EDITED: UnknownNight thank you <3

Act.8

S.h.i.s.us.

We started again: wake up early in the morning, practice, singing, dancing, Chinese lessons, lunch, practice, singing and then dancing. Then later even more dancing, go home, eat dinner, which in the end leaves us with some free time before going to sleep but not before some minor/ major fight for the showers. Sleep and then wake up early again.

And how about is living together? I didn't remember the members being so messy and nosy. Shisus! As if I thought Baozi was a pain in the when it came to nagging, I forget very well about Kyungsoo. The maknaes are like little animals, the magic trio Zitao, Sehun, and Jongin, all enjoy making the life of their hyungs a living hell. Let’s not forget Junmyeon being obsessed with “family reunions” and also the Chinese members are homesick again. Xing-ge spends his nights playing sad songs on the guitar even when there's so much chaos that updating my diary became a challenge (I have to hide it from Chanbaek!). But oh well, despite all we are together and that's is the most important thing. As for now, I’ll  narrate every detail of our chaotic life!

The SM building stood proud and magnificent like the very first time I had seen it. That time I was nervous, impatient and a bit scared-- okay, a lot scared. This time I was impatient and...well that's it. We got off the vans like a squad, all in hoods and sweat pants, some with caps to cover bed hair. Zitao and Yifan were wearing sun glasses even, to shield their eyes from the bright light (or that was what they said before Xiao Lu whispered “fashion mania couple”).

We were all cheerful despite knowing the awful lot amount of work that was expecting us. The one more at ease was Junmyeon-hyung, who entered the building like it was his own house and maybe spending all his teen years over there made it like that. I bet he knows all the reckons and secret rooms of SM building and yes, I guess I watched too much Harry Potter movies. Anyway. we passed the entrance with flashing posters of the SM artists and the empty hallways that lead to the practice studios. It seemed like there were people already working, since we could hear music coming from inside each and it was enough to convert Junmyeon-hyung in trainee mode; his characteristic serious expression appearing on his pretty face, that despite his intentions resulted more funny than impressive. Poor Gramps!

We went to our usual practice room, the mirrors welcoming us and we distributed through the large room. When we were at our dorm, we are all relaxed, even though we are dongsaengs and hyungs, this was due probably to the influence of the EXO- M members who are more chill. But here behind the doors of the practice rooms, we all obey the older ones because practice means discipline and order. Yes, we still mess around during breaks but it's here in the practice room where the weight of experience and age has its important. No matter if Sehun would run in and out the dorm just to piss Junmyeon off, here he would obey without beating a lash. That's what determines our success as a group. So Junmyeon-hyung, Minseok-hyung and Yifan-ge organized our work while we wait for the instructor. Luhan-ge instead was in charge of helping the dongsaengs warm up, a role that suited him because he was naturally kind and supportive. So he went immediately to help Zitao stretch. As for me, I was waiting my turn to have some Xing Xing-ge time, since in China I got the habit to warm up with him because he was always so caring and at the same time, precise. However I forgot we are in Korea now and, before I realized, I was dragged by Baekhyun to warm up with him and I missed my chance. I guess I can't have Xing-ge all for me anymore. Warming up was still fun because Chanbaek joked around and teased the others stretching in odd poses and Sehun giggled as he stretched beside his Luhan-ge. I exhaled sheepishly as I exchanged a glance through the mirror with Xing-ge, who smiled enough to show his dimple on his right cheek.

Then abruptly, Junmyeon clapped his hands. “Guys!”.

Minseok chose the track of our usual routine, which had basic steps and technical moves perfect for warming up. We went in our positions, Jongin having a stare of concentration that was nearly frightening.

“One, two, three!” Here we go.

We practised for the next four hours.

When it finally came lunch time, we all had a huge hunger. The kids turned back to being kids, and you could see Zitao and Sehun running in circles, whining about being hungry. I laughed at the sight because the maknaes sometimes could be so endearing when they were not evil. We were all sprawled on the ground drinking water and trying to recuperate a bit of breath before heading towards the SM cafeteria all together. Since we weren't still learning the new choreography for our new album, there was no point in skipping meals and keep practising. For once we could be a little bit at ease even though Junmyeon still warned to not stuff ourselves with too much food. I was lazily glancing around as I saw the door open and the head of Lee Taemin stuck out. He had a finger pressed on his lips to warn us to keep it quiet. He was probably up to something. The ones who noticed him did as he suggested mostly because they were used to Taemin-sunbae’s antics. Even though he could be clearly spotted through the mirrors, Jongin was so engrossed in his conversation with Kyungsoo, who played along with Taemin, covering the visual way of Jongin, that he didn't notice Taemin sneak up behind him.

“Boo!” he shouted into Jongin’s ears. The latter was so surprised that he jumped nearly 3 meters away. We burst in laughter as Taemin observed proudly a rolling Jongin on the floor. As a vocalist I'm closer to Jonghyun-hyung since the latter is friend with Junmyeon and so I kind of get to know him better. However Jongin and Taemin were sort of a whole package and so it was impossible for us to not get close to Taemin and Shinee sunbaes as well.

“He has my undying admiration,” said Baekhyun once creepily, as he saw Taemin distract Kibum while Minho was messing with his bag probably pranking him. Taemin is a huge troll but he has everyone fooled because of his face (a bit like Luhan ge).

To say the truth, I was always envious of Jongin and Taemin friendship. In SM for trainees, it’s not easy to find a partner/friend to trust completely. Yes, I have Minseok-hyung and Junmyeon but the former is too much of a hyung for me than a chingu and with the latter, I spend really little time together. No matter how much I love Junmyeon-hyung, we still didn't start together and it always pained me somehow. I know hyung would say I'm stupid to think like that but coming later had its weight. We talked about this once with Baekhyun, back then when he felt bad because of some comment. So like I was saying, Taemin and Jongin shared a lot of time together and side by side, they endure it, they fought it, and in the end, achieved success. This leaves a special mark on their relationship. So I'm a bit torn between being deadly envious or finding them adorable.

Anyway, after having teased his best friend, Taemin then said why he was there, apparently to warn us that Super Junior’s bottomless stomachs were there too so it was better for us to hurry up. I never saw the members stood up so fast.

I too got up fast, trying to not being blocked by the maknaes who were always hungry. It was funny, like meal times had turned into war.

“Zhong da, here” Yixing ge dragged me out before I could got lost in my thoughts and miss my spot. I smiled. Maybe in terms of times I can't compete with them or the others but in terms of feelings, well I didn't need too much time to love my members.

After devouring more than half of the food available we went back to practice, this time, vocal training. We didn't exaggerate though, we worked hard, of course, but we could have worked even harder. Not practicing for our new album gave us a little more space, but that doesn’t mean we weren't dying to know when our next album was going to be released and what were going to be our new songs. Of course, Baekhyun and I volunteered to go and try to find out beforehand and that was how we ended up sliding like ninjas on the walls of the corridor that lead to the production studio, while the others were packing their stuff. We only managed to hear some improbable music base, before being forced to go back by an angry Junmyeon hyung who scolded us for being silly, but not before asking if we succeed. Ha hyung! After that we went back to our dorm.

Like Yixing-ge had predicted, two bathrooms and 12 people isn’t the most brilliant solution. The turns were long and insufferable above all, if the hyungs went in first. That was how after the first week of suffering, in the end we took Zitao's example and we showered together, which, believe me, it's kind of gross. Because if I want to go the sauna, I go, but once in a while, not everyday of my life! You know I love Baekhyunnie but having him trying to squeeze himself under the shower, the same shower that I was using, is a bit too much. I'm not a shy person but shower time is alone time! And seeing Junmyeon hyung go shower with Zitao is quite disturbing.

“Ha ha, your face” mocked Chanyeol.

“Yahh, don't tease me.”

“ C'mon, it's not the end of the world. When you get used to it, you can even ask your companion to scratch your back.”

“Chanyeol, I don't need nightmare material, thank you so much”

“Baekhyun is really skilled with his hands, you know you can go with him! I suggest you stay away from Sehun or Jongin. They do too much mess.” I gagged, much to his pleasure. Kyungsoo who was in the same room shook his head.

“Kyungsoo- ah! How do you manage to shower with someone else? You out of all people!”

Kyungsoo directed his giant eyes on me looking me like I was stupid. Kyungsoo is an endearing dongsaeng to me, despite his bossy behavior, he really takes good care of the members, but he's indeed our team’s disciplinary.

“If you use logic then it's easy. I'm tired so I want to shower quickly. It doesn't matter how it happens, after all it's not like I'm seeing something different from what I have so what's the problem?” he arched his brow like he was explaining to me the most simple thing in this world, which it was probably true but somehow showering together...in the end Baekhyun successfully dragged me to the bathroom and I admitted defeat.

Our days are like that, trying to adjust to our schedule and to each other because we love each other, okay, but living with other 11 people is not easy. There's always noise and not all of us enjoy the ruckus. We try to get along and not fight over silly things, but sometimes we fail to contain ourselves and we end up making a huge mess. That's why Junmyeon -hyung got the habit to drag all of us in family reunions, which is awkward to say the least, but the EXO-K members don't seem to mind.

“Believe me, at first I thought Gramps was insane, but it works and even when it doesn’t, it makes him happy so we just let him do it”. I'm still trying to understand if the idea is brilliant or crazy: most of the times, the maknaes are involved; sometimes even Kyungsoo and surprisingly Yifan ( mostly involved by Zitao). It's like watching a sitcom in real time because some arguments are really ridiculous as Luhan-ge, Yixing-ge, Minseok-hyung, and I watch, amused by the show. But then there are times when the arguments are not so simple, I would like to say that we are a happy family and we are, but we have an ego and it can be hard to let our pride go.

“Hyung”. I was plastered on Junmyeon-huyng's bed because mine was occupied by his clothes so I refused to collect them and just resolved in occupy his bed instead. Junmyeon had just finished his shower and was drying his hair with a towel. He turned to look at me, not really expecting for me to ask him anything. He just looked at me and sighed, like he had read my mind.

He sat next to my head and patted my hair; if I were a cat, I would have purred. “What's wrong?”

“We didn't even start to practice for our new album, and it's already so difficult. We love each other but still.” Just an hour before, we had just saved a crisis between Zitao and Kyungsoo about a trivial thing that happened to escalate. I was used to the peaceful atmosphere at the EXO M dorm and I am a pacifist myself, so arguments just upset me.

“It's normal, Jongdae. It’s possible for us to go into an argument, you know. It's the other face of brotherhood or are you are going to tell  me you never argued with your older brother?”

“Of course we argued, but we’re brothers. You know how that is.”

“Well we are too, aren't we?” I smiled. Hyung could be so cheesy but he was right.

“We together are 12 people and we are different. It's impossible for all of us to get along 100 %. Heck, just remember when you were in high school, how many people you could really call friends? Less than what a hand could count I bet and here, we are twelve. What makes the difference is that we share the same dream and that we struggle together. No matter how much our characters don't match at first, enduring together creates a bond that’s hard to break. Luckily. we are all good people here, so don't worry. It's just normal brotherly things,” he then concluded.

“I guess.” I replied. Junmyeon-hyung always knew what to say to me to calm my heart. It's true we are all different, but I learned to love every member, even their weirdness. “Thank you hyung. It's true then that the best advice comes from elderly”.And before I knew I felt a smack in my head. Ouch. But I giggled nonetheless.

Of course, crashing all twelve of us together changed a little our dynamics. For once, I spent a lot of time with Junmyeon, which makes me happy, but on the other hand I don't have time for the others such as my EXO-M members, so I made sure to sneak into Yixing’s room whenever I can. As for Luhan-hyung, it wasn't so hard to spend time with him. It was enough to hang out with Minseok-hyung and he was there too, which was odd.

Despite being now reunited, our old habits remained. Sure, now Zitao sticks to Baekhyun a lot more and he stole clothes numerous times from Sehun's wardrobe, but his number one is always Yifan-ge. The same goes for Jongin, who spends more time with Yixing in the dance studio, but he still sticks with Kyungsoo and Sehun. But some dynamics really changed, Sehun and Luhan for example, they longed for each other when they were apart but now that they were together, it seemed like they didn't feel this need anymore. Sehun seemed happy to play with members the same age as him, like Jongin and Zitao, who was one year older but still close in age.

“Oh, the little bird flew from his nest,” commented Baekhyun once but I couldn't stop myself from wondering if there was another explanation. Sure, Luhan and Minseok became awfully close in China, but Sehun and Luhan-ge used to be even closer. Unless this closeness was starting to suffocate them.

There were a lot of rumours going inside our SM building. It wasn't a mystery that Taemin and Jongin’s friendship was gossiped by the female staff, but they didn't care. At least Jongin never seemed affected by those rumours. There weren't the only pair of affectionate friends, neither were the most famous “couple”. Hyukjae and Dognhae sunbaenims were an example but they cared even less.

At first it was subtle but as the days went on, it was more noticeable. One night we were watching a movie after having argued for an hour about which one to watch. Then I noticed Luhan-ge told Sehun to sit near someone else, which created tension, I could see it.

When Luhange stood up to go and grab something to drink from the kitchen, I followed him.

“Ge, are you okay?”

“Yes, of course”

“Ge, you know I don't like to pry but... what is going on between you and Sehun-ah?  He seemed upset right now by your actions.”

Luhan-ge turned to face me and after pondering if answering or not he then said, “We are growing up, Jongdae,” and the tone which he used was so solemn and at the same time, sad. “He is not a kid anymore and he has to hang out with the others, not only with me.”

“What's wrong with staying only with you, ge. You are a good example.”

“Ha ha, thank you. But no, I don't want for people to think of him as a part of me, like 'Luhan's pupil.’ I want people to see him as Sehun, and Sehun only. I want for him to have his own image and shine by himself. We are 12, it’s already hard enough to have our spot recognized without me being a nuisance to him.”

I would never know if what he told me that night was related to the Hunhan rumours and I felt bad for all the times the members, me included, teased them. However, I wanted to understand Luhan.

“I don't want to see our maknae hurt.”

“He won't be. Of course, he will always be my precious dongsaeng.” Luhan said, but I had a feeling he wanted to use the word favourite, but didn't say it aloud to not offend me. Luhan-ge was too sweet so I decided to leave Luhan-ge with his thoughts and exited the room, but I couldn't go down some steps without colliding into Sehun. I didn't yelp because he was fast enough to cover my mouth with his hand. I nodded in understanding and together, we decided to go back to the living room in silence. Did he hear? I will never know and didn't dared to ask.

That night I sneaked again in Yixing's room because somehow I missed his smile and his reassuring aura. I found him deeply assorted in some Korean book since the Korean teacher told them that the finest level could be achieved by expanding their vocabulary from reading, Yixing-ge made sure to always have a book with him. Always being hard-working, Xing Xing-ge.

He lift his gaze as soon as he saw me, making room in his bed for me. To think that we were roommates for months but never really bonded and now, it was so domestic that it hurts how beautiful it was.

“What's wrong, Zhong da?”

“Ge, growing up .”

He laughed quietly and then added, “we are singers, but we are still boys trying to adjust well in adulthood despite having skipped important steps in our adolescence. Of course we are bound to miss a step.”

“Ah, I just want for all us to be okay and well, be happy”

“We will be. We are struggling, but together. Isn't this a piece of happiness?”

I snuggled to his side.“Xing ge, you. Are. The. Best.” He laughed. I really met wonderful people.

Exo let's love!

Author's note: ahhhh it's been a while. I know. I can finally write in Chen's mode again. It was hard for me you know. I really have an exo crisis, but I loved Jongdae and he is part of exo and I couldn't let it go.

About this chapter I don't know. I think it has something to do with my personal experience this summer, which helped me trying to understand my exo feelings. I had a dream, but in order to achieve my goal I had to move from my hometown, alone, in a new city and working hard with new people I didn't know and even live with them. I struggled a lot because I couldn't get along with all of them ( and they were only 7!) and I was homesick and sometimes my goal seemed so far and I didn't know if I could do it. In the end I did it. I compromised with the people I didn't get along, because we struggled together and even if we hated each other working side by side helped us to bond somehow. Sometimes I wonder if for exo it was a bit like that and what it would have happened if somehow after all this struggling my dream resulted to be different of what I wished. So well I think this chapter is the son of this kind of thoughts. Anyway now after all this struggling I'm free to live my life like I want and to write again!! ^_^

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