking away again. Did they have to scream so much when their oppas were not even in sight? So annoying!

Sunggyu huffed. ”I didn’t know so many people even lived in our town.”

His sister stopped for a moment to turn around and sign him something. ‘Stop exaggerating, oppa. And most of the fans followed them here from Seoul.’

“Stalkers. Nice.” Some girl with a camera glared at him and he sent her a ‘Got a problem?’ look.

‘They are not stalkers, well, most of them.’

They finally made it into the hall after showing the security their tickets. Sunggyu felt like hiding in a hole because there were fangirls taking pictures everywhere and he sure as hell didn’t want to be on the internet somewhere as a fanboy. He was almost 26 damn it!

The atmosphere inside the little hall was much calmer. There were chairs left and right, which were mostly occupied by now. Sunggyu could see a little stage with a long table and six chairs, obviously meant for the idols. Misun went ahead and snatched them two seats in the fifth row. Sunggyu sat down next to her under the burning gazes of the other girls. There was only one other male present and he seemed to be hardly over 15. Sunggyu could feel thee girls staring holes into his head.

Some people sat down behind them. A hand poked his shoulder. “Ahjussi-“

He frowned and turned his head around. “What?”

“Can you sit somewhere else? I can’t see anything.” The girl complained.

Heck, he wasn’t even that tall! “No, I can’t. How about you just come a little earlier next time to choose a better seat? I’m not that old by the way. I doubt you call those Infinite guys ahjussis!”

His reply earned him an elbow from Misun. She sent him a silent glare to behave. He scoffed and folded his arms. It was not his fault that girl had no respect for people older than her! He wasn’t even that much older than her beloved oppas. Sunggyu pursed his lips and sank a little into his seat to be at least a bit smaller. Misun nodded next to him and then screams were loud when there was movement on the stage. A guy – the manager? – stepped out first and raised his hands.

“Please put away your phones and cameras. There are no pictures allowed. You also can’t take bags to the stage with you. Take whatever presents, letters or albums you have into your hand and keep them ready for examination. You may hold hands but don’t force anything further or we might have to force you to leave.” He started to explain the rules.

Sunggyu huffed quietly and leaned over to his sister to whisper to her. “These fansigns have quite a lot of rules.”

She raised a finger to her lips, urging him to be quiet. Sunggyu rolled his eyes and brought his attention back to the manager. “We will start with the first row and then the second and so on. If there is still time, we can do a little Q&A afterwards. Maybe you can even take a picture with them.”

The girls screamed excitedly at that and even Misun seemed to burst with excitement next to him. “What’s a Q&A?”

She kept her hands low on her lap as she signed, probably wanting to hide her disability from the girls nearby. ‘We can ask them questions.’

“Ah, okay.” He muttered in reply, not really interested in asking them anything or taking pictures.

The room became loud suddenly, full of screaming and desperate calls, when the idols stepped out onto the stage. They were wearing relatively normal clothing. No special, colorful costumes. But Sunggyu pursed his lips because most of it seemed to be from expensive brands. Idols apparently made a lot of money. They smiled at the crowd and some of them waved back to the fans, while others seemed to be too tired to do so. A hand grabbed his forearm and Sunggyu felt Misun’s nails digging into his arm. Her eyes were literally glued to that dude she also had stuck to her door. What was his name again?

“1...2...3...Hello! We are Infinite!” The boys greeted the fans in synch and gave them a quick bow. At least they were respectful.

The girls screamed again and Sunggyu groaned quietly. He was close to stuffing his fingers in his ear but Misun was holding on to his left arm and he might get weird looks for it. One of the six guys grabbed his microphone. By the name on the little sign in front of him, his name was Dongwoo. Sunggyu vaguely remembered he was the leader and rapper of the group.

“Hello guys. It’s nice to see all of you up close. It’s the first time we have come to this town. Are you happy?”

Sunggyu cringed when the crowd screamed in reply. He could imagine Misun wanted to scream too, but she settled for cutting his arm off from any blood supply. “Yah, that hurts!”

She loosened her grip a bit but didn’t spare him a look. “Haha, okay. I’m sure our manager has explained most of the rules already, so please respect and follow them. If you’re good, we will have some time to answer questions or take pictures.”

The replies were getting predictable, Sunggyu thought. He felt like the fans were somewhat like dogs. Offer them a treat and they’ll behave well to get it. The guy that was sitting in the middle of the table started throwing hearts, while the leader kept talking about something. Sunggyu was too distracted to listen, though. What was wrong with that guy? He was making hearts with his arms, hands and fingers, basically everything at his disposal. The girls squealed in excitement while Sunggyu gagged. What was wrong with that guy? And he calls himself a man! Oh wait,