We arrived around 4-5 in the morning and I was jet legged. Tired and most of all sleepy so we took two cabs and headed to the hotel we had booked in. I didn’t even bother to look around as it was till dark; there was not much to see anyways. When we arrived to the hotel and got the keys for our rooms, I said my goodbyes and headed to my room which was in 5^th floor. Even though I was tired, I still had to wash up; taking up a towel I headed towards the bathroom and took a quick shower. By the time I went to bed, my eyes were halfway closed so the sleep took over quickly.

By the time I woke up it was already 1pm. I took a long bath and only came out when my stomach started to grumble. I opened my small hand bag where I had kept extra clothes; I took a violet legging and a long white sando. I asked for room service and went to dry my hair while I waited for the food to arrive. After 10-15 minutes, it finally arrived. Turning on the TV, I started my eating. First I had veg spaghetti and afterwards I had cake for the desert. Then after a few minutes of flickering over the TV, I grabbed my coke and headed to the balcony. It was already 4 in the evening. The scenery was breathtaking. The hotel was located in an open space further away from the city so there was no noise. Below I could see people hovering around the hotels swimming pool which most of them were foreigners like us as it was an international hotel. I didn’t have to go the office for work as I didn’t officially work. I mean like even though I helped around in the office, I didn’t like to work in the office. I just feel suffocated and I think there’s much more for me in life than this. Much more than this…

That evening we had dinner together in the restaurant on the ground floor which was dazzling. Along with dinner, we did some work related description. So we were having three days off and on the fourth day, they were going to the office to start the work, while I had all the time to myself. After planning for tomorrow, I headed to my room or better yet suite. It Jacuzzi near the large glass window leading to the balcony then turning on the music I went to the Jacuzzi. It felt nice and I felt relaxed, all the fatigue drowning. I stayed there for what it seemed like a long time before heading to bed. That night I had a long and deep sleep.

“Mom, where are we going?” “I wanna show you something.” She was driving the car herself so I was a little worried. “Are you sure you know where we are heading?” She puts one hand on my shoulder while the others in the wheel “Trust me, I have been here before. I mean that I lived here for about three years of my life.” Well I never heard about it. She never said anything about Korea or living here.

“I know you want to know more but leave that for later. This place has changed so much.” Sigh! Looking straight ahead she said, “I will tell you everything.” We were in a neighborhood area and it was high class. All the house was beautifully designed and had big space. She stopped the car at the corner of the street infront of a house. She motioned me to get off while she unbuckled her seat belt. As I got out of the car, the sun blinded my eyes for a while. It was early spring and was already hot. She held out her hand for me to take and she opened the small and cute gate which was mostly covered with branches with green leaves with lovely red flowers. The front garden was huge, I mean like the ground was all covered by grass except for a path leading from the gate to the front porch. At every side of the wall, there were flowers of all types and colours and on the left side of the house there was a swing. It was a made of metal which was painted white and with all the leaves twirling around it, it looked like fairytale. We walked our way down the path toward the house. It had an electronic lock, “It’s your birth date” she said as she hit the button and opened the door.

The inside was nothing like the outer part of the house, totally and completely different.  It was similar to the house we had in London, very familiar yet different.  Looking at my expression she said, “I had it remodeled when you said you were coming too. I wanted you to feel at home.”

“It’s where your dad and I live.” Looking around the house she sighed, “That time we were so in love with each other. I thought that it was real that we were meant for each other.” She paused then went towards the sofa and sat down, motioning for me to take a seat infront of her.

“It’s already been so long. I didn’t even notice.’’ She looked at me, “If it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t be here. That time if I didn’t know you were in me, I would have-”the words must have chocked in , it didn’t dare come out. And I knew what she wanted to say.

She seemed so far away in her own thoughts that even though she was there I didn’t feel her. “Your dad, I met him when I came to Korea to study for my course. I first met him when I was helping out this company. It was a love at first sight. He was the first person to steal my heart…the first to break it as well.  Danny, his name is Danny. He was just an intern at JYP at that time. He said he wanted to be a singer. The more our meeting took place, the harder I feel for him. When I didn’t see him, my heart ached; I would constantly think about him every time. I-because I was so madly in love with him that when it was time to go back home, I was almost heartbroken.” She looked lost, in her own world.

“When I returned home, I told my dad that I fell in love with this boy and how I wanted to be with him. But because, my dad was a strong believer, he didn’t allow it. He just said that ‘the cultural difference is too much.’ He didn’t approve of it. So after I finished my course, I looked for a job in Korea, so I could go back to him.”

“I did leave. Without telling anyone, I just left ‘cause it was too hard to bear not being able to see him. Just as I thought, he welcomed me. I was so happy to be with him. Then I promised myself that no matter what I am going to help this man to get to his dream. I will never allow the man who loves me to be sad. I will never allow anything to happen to him. I-” Tears started to brim over her eyes. I could feel her love. It was so strong. “Because I was so good with what I did, I was at the top in no time. Then I thought, I could finally support Danny financially. Because he told me that he loved my clothes, I would always make the best clothes for him. After a year, he told me that he was joined as a member of a band called G.O.D. He was so happy that words cannot describe because I had seen his hard work. How hard he tried just to get here.”

“But I guess that it meant an end for us. Since then, he started to get busier. His schedules were mostly packed and he too started to change. But I always thought it as an idol maintaining his image. In his free time, he was always with so I felt happy. He said that because we didn’t get to spend more time together with me, he wanted to spend as much as he can when he was free. After two years, he was no more the guy that I first fell in love with. Despite the fact, I still loved him. Even though we lived together, it was hard to get a glimpse of him. During day, I had my own work and when I went home in the evening, he would either be busy shooting or having a get together with his staffs, he was currently working with as he also started to work as an actor. No one knew of our relationship and he didn’t bother announcing it to the public but I didn’t mind. I was satisfied just being with him. But then he started coming home late and sometimes he didn’t come at all. I would always wait for him to have dinner and most of the nights I would just doze off waiting for him with empty stomach- in the sofa.”

Tears were silently falling down her smooth cheeks now. And I too didn’t noticed when mine began to fall as well. Being in love hurts and I understood it perfectly. “Then that day came. Who knew that it would ever happen?” she chocked, she looked pained. “He came home after three days. As he went saying he was going on a trip three days ago, he had taken most if not all of his stuffs. Then he just suddenly said that he wanted it to end…between us.”

“He said that he fell in love with this girl that he was shooting a movie with.” At this point mom was literally crying, making soft noises. I didn’t know what to do since I have never seen her like this before. She has always been the strong parent who knew how much sadness was wrapped up in her small chest. I was frozen in my seat as pool of tears ran down my cheeks. “I-I loved him so much. After he said that, I begged him to stay with me. I told him that I would do better I would be prettier, more beautiful, more of everything” she gave a half-hearted laugh. “I felt so pathetic. I was so foolish, all those time I thought I was working hard for him, I completely forgot about my own looks. I wanted him to do best, look best and look what I had become, just pathetic. He lest just as he came slowly and silently. For two days, I just sat at the same spot he left me, unable to take the reality and when I couldn’t take it anymore, I slit my own wrist.” She traced the faint line on her wrist as tears tingled down. “When I was in the hospital, I found that you were there, in me. That time I laughed and cried at the same time. God was fair, he took Danny away but gave you to me instead. I got a reason to live again. I wanted to live. I wanted a life so different where I would not be left heartbroken. I wanted to start all over again, with you. So I quit my job and left this country without any second thoughts. I just left.”

“I was happy so I didn’t blame him for anything nor did I hate him. Instead I thanked him and I still do for giving you to me. You are the precious gift that I ever got from him and I love you the most, _______” I went in her embrace and hugged her tightly crying and saying I’I love her too’. I had often been bullied by others when I was a kid as I didn’t have a person to call father. But I was fine. I though he left us for a good reason that he was unable to be with us. But reality is cruel. I don’t hate him but I don’t wish to see him. Like before, he is nothing in my life as he has never been in it from the beginning. I forgive him but not enough for making my mom suffer.

I got really emotional while writing this

hope you guys like it  :)