Kyungsoo didn’t speak to Jongin for days after that. Not that Jongin cared. Obviously. So obviously, Jongin didn’t corner him again in the closet one week later. And obviously Kyungsoo didn’t shove him away without a word before leaving, slamming the door closed. As Jongin leaned back against the shelf of cleaning products, he groaned and ruffled his hair. He wasn’t good with this stuff. He had a mouth that ran without control, and he blurted out things without thinking. He hadn’t even meant to say the older boy was doing this for . He went too far. When he got home that evening, he felt like for saying it. He deserved that punch.

He didn’t get to tell Kyungsoo he’d been sort of joking, and really just wanted to test him. That he hoped Kyungsoo was helping for the sake of helping, and not for anything else. The boy practically pretended he was invisible, after all. The only time Kyungsoo even bothered to demonstrate he knew Jongin existed was to in and insult him in some way.

--

“What’s wrong with you? You look like someone shoved a stick up your -” Jongin started at the sight of Chanyeol.

“Don’t be crude,” Kyungsoo interrupted.

“I am crude. Shouldn’t you know by now?” Jongin’s patience was running thin.

“I know you well enough.”

“You don’t, or you’d know I’m not changing anytime soon.”

“Nobody said you had to change!”

“Then don’t tell me what I should and shouldn’t do!”

“I’m not!”

The two glared at one another, and Joonmyun chuckled nervously before patting Jongin on the back.

“Hey…chill out guys. It’s no big deal. Let’s eat.”

The two went back to their food without a word. Chanyeol peered curiously at them for a little while, but then soon returned to poking at his food with a vacant expression on his face.

The tension didn’t go away though. Kyungsoo practically shoved all his remaining food in his mouth before standing up.

“I’m going,” he managed to muffle through the food in his mouth.

He looked like a chipmunk.

“Where are you going?” Joonmyun asked.

“Library. See you later.”

As Kyungsoo waddled off, Jongin looked like he wanted to get up and go after him. But then a scowl crossed his face, and he sat stubbornly in his spot, angrily shoving his fork into his mouth.

Kyungsoo tried his best to swallow everything as he arrived outside the library, but it was as hard to swallow as the words Jongin had said.

I know I’m attractive but isn’t it a bit much?

Did you want to have with me or something?

What, for exposing the truth?

He ended up spitting out the food into the garbage can next to the doors, eyes watering slightly. He had pondered for a long time why he cared so much about these words. They were hurtful. But Jongin always said terrible . He had been called all kinds of things by the younger. This time, it stung so much more. Sometimes, he felt like his thoughts would just wander toall the instances he found himself close to Jongin, and the craziness that occurred to his heart then. How it would suddenly feel like it was beating so much louder and faster. That maybe it would flip over at some point and kill him. Then those words could float in, and Jongin’s face as he said those words would appear inside his head. And it would hurt that much more.

--

After school, Jongin spotted the wide eyed boy head to the library, and so he followed, sitting down at a computer with the other in the corner of his eye. He browsed the internet casually, waiting until Kyungsoo finally gathered up his books and headed out. In a flash, Jongin signed off and rushed after him into the empty hallway.

“Do Kyungsoo!”

He didn’t even turn around. Instead, he picked up speed, causing Jongin to run after him.

“I’m ing trying to talk to you,” Jongin growled as he harshly pulled onto the other boy’s arm, practically shoving him into a locker.

“Oh excuse me for not listening as you push me around,” he replied sarcastically, yanking his arm away.

“Will you stop?!”

“Stop WHAT? Stop giving a ? I’d like that too!” Kyungsoo shouted.

“I know! Okay! I know! It was an move for me to say that, even for me! I wasn’t completely serious.”

“You weren’t completely serious? So you were partly serious?”

“I know I said too much, but you should know. I just say whatever, I don’t think-”

“Maybe you should try using your brain then! You have no right to say something like that to anyone. Anyone.”

“You shouldn’t take me seriously…I told you, I’m an .”

“Who’s supposed to take you seriously then?”

“Nobody, I guess,” Jongin mumbled and shoved his hands into his pockets.

“Do you take me seriously?”

“Well…ya…”

“Do you even legitimately give a about me? Or should I not take that seriously either.”

“If I didn’t give a why the would I bother explaining myself to you!”

“Then why…did you have to say something like that to hurt me!?”

“I swear…did you not just listen to me?! I just ing told you. I didn’t mean it! It was just word vomit or whatever!” Jongin became frustrated, “Look! I’m not…good with this! I don’t apologize and I don’t try to explain myself because nobody listens anyway. Nobody normally even genuinely gives a about me anyway so why should I bother? And I don’t care about that but…I don’t know, ok!”

Jongin kicked at the locker, and a silence fell over them. Kyungsoo watched as he stared at the slight dent onto the locker door, chest heaving.

“You know…I care…right?”

“I know you do. I’m…not used to that. Usually it’s just Sehun and even then…it’s just different.”

“Are you scared that I care?”

“What? No!”

“You make such an effort to push me away. Everytime I try to be nice, you just…talk back and basically tell me to off.”

“I’m an ,” Jongin muttered.

"What if I exposed the truth?"

"What truth..."

“What if…what if I told you…I liked you…?” Kyungsoo said very quietly.

Jongin’s head snapped up in shock.

“What?”

“Don’t pretend you didn’t hear me.”

“You’re kidding, right?”

“Am I?” Kyungsoo tilted his head slightly, round eyes on Jongin’s face.

“You have to be,” Jongin laughed awkwardly, taking a small step back.

“I’m not.”

The two boys stared at one another, an uneasy feeling settling between them. Jongin saw that serious expression in Kyungsoo’s face, and his stomach jumped. He was serious. He wasn’t joking.

“…you don’t know what you’re talking about,” Jongin replied.

“What do you mean by that?”

“You don’t know what you’re saying,” Jongin stated firmly, taking another step back.

Kyungsoo’s face fell, and he swallowed once, breathing in deeply before speaking in as stable of a voice as he could.

“You’re right. I guess I really don’t know.”

Without another word, he turned around and walked down the hall away from Jongin. The younger couldn’t bring himself to move anymore. He stood frozen there, watching as the other walked briskly down the stairs. He finally managed to pull himself to the windows, watching as Kyungsoo marched across the school yard alone.