8 Reasons Why You Shouldn't Fall In Love and 1 Reason Why You Should
A Cup of Caramel Coffee (Jeti Collection)
A/N: Falling in love can have consequences.
1. Don’t fall in love in a relationship that started off with lust
This is the kind of love story that has graced both the big screen and the small screen many, many times and it had fooled a great many of us into thinking that we, too, could fall in love with a one-night stand. But it’s different here in the real world. Just because you lost your heart when you stumbled back to their place that night, that does not mean they did too. They probably know the difference between a physical and an emotional connection and it’s about time you learn a thing or two on the matter too. Or you’ll end up alone. And heartbroken. And miserable.
---
It's been more than a month that you've been sleeping with this girl named Tiffany Hwang. It was supposed to be just a one-night stand, but somehow you kept coming back to the club were you first met and you ended up sleeping with her more than just once. You don't know what makes you come back. Was it the way her slender fingers left ghostly traces on your skin, making you crave more for her warmth? How her every move looked more sensual than it should be? The way her husky voice sounds so melodic whenever she moans your name? Or was it simply because of her? You swear that you only sleep with strangers just for the . You just needed someone to satisfy your ual needs. Everything that happens is out of lust. It's only a relationship with no strings attached.
But that was until Tiffany came along.
Lately, you've been having these unknown feelings towards her that you don't understand. At some crazy point you even thought that it might be what others call love. But that's impossible and it would be hypocritical of you because you don't even believe in such a thing. But the unknown feelings stayed and instead of shooing it away, you welcomed it with open arms despite being confused why you were feeling them. And tonight wasn't any different. As you watch her put on the discarded clothing you practically tore right off of her just a few hours ago, you get that feeling again that's tugging at your heart whenever you watch her leave. So you grip her wrist, stopping her from dressing herself any further.
She looks at you with slight surprise because you never tried to stop her before. She arrives. You have . You sleep for a few more hours. Then she leaves. That's how it always went.
"What is it, Jessica?" she asks casually.
It's now or never. So you request something you never asked from her before.
"Stay,"
There's no more turning back. It would be too late for that. The air suddenly seems colder compared to the heat that was surging through both your bodies an hour ago. Funny how a single word - how a simple request - could create such an atmosphere of tension. She doesn't say anything. Doesn't do anything. And the anxiety is killing you because she's just standing right there doing nothing. So you whisper a single word in hopes of her to respond.
"Please..."
You never pleaded.
Never.
You never pleaded because the one who begs becomes the weak one.
"Jessica," Her voice, firm yet calm. "Need I remind you that what we had was just a one-night stand?"
You roll your eyes because she's making you feel like an ignorant child being scolded by her mother. "You don't have to remind me because I know and I am most certainly aware of it. But if you must know, what we had was about more than twenty-five one-night stands, Tiffany."
"And it will remain just that. One-night stands. A relationship with no strings attached," Tiffany hisses and retracts her hand from your hold. "I thought you knew that better than anyone."
You cast your gaze downward. You didn't know if it was because of shame or because of guilt. Maybe both.
"You've changed, Jessica. And that makes you a burden. Something which I cannot deal with."
"Tiffany..."
"I was only here for the . I never asked for love."
There it was again. That word. Love.
What does it even mean? You were confused. But it's not like you were thinking straight in the first place.
She finishes dressing up and you do nothing to stop her again. As she heads for the door, you look away because you can't bear to see her leave for what you knew was the last time.
"My husband must be waiting for me at home. This will be our last encounter, Jessica."
That was the only goodbye she offers and nothing else. The farewell you return to her was silence.
When she finally leaves and the door closes, you crawl under the warm sheets of the bed that reeks of .
The musky scent that hangs around in the air reminds you that she was only with you because of lust. But it also reminds you that you agreed to be with her because of love (even if you still didn't understand what it was).
And you hate yourself for that.
---
2. Don’t fall in love when there is a deadline
He’s moving to another state in a year. Or she’s starting a whole new life at the end of the summer. For whatever reason, your time with them has a deadline. Deadlines are called that for a reason; it’s the end of the road. You don’t speed up on a dead-end street do you? So why would you fall in love in a dead end relationship? Because you know you’d just end up alone. And heartbroken. And miserable.
---
You knew.
The accidental brushes of skin against skin. The secret smiles that were flashed in your direction. The occasional holding of hands. The soft caresses against your cheek. The way she your hair. The hushed whispers of good night. You knew it could have meant - could have been - something more.
You knew from the very beginning that this little budding romance of 59 days you started to develop would eventually come to an end.
But still, you pursued it. Even if you damn right knew.
The days came by fast. And you wished that it slowed down. You wished that there were more hours in a day. Or more minutes in an hour. You wished that it could last for a little while longer than it should. But today was already the last day you have with her.
Day 59
"Well, that's the last of my stuff," Jessica declares as she slams the hood of her car trunk. "Did I leave anything else?"
Me, you think sadly to yourself but refuse to say your thoughts aloud. You're leaving me.
"You already brought everything you have."
"Yeah, I guess so." Jessica nods and turns to face you but you're not looking at her. You prefer to look at the gray pavement instead, remembering the day she got here. You're still wishing that she could stay longer. Or that she arrived earlier.
"Hey,"
You don't realize that Jessica had approached you and lifted up your chin so that she could see your face. She's pouting and you find it cute when you shouldn't.
"You didn't hear me. I said I'm going now."
You scoff and detach yourself from her gentle hold. "I can see that, Jessica."
"Stephanie," she says in a tone that was commanding but understanding at the same time.
"Jessica," you tease back in the same tone as well.
"Look, I know that you don't want me to go. You want me to stay here, live a quiet life, settle down, probably fall in love. And believe me, that would be nice and I'd really like that. But we both knew that this day would eventually come."
"Why did it have to come too soon..."
"Stephanie," she says your name again. The way she says it is alluring yet gentle. It's like a lullaby pulling you in. And you suddenly feel like panicking because you might not ever hear her say your name that way again. "You know that I have to leave. I was only here for a business negotiation. Now I have to go back where I'm needed."
But I need you too...
"I can't stay forever, Stephanie. I wasn't planning to stay forever."
There was a moment of silence. A quiet pause. It was a few seconds of finality. And neither one of you tries to break it until you speak up hesitantly in a soft voice.
"Can't you stay forever because of me?"
Your voice cracks slightly but you manage to control it. It was your last minute resort. You just had to. Because you didn't want her to leave. You want a Day 60 and a Day 61 and all of the other days until the rest of your life. You just want it with no one else but her.
Jessica smiles sadly and you already know her answer before she could even say it.
"I'm sorry, Steph. I can't."
And just like that, she says goodbye (but you didn't hear it because you didn't want to) then she leaves.
There's nothing you can do to make her stay or to make her come back. So you don't do anything at all.
Time's up. Your 59 days with her are over. 59 days was all you need to fall in love with Jessica Jung. But it wasn't enough for her to love you back. But she almost did.
She almost did...
The apartment feels quieter when you get home. Less stuff, more space. One big giant space.
It feels empty.
You feel lonely.
---
3. Don’t fall in love when there is 20 million miles between the two of you
Long distance relationships take a lot of effort and it puts you through a lot of emotional struggle. One of those days, you’ll wonder if any of this is worth it. When you start wondering this, you won’t be able to help thinking if the other party is wondering the same thing. Tension builds up until, BOOM, it’s over. And you’re left alone. And heartbroken. And miserable.
---
Everything is mandatory.
You get home from school at six o' clock and eat your dinner. At exactly 7:30 PM, you login on Skype to video chat your girlfriend.
This routine has been going on everyday for six years already.
You ask each other about the usual.
How was your day?
Are you living well?
Both of you answer the same things you hear everyday. You do all of this while writing a paper or researching about a topic or trying to finish your thesis. Tiffany doesn't mind because she's also simultaneously working on her own college-related work. Your conversations are short and nothing more. Sometimes it feels more like an obligation to talk to each other rather than a willingness.
After your usual daily conversation, you are about to say goodbye and go immediately to your comfortable bed to finally get some sleep when she suddenly calls your attention.
"Jess, wait a minute."
You stop abruptly and wonder why she suddenly adds something new to your conversation.
"What is it, Tiff?" you ask, curious about what she had to say.
Your girlfriend sighs and takes in a deep breath before talking again. "I don't know how to open this up to you but I just have to let it out."
She scratches lightly at the side of her jaw, an unconscious habit of hers when she's nervous. You don't make an effort to point it out.
"I only see your face on a computer screen. I can only hear your voice through a cellphone. When I'm awake, you're asleep. And when I'm awake, you're asleep. It's been getting harder to find time for each other when we're both so busy with college. And when we do find time we keep talking about the same things we always talk about. Our relationship isn't the same as it used to be. Jessica, sometimes I wonder if this is still worth it. This? Us? I think it isn't working out anymore."
Ah, so you weren't the only one who's been thinking about that lately.
"Is there someone else?"
Tiffany shakes her head rapidly. "No! There isn't anyone. There hasn't been anybody but you. Jessi, I have never cheated on you. Even if we're miles and miles apart, I had never even thought about cheating on you."
"Then why do you want to break up?"
She sighs. Despite the low quality of the live video feed due to the crappy internet connection, you can still see that she's been more tired than usual. Seeing her in that kind of state, you know that you're just as physically tired as she was. "I just don't think that it's best if we keep this up when it's heading nowhere. I loved you, Jessica. I really did. But sometimes... love just disappears. And you don't know where it went. And you wonder why and how you lost it."
There is an ache in your heart when you hear Tiffany say those words. But you agree with her. It was logical and practical. And you were that kind of person.
"You're right. This isn't working anymore."
She looks up at you a little bit surprised. "You agree?"
"Yeah. I've been thinking about it too. Maybe we shouldn't go on with this, Tiffany."
"But...we can still be friends, right?"
There is a pause. Only for a second but it was there.
You smile hesitantly. "Of course."
Tiffany nods and lets out a sigh of what seems to be relief. "Well, now that I got that out of my chest and this issue is already settled, I wish you all the best, Jess."
"I wish you all the best too, Steph."
"Good night then."
"Have a good day."
The video chat finally ends. You shut down your laptop and put it aside. Immediately, you change into your pajamas and head straight to bed, dozing off quickly into sleep.
When you return home the next day from school at precisely six o' clock, you eat your dinner then login on Skype at 7:30 PM.
Then you remember that you don't have to do that anymore. So you end up spending the next two hours doing nothing, staring at a blank screen every once in a while, and not knowing what else to do.
It's when you wake up the next morning that you realize the emotional pain. You didn't even realize that you cried yourself to sleep in front of your laptop the previous night, hoping that Tiffany would probably somehow appear on the screen.
---
4. Don’t fall in love with long, wonderful conversations
We get it: nobody can possibly have the kind of connection you have. It transcends normal human interaction and stretches deep into your soul. It’s special, out-of-this world, it’s exceptional. Here’s a news flash for you: that’s what everyone in love thinks. Falling in love on such a deep and personal level is the best feeling in the world, but this also invites the worst kind of heartbreak. And loneliness. And misery.
---
You absolutely love her books. You are a huge fan of all her works. You are passionate about what she writes.
And that's what brought you two together.
You met her at a book signing event in your favorite bookstore. You asked her to autograph your copy of her latest novel and she asked you to have coffee with her that afternoon.
And ever since then, the both of you always talked with each other. Whether it be on the phone, or in person, or even online. Just as long as it was any form of communication. It goes on from this to that and to any other topic your thoughts can take you. It was endless and amazing and you loved it. Even during the silence, you both have that connection with each other. "No need to say," she once told you. You don't say anything back but you smile because you understand each other even without words.
But as time went on, it began to stagnate. Your conversations became shorter and the relationship you had with her, that you had thought to be special, seemed to falter.
When you enter Jessica's apartment, the first thing you notice were the faint sounds of a typewriter. You figure out that she must be in the typing room again. It's what you decided to call it because the only sounds you can hear in there were the rapid tapping of keys and the occasional dings. Jessica preferred using an old-fashioned typewriter, saying that it made her write exactly what was on her mind because she wouldn't be able to undo anything since there was no backspace.
You quietly enter the typing room and see the writer typing her mind away as expected.
"Jessica," you say, making your presence known.
"Oh hey, Tiffany." She gives you a small nod of acknowledgement but doesn't look up from what she was typing.
You're not sure what to say next. And you're not sure why you were here in the first place either.
The sounds of the typewriter echo in the small room and it resonates in your head that it was starting to make you dizzy.
"Jessica, can I tell you something?"
The monotonous typing sound suddenly stops, but the mini headache you were having was still there, like a small needle pricking the back of your brain. Jessica looks up at you, as if noticing just now that you were in the room.
"You never asked permission to tell me anything before," she keenly observes.
"Oh... I'm sorry. I just thought that I might disturb you."
"It's fine," Jessica says simply.
If only being fine was as easy as saying it...
"So what did you want to tell me?"
You were always good with words just like Jessica. She was just more inclined in writing while your forte was more of speaking. Yes, you were always good with words. But now it seemed as if you had none.
"I was just thinking..." You try to recollect your thoughts and figure out how to start the conversation. "Do... do you remember how we met?"
"Of course, I do. We met in one of the bookstores where I had my book signing."
"Do you remember how we became friends?"
"We always met up at a nearby cafe, drank caramel coffee, and talked about everything and anything we could talk about."
"Do you remember the first time I confessed to you?"
This time, Jessica smiles warmly. "I remember. We were talking... well, I doing most of the talking that time while you just listened. I was talking about my little sister and the time we were at the beach. But in the middle of my storytelling, you interrupted so suddenly by saying I love you."
You smile too. That moment never fails to make you feel happy.
"Then I said I love you too," Jessica finishes subtly. The soft smile adorned on her face almost looks sad.
You take a deep breath and get to the point of what you really wanted to say. "We used to have long, wonderful conversations. Now we just answer each other in short sentences. And sometimes we don't even talk at all. It's not like before when we used to understand each other even in the silence. Whatever happened, Jessi?"
Jessica leans back against her chair and slightly creases her forehead as if she was formulating a story plot in her head.
"Some conversations can't last too long, Tiff," she finally says. "What we have is like writing a story. When you have that inspiration, you continue to write and the story goes on. But sometimes, that inspiration just...fades away. Then you no longer have the will to keep on writing."
"Like a writer's block?"
"I guess you could put it that way."
You liked the way she thought about things. She certainly always had a way of explaining poetically. And that's what caused the problem.
The problem is that you fell in love with the stories rather than the person. You fell in love with words and ideas rather than actions. You fell in love with fantasy rather than reality. That's what you get for falling in love with a writer who writes fiction.
But you can't blame yourself because fantasy had always been more appealing than reality.
It's funny how reality is the one that's supposed to cause pain. But when you chose to believe in the fantasy, you still got hurt anyway.
---
5. Don’t fall in love “despite what they say”
Now, people will always have a lot of stupid reasons why you should not be with the person you love. Maybe it’s the difference in background. Maybe it’s the difference in attractiveness. Maybe it’s the difference in capabilities. These people are ridiculous and you should ignore them. But when all your family and friends start disapproving, there is definitely something wrong. They’re always going to be looking out for you. If every single one of them has expressed some form of disapproval, then you either need to reassess the kinds of friends you have made or drop your lover fast, before they do it and leave you alone, heartbroken and miserable.
---
You liked the idea that the two of you were polar opposites.
It was like North and South. Black and White. Bitter and Sweet. Cookies and Cream. Strawberries and Bananas. You and her.
They go well together. They're complementary pairs. And they complete each other.
So what happens when the significant other is taken away?
The one left behind falls apart and breaks.
"Let's break up."
And that's the moment when your world crashes.
"W-what?"
"I said let's break up."
"I d-don't understand... We've been doing just fine, Jessica! What's the problem? Is it me? Is there something you don't like about what I do? Please tell me so I can change it right away!"
"Tiffany, we're just two different people."
"I know. But isn't that what makes us go great together?"
"No, Tiffany. This is different. We're different. You're so responsible and innocent and nice and sweet. And I'm absolutely nothing like that. I'm nowhere near to being like you. Because I am lazy and impure and selfish and heartless. We're never gonna work out, Tiffany. Not if we have our differences. You're just gonna keep getting hurt because of me."
"But I love you!"
"Well, I don't!"
You stop as soon as you hear those words. Your world crashes once again just before you were able to pick up the broken pieces.
You always knew that you and Jessica were different from each other. It was only now that you realize how different you really are.
"Y-you...don't l-love me?"
Jessica sighs again and stops for a moment to collect her thoughts and say them properly. "I never loved you, Tiffany. I already told you, we're too different from each other. We're complete opposites. I can never give you what you want from me. And you're just gonna keep yourself getting hurt because of that."
"They were right..."
You finally realize. You remember the warnings and faces of worry from your friends and family when they told you that loving Jessica was wrong. But you didn't listen to them.
"All of them were right... And I went against them because I chose you when they told me not to fall in love with you. They said l-loving you would be a m-mistake and I'd get hurt. Because we were too different..."
Jessica scoffs once again at your ignorance, as if you were too blinded by love to realize the obvious. "Well, if it's any consolation, there is one thing that we have in common. It's that we refuse to listen to people when they're telling us to do the right thing."
---
6. Don’t fall in love when the red flags are up and waving
You’ll want to ignore it, because you’re already starting to enjoy yourself. Maybe it’s her political views, maybe it’s his misogyny, or maybe it’s their cleanliness (or lack thereof). The voice at the back of your head is telling you that it is a red flag, but your heart, that damned thing, is telling you that you can overcome it. Here’s what’s going to happen if you pursue this, you’ll be able to ignore it the first few days, months, maybe even years if you’re a saint. But eventually, this will eat you up slowly until it gets between the two of you. Then they will leave. And you’ll be heartbroken, and alone, and miserable.
---
The wall clock in your kitchen says it's already 2:02 AM. She's still not home. There is nothing but silence in the small apartment and the quiet ticking of the wall clock.
Tick tock. Tick tock. Tick tock. Tick tock.
You sigh and finish the remaining milk in your drink. You settle the empty glass by the sink then head towards the living room when you find her just about to enter the apartment.
"You're late," is the first thing you say.
She shrugs as she kicks off her heels and places it orderly on the shoe rack. "I asked for overtime."
"Again?"
"Yeah. We need the extra income. I got a notice from Mr. Lee yesterday saying that he'll be coming this Saturday to collect the money for the apartment's rent."
"We still have money left to pay for that."
"Then what about our other needs? Our food, the water and electricity bills, the daily essentials. Do we have enough money to pay for that?"
"That doesn't mean that you have to overwork yourself. I barely see you at home anymore, Tiffany. I'm constantly worried about you."
"Well, you shouldn't be. I can take care of myself just fine. I still arrive home safely every night, don't I?"
"That still doesn't stop me from worrying." You frown at Tiffany's stubbornness. "Maybe you should ask for a day off. You've been working overtime everyday."
"And waste the chance of finishing more work? I can't do that, Jess. There are always so much things to be done."
You're starting to lose your patience. You gently rub your temples because you can already feel a migraine coming up. "Tiffany, I don't like you working too much. It's already affecting our relationship."
Tiffany looks almost angry at you, as if you've accused her of doing a grievous offense. "Don't you realize that the reason I work so hard is to provide for our needs?"
You completely lost the bit of patience you had left and you finally shout. "But what we have is more than enough! I have a job. You have a job. We don't earn much but we're always able to manage somehow. Tiffany, we both love each other. Why isn't that enough for you?!"
"What? Our love? Open your damn eyes, Jessica! We live in the real world. And we have to survive. Love alone will get us nowhere."
"But aren't we supposed to be doing this together? Aren't we supposed to be helping each other? I can't just let you carry all the burden on your own! I'm your wife, Tiffany! We made a promise to each other! In good times and in bad, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, for better, for worse. We WILL be there for each other! Have you forgotten that?"
"Thinking about that right now won't solve our problems, Jessica! Why can't you understand that I'm just trying to fix our lives?! I'm doing this so that we can have a better future!"
You throw your hands in the air and let out a frustrated sigh. "I just can't take this anymore! It's tearing us apart!"
There is a moment of silence and a hesitant pause before Tiffany speaks calmly again.
"Then I guess it'll be easier for both of us if we both left."
You were too blinded by fatigue and anger to process what you were about to say.
"Fine then! LEAVE!"
Tiffany doesn't say anything more and grabs a bag and stuffs in a few clothes and some of her other things. You sit on the couch, not bothering to stop her from leaving.
"I'll be staying at Sunny's. If you'll need anything else, I'll be at my office tomorrow morning."
And when you hear the door of the apartment close, you find yourself crying as you hug your knees, burying your face into them.
"I didn't mean it, Tiff... I don't want you to leave. Please... come back to me."
Tiffany doesn't hear you crying of course. She would probably be at the ground floor by now.
"Don't leave me..."
You continue to cry because that's all you can think of doing right now. No one hears your sobs except for the things in the small apartment. The walls, the couch, the bed, the table, the chairs, the clock.
It's 2:52 AM now. Tick tock. Tick tock. Tick tock. Tick tock.
It sounds like it was teasing. Like a childish taunt.
You lost her, the clock mocks you.
You lost her.
You lost her.
You lost her.
---
7. Don’t fall in love when they never will
On a related note, don’t fall in love with a person with commitment issues. Now don’t give me the “I didn’t know they weren’t the commitment type” excuses. You knew. You knew. You think you can change them? Not a chance. You cannot fix a person. You cannot change a person. They will do what they want and they will leave you alone. And heartbroken. And miserable.
---
You and Jessica have been dating for almost a year now. At first, you were scared to date her because you knew her history. Of how many girlfriends and boyfriends she had in the past. Of how they all had ended up heartbroken because of her.
You were terrified. But you thought that maybe, just maybe, you might be the one who can change her.
And now, you are more sure than ever that you love her. But you never told her that yet. And she never said it either.
So tonight, you plan to tell her how you feel.
"Jessi?"
"Hmm?"
"You know that we've been dating for almost a year now, right?"
Jessica's brows scrunch up in thought. "Has it gone by that fast?"
You chuckle, twirling a lock of her hair as you rest your head on her shoulder. "The year seemed to go by really fast, didn't it?"
"Yeah."
You fall silent again. You take the time to study her face as she reads a book. You find it amusing how serious she is whenever she reads - the way her forehead creases in concentration and her fingers slightly scratching the edge of the book, itching to turn the next page to find out what happens next.
You think that now is probably the time to to confess. You're about to say "I love you" just right out of the blue. But you are hesitant. You stop for a moment and think once more if she really had changed.
You wonder what's there to change in the first place. Not once was she a bad girlfriend to you. Jessica took you out on occasional dates. She bought you gifts and gave you attention. She took care of you whenever you were sick. When you fought she would be the first to apologize. She knew what you liked and what you didn't like. You can say that Jessica was probably the perfect girlfriend. And so you truly wonder why her past relationships never lasted and all her exes ended up heartbroken.
"Jessi?"
"Yes, Tiff?"
The silence lasts for a few seconds before you finally speak. "I love you."
It doesn't take a second longer for Jessica to respond. "Yeah, I know."
You were expecting her to say it back. You were expecting to hear an "I love you too" but she never said it.
"Don't you love me too?" Your voice trembles when you ask the question.
Jessica sighs and shakes her head. "Tiffany, let me teach you a little lesson. Learning how to love someone won't make them love you back."
"But...but I thought you -"
"Changed?"
You nod your head slowly and Jessica sighs. "Face it, Tiffany. I can never change. Because this is who I am. I can be a good girlfriend but I'm not capable of involving myself into emotional attraction. And no one can ever change me no matter how hard they try. Not even you."
And it's only now you that realize why all of Jessica's exes ended up heartbroken.
How stupid of you.
You've fallen for someone who doesn't know how to love.
---
8. Don’t fall in love the second time around
Fall in love once, to feel that enchanting kind of happiness that only love can bring. To feel loved, to feel special. To feel like you own the world, because you have them and nothing else matters. But one heartbreak is enough. Putting yourself through another is just silly. Nobody wants to feel heartbroken and alone and miserable a second time.
---
You thought that you were completely over her. You thought that you have already moved on. You thought that you would be okay
Well, you thought wrong.
You didn't expect that she would be coming back from California last month. And when she finally arrived you told yourself that you wouldn't let her affect you.
But she still affected you so much in every way.
When you arrive at your apartment she's always there. She's waiting for you, like how a good wife patiently waits for her husband to return home from work.
Your head is starting to hurt at the sight of her and her brightly smiling face. You can feel your head throbbing. You needed advil.
"How has your day been, Jessi?"
She's always asking about your day. And you always answer the same thing.
"I'm in college, Tiffany. I had classes. It's the same as always."
You don't look at her and head towards the kitchen. You start rummaging through the cabinets, trying to find the medicine box. She follows you and you can see from your peripheral vision that she's worried.
"Are you okay?"
You rest your head against your palm and sigh. "Just a little headache. I'll be fine."
When you finally find the medicine box, Tiffany offers you a glass of water.
"Drink. It'll make you feel better."
You take the glass of water from her hand and mutter a "thank you" before downing everything in one go. The headache is still there but at least the throbbing was subsiding now.
"I brought you some chocolate croissants." She always did that whenever you got back from school. "I saw them at a bakery today and I bought the last two pieces because I know they're your favorite."
You let out an exasperated sigh as you turn to face her. "Tiffany, please stop doing all of this."
She looks genuinely confused. "Doing what?"
"These things that you used to do for me back then when everything was normal."
"Oh... I'm sorry." Tiffany looks down on her feet, like a guilty child caught stealing candy. You try to ignore it as you search the medicine box for the bottle of advil. "Do you not like me doing those things?"
You sigh again. "It's not that I don't like them because I do. And that's why I want you to stop doing them."
"I don't understand, Jessi."
"Then never mind."
Your headache is intensifying and you look through the different kinds of colorful tablets and pills. Where is the goddamn advil?
"No! Tell me, Jessi. Please, just let me in. I want to understand you."
"But you can't! You just can't, Tiffany! So please just stop making me love you again!"
Tiffany falls completely silent. You hold your head because it still hurts.
"I'm sorry," she whispers. She repeats it again like a mantra. "I'm sorry, Jessi. I'm sorry. I'm sorry."
As she apologizes, you take a step closer towards her, making her take a step back. You eventually have her cornered as her back is pressed flat against the counter. Your faces are so close to each other that you can feel her breath on your lips along with her apologies.
"I'm really really sorry, Jessi," she whispers for the last time before you close the remaining gap between you.
It took a lot of courage for you to lean in and lock your lips with hers because the last time you kissed her she pushed you away and left the country. You haven't seen or heard from her for four years since then.
You slowly push her more against the counter and the medicine box falls over the edge. It goes unnoticed as its contents spilled across the floor. At first you can feel her hesitate and you're afraid that she might leave again. But then she starts to kiss you back with the same amount of passion as she places one of her hands on your chest and the other at the back of your neck to pull you in closer. And you thread your own hands into her hair, savoring the sensation of the kiss because you miss the taste of her lips.
After quite some time, you pull away and look into her eyes. You knew how she felt, but you had to know what she thought.
"Do you love me?"
You can see conflict in her eyes. She's still scared. She always had been.
"I... I d-don't know..."
You scoff and take a few steps back. "I knew it."
"Jessi, please."
"Don't call me that!" You're suddenly shouting at her now. You never shouted at her before. Not even when she left. Not even after she broke your heart the first time. "Why did you come back if you were just going to give me false hope again? You should've just stayed in California! I finally forgotten about you and all the pain you've put me through! But then you suddenly just decided to come back here! Why did you return?!"
"I don't know! It's been four years, Jessica. We never talked to each other after I left. It was driving me crazy! I just had to see you again!"
"Well, now that you've seen me you can leave now."
"Jessica, don't do this. I don't want to leave you."
"But you don't want to be with me either!"
"I'm confused and scared. I don't know what I want. All that I know is that I don't want to leave you again. Jessi, I want to stay."
"You want to stay?"
"Yes, I do."
"Then love me." You look into her eyes again and you can see how your request makes her stiffen. "I know you already do but you just don't want to admit it to me or to anyone else or even to yourself. Love me and I'll let you stay."
"Jessi... I... I c-can't... I'm sorry."
In that moment, Tiffany Hwang broke your heart again.
You smile bitterly.
"I can't believe how stupid I was to fall in love with you again. I should've known that I was going to get hurt for the same reason I got hurt before."
"I'm sorry..." she apologizes again, as if saying it the first time wasn't enough. And even if she would say it for a third or a fourth time, or no matter how many times she would say it, you think that it would never be enough for you.
"That's also what you said when you broke my heart the first time."
You don't realize that you're crying already. You're hurting again. You feel the same pain again. It feels like the first time you felt it four years ago but only more painful. You can't believe your heart has been broken by the same person twice.
If only there was advil for heartache.
---
But forget about all of that.
Forget about the reasons why you should not fall in love.
Forget about when you should not fall in love. Forget about not falling in love. Because when it comes down to it, your heart is going to do whatever it wants. That’s the magic of love, it makes even the most intelligent people drop all logic and common sense. So you might as well sit back and enjoy the ride. Forget about the statistics telling you that there is a 98% chance you’ll crash. Fall in love because you will anyway. Fall in love deeply. Fall in love intensely. Fall in love unapologetically. Fall in love in spite of it all, because who knows? Maybe you are the exception after all.
---
The other members are having their own schedules or just going out to enjoy their small break. So there's no one left at the dorm except for Jessica and Tiffany who are watching TV in the living room.
f(x)'s Sulli and Dynamic Duo's Choiza are the talk of the scene nowadays. Their dating rumors are being brought up again after a netizen uploaded the pictures of Sulli from Choiza's stolen wallet. Korean media and netizens are questioning once again the relationship of the two idols.
Jessica is disgusted by the news and changes the channel.
"Jessi?" Tiffany says as she lifts up her head from Jessica's shoulder.
"What is it, Tiffany?"
"Is Krystal okay?"
Of course Tiffany would ask about her sister. They both knew that Krystal and Sulli were secretly dating just like how they were. These dating rumors were certainly not helping their situation.
"She says she's fine. But I still worry for her. She must be feeling the same way I did when you..."
Jessica shuts up immediately and berates herself for the sudden slip of her tongue.
"Jess,"
"Hmm?"
Tiffany sighs. "Are you still hurt because of my dating confirmation?"
Jessica bites her lip and doesn't respond.
Already knowing the older girl's unsaid answer, Tiffany doesn't push her any further and leans her head on Jessica's shoulder instead, holding onto the girl's arm. "Jessi, I'm scared."
"Why?" Jessica asks as she thumbs the back of Tiffany's hand.
"Because I feel like one of us, or maybe both of us, might get hurt because of this. You know how same relationships are viewed here in Korea. And what makes it harder is that we're idols, Jessi. How are we supposed to keep this a secret to everyone when there are prying eyes watching our every move all the time?"
Jessica bites her lip. She admits that she's scared too. Especially now that their other members have been caught dating. All of them had been extra cautious ever since. But it was getting harder. There were more reporters lurking outside, patiently waiting for the chance to catch an idol in the act. All of this scared Jessica. Frightened her even. But she was willing to have courage to fight for this relationship and face the challenges ahead.
"Are you really that scared, Tiff?" she asks hesitantly.
Tiffany nods her head.
Jessica takes in a deep breath and sighs painfully. "Well... if you're really afraid of what might happen... then... then it's okay with me if you want to stop this. Wait, no... actually it's not okay with me. But if it's making you so scared, then it might be best if we - "
Tiffany already knows what Jessica is about to say so she shakes her head violently. "No, Jessica! Please don't break up with me! Never ever do that!"
"B-but I thought you were scared?"
"Yes. I am scared, Jessi. I know that you're scared too. I'm so scared that there are nights when I have nightmares about getting caught by the media, our careers going down the drain, everyone judging us. They will question why I made it look like I'm dating Nichkhun. They will question why we're together. They will question even the people who have nothing to do with our relationship. But I love you. I love you so much that I am willing to face my fears just as long as you're with me. I am scared but I will have courage and I will be strong. I may get hurt because of our situation but I am willing to get hurt. Because I love you, Jessi."
Jessica cries and caresses Tiffany's cheek before leaning forward to capture her lips.
"I love you too, Steph."
And she repeats the words 'I love you' over and over again, trying to express her love because saying it once will never be enough.
The two girls lie in each other's arms in Tiffany's room. They were in their own little world, away from all the problems, away from all the worries, even if it was just for a moment. They felt at peace simply by being with each other.
Jessica and Tiffany could think of a thousand reasons why they shouldn't fall in love. But loving each other was more than enough reason for them why they should.
END
A/N: Requested by an anon from my ask.fm who asked me to write a jeti oneshot based on this article: http://thoughtcatalog.com/iz-zakaria/2014/02/8-reasons-why-you-shouldnt-fall-in-love-and-1-reason-why-you-should/#_=_ Sorry if it took me more than seven months to finish writing it. It had to undergo a lot of revisions. But I feel really bad about the final output though. Because most of these situations are really just a bunch of cliches that you typically read in fanfiction.
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