Act.9

Shisus.

I nearly fainted. You dream of that stage for years and in second you are on top of the world.

As always when I'm too excited and words fail me!

Anyway what to say? It was the best night ever and I hope TO have more in the future!

Ok ok I'll stop this delirium and just update

Lushiferrrrr!

Of course we knew we were nominated. When manager hyung informed us of it, Junmyeon hyung nearly fell from the chair. They say that coming from a big company is success guaranteed even without working, bull because we worked to exhaustion, all of us. However we didn't win on music broadcast, neither we topped charts, so somehow some of us got afraid. I was sure of it all along but convincing grand pa Junmyeon is not an easy task, believe me. Hyung can be so stubborn.

That's why Junmyeon hyung and Yifan ge breathed a sigh of relief only when it was announced that we were actually going to be at the awards ceremony. As soon as it was announced our dongsaengs didn't waste time in organizing imaginary trips, Zitao and Sehun discussing which Chinese dish to eat, no matter how many times Yifan ge told them they wouldn't have had time. Yixing ge just said to let them dream. Yifan ge shook his head because he just knew Zitao would have probably convince him to treat him some food despite the late hour. I giggled at the thought.

“Do you really think we'll get the trophy?” Jongin asked Kyungsoo.

“ At least we'll have a great performance not many group can achieve that”

Answered Kyungsoo unable to lie even in moments like that. Jongin nodded nonetheless, because there was nothing he appreciated more than honesty, and Kyungsoo was a blunt person.

Deep down we were all nervous. Before I used t think the biggest problem would be début and that everything, after doing so, would have been allright. It was my dream and honestly I would probably be happy even singing under bridge, to quote Yifan's words. What I wished for it happened, but with that changed all my perspective: I'm not the only one in this, we are in this together. It's not about me anymore, it's about us and how we all can succeed.

So I just squeezed Junmyeon should as I joined the maknae line in their conversation.

“You and Yixing are really one of a kind, when everyone doubts you always know the way” commented Junmyeon later, once that news ha settled down an the day had come to his end. I lift my gaze at his words, pausing the reading of the manhwa stolen from Junmyeon's bottomless collection. Junmyeon was standing at the door frame, looking at me with fresh hair from shower, white shirt and make up free face: at times like that, he really looked like a kid.

“ It's just that me and Yixing are one of a kind” I said winking. Junmyeon smiled shoking lightly his head, as he proceeded to cocoon himself in three layers of sheets.

Later then, once I had switched off the lights and tossed the book in some corner of my bed ,I heard a murmured “ Thank you”.

I blushed all the way to my ears.

The next day we had to wake up at an ungodly hour (nothing new) to start practice the performance. The rumours said that we were going to do a special stage but manager hyung didn't want to say anything even despite all Zitao's effort to know the truth, who was soon dragged by someone towards the shower. We were running late.

As fr me I just dragged my body towards the kitchen to try eat something. We really are like a pack of wild animals, as some of us was munching their breakfast even standing up. I refuse to think so early in the morning about the mess it would be during promotions. Apparently I said those words aloud because Baekhyun felt the urge to answer back.

“ pfft, you are such a prude for being you,Jongdae? What mines is yours and vice versa. It's the law of great numbers” commented Baekhyun

“ Excuse me if I have a sense of decency. ?”

“ Staying with Junmyeon is converting you in grandpa” the yelp of Baekhyun was heard even under the showers as Junmyeon sliced his neck while he passed by.

I laughed

“So that means that I can borrow your branded underwear Byun Baekhyun?” said Jongdae smiling his 1000 watt smile.

“ Yah Kim Jongdae”

“ You two stop being nosy. Just go shower” said Luhan who had woken up apparently on his left foot. And it was still 6 am.

“ chen chen, let's go together” Baekhyun sang.

And with that Byung Baekhyun dragged me with him.

In some way we managed to be ready an hour later. Zitao was already drooling on Minseok hyung's shirt as the van took us to practice. I took a photo for blackmail purpose, as Sehun cackled in the seat next to mine.

Once in the practice room, it came out we weren't actually alone.

“ wake up!!!!!!” shouted Taemin at the ear of sleepy Jongin.

“ yahh Taemin” of course the latter giggled like a maniac. Taemin sumbaenim sometimes is scary.

We were all surprised and for a moment we thought to have take the wrong room.

But then the choreographer said “Ok kids, as you guessed, you are going to have a combined stage. So let's work hard okay?” that was enough to wake everyone up.

We all cheered!

“ don't be too excited. Only some of you will be able to dance more than the choreo. The others will have mirotic. But since Shinee members schedule in cramped, let's practice this before.”

Of course for the hinee members was a matter of minutes they knew the choreography by memory. For us was a little bit harder, but since we only had the choreo for it was still okay.

The room was small and we had too be careful of not bumping into each other. In the end we managed to pull it out together.

However the was more, since after the practice they lead us to the studio to record our part of Lucifer.

“ I'll do better than you hyung” I texted jokingly yo Junghyun.

“Keep dreaming”he texted back.

OH Luciferrr.

Zitao nearly had a heart attack once he realized Bigbang sumbaenim were seated one row from ours. He and Yifan ge had spent half of the summer shouting That XX and Crayon in every room of the Exo M dorm, they were so nosy that Xing Xing ge threw at them his pillow that make fall Yifan's ge sunglasses ( why he was wearing sunglasses inside was a mystery), which caused the bicker of the century but well.

We were all dressed like celebrities, all white and flashy, standing among celebrities, all the sumbaes with us. I didn't hyperventilate because seeing the Shinee members gave us a sense of normality. We were so used to see each other sweating in the practice rooms that somehow seeing them there I knew I wasn't dreaming. Junghyun winked secretly at me making me snort.

I felt a bit inadequate but having shinee members and super junior sunbaes close, helped to dissipate the surreal sensation. Ryewook smiled to us, and he was so natural, like it was something he always did. “ So this being a star?”

We've tensed for half ceremony, waiting for our name to be announced, even though we weren't the only one there: there was Bap too.

Sehun and Jongin are huge fans of them despite them being rookies like us. They were of course captivated but the choreo and more time than no, while Zitao shouted Crayon, Sehun was dancing Warrior.

I tried to suppress my anxiety, when the lights went off and on stage there was Epik high.

Shisus!

Before I knew, Junmyeon hyung was dragging we from my wrist as we followed the staff towards the backstage. We were dressed all in thick and translucent jackets putting on impossible skinny jeans.

“This is worst than those pantyhose” protested Chanyeol.

“and how would you know?” teased Baehyun as the stylist wasf ixing his hair and and another one was smoothing the wrinkles of his jacket.

We all watched the video in which he was crossdressing something like centuries before but we still liked to to death.

“Guys?” Junmyeon appeared, checking on us, Jongin and Kyungsoo with him, all of them in red like ladybugs. Of course I didn't say it if I didn't want for Kyungsoo to tackle me on the ground.

“ it's your turn, ready?”

Came manger hyung followed by the rest of us, Yifan ge towering over him.

We stood in circles as we put our hands on top of each other and shout sarangaja!!

Shinee members were already standing behind stage, probably having mastered the art of putting on slick and tight clothes years before.

They made thumbs ups showing one more time their professionalism.

And then seriously I went in autopilot.

I remember the cheers, my light arms that tried to do the movement smooth and fluid. But I don't remember anything more. And once we went back some of us were in state of shock like me but most of us were in hype.

The excitement went higher when we received an award. It wasn't the one we were expecting, but it was ok even like that. I was grateful again to have Yifan with us who could speak English and Cantonese, so our not Korean fans could take part to our joy too.

We were all in cloud nine that's why we cheered and danced to all the performances after that, the nervousness all gone. Even though I'm quite sure Zitao would have in any case shouted all the crayon lyrics.

It was really a good night and it was he first night that I realized that we actually did it. We are an award group and form now on it can only get better.

We partied till late even though not that late like super junior, my god how much stamina do they have? We dragged instead ourself towards our rooms, we could take some rest and maybe visit a little china if Yifan and Xing Xing ge managed to convince manager hyung.

We decided to sleep in our rooms ,

“ what a night” said an oddly happy Yifan ge in Chinese before going in his room with Zitao

Xing ge smiled as he took me to our room that we shared with Luhan too. Luhan wa already in the bathroom changing and cleaning himself but I just collapsed in the bed. It was gross but I was too exhausted. And then after the light went off.

“ Xing ge”

“ Mmm”

“ Hope to be always together”

“ Hope so too, night Zhongdae”

“ Night”

Coming back to Seoul it felt weird after all that happened.

We didn't have schedule and the end of the year was approaching fast. We knew our comeback was really close because the staff kept whispering, and our stylist was reading hair mode magazines in search of inspiration.

We were scheduled to have even more lessons of Chinese, because of the recording.

We we were all excited, Chanyeol and Baekhyun kept speculating if we were going to continue our power concept or we would have tried something else. We knew our rest days were coming to and end.

But even though we were excited, the festivities were approaching and our Chinese members were kinda feeling sad. I knew that everybody understood that. The Korean members could go back to our families, the recording would have started only in a week, but the time was too little for the Chinese members. Yixing ge was the one who handled it better even though he wrote a three pages letter to send to his grandparents. Zitao was always seen with red eyes and it that moment we realized that he was in fact only a 19 kid far from home. Minseok hyung and Junmyeon hyung babied him, while Luhan would chat till night with Yixing, because he was the type to not easily speak about his feelings. I was glad though that he had at least someone to hear him of.

“I miss you. I miss everything.” sometimes it was inevitable to eavesdrop the other's calls, how I accidentally did with Yifan ge. During our short period of rooming, I learnt a lot of him. He appeared stoic and strong but I our duizhang had a warm heart and a soft spot for his mum. Xing ge calling him mama boy, something that Yifan responded with a killer glare.

Sometimes I think I' ll never understand the difficulties that went through Yifan, Yixing, Luhan ge an Zitao. Sometimes I think that despite our support, they can't help but feel lonely, foreign.

“Stop thinking to much or you'll get wrinkles like gramps!” teased Baekhyun. We were in the combini store as Yixing and Kyungsoo has sent us to buy the ingredients, and be useful for once.

I couldn't help but been lost in my thoughts. I dragged the cart to the cash, as Chanyeol happily paid with Junmyeon card.

In two days we were going to our homes.

“ Don't you feel bad that we are coming back and them no?”I asked out of the blue as we carried bags full of food.

“About what?”

I hummed as Baekhyus stole my answer”

“ I also feel bad that they can't go to their families for the end of the year” Baekhyun sighed like Chanyeoel was an idiot to no get it.

“ ahhhh. Well of course.” blurted Chnayeol finally.

“It's sad that we can't do anything”I replied.

“ Like your Xing xing ge said: it's sad but i's our dream”

“ Why my Xing xing ge?”

“ Oh c'mon, stop acting like you are not a fangirl”Baekhyun said winking.

“ I'm not more fangirl that you are a fanboy Baek” and that was enough to shush him even though Chanyeol ddin't understood a thing.

The conversation soon changed , but I kept thinking about the members, hoping that our bond was enough to heal our loneliness.

Anyway we went aback to our homes wishing them happy new year and see you soon. And now that I'm at my home and it's ticking 2013 I wished to do well, to always be together and for our hearts to understand each other.

Exo sarangaja

Auhtor's note: oh it seems a century. Sorry for taking so long! It happened so much and for a while I've been stuck to the past. A huge fan of exo told me to not feel sad, that I have to be happy to have been once an exotic, that you can't force yourself to love when you don't love anymore. I felt guilty, because every time I looked to Chen's photos I felt like I lost a great love. I don't pretend for you to understand. However I couldn't abandon this fic that used to make me so happy. I squeezed this chapter out of me, I managed to do it , somehow. This diary probably will took an unexpected turn, and yes I'll touch themes that are sensitive, but please remind that this is all fictional. I won't stop to use the optimistic mind of Kim Jongdae of course!!! I want to finish and start a Chen's diary 2, because I'm actually following their activities now. Because a first love can pass, but they are impossible to forget. Exo was my first love. To heal my heart I started “ those bygone years”, the style is completely different and so the main characters but is somehow a continuation of Chen's diary. Go give a look if you have time!As for now, thank you for keep following this fiction! Thank you!

feel free to comment!I love feedback!

Ps: I adopted a cat, and I called him TAO >\\\\\\\> ( yes and my mother knows I called him after Tao of EXO XD) and he actually renponds to his name! Sorry just have to say it XD