“Jay? Jay? Come on think about it again. You can’t just leave. Stay.” I looked into his eyes and pleaded, “Please”. But it was no use. I knew him more than he knew himself and I also knew that once he thought about something, he will do it. Ugh!

“Fine then go.” I said raising my both hands up and backing up a few steps. “I just hope that you will not forget about m…us.” I gave him a sad smile and folded my lips in a thin line. “Goodbye Jay.” I turned around and walked away taking a deep breath and exhaling slowly. I kept blinking hard to stop these stupid tears from falling. In my mind I kept saying don’t go; don’t go, please don’t go, as I made my way- towards the exit.

Suddenly Jay grabbed my right wrist and hauled me around to face him. He turned his head to the left then looked up and sighed. After a while, he faced me, looked straight into my eyes and said, “_____, I have to go. It’s been my dream all along and they were the one to invite me so it’s obvious that I would want to go.”

This wasn’t what I wanted to hear. Even though he was going, I wanted him to say that he was sorry, sorry for not telling me beforehand. I wanted him to promise me that he will call, that he will keep in touch that he will… My eyes became teary. I could see his expression change from annoyed to sadness. I looked him in the eye one last time but I didn’t let the tears to fall. I smiled lovingly at him and touched his hand which held my wrist. “Goodbye Jay…” I then slowly pushed his hand away from my wrist and turned away and started to head towards the exit. At first, I took a slow stride as I folded my arms both hand hugging my shoulders and as the tears threatened to fall, I took long strides and was out of the airport. I took out my car keys and clicked the lock button then I hurried towards my car and jumped in. soon I was out of there, on my rear view I could see Jay outside looking toward me. But soon I was out of range and he slowly disappeared from my view and now from my life….

Damn it Jay. These tears betrayed me as they silently rolled down my cheeks. I cried whole way home, when I checked in the mirror, my eyes were almost swollen. Ugh! Why did I cry for? Forget that bastard for now. He doesn’t understand. Of all people I didn’t want my mom to know the fact that I was crying. One look and she would know, always been like that. Sometimes I wish that my mom could not see right through me. Anyway too late now so I got off my red car and went to the door.

I left the keys on the kitchen table and went to my room. I took my towel and went to take a shower to cool my head. It felt nice and refreshing. I closed my eyes and all I thought was Jay.

//Flashback//

“Hey___________, come on now. You don’t want to be late for first day of school do you?” Jay said holding his hand out for me. I was not a person to be shy or nervous. But this was different; I mean I was going to primary school before going to kindergarten that will also make me the smallest one in the class. Jay was just happy to have me go to school with him together. It had been like a year since I knew him and we are neighbours. His dad and my mom are good friends so we were together most if not all the time.

“Hurry” he said impatiently, shaking his empty hand which he had held out for me. I came out of my thoughts and took a few strides toward him and held him empty had. He tightened his grip on my hand and pulled me to move forwards.

//Flashback end//

I felt cold and tired. Someone was knocking on my door, “Sweetheart, are you in there? If you are inside then answer me.” knock, knock “Hon, I need to know if you are in there”. I slowly opened my eyes. After a while of blankness, I realized that I was still in the bath tub. The water has already cooled down and it felt cold. I shivered as I answered “Yes mom, I’m in here.” I said numbly but loud enough for her to hear.

“What you been doing in there for this long? Come on out quickly or you’re going to catch a cold.” I got off the tub and dried myself then wrapped my towel around. My mom was quite for a while. “I heard about Jay…” I was just combing my hair, when suddenly the reality washed over me. My hand felt weak and it dropped by my side as the comb fell to the floor with a small thud.

“If you need to talk, come to me Hon.” When I didn’t say anything, “I will go and make dinner. You better get out quickly, I don’t want you catching a cold.” I heard her footsteps disappearing. As I looked into the mirror, I noticed that my face was paler than normal (as if it wasn’t pale enough). It looked as if all the blood had been drained out of my body. I was in a hurry that I didn’t even notice it, but now my body was warm even though I felt cold. Ignoring the headache, I dried my hair and went to the dresser.

My wardrobe was huge, I mean huge as in like as large as my bedroom which was larger than an average room. Well, it was obvious for a daughter of a fashion designer to have a large wardrobe. Mom wanted me to have all the kinds of clothes so I wouldn’t have to worry when it came to clothing.  I went to the trouser section and just grabbed a loose fitting, knee length pant and a loose off shoulder top.

“How many times have I told you not to stay in the bath for too long? Now see, this is what happens.” Mom was wiping off the sweats from my forehead. “It kills me to see you in pain. Don’t hurt yourself; you’re the only one I’ve got. What would I do if not for you?” my mom was on the verge of crying. I silently held out my hand and she quickly held it with both her hands.

“Mom, Jay went. He left me, mom” I whispered. My mom wiped the tears away and kissed my hand and held it more tightly. “I know he will come back Hon, I know he will. You just have to wait and wait until he comes back.” She whispered back.

“But mom, I love Jay. And he doesn’t know that.” A tear trickled down the side of my face. “I’m not sure if he’s going to come back. I want to wish that he does but…” more tears flowed down like a waterfall. She wiped away the tears as she held my hand with the other.

“I know Jay, you just have to believe. And we can’t hold him back forever can we? He has his own dreams like you do, all of us does. Only difference is that some follows it and some ignores it. He followed his and there’s nothing wrong with it. For now let him go.”

I nodded. “Rest for now. I will be here with you” she lightly caressed my head. It hadn’t even been a day and I was already missing him. No. This can’t be. If he left for his dream, I will also leave him so he can go where he wants and so will I. There’s no tie holding us together. My life’s my own to live, better live it now than to regret it. As I slowly drifted away, I knew that forgetting Jay wasn’t an option or a choice I could make. He was and will always be a decision I will make and that’s what I always hated. Since the first day I met him, since the first time I saw him, I knew from the bottom of my heart that he was different. To me he was THE ONE.