Jae couldn't sleep again that night and found herself in the bathroom with the door locked again.  She held the blade between her fingers, weighing if the pain of her brother leaving would be greater than whatever Eunhyuk had in mind.  Deciding that whatever Eunhyuk would think of would be too much of a hassle, she instead turned to the toilet and puked.  She didn't have much in her stomach, but she had to do something to release the tightness in her chest.  After she choked out the last of the water that she had been drinking all day did she realize that she was crying.  Not only from Hyung leaving, but because of what she had become.  Once again she was a slave to her pain and she hated herself for it.  Jae sighed as she wiped away her tears.  She stood back from the toilet, catching a glance of herself in the mirror.  She turned to see the ghostly pale girl with the lifeless eyes that was staring back at her.  Jae wondered where she had gone wrong with it all and why no matter what she did she was never like Hae.  Hae was comfortable with herself, but Jae felt like she thrived off the insecurities.  Jae glanced back at the toilet and chuckled at herself, "Wow, puking twice in one week.  Jae, you're regressing."

Jae came out of the bathroom and looked down at the quietly sleeping Hae.  She was so peaceful and Jae wondered how she slept so soundly all the time.  She turned back to her bed, but decided against it and quietly made her way to Hyung's room.  She curled up under the sheets and squeezed the pillows tightly.  Her hand brushed against something underneath on of the pillows and she curiously pulled it out.  Across the outside of the envelope, her name was written in her brother's handwriting.  She sat up and pulled out the pieces of paper that were inside.  She opened them up and was met with a picture of her, Hae, and Hyung all squatting down at the zoo, looking at a monkey that had come up to the fence.  Jae smiled at the picture and went on to read the letter that Hyung had left for her.

Dear Jae,

If you have found this, that means that you aren't sleeping well and have probably just done something unspeakable.  But, don't worry, I don't blame you.  Mom and dad have been harder on you since you got back and I can see the glances that they shoot at you as we sit down for dinner.  So cold and disapproving that I am surprised that Hae hasn't caught on.  Granted, she's been having issues of her own hasn't she.  I am not sure because she tells me stuff even less than you do anymore.  But, take care of her and let her take care of you.  I know you think that everything is your fault and that you have to be the one to fix it, but nothing is your fault and you don't have to do it alone.

I hope you really like the picture, that was the last picture that I could find of all of us together without fake smiles and I thought that was important.  I don't know if that was just because we stopped really smiling or if mom and dad stopped taking pictures of those times.  When I get back, we need to take another picture of us really smiling, so that means that you need to start smiling again by then.

P.S. You remember that girl from the UK that was a grade ahead of you in school and when you guys were 12, you told me that she was going to be big, I was surfing the internet the other day and came across her.  You were right.  She goes by the stage name of Birdy if you want to check her out.

P.S.S. Don't get too caught up in stuff that you forget the lyrics to your favorite song.

Jae thought about that for a second before bringing her hand to , "Oh my god.  How does it go?"  She pulled out her phone and pulled up Fall Out Boy's What a Catch Donnie and laid back, staring up at the ceiling.  It wasn't like her to forget the lyrics to this song ever.  She tried thinking back to the last time that she listened to it and couldn't recall it.  "They say the captain goes down with the ship.  So when the world ends, will God go down with it?"  She sang along, her thoughts wondering off to what she would do after school.  Eunhyuk had given her a couple days off so he could work one on one with Taemin.

A knock was heard from the door and Jae quickly hid the letter back under the pillows.  Hae peaked her head in, "Figured you'd be in here."  Jae shrugged, "Twin senses tingling?"  Hae rolled her eyes, "I wish that we were that cool.  I mean if we had twin senses then we'd already be like high ranking spies or something like that."  Jae chuckled, "Sure.  Or, we'd be even more messed up than we already are."  The other nodded, "True, I'm not sure if we'd want to share things like s.  I don't think I'd want to know every time that you get laid."  Jae covered her face, "Ya, sure, cause me getting laid would be the problem."  Hae nodded, "It will be one day.  I mean you're all beautiful and talented.  The only reason why you're not is because you have this big unapproachable wall.  Honestly, by the end of the year, you'll probably have your choice between Taemin and Key.  Maybe even Onew judging by how he reacted to you hanging out with Taemin yesterday."  Jae shook her head, "I don't think so.  I mean, even if they were ready, I'm not sure that I would be."  Hae smiled weakly at her sister, "Jae, can I do your makeup before class?"  Jae shrugged, "Whatever."

Hae lead Jae into their room and sat the girl down on her bed.  She rummaged through her drawers, looking for what all she needed before turning back to her sister.  Jae had grabbed her laptop and was looking up something.  Hae glanced over her shoulder as she clicked on a song titled 'Words as Weapons'.  Hae began doing her sister's makeup and smiled at the girl, "Isn't Words as Weapons a Seether song?"  Jae pulled back from her sister, "I didn't know that you even knew who Seether was, never the less their music."  Hae shrugged, "I don't totally hate your music, I just wouldn't choose to listen to it if I had the choice."  Jae's mouth dropped open, "Well that explains Tony.  I was trying to figure out where your interests crossed with his.  If you said anything about Seether there's no way that he wouldn't have been all over you."  Hae frowned, "Really?  Was that all that he saw from me?  A girl who knew who Seether was and therefore able?"  Jae shrugged, "Well you're pretty, so that probably played a huge role too.  God, saying all of this makes him sound realy shallow."  Hae snorted, "A little.  But he wasn't that bad.  I mean, when I told him that I was pregnant, he told me that if I wanted to keep the baby that he would help with raising it.  He also told me that whatever I chose he was going to support me in it."  Jae nodded, "Ya, plus he knows that I would slit his throat if he didn't treat you right."

Jae and Hae walk into school and plop down in their chairs.  Key had already placed himself on Jae's desk, she didn't even glance at him as she sat down.  He cocked his eyebrow, "Are you wearing makeup?"  Hae smiled, "She let me do it this morning.  I told her that if she would just actually put a little bit on, or make some kind of effort that she would probably be the most popular girl in school again."  Jonghyun chuckled, "Jae was popular?  I can't even imagine it."  The girl in question shot him a glare.  Hae laughed, "It was like 4 or 5 years ago.  Everybody loved Jae, she was super cute and kind and funny and..."  Jae cut her off, "Basically, I was the exact opposite of who I am now.  And I don't think I will ever go back."  Taemin turned to Hae, "Well, what happened to make her change?"  Hae smirked over at Jae, "Go Sang Gil."  Jae turned and chucked her book at her sister, then stared at her blank faced.  Hae rubbed her shoulder, "Jae, you have to get over it someday.  Might as well be today."  Jae shook her head and walked out of the room.  Jonghyun watched her go, "What the hell was that?  I think that's the only emotional outburst I have ever seen from her."  

Hae sighed, "Gil and Jae had been best friends for like ten years at the time.  Gil was hopelessly in love with her, Jae had her mind elsewhere.  She went through boyfriends faster than you could keep track and danced like no other.  They told us, that had she kept going with dance, she would have been a shoe into the russian ballet scene.  It was gorgeous to watch her.  Then some things happened with Gil and Jae crashed hard. I think she may have seen him maybe once since then, he disappeared off the map.  No trace of him anywhere and his parents kind of hate Jae's guts, so they won't even tell her if he's alive or not."

Minho leaned back, "So is she mad at him for ruining her life or is she in love with him, I can't tell."  Hae shrugged, "I haven't totally figured that out yet.  Jae doesn't talk about him, but I know that she thinks about him all the time."  Jonghyun sighed, "So, the ice queen does have feelings.  I honestly feel bad for prodding about it."  "Don't be, I brought it up because I am frustrated with her."

After dance practice, Taemin made his way to Still.  Learned how to pole dance was hell and he had no idea how Jae did it.  Every muscule in his body ached in ways that they never had before, and he needed a large gooey cinnamon roll to ease the pain.  As he walked in, he walked over to Tae Jun, placing his order.  Tae Jun nodded and entered it in, "Oli and Tor are upstairs if you want to sit with them."  Taemin raised an eyebrow, "Oli and Who?"  "Tor, the super skinny girl that you came in here the one day with, that knows Oli.  What do you guys call her?"  Tae Jun asked as he made Taemin's drink.  "Oh, you mean Jae.  Gotcha, is it alright if I go up?"  Taemin motioned to the stairs.  Tae Jun rolled his eyes, "No, I told you that they were up there to taunt you.  Of course you can go up there."  He handed Taemin his order and moved along to the next person.

Taemin walked up the narrow staircase and could hear giggles coming from the room they lead into.  He timidly knocked on the doorway as he saw Oli and Jae sitting on the couch watching some movie.  "I haven't been ed like that since grade school."  They chimed together with laughter evident in their voice.  Oli turned around, "Ah, hey Taemin, welcome to the party.  You just missed Pulp Fiction."  Jae turned and smiled, "We can restart Fight Club for you though, I'm sure neither of us would mind watching the beginning again for the 400th time."  Taemin smiled at the girl, "I'm glad to see you're feeling better.  We were worried about you."  Jae shrugged, "There's nothing enough Uma Thurmon won't fix."  She had looked back towards the movie Oli motioned for Taemin to take the seat on the other side of her.  Taemin cautiously sat down, not wanting to disturb her.  He could tell by the look that Oli had given her as she spoke that she wasn't as okay as she was putting off.

Jae grabbed the remote and started the movie over again.  As the opening credits were playing she turned to the two boys, "I'm going to go ake popcorn.  Oli, where do you hide the stuff?"  Oli pointed towards the kitchen, "In the farthest left cabinet on the top."  Jae got up and made her way into the kitchen.  Oli leaned over to Taemin, "What the hell happened this morning?"  Taemin shrugged, "Hae said something about a guy named Go Sang Gil and then Jae was gone.  How bad is she?"  "Well if its about Gil then as far as I know this is alright.  Granted, who knows if she did anything to calm down in between when she left you guys and when she got here."  Taemin turned towards the movie, "What would she have done to calm down?"  Oli shrugged, "Honestly, when it comes to stuff with Gil, I have no idea how far she would have gone to cool down.  But, if she is here and still not doing well I'm worried."  Tae started to say something as Jae walked into the room with a big bowl of popcorn.  She sat down and sat the bucket in between Taemin's legs.  She grabbed a small handful and leaned back, staring blankly at the screen.  Oli frowned, then turned to watch the introduction of Marla Singer.

After the end credits had began rolling Taemin, pulled out his phone to check the time.  It was half past midnight.  "We should probably be going, Jae and I have classes in the morning."  Jae was still sitting back and spacing out at the t.v. like the movie hadn't stopped.  Oli watched her closely, "Jae, its time to go."  She turned her head with wide eyes, "Oh really.  Alright, then I'll talk to you some other time."  She stood up and started heading towards the door.  Oli and Taemin followed.  As Jae was tying her shoes, Oli leaned down and wrapped his arms around her shoulders.  The girl leaned her head back, "Do I have to return to that house?"  Oli squeezed a little harder, "Are you really going to leave your sister there by herself?"  Jae shrugged and stood up.  Taemin opened the door and slightly bowed to Oli, "It was nice to see you.  I'll be around sometime."  Jae awkwardly waved as she walked out the door and made her way down the stairs.

Tae Jun smiled widely and waved as they left Still.  Jae walked with her head down.  As they neared a street, Taemin sped up and stepped in front of her.  The girl walked right into his chest and she began to fall backwards.  Taemin caught her by her shoulders and pulled her back up to look at him.  She turned her head away in embarrassment when they were only a few inches apart.  Taemin took one hand off her shoulder and pulled her chin, so she was looking him in the eyes, "You need to look up when you walk otherwise we'll have a repeat of last time."  Jae's cheeks flushed and she nodded her head while stepping back. Taemin's cheeks brightened too, as if he had just realized the position that they were in.  Taemin turned and Jae caught his hand.  He looked down at their intertwined fingers and then at her.  "I don't know what I am going to do tonight."  She squeezed his hand and began to walk again.

Jae didn't let go of Taemin's hand until they got to the front door of her house.  She had slowly loosened her grip and pulled her hand back as she leaned against the door.  She tilted her head sideways and scanned the boy over.  "Thank you, Taemin.  I'll see you tomorrow."  She smiled softly as she opened the door.  Taemin felt as if he should do something before she disappeared.  He reached out and grabbed a hold of her wrist.  Jae turned in shock and stared at where he had come in contact with her.  She wasn't sure if the shock was from the slight pain that shot from where his hand was, or if it was the fact that she didn't mind it at all.  Her eyes wondered back up to Taemin's face, as if seeing it for the first time.  The boy opened his mouth to say something, but was cut off by someone yelling from inside the house, "YOU WORTHLESS GIRL! WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?"  Jae cringed, pulling herself away from Taemin, and quickly shutting the door behind her.