Act 2

I'm a genius, ok? A genius! (And I AM handsome too, but this is a topic I will talk about later).

I found the perfect place where I can hide my precious diary. I swear nobody will ever, ever, guess where it is; it's so brilliant that even I am surprised (Minseok hyung... under my mattress? C'mon. You are insulting me).

Anyway, we travelled around China to record some variety shows and we finally came back to our dorm tired but satisfied. They are finally starting to air some of our interviews, which we watch in unison with the Korean members. You might ask, "How?" It's simple: we videocall through pc and we explain what we are saying even though most of the time they only stare at our faces. Currently, Chanyeol is laughing his off because he says my sleepy face is funny. I swear; when his interview airs I will to death (and no, I'm not internally happy that his laugh diverts the attention from the fact that we were awfully stiff and awkward). Anyway, now I’m hiding in my room (Wu fan ge is preparing ramen to Zitao—I'll explain this later) to use this free time to update my diary before Junmyeon hyung's call. I don't now if Minseok hyung told him that we are struggling a bit or it was only his sixth sense of best friend and that's why he want to talk to me. I can't help but smile even though my smile isn't even nearly as wide as Xing Xing ge's smile. We visited Changsha and now I'm going to tell you what happened.

You know, one of the coolest things about living in China with the Chinese members is that the strict rules of Dongsaeng-hyung don't really apply. Yes, we respect each other and are polite towards our elders but here in Exo M despite being the youngest after Tao I don't have any particular duties. Here nobody gives a damn about who does what, so we decide democratically: it’s all a matter of luck. I was so happy. Unfortunately, it came out that I really in games based on luck. I always end up losing and doing most of the chores. Normally I would boss around the two maknaes (I really enjoy messing around with Jongin—yes I know I'm evil) but here the maknae is Zitao, and I would think twice before messing with Zitao. He's a giant kid but he's still giant and when he stares at you with his charming deathly aura it is f**king terrifying. The fact that he goes all aegyo and cutesy on Wu fan ge to ask favours is even more unsettling. XingXing ge told me that I have to relax with Zitao but it's hard for me; I don't know how to be behave in front of him due to his twisted personality. My fanboying over him doesn't help. I'm really satisfied with my appearance (again I AM handsome) but if I ever wanted to change I would choose to be Huang Zitao, not godly-looking Wu Fan ge or beautiful Luhan but charming and cool Zitao.

Anyway, at least my bad luck is not totally bad, because Xing ge stays with me most of the time and helps me with the chores, and being able to bond with him makes me happy. I said I would change my appearance with Zitao's, but I would trade that just for being able to dance like Xing ge does. He's different from Jongin: Jongin is a wave, but Xing ge is rhythm.

“Zhong da how is your Chinese coming along?” he asked me in Chinese. He and the others lately tried to talk in Chinese only to get Minseok hyung and I used to the language. It's hard because most of the time I stare at them cluelessly, but we are slowly getting better. At least short sentences are not a problem now.

“Hen hao, ge,” I replied. He smiled his dimpled smile. Yes. In my previous life I was probably a groupie.

“I'm glad. I know how is hard to live in a new country where everyone is speaking a foreign language so feel free to ask me whatever you want.”

I think I never felt so guilty before, because Xing ge really is too kind. My mind wandered to that brief time when we were roomates; we did well but, honestly, we didn't really match because Xing ge's Korean wasn't the greatest and I was too absorbed in filling the gap with the others to try and offer him my help with the language. But nothing of that was reflected on his face, he was genuinely concerned about Minseok hyung and I—I couldn't help but smile. I was afraid to not being able to go on without Junmyeon hyung being with me, Junmyeon who was there everytime I felt discouraged. But here they are all helping me. Minseok hyung who takes care of me like a mother, Wu Fan ge who teaches me new words, Luhan ge telling me Chinese jokes, and Xing ge showering me with his concern. Even Zitao, despite our awkward relationship, showed his concern. I think getting closer to Wu Fan ge helped a lot, since those two spend an awful lot of time together, and somehow as ge's roomate I ended up speding time with Zitao too (the latter always comes to our room for his daily dose of Duizhang).

“Thank you ge. Anyway... aren't you happy that tomorrow we are going to your home town?”

“You have no idea Zhong da!” He said, linking arms with me and leading us towards our rooms. As I said before I really like skinship even though I would never say it aloud. Xing ge's touch is kind and delicate, so different from Chanyeol’s rushed hugs and Baekhyun’s harsh pats. Its' a sensation that I feel only with Junmyeon hyung. I’m so happy I can continue experiencing that even while I am in China. I didn't expect that.

The next day we woke up insanely early to catch the flight. Minseok hyung woke us up. I will never know which hour he gets up at and sometimes I even used to suspect that he goes to bed still dressed (Chanyeol and I even checked—he doesn’t). Wu Fan ge was taciturn and grumpy, growling orders left and right. Luhan ge was checking to make sure that an overly excited and hyper Yixing wasn't forgetting anything (he nearly forgot his passport), and Zitao was back-hugging Minseok hyung like his life depended on it. (In other words, he was sleeping on him.)

“This kid,” Wu Fan ge sighed, removing Zitao from Minseok hyung and circling his waist with an arm. Zitao rested his weight on him. Black and blonde, so close together, was kind of cute. Somehow we managed to get in the van and reach the airport. Once in the airport we forced ourselves to act normal. Even Zitao forced himself to stay awake until we reached the airplane (while he would probably have attached himself to one of his hyungs otherwise). Luhan ge was starting to divert his bubbly personality’s effects from Xing ge, Minseok hyung and I. Can I spend a word over Luhan ge right here? Okay. He's a genius—even more so than I (or maybe he's evil; who knows?) Since we arrived in China he started calling Minseok baozi, which means bun. Nobody messes with Minseok hyung and nobody dares to call him with a nickname. let alone with one related to his weight. His chubby cheeks were a sensitive topic, like every comment referring to how cute they look. Luhan ge did. And the totally freaking thing was that Minseok hyung let him. I'm starting to suspect that all this bonding through football is suspicious. Anyway, when I tried to call him baozi he didn't murder me only because Wu Fan ge was there and he too called him like that. And besides, if Zitao, the maknae, could, why couldn't I? In the end he had to give up, but not before grunting, “I'm afraid that too much freedom will make your education roll down the hill.”

“Hyung you are talking like I' m a dog or something.”

“It would be better.”

“Hyung!”

“Junmyeon pampered you too much and you spent all your time with the two beagles. How can it be healthy for you? I care for you Chen Chen. You are already crazy enough by yourself without the others helping you.”

I really didn't know how to reply, because first he teased me with the “Chen Chen,” and second his words were kind of creepy. I didn't know if I had to feel offended or touched.

Anyway, once on the plane we drifted to sleep again. But before going to dream world, using Minseok hyung’s shoulder as a pillow, I noticed the two giants already asleep. I took a photo because they were too freakishly cute (and for future blackmailing. Who knows—it may come in handy!)

Anyway once we landed there was a huge crowd waiting for us. I think I will never get accustomed to the enthusiasm and the cheers. Back then, more than fame, what I really wanted was to sing and make a living out of that. Of course, being a singer, an idol, is not a private affair, but it's still hard to get used to. I hope never to get use to this feeling and to always be charmed by my fans.

We walked carefully and quickly towards the van that was waiting for us. Xing ge stopped a few times to wave at the fans with a giant smile plastered on his face and a gaze that was oddly glossy. He was at home. He didn't cry, nonetheless, but kept waving and bowing. I came to his rescue because we had a tight schedule. I think it was the first time the fan chants were more for Yixing than for Luhan. Once we arrived at the hotel, we immediately went to grab our luggage, dragging them heavily into the hall. But then I felt a gust of wind passing by me; someone rushing past—and before I could realize what was happening Xing ge was crashing into his mother, who was waiting for him in the hall, for a hug. We all exchanged smiles, happy for him but also thinking of our own families. Being an idol isn't all stars and rainbows; we miss our family and in our case we can all say we passed through the experience of homesickness. Minseok and I are right now, while the others when we were in Korea even though even now it's not like the others can wander around China and meet their family, especially Zitao who is from Qingdao (maybe this is why Wu Fan takes care of him so much). We went to greet Xing ge's mother who smiled kindly at us (she had his smile, or perhaps I should say he has her smile). After politely greeting each other we left Xing ge to enjoy a bit of time with his family. Luhan ge grabbed his luggage while we all grabbed our keys and went towards our hotel room. I was paired with Minseok, which I was grateful because Wu Fan ge is great but I kind of missed the late night conversations with hyung. Yes, I know I complain a lot about him but it's obvious that I like him. He nags, but he's also there to watch my steps. We are here together and he is struggling too, even though he would never admit it to me because he's my hyung and I'm his dongsaeng. However, I know he is having his hard time like me. Junmyeon hyung says that my voice manages to make him feel at ease and he often asked me to sing for him. But if it were me, I would always listen to Minseok hyung's voice. I told him once, but he just laughed shyly. Even though he plays the role of big brother, sometimes he should let the others take care of him. I had to admit that deep down, beyond my jealousy, I'm happy that he bonded with Luhan ge. We are Korean, so Minseok hyung will never relay on me like chingus do, but Luhan ge is the same age as him: I really hope hyung has opened up to him. But judging that he lets Luhan ge mess with him, I'm kind of positive that he has.

Luckily, manager hyung gave us a couple of hours to rest before dragging us to the studio for a rehearsal. Most of the members opted for some sleep; as for me I explored the hotel, because I'm a curious person (and because I wanted to find the pool and possibly go in). After the short free time we gathered for lunch, Xing ge making his appearance again.

“I told mama to bring some Changshanese food for us tomorrow,” he announced to us causing a general cheer, even though no one was happier than Zitao the eating machine.

After lunch we went to the studio where we met the staff and the MCs who were really kind to us. Somehow, Xing ge seemed to know them and it was then when I remembered that he was a child star in Hunan. I asked myself how it felt for Xing ge to come back to the place where his career began. We rehearsed until it was perfect and discussed our script with the staff. Then, finally, manager hyung brought us back to our hotel where we dragged ourselves towards our rooms (but not after a satisfying dinner). We decided to gather in Wu Fan ge and Zitao's room to spend some time together before going to sleep. I was the first one to arrive and so I was delighted by the sight of the two of them freshly showered and wearing a bathrobe. I asked myself why I always seemed to walk in a room and take part in some strange routine. Suddenly the rumor that Zitao needed company while showering didn’t seem so ridiculous. I have to ask Minseok hyung (as his roommate he has to know! I'm curious ok?)

The next day we got up early again. We were dragged at the studio while noonas started to take care of us. I'm not particularly fond of make up (hey I was handsome even before, kekeke) but well, now I'm an idol so I have to respect the rules. Still, looking at Wu fan ge's perfect face, I think it’s like adding a marshmallow to hot chocolate: of course then the female staff would stare at him like he was a prince from a manhwa. I checked the other members and my stare focused on Xing ge. He seemed totally at ease, talking with the staff and making jokes in somewhat odd Chinese. I noticed at the hotel but kept quiet about it. Now I knew that something was different. XingXing ge's Chinese sounded different. Being the curious creature I was, once the noona finished with my make up and hair, I approached him.

“Ge, can I ask you something?”

“Sure!”

“I noticed your Chinese sounds funny, are you talking some dialect or…”

He laughed before I even finished.

“You sure have a good hearing Zhong da! Yes, I was speaking in the Changshanese dialect.”

“Ah.....hey how do you say my stage name in Changshanese, ge?”

But before he could answer manger hyung came to check, asking us if the script was clear for all of us. Since I had some doubts I had to excuse myself and use the opportunity to ask for more tips. It was our first variety program so I was kind of nervous.

We started with our performance of Mama, the public cheering and chanting. The MCs spoke really fast but our translator was there to help us. It was really funny and they teased Zitao to no end and for the first time I didn't see him like a wushu killer who used aegyo as a weapon but like a cute 19 year old kid. I wanted to pat his head, seriously.

Then it happened. The ugly meter.

I had to write here in my diary that is one of the most sacred thing that I totally disagree with the result: I'M HANDSOME. Period.

I was so happy to be able to beat Luhan ge, but then that evil machine gave him a zero and 10 to me. Stupid machine! Anyway, after the blasphemy, it was the time to show our abilities. Of course I sang. And, guys, I was so touched. When I sang everyone sang with me. It was beautiful. And I couldn't help but smile and thank them from deepest of my heart even though xiexie will never be enough. After my turn came the best part of the show, because bossy Minseok hyung did poses, acting the role of the cute baozi. Cute baozi my !

Everyone in the world, please believe me: he’s A DICTATOR, he’s A NEAT FREAK and MY DISCIPLINER. He's NOT cute. He doesn't do cute things. Don't get fooled by his baby face. That guy is a monster (and can kick like one. My leg still remembers).

After Minseok hyung's show followed the even more freaky show of Luhan ge who, despite complaining of being always asked to do aegyo, did just that. Luhan ge. The tamer of the beast (known as Sehun the evil maknae: he seems shy on the screen and with Luhan ge, but left on his own he is evil. And poor Jongin is always dragged in to the mess). I was shocked. I knew they commented on doing that but I thought they were joking. Silly me. Well, believe me, but it got even creepier because Wu Fan ge, the grumpy leader, acted like the diva Xing ge accused him of being. He did a cat-walk that caused probably half of the female population to faint. Luckily, Zitao stayed in his character and did his wushu making my inner fanboy squeal (hey I can't help it, martial arts are so cool!).

After the last game we finally finished. Wu Fan ge got exploited when he promised to give a reward to Zitao. I don't know why but the image of the two of them in bathrobe crossed my mind. (Gosh Jongdae you are starting to imagine things). Anyway, we gathered together back stage where the complete Zhang family greeted us and his mum gave us the Changshanese food. I love Yixing ge’s mum. I love that woman. The food was awesome!

Xing ge talked a bit with his family while we rested on the chairs and couches backstage. Unfortunately we couldn't stay in Changsha so that was the only time he could spend with them. Again, my mind travelled all the way to Korea where my family is. Once we finished, manager hyung came to collect us and Xing ge came off as a bit flustered. Luhan ge patted him kindly on the back but Xing ge shrugged because he wanted to stay strong. I think he felt guilty to feel down when he had at least  the chance to meet his family. So he obediently followed the manager and us but suddenly I felt an arm land on my shoulders, the delicacy of touch I started to associate to Xing Xing ge.

“It's Tsèn,” he said to me.

“What?” I didn't have a clue as to what he meant because with Xing ge you never know which conversation he may be referring to.

“You asked me how to say Chen in Changshanese.”

I blinked in realization. Ah. He remembered. People say I tend to blabber nonsensical things and I'm used to people who ignore my questions but Xing ge always listens. And he listened even to my silly question.

“Can you repeat it please?” I asked him, suddenly giddy.

“Tsèn.”

“Tsèn!”

“Yes like that!”

“Tsèn, Tsèn, Tsèn! Hey guys! Wo shi Tsèn!”

Of course the rest of the members stared at me like I was insane. Minseok hyung shook his head in utter despair. Xing Xing ge laughed, his teary gaze, that I noticed even though he tried to hide it, completely gone.
 

The next day two people (I’m pretty sure you know who) called me.

“Tsèn Tsèn annyeong!”

I couldn't careless. I made XingXing ge laugh, so it's ok.

P.S.: Thank God Wu Fan ge's reward consisted of cooking Zitao a bowl of ramen and not in something else (I don't want to know!). Zitao didn't seem pleased but he still prohibited us from tasting it! So cute!

any comment? <3