Are you alright?

“I need to change my ways
Instead of always being weak 
I don't wanna be afraid”

Starting the same routine again. One step behind, one to the side, twirling, stopping, circling hips and matching faces without staring at the ground. Chin held high, back straight, chest puffed out and hands interlaced.

Sehun watches the dancers in the middle of the room with mild interest. After yesterdays show Luhan decided to try again, pinching Kyungsoo's overly fat cheeks and threatening him to be careful with his footing or to feel the wrath of the Lu family. Kyungsoo only scoffed tiredly at that but Sehun knew that Luhan hasn't been joking, not really. That is why by every step that goes wrong after a tiring day, Luhan grits his teethes and Sehun holds in a laugh.

Kyungsoo is apologizing when he notices the others expression but one can see that he is very tired. He had a project to do and Luhan urgent message for him to show up or Luhan's threat that he will never help him ever again, makes the male not feel any better. The both dancers in the almost empty club room, don't joke around or are anything but serious. It's a lot different from the other times Sehun has watched his sunbae and the new student practice in front of an audience. Kyungsoo always is annoyed and against to even start the music but today he seems only tired and does what he is told without a comply. At least he tries. It's not like he is dancing better with Luhan as he did with Jongin yesterday but he still tries and Sehun has to acknowledge that.

And even though Sehun knows what the both went through today, he can't hold the quiet  snickers back that leave his mouth by every curse Luhan hisses under his breath. The maknae wonders if Luhan will honestly tell his parents about his hurting feet and tell his daddy to do something about it. Not that his father would call an ambulance from all across china but something different that Sehun doesn't really wants for Kyungsoo to happen. He doesn't likes the older male one bit but that doesn't means that he wants for him to suddenly disappear without a trace. Sehun feels proud all of the sudden then no one really knows what Luhan's parents do for a business, except of him. 

It's not because their came at him at night and tried anything funny but his connection, his family connection is the key for his endless interest in Luhan and his world. Luhan doesn't knows how much Sehun knows about him, labeling him as an annoying brat and the gay-junior. It's all only names and insults that keep Sehun at bay but lately he feels forced to step forward and try again and again. He knows Luhan goes back to china after his last semester ends. It's Christmas in a few days from now on and then new years eve. His Hyung is going to be so busy and that not only with Kyungsoo's dance lesson but the managing of the last preparation for the ball and the Sylvester special event the Host Club always holds. Also his exams and the graduation is coming even closer while time passes. Luhan won't spend much time with him or the club while the cherry blossoms are in full bloom.

It's sickens him to know that after half an year Luhan will go and inherit his father business. He has not have the chance yet to go up to Luhan and just kiss him, tell him how he feels and hope for the happy ending Sehun knows he will have when he just mans up. He can make Luhan fall for him and just because he didn't managed to do just that in two year doesn't means anything.

After all is Luhan a stubborn man and his attitude is no joke but Sehun loves all of that. Without those traits it wouldn't be Luhan we are talking about.

But time runs too fast for Sehun and sometimes he wishes to have the power that controls time and stop it. Simply and easy, stop time and freeze everyone expect him and Luhan. In a world where nothing moves but them, where they have all the time they need to figure out how to live happily together, where he would find peace and enjoy it with all his mind but Sehun doesn't has that power and he hates that his dreams won't come true with just a snap of his fingers.

Why Luhan is rejecting his advances all the time, why he acts as if he hates him, why he doesn't looks at him for real is also a mystery for Sehun. He has done so much until know to get the other's attention but there is no sign that shows him that Luhan has understood their true meanings. He ever is annoyed at him, pushes and curses at him. There isn't even a blush that taints his cheeks and betrays him. Luhan has full control of his body language how it seems and Sehun has made it his goal to crack the walls and see a reaction.

He has tried like Kyungsoo does now with precise steps but after the long run the fatigue takes over and everything tires him out. Maybe Sehun should ask for some advice but from whom? Jongin? The guy doesn't cares about his problems at all. Chanyeol? The boy hates gays and has a woman in his bed when school ends without him knowing, waiting. That is probably the reason why he always disappears so quickly after the ladies need to go and do their homework. He will always guide them back to their dorm, charmingly smiling and kissing hands like the womanizer he is but then he vanishes so quickly nobody knows if he really went to his room or somewhere else.

What's when he asks Jongdae for an advice? The guy is charming as well but he clings to Minseok so much. The boy dislikes him for being like he is, Jongdae wouldn't dare help him willingly if it means to anger Minseok.

What would Minseok do if he hears that Sehun fell in love with Luhan? Sehun always wondered. After he came out of the closet to his friends, Minseok changed from the loving and understanding Hyung to a homophobe. Sehun didn't think the cute and always so sincere man would change that quickly towards him. His actions got harsher, lips pressing into a thin line whenever Sehun opened his mouth and joined the discussions. Minseok doesn't likes looking at him, doesn't likes that he is so open about his likes and dislikes but he does not judge all the other boys who are coming and asking for Sehun's attention on open hours. He is always polite and friendly with them, why can't he be like that to Sehun? The young boy doesn't understands why Minseok is so repellent but he learned to live with it despite him liking Minseok and wanting to talk with the older male more. 

The eldest and him have so many interest that their share, but Minseok doesn't knows because he doesn't pays attention or even looks into his direction. It makes Sehun sad, so sad that he once cried after a long day that he spend with his friends on Chanyeol's father private beach. Only the memory makes him tear up again but he never told anyone what happened with him and Minseok as they met alone while searching for pretty seashells.

"I just can't stand you. You make me sick."

Shaking his head, Sehun looks away from Minseok and Chen. He blinks the tears away and questions himself. Is he not a man? Why crying because someone doesn't likes and accepts you for who you are? That doesn't makes sense. A lot of people don't like you but still you survive everyday. The only one who needs to like and accept you for real is Lu Han. No one other but until that happens you need to step up your game Sehun.

But when he thinks carefully about it, who could probably help him now that he has all the obvious person out of the question? YiFan? The man never had a girlfriend before and is probably aual. That is no help, really. One of the new students that sometimes hang out here? Tao maybe? The boy looks good, his built is nice, y and friendly smile but his personality is twisted and also annoying. He clings to YiFan like a baby, just like Chen does to Minseok but more aggressive lately. No he wouldn't be a good choice for and adviser. He doesn't seems serious enough for such a job either and Sehun doesn't knows him well. The transfer probably doesn't even knows that he has a thing for Luhan.

Oh, Yixing is still an option and Joonmyun. He almost forgot about the former of the two. The spy of the Host Club is busy everyday but when he is here he always has an open ear for everyone's problems. No doubt he storages the information in his brain for later use. Although  he is a sly and rather invisible man, Yixing has women asking for him and he is decent. He never said anything against Sehun's preference and Joonmyun also seems very relaxed about the topic. Maybe he asks one of them but if they could help him out for real?

Also there is still Kyungsoo he could ask. No better not, even though he is close to Luhan after just a month.

It's because he is petite and looks more girly than him, Sehun thinks while he hides a yawn behind his hand. The young male glances at his watch and than out of the window where he can see the sun setting. He frowns at the sight and sighs. It's late already, not that late but all the costumers went ahead to their dorms, Chanyeol went to get laid and Jongdae is asleep on Minseok's lap who reads a book silently. Joonmyun is there too but he looks like he will fall asleep in mere minutes when this goes on like this. The elder always waits for Kyungsoo and Sehun doesn't really understands why. Joonmyun will come and get Kyungsoo from the club room after he is done learning for his subjects the next day and then the both will leave quietly together. It has been like this the past few days and their relationship is kind of strange to Sehun although he follows Luhan home as well but that is a completely different story. 

Sehun rolls his eyes at his own stupid thoughts. He is a stalker and he knows it but he needs to find out what Luhan likes, what he does in his free time but well until now did his research not give him any benefit. 

Suppressing another yawn, Sehun looks ahead of himself and watches his crush and Kyungsoo dancing and twirling around the big free space they made just for this.

He wonders if he should be so daring and turn off the music and tell his Hyungs to go to their homes or dorm rooms. He is almost standing when the door is opened and Jongin walks in. He looks strange, a little out of breath and his hair looks also a little out of its usual but Sehun thinks Jongin has always looked handsome.

"Hey where is Kyungsoo?", he immediately asks, no other greeting or anything. He hasn't even been here for his regulars all day and Chearin has made a scene. Now he acts like everything is fine but it isn't. The girl almost screamed so loud, the windows shattered but Jongin looks as if he isn't bothered by it at all. He maybe doesn't even knows, Sehun thinks by himself, pointing to Luhan and the new student who have stopped dancing to look at Jongin with frowns on their pretty faces. Not that Sehun thinks that Kyungsoo is pretty but with the light make up and long hair, even he has to admit that the girl-boy looks cute.

"Oh...", Jongin says, blinking wildly. He stares for a long moment before smiling and rushing up to the two in the middle of the room. He takes Kyungsoo's hand out of Luhan's and pushes the other male away before talking again. "Are you dancing? That's nice, I'll take over now."

"Oh okay.", Luhan answers dumbfounded and it makes everyone look at the two boys who are standing a little bit too close to each other, chests meeting and faces incredible close. What is this? Sehun watches a frozen Kyungsoo, trying to free himself. He observes Jongin carefully who grins so wide and tightens his grip around the other male. Kyungsoo mutters out of breath something to the tanned boy but Jongin is not releasing Kyungsoo or letting him step away. Something is wrong here.

"Uh... what", Sehun starts, speaking for the first time after Luhan and Kyungsoo started the dance lesson an hour ago.

"Jongin let go! I'm tired and practice is over anyway. Please...", Kyungsoo then tries to protest a little louder and Jongin reaction shocks all of them.

"Why~ Let's dance a little more, like this. Close, sweaty, out of breath. I like your panting, it's music to my ears."

"W--What?", Kyungsoo squeaks, eyes widening and Sehun can't really laugh at this scene anymore. It's fun to see Kyungsoo suffer a little for taken away Luhan's attention and making him focus only at him but now Jongin over does it a little bit. He never went as far and made dirty jokes. He is not a womanizer like Chanyeol, he has taste, is a gentleman to women and men and has manners but right now Jongin doesn't acts like he usually does.

"Jongin, what are you talking about?", Minseok interferes then, pushing gently Jongdae's head from his lap before he stands up with narrowed eyebrows, already having a bad feeling in his guts.

"That's not your business Minseok.", Jongin responds with his head turned into the olders direction, glaring.

Luhan frowns at the whole scene in front of him and Sehun watches him attentively while the older tugs Kyungsoo away from Jongin who snarls at the motion and turns his attention back to his prey. They are playing tug of war with Kyungsoo in the middle and it looks absolutely absurd. Sehun can't help but laugh at the sight, mentally wondering what hell is going on.

Minseok's growls at being ignored. He growls and it's just ridiculous because Sehun has never seen his Hyung react like this towards Jongin ever before, the same goes for Luhan.

What makes Kyungsoo so special that they have to protect him from their own friend and club president? He can be nice and he is very petite for a boy but still.... that can't be the reason why everyone - even Chanyeol sometimes looks too long at the new student and Minseok playing the overprotective brother. This is just too strange, usually Minseok is very straight forward but also quiet and has a calm demeanor. Jongin also has always been the loved dongsaeng who is treated with respect why is he suddenly reacting so differently? 

The elders eyes suddenly widen noticeably when he steps closer. "You shouldn't be doing this. Let go of him now! He doesn't knows it yet and you only make it more confusing for all of us."

What is he talking about? What does Kyungsoo not know? What does Minseok know that we don't? What is going to confuse us?

"That's not my business. I never lied to him or any of you.", Jongin says while Kyungsoo loudly protest and demands to be let go of. Luhan is still trying to over power Jongin but it looks like Jongin is winning the game.

"Let go Jongin! Come on what is wrong with you to-today!", Luhan says then. Kyungsoo whimpering and crying  out that his arms hurt like hell but nobody pays attention to him.

"That's none of you business corpse!", Jongin yells at a shocked Luhan who for a moment lets go of Kyungsoo.

"Just because I am tired and pale doesn't means I am a corpse, you idiot! What the hell Jongin?", the exchange protest, absolutely stunned.

"I don't understand anything anymore. Jongin let go of me now please! I don't have the energy for this! Listen to your Hyung!", Kyungsoo then say, wiggling his way out of Jongin's grip and Sehun can just shake his head at what he is seeing. This is ot the reality he wanted.

It's silent for only a moment before Jongin scoffs. It is like he forgot that he has an audience, because he is not reacting anymore and paying attention to a confused Minseok who searches for his phone in his pocket and dials a number and a fuming Luhan who looks like he will explode any second out of anger and humiliation. Sehun can't really comprehend what happens next, he can only watch and secretly hope that Luhan will come to him and sit down because he looks like he is going to faint after it happens.

It's like a blow in the face when Jongin cups Do Kyungsoo's red cheeks and kisses him full on the lips. Jongin is gay?, is the first thought that crosses Sehun's mind but it fades into nothing when Kyungsoo kisses the other back. At least it looks like it because he isn't struggling or anything, only standing there frozen in his spot. 

Sehun rubs his eyes when the scene goes on and on. Will they stop someday?

"That's enough now, you ert!", Luhan screams, grabbing Kyungsoo by the back of his dress and pulling. The boy gasp and slips out of Jongin's grip, falling into Luhan's embrace who frowns deeply, already comforting Kyungsoo who looks as if he is going to faint for real. "What has gotten into you Jongin! Are you stupid? Urg you make me so mad! I could-", he shouts and Sehun's mouth stands open in disbelief.

"Stop it! Stop that is not me! I am not like that!", Jongin screams from the other side of the room, door closing behind him with a loud click.

Wait what?

Sehun turns his head to silently watch the unbelievable happen. There is Jongin walking towards Luhan and an embarrassed and confused Kyungsoo. But right next to the both of them is already standing Jongin with a smirk on his face, hands supporting his hips as if he only has waited for this to happen. Jongin never really smirks like this. Sehun looks the Jongin close to Luhan up and down before he realized that he wears his casual clothes, hair swiped to the side and the color is a dark brown instead of the black the king has dyed his hair back into. 

Jongin would never wear his casual clothes in school even when the club activity is over, Sehun realizes then. He does not like the Elvis Presley hairstyle either so who is this person when not Jongin?

Sehun seriously doesn't knows what is going on anymore and he sighs loudly while messaging his temples. The both clones start to argue in front of him noisily and he hears quiet whimpers from the lump that is Luhan and a bewildered Kyungsoo. The older drags Kyungsoo with him and the both sit down next to Sehun.

Luhan doesn't even flinches when he makes eye contact with the maknae. He only looks confused and Sehun doesn't feels any different. If their would be sitting alone here, Sehun would wrap an arm around Luhan's shoulders and snuggle close, telling him that everything is going to solve itself out but well, Luhan would punch him away before he manages to make even skin contact.

Sighing and closing his eyes so he doesn't has to see Luhan snuggle, instead of him with Kyungsoo, Sehun tries to ignore his surroundings until the both clones have explained their arriving and existence. 

There is nothing that can surprise him anymore. That is what Luhan thought when he found out what his father did for a living, after his brother decided to declare that he was adopted and went over to the enemy, after the barely arranged marriage he could escape and after his mother send him to study in South Korea with the words "it not save here anymore Han".

Really Luhan has had his fair share of surprises and he liked to think that nothing could shock him anymore after he spend so much time with his current friends and their weird but exciting business.  He got to know Jongin and he was immediately hooked. The boy was everything he wanted to be. He particularly adored Jongin and he swore he would almost do everything for the tanned Adonis. Luhan never thought it was a crush that bound him on  Jongin but adoration and fascination but after his new best friend commented absently with a slight frown on his face that he acted very strange and feminine around Jongin, with too much eye blinking and love sick staring involved, Luhan understood that he is in deep . The thought of being gay for another man scared him. It always has and after he told Minseok or Xiumin how Luhan likes to call his friend and was supported by him to stop being foolish, he did just that.

No. Not exactly. You can't simply forget and ignore someone you once adored so Luhan had a hard time in his second year in SHCS. After Jongin decided to found a Host Club because he was bored and asked his close friends to join, Luhan despite his affection decided to join. He needed to dress like a woman as a ritual although the others didn't needed to do something that embarrassing. It had been so unfair but it was fun and Luhan is not someone who is unforgiving.

But that he was so close to Jongin killed him. He always had to do something to distract himself from overdoing it. Minseok always only shook his head at him, giving him a lecture as that their relationship would never work and that he knows Jongin too good. "He will hurt you.", "He swings not that was. Give it up already.", "You adore him he adores woman. No he really loves them.", were the words Luhan can still repeat by heart. He heard them too many times until he decided to confess to Jongin. It hasn't been long that he took all the courage he had in him and go up to Jongin after schol an